24th of July, 2009
Michael is 50, Angela is 45, and Jake is 46
Angela: Lily, Eric, Paris and Blanket walked into the living room, all of them sitting down on the couch.
"Where's Prince?" I asked.
We were telling the older kids about my surgery. Michael and I decided not to go into too much detail, we'll break the news after the trip.
"He said he's busy, mom." Eric answered.
Michael stood up. "I'll go call him."
"It's okay, I'll talk to him." I said.
Going upstairs, I knocked on Prince's room door.
He lifted his eyes from the game console he was holding, "I'm busy, mom."
"I can see that, honey, but your dad and I want to talk to you. All of you."
"You can tell me now."
I took a seat next to him on the bed. "We rather tell all of you, together."
"I'm not stupid, mom," he rolled his eyes. "I know something big happened. You were at the hospital, right?"
When I didn't answer, he scoffed and went back to his game.
"I'll tell you. You just can't talk to your siblings about this, okay? Can you put that game down first, please?" I scooted closer to him.
He paused the console, turning to me, his legs crossed.
"I saw you, you know... You were bleeding so much, mom. Like that time I woke up next to you, when dad was still in a coma... Grandma Katherine tried to keep us away, I still saw you. And dad, he looked so scared. I know you want to keep us safe... But I'm 12 now, mom. I'm the oldest. You and dad can tell me things."
"Oh, honey... I'm so sorry you had to see that. I'm okay now, I promise," I wrapped my arms around him. "I do need to have surgery. Then we're going on our trip, for two months.... And then-"
I stopped myself.
He doesn't need to know, not yet. Still, he has a good point...
"Then what?" Prince lifted his head, those big eyes that matched Michael's curious.
Right there in that moment I knew that if I told him, he really would have to grow up, and our happy boy would lose some of his innocence.
But against everything my heart was telling me, I opened my mouth to speak.
He wants to know.
"Then I need to have treatment."
"Treatment? For what?"
I squeezed him tightly, "For cancer."
"Cancer?" he looked at me. "Mom, you have cancer?"
Nodding, I brushed some light brown hairs from his face.
"Are you going to die?" my step-son whispered.
"I'm hoping not to, Prince... I'm going to fight it, I swear. So I can be here for you, and your siblings... Your daddy. Surgery is the first step." I said.
Finally, he hugged me as well. "I don't want you to die, mom."
My throat felt scratchy when the tears threatened to spill. I kissed the top of his head, promising him to try my best.
~
29th of July, 2009
Michael is 50, Angela is 45, and Jake is 46
Michael: Angela shifted on the hospital bed, and let out a huff.
"What's up, Ange?" I asked, taking her hand.
"Where is she?" her other fingers tapped on the bed railings.
I couldn't blame her for being nervous, we had her surgery scheduled in a couple hours. Dr. Brent was supposed to be here by now, to walk us through it.
"Hey, remember? You have this surgery and then we're going on our trip, with our babies." I said.
"I know, I just want to get it over with. What's taking her so long?"
"I'm sure Dr. Brent will be here soon, baby. Do you want me to help you put on your gown? The nurse said you should wear it."
She nodded, standing up. After taking off her clothes, she pulled on the robe she was given.
As I tied it in the back, I examined her skin.
I traced my finger around some of the freckles she had on her shoulders, adoring how perfect it all was. How perfect she was.
The little hairs on the back of her neck stood up when goosebumps started forming.
"I'm gonna lose all my hair," my wife whispered. "And I'll probably be so skinny my own kids won't recognize me anymore."
"Angie..." I rubbed her arms. She leaned on me, and I hugged her from behind.
"I don't want them to remember me like that, Michael. All weak and unable to even hold them... It's gonna get so ugly." she put her head on my shoulder, the tears running down her face uncontrollably.
Kissing her temple, I tried promising her once again that it'll all be alright.
She turned to me before placing a long kiss on my lips, "I'm so scared."
"I know, Angela. But I got you, I'll be here every step of the way," I promised. "It'll be hard, and long... We're prepared. You're going to fight it, and then you'll get better. You'll see our kids grow up... You'll be there for them, and for me. Because I need you, we need you."
