excuse any grammar mistakes 🙂
April 9th
Wednesday
Atlanta, Georgia
Cinese pulled to the front of her mothers house. She turned off her car and got out. It's been almost a month without visiting her mom, which was been very peaceful. It's the most peace she had in a while. Her mom made her visit her every two weeks.
Cinese wondered what could've been so important, she had her aunt calling her to tell her to come visit her. She didn't want to overthink it to much.
She pulled out her key from her pocket and opened the door. She immediately spotted her Aunty, Mariama on the couch. She was shocked, she didn't expect her aunt to be here. Her aunt lived in London.
"Cinese!!" Her aunt exclaimed. She got up, opening her arms to hug Cinese.
"Mimi! I didn't know you were visiting?" Cinese laughed. It's been months since she seen her aunt. Mimi was the nickname Cinese used to call her aunt when she was younger, because she couldn't pronounce Aunty.
Mariama laughed. "You're so big now! You know I had to come for your 23rd birthday." She smiled making Cinese laugh. She was so excited for her birthday.
"Come! Sit down. I have something for you." Mariama said. Her aunt would always shower me with gifts when she was younger. She still does till this day.
"I know how much you say you love the macaroons in London, so I decided to get you a pack." She said. Cinese gasped. She loved macaroons. "Thank you Mimi!" Cinese smiled, hugging her.
"Of course. I'm not done though I also got you-" Her aunt got cut off by Cinese's mother barging into the room. Cinese sighed to herself and rolled her eyes.
"Cinese! Why didn't you come yesterday like your aunty told you?" Her mom asked. Cinese didn't have time for her mom's nagging. She never got a break with her. "Something came up." She said.
"Kadijah, please. You know she is stressed with class. She's in college." Mimi tried to reason.
"I don't care! She's been avoiding my calls as if i'm not her mother. Don't think because you moved out you're all 'big and bad' I'm still your MOTHER!" She shouted. Cinese was a little taken aback at how fast her atticus could switch.
Cinese tried to keep her cool and not respond, but she couldn't help it. "So?? I'm also 22! I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm an adult. You don't own me!" Cinese shouted back.
Cinese felt her nose begin to burn. She hated how she always began to cry when got mad. It was a habit of her. "Shut up! Don't raise your voice when talking to me. I don't care how old you are! I went through hell and back for you! So when I'm talking to you, you be quiet!" She shouted.
"Oh thank you for doing the bare minimum for me. That's what a mother is supposed to do! You were the one who decided to have kids, so you have to deal with the responsibilities that come with it." Cinese yelled.
"Kadijah. Calm down, let's go to the room." Mimi said trying to calm her down.
"Mariama, if you know what's best for you, don't touch me!" Cinese's mom exclaimed. Cinese saw her mother was staring at her with pure anger in her eyes.
"If you talk to me like that one more time, I'll come over there and lick you with a good dirty slap! I am your mother! You should always respect me! No matter WHAT!" She yelled.
"You're not my mother! I don't claim you as my mother anymore." Cinese said, tears now spilling on her face.
"Cinese. Don't say that." Her aunt said. Cinese shook her head. She didn't care. Her mom always found a way get to a reaction out of her. She finally got it.
"No! I-I can't do it! She's always neglecting me. She thinks I owe her something when I don't owe her shit! She thinks because she fed me, and put clothes on my back that I owe her the world!" Cinese shouted.
"Yes, you do! I carried you in my stomach for 9 months, and went through pain! My body has marks and scars because of you! So yes, you do owe me the world!" She said.
Cinese stared at her mom in shock. She knew what her mom was capable of, but never expected her to say that. She never understood how one person could be so toxic.
"How is this my fault? I didn't ask to be here! YOU chose to give birth to me! I didn't! You also have two other children! It's not only me that caused your scars or your 'marks' " She sniffed.
Before her mom could even utter another word, she grabbed her things and left a She couldn't stand being in her mother's presence anymore.
Once she got in her car, she cried for a long time. By the time she was done crying her eyes were red and puffy. She could barely even see.
She was finally calm enough to drive home. She gave herself a pep talk before she started driving. She turned on music to calm her down.
...
Cinese dug in her pocket for her keys, and opened the door. She walked in and saw Tianna watching TV on the couch. Tianna couldn't really see Cineses face due to the place being pitch dark. "Hey C. How'd it go with your mom?" Tianna asked, pausing the TV.
The mention of her mom made her nose burn all over again."Fine." She replied, her voice cracking. Cinese couldn't help but cry.
"Oh noooo." Tianna said, getting up to hug her. Tianna's arm wrapped around Cinese as Cinese began to cry bitterly in her arms. "Shh it's okay. Im here. It's okay Cinese" Tianna coaxed.
Cinese cried in Tianna's arms for 10 minutes straight. So much so, Tianna began to cry with her as well. Cinese was a such a sweet girl and didn't deserve any of this.
They heard the door open, but only Tianna looked up. It was Levani. Levani was confused as to what was happening since it was so dark.
She walked towards Cinese and saw Cinese crying. "Oh, Cinese." Levani said, bending down rubbing her back. Cinese picked up her head and wiped her tears. "Im sorry, there's tears all over your shirt." Cinese said to Tianna.
"You don't have to talk about what happened. When you're ready." Levani said.
"I'm deadass gonna kill her. I know she's your mom but like??" Tