I hope you miss me sometimes
I stared at the text from Charles. I've been staring at it for days. Every time I opened my phone, my fingers somehow always opened the conversation with him. I wanted to reply, but I didn't know what.
Yes. Of course, I miss you. I still love you
or maybe
I do. Do you?
or perhaps I should lie
No... not anymore.
371 days later, I still loved him just as much as last September. I hadn't seen him for so long and yet I still loved him. We stalked each other on Instagram. And not so long ago he showed his recent searches for some YouTube video, and I saw my name there. He googled me.
"Y/N L/N. Yeah, I was checking out how she did at the US Open. I'm a big fan of hers."
I smiled when I heard him say that. Somewhere deep down I knew he kept track of what was going on in my life. He kept track of my achievements just like I did with his. I cheered for him whenever I could.
US Open was great. I felt ready like never. I enjoyed it so much since I wasn't able to play it last year because I was recovering from my injury in Italy - where I met Charles. Winning on domestic soil always felt the best - it was like a triumph.
I was just packing my things. I should leave for the airport in less than three hours - Dubai was waiting for me. Then Singapore and New Zealand. I had to keep myself in shape throughout the winter.
Any chance you're in NYC?
My phone vibrated in my hand—another text from him. I bite down my lip. The familiar rush of emotions surged through me, mingling with the bittersweet memories of our past.
The timing was both perfect and imperfect. But deep down, a part of me longed to see him again, to bridge the gap that had grown between us over time and distance.
With trembling fingers, I typed my response.
Yeah, I am. Why? Are you missing me?
As I hit the send button, a mix of anticipation and nervousness washed over me. The truth spilt from my fingertips, revealing the vulnerability I had tried to conceal. I yearned to know if he still carried the same feelings I did and if the connection we had shared still held significance for him.
Dearly. Send me your address, please
It wasn't even an hour when I heard the doorbell. My apartment was a mess. My clothes were everywhere because I couldn't choose what to pack. Some of my skincare was on the floor, and some others were on my bed. I was always so chaotic when it came to packing.
I gathered the courage and opened the door. I turned the doorknob, and there he stood, Charles, just as I remembered him—his familiar smile, the warmth in his eyes, and the way his presence filled the room. We stood there for a moment, our eyes locked, words momentarily escaping us as emotions spoke volumes.
We both took a step closer and then we kissed. After a year. We kissed like we saw each other yesterday and not a year ago. As our lips met, a rush of emotions flooded through me. It was a kiss that held the weight of all the missed moments, the longing, and the unspoken words. In that instant, time seemed to stand still, and the world around us faded into insignificance.
The warmth of Charles' embrace enveloped me, and I melted into his arms. The familiarity of his touch ignited a fire within me. Breaking the kiss, our eyes locked, searching for the answers we both longed to find.
"I shouldn't really be here," he whispered.
"I shouldn't be here either," I said as I thought about the fact that I should've been boarding the plane to Dubai in less than two hours. "Where are you supposed to be?" I asked him as I started to unbutton his shirt.
"I should be halfway across the world by now," he admitted. "Training camp in Dubai," he specified, and I was shocked. We should've flown to the same place, and yet we are in New York ignoring all of our commitments.
Charles took off my T-shirt, his hands exploring my body as our lips met with an intensity that betrayed our longing. The chaos of my apartment mirrored the chaos within us, as we let go of our responsibilities and embraced the intoxicating connection, we had rediscovered.
As we moved through the apartment, our desire fuelling our actions, a part of me couldn't help but whisper words of caution between our passionate kisses.
"I should've flown to Dubai today," I confessed in a breathless whisper, my voice barely audible between our kisses.
But Charles, seemingly undeterred by the weight of our choices, continued to shower me with affection and desire. The boundaries we had once set for ourselves faded into insignificance as our bodies intertwined on my cluttered bed.
As our bodies moved in sync, a bittersweet mixture of pleasure and guilt ran through me. The remains of responsibility tugged at my conscience, reminding me of the commitments I had neglected.
"We can still make it to the airport and fly to Dubai," I said as I picked up my T-shirt from the floor. JFK was only an hour away by car. It would be tight, but not impossible.
"You could. I don't have a ticket," the Monegasque replied.
I paused for a moment, my fingers tightening around the fabric of my T-shirt. Thoughts raced through my mind, weighing the consequences of our actions against the undeniable connection we still shared. But ultimately, a sense of clarity emerged amidst the chaos.
"I can't abandon everything and leave on a whim," I said, my voice tinged with regret. "As much as I want to be with you, I can't neglect my career and the opportunities that lie ahead. We both have responsibilities, and we shouldn't disregard them."
Charles nodded, a mixture of disappointment and understanding in his eyes. The intensity of our desire had momentarily blinded us, but now we had to face the consequences of our choices.
"You're right," he replied, his voice filled with a mix of resignation and longing. "I can't expect you to give up everything for me. We both have lives to lead, separate from each other."
I picked up all my remaining clothes and quickly got dressed. I threw a few more things into my luggage before zipping it while watching Charles get dressed. He looked stunning – breathtaking even. I despised God for having to make this choice.
We exchanged glances, both aware of the unspoken words hanging in the air. The room felt heavy with emotions, the echoes of our passion mingling with the silence that enveloped us.
"I need to go," I said, my voice betraying the ache in my heart.
"Let me go with you to the airport," Charles pleaded.
"Okay," I smiled at him. We would get one more hour together in a cab. I would take it any time.
We hurriedly gathered our belongings and made our way out of the apartment. The cab ride to the airport was filled with a mixture of emotions—tenderness, regret, and a longing for what could have been.
As the cityscape rushed past us, the weight of our unspoken words hung heavily in the air. We held hands, seeking comfort in each other's touch as if trying to engrave warmth and comfort into our memories.
When we arrived at the airport, Charles helped me with my luggage, his eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and understanding. We stood there, a silent acknowledgement passing between us, knowing that this was the moment we had to let go.
"I'm sorry," Charles whispered, his voice choked with emotion. "I never wanted to complicate things."
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I reached out to cup his face gently. "Don't apologise."
"I'll miss you," he said, his voice trembling with emotion.
"And I'll miss you too," I replied, my voice filled with the weight of our unspoken love.
With that Charles watched me walk away, disappearing into the crowd, and I couldn't help but steal one last glance back at him. What the fuck are you doing? I thought, but I kept walking.
As I walked away, my heart felt heavy with the weight of the decision I had just made. Every step I took felt like a betrayal of the love. Doubt crept into my mind, questioning whether I was making the right choice by leaving him behind.
I couldn't ignore the ache in my chest, the yearning that pulled me back towards him. The thought of parting ways, of never seeing his smile or feeling his touch again, was unbearable. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it again.
With each passing second, the distance between us grew, but the desire to turn back intensified. I stopped my steps, my heart pounding in my chest, as I wrestled with my emotions.
The noise of the airport faded into the background as I turned, my gaze frantically searching for Charles. And there he was, standing near the entrance, his eyes fixed on me, filled with a mix of surprise and hope.
Time seemed to stand still as our eyes locked once more. Without hesitation, I abandoned all reason and logic.
I ran back towards him, the anticipation mingling with the fear of the unknown. People around us cast curious glances, but their presence was nothing more than a blur in my peripheral vision. All that mattered was Charles.
Breathless, I reached him, and without uttering a single word, I threw myself into his waiting arms. The world around us ceased to exist as we held each other tightly, our hearts beating in sync.
"I can't let you go," I whispered between sobs, my voice trembling.
Charles held me closer. "Then don't," he replied, his voice filled with unwavering devotion.
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