Her body trembled as she cried silently. All I could do was hold her.
"Shh, baby, it's gonna be okay..."
But her tears didn't stop. I need to do something to calm her down, she can't go into surgery like this...
I closed my eyes, trying to think of what to do.
Then a memory came back.
Of Angela, when she was pregnant with Rose and Jared. During more difficult times between us, and still, we somehow managed to get along for the sake of our family and unborn babies, who loved being way too active at night.
The song I sang to her one night when she couldn't sleep played in my mind, so I started singing softly.
"He gives another smile, tried to understand her side
To show that he cares
She can't stay in the room, she's consumed with everything that's been going on..."
Angela's hands clutched my shirt while I kept singing. Her breaths were shaky, until I finished the song.
With another deep breath, she told me she loves me.
The door opened suddenly, and Dr. Brent walked in with a nurse. My wife hurried to wipe her tears, then turned to her.
"Ready, Mrs. Jackson? I just wanted to see how you're doing before I prepare. I'll see you in there," the doctor smiled. "I also wanted to make sure, about freezing your eggs. Because we can reschedule the surgery, if necessary."
Angela smiled weakly, "No, it's okay. We're sure, I'm sure. Michael and I decided, there's no need."
Dr. Brent nodded, asking the nurse to prepare her.
~
Angela: When I came to, there was a horrible pain in my lower stomach.
I blinked, seeing the bright lights of my hospital room.
"Mrs. Jackson? How are you feeling?" I could hear Dr. Brent. "Don't move too much. The hysterectomy went perfectly. Just rest for now."
"It really hurts." I sighed, my sight finally clearing up.
"I'll ask the nurse to give you some more morphine. Would you like your husband here? He's waiting outside."
"Please."
After a nurse came and adjusted my IV, Michael walked in. I could see Adam standing next to the door outside. He nodded my way, giving me a small smile.
"Hey, Angie..." Michael sat next to me. "Dr. Brent said you're gonna be okay, they removed it all, and most of the tumors... Except the one in your, uh, you know. So chemo is next, right?"
I took his hand, "After our trip."
"Yeah, back home."
"We gotta tell Jake. He has to come home, too... He can't stay here alone."
"Don't worry, Adam is already on it, he'll arrange for him to come back to California." he said.
"You think of everything." I squeezed his hand.
He leaned in to kiss me. "We can't have him at Neverland, you know that, right?"
"Yeah..." I nodded. "He didn't mean it, Mike. Everything he said, he was tired and under the influence. You of all people should understand why he acted the way he did."
"I do, and still, that's no excuse. Jake wanted to say all that, maybe not to my face, but he thought about it. The drugs helped him get it out. So you can understand why I can't have him where my family is, because he claims we're not family. His words, not mine."
God, what a mess.
My eyes felt heavy again due to the morphine kicking in. Michael placed another kiss on my lips, telling me to rest.
I lay my head back, thankful that this surgery was behind us.
~
4th of August, 2009
Michael is 50, Angela is 45, and Jake is 46
Angela: After three days of recovering at the hospital, I was sent home and was told to come back in a week to make sure I was healing like I should.
I could hear the kids playing outside as I lay in bed all day.
Michael would come keep me company every now and then, staying with me for hours at times.
Today, he was doing paperwork while I watched a TV show I wasn't really paying attention to.
A wave of pain washed over me.
Dr. Brent explained it would go away in a few days, but said heat would help. She also gave me some pain medicine just in case.
I tried taking them as little as I could; for obvious reasons.
"You okay?" Michael asked, looking up from the contract he went over.
He obviously saw my pained expression. I shook my head, then let out the breath I was holding.
"Could you refill this for me, please? I think it got cold." I gave him the hot water bottle that was constantly placed on my stomach.
"Of course, babe. Anything else?" he smiled.
"I'm kinda hungry..."
He chuckled before leaving, and promised to get me something.
I continued watching whatever reality TV show was playing, but gave up on it a few minutes later, realizing how stupid it was.
Do people actually like having their lives being displayed like that?
Looking around our bed with nothing else to do, I got a bit too curious about Michael's contracts.
With some struggle, I grabbed one of them. It was something boring about music rights he had to sign for some movie.
The others were mostly the same, except for the last two.
They were from his record company, and as I went over them, I realized what they were.
The first, a contract for a whole new album, destined to be released next year.
So he is planning an album.
The second one was for a documentary they wanted to make, of his rehearsals.
"I'm not gonna sign it." I suddenly heard him. He stood at the door, with my hot water bottle and a full plate in his hands.
"Sorry for snooping..." I said, really meaning it.
He placed the plate on my nightstand, then sat back on the bed. "I was going to sign it, the album deal, before... But when we decided to keep the baby, I knew I had to give it up. Then that final night happened... I can't do another album, right? Not now, in the next year, at least. Maybe not ever. I need to be here, for you."
"And the documentary?"
"There's nothing much to it, Ange. It's mostly filmed, all that's left are some interviews..."
I nodded, "And then?"
"Then I'll announce that I'm officially retiring."
"What? Michael, you can't. You love making music, this- It's your life..."
"It used to be. Now I have something else to live for. I'm not gonna stop working completely, I'll still be producing, but I made you a promise. I need to be here for you and our family."
That really warmed my heart.
I was worried for nothing, I knew he wouldn't break his promise.
Michael came closer, placing the hot water bottle on my stomach. He kissed me tenderly, and I played with the ends of his hair.
When we broke apart, he reached over me to take the plate.
He put it in my hands, "Eat, I gotta get back to signing these contracts."
"I love you, Mike." I kissed him again.
"I love you too, Angie." my husband said.
He went back to his paperwork. I watched him as I ate, how he leaned back on the headboard, knees up while he went over the contracts again.
His front curls were gathered in a little ponytail to keep them away from his face, the reading glasses resting on his nose made little indents. All he wore were his pajama pants and a white t-shirt.
Of course, without any makeup on, those beautiful spots on his arms that I adored so much had their chance to make a rare appearance.
A little stubble had formed too, since all he had done was take care of me lately, and he claimed he was too lazy to shave.
I loved seeing him like that, when he didn't care at all about his appearance, and was just himself.
It let me know how comfortable he really was in my presence.
After we got married, it took him a while to open up to me in that way. Only once we really got together he would show me his true self.
This is the man I grew to love. Michael.
Not the King of Pop, not the entertainer, just a kind-hearted man that loves me back, who's willing to give up his career for me and our family.
"Mommy?" Lily's voice came from the door, interrupting my thoughts.
I turned to her, "Hey, baby. What's up?"
"Um, I think daddy's here."
Michael instantly straightened up.
"Jake?" he asked her.
"Maybe, I don't know," she answered. "There's a car outside, Adam just came back. Eric called me, he was playing out front, where the garage is, and he said it looked like daddy's inside."
What? Why would Adam bring Jake here?
I tried putting my feet down on the floor. The second I did, another sharp pain went through my body.
My husband quickly lifted them back up to the bed. "You are staying in bed. I'll go see what it's all about."
I sighed as they both left. Please, don't let Lily be right. He can't be here.
~
Michael: When Lily and I walked outside, Adam really was standing in front of a car. I could see Jake's silhouette through the blacked out windows.
"What's going on, Adam?" I made my way to the car.
"I, uh, went to check up on him like I always do," he explained. "And I accidentally let slip about Mrs. Jackson's cancer, because I thought he knew. So he demanded to come see her, or he threatened to leave rehab. I'm so sorry, sir, I know you didn't want him here."
"I'll talk to him."
Opening the back door, I finally saw Jake for the first time since he showed up a few weeks ago. How skinny he was, how frail.
I felt bad for him, because I knew what he was going through.
Still, my heart clenched a little when I thought about everything he said to me.
Never in my life did I think I could feel any kind of hate towards him; I truly disliked the feeling.
"Mike," he breathed when he saw me. "It's true, isn't it? Angie has cancer..."
"Yeah." I said.
"How is she? After the surgery?"
"In pain, but she's resting. You being here isn't exactly helping her."
Jake nodded, sighing. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep. It's just, when I heard-"
"You what? You finally decided she was worth giving a damn about?" I rolled my eyes.
"I always care, I love her, she's my family. The only one I've got," he seemed hurt from my words. "Can I see her?"
Oh, please. He has no right to be offended.
I snickered, crossing my arms, "No, like I said, she's resting. You need to go."
When I turned to leave, he put a hand on my shoulder to stop me.
"Thank you. For taking care of her and my kids."
"They're my family. I would do anything for them, Jake."
His expression told me that he knew exactly what I was referring to.
"I'm really sorry for what I said. I barely remember it, I was so hungover," he looked down in shame. "I'll go. Again, sorry."
Jake reached behind him for the seatbelt. His hands were shaking like crazy, and he struggled to buckle it in.
God, he really is in a bad shape.
I decided to help him, "Just keep getting better. Okay? Once we're done with our trip, you'll come back to California with us, and I'll get you settled there."
He tried to pull me into a hug, but I backed away, getting out quickly. Never looking back, I closed the door.
"Should I take him back?" Adam asked.
"Yeah, make sure he eats something, too." I answered.
The bodyguard nodded and got into the car.
"Why is daddy here? He's not in Alaska? Can we see him?" Eric walked up to me.
"Please, dad." Lily begged.
"Sorry, guys, he has to go," I wrapped an arm around each of their shoulders, leading them back into the house. "He wanted me to tell you that he loves you, and misses you. But he can't see you right now."
They had such disappointed looks on their faces.
I turned to Lily. "Did anyone else see him here?"
"No, they were all in the backyard." she said.
"Alright. How about you go keep your mom company? She's a little lonely up there."
When the two of them raced upstairs, I let out a long sigh.
That tiny voice inside my head told me I should try and forgive Jake, but my ego was bruised.
The way he said what he said, it hurt. Especially because I knew that even though he couldn't admit it, he wanted to say those things to me.
Paris came in from the backyard, a big grin on her face.
"Hi, daddy." she hugged me.
"Hey, baby. What are you up to?" I leaned down to kiss her forehead.
She shrugged, "Nothing. How's mom?"
"You wanna go see her? She's with Lily and Eric upstairs."
"Yeah, but I was thinking, maybe we could do something for her... Once she gets a little better."
"Do you have any ideas?" I smiled at how thoughtful she was being.
"Not really," Paris looked up at me. "Can I think about it for a bit?"
Chuckling, I nodded. "Sure, Parry. Let me know, okay?"
She agreed, giving me another hug before she went upstairs to Angela.
I closed my eyes when a bit of a headache started.
They've been coming and going, and I guessed they were caused by the recent news.
So I contacted Dr. Clarke, he told me to come in soon. Obviously, Angela knew nothing about it, she needed to focus on herself right now.
~
It was late. I turned on my back, not being able to sleep with another headache starting.
Angela moaned as she started to wake up, too. She moved a little, and whimpered softly.
"Angie?" I looked at her.
"Why are you awake, Mike?" she asked.
"I couldn't sleep," I simply answered. "What's wrong? Why did you wake up?"
"It hurts again."
"Did you take anything today? For the pain."
She stayed silent.
"Angela..." I sighed.
"I was fine most of the day..."
"Where is it?"
"In my nightstand," she moaned again. "Really, Michael, I don't need them."
Ignoring her, I turned on my bedside lamp, and went over to her side. After taking out the pill bottle, I gave her a couple.
Angela swallowed them with some water. "Thank you."
I leaned down to kiss her gently, then went back to bed and turned the lights off.
"You wanna tell me why you can't sleep?" she said.
I should just tell her, she's gonna worry if I don't.
"I've been having some headaches..." I confessed.
"Did you talk to Dr. Clarke?"
"Yeah. I'll go once you're better."
"No, you need to go as soon as-"
"Angie, it's fine. He said it's probably just stress."
"Right," she took my hand. "Remember what stress did to you almost two years ago? You promised me, remember?"
"Okay, I'll go tomorrow, to ease your mind." I agreed.
My wife held onto me as she tried moving closer.
With a bit of a struggle, her arms wrapped around me, and she placed her head against my chest.
"We're in this together, right?"
"Always, Ange."
Her lips grazed mine, before attaching them in a full kiss.
"I love you so much, Michael." she whispered, still kissing me.
"I love you more, Angela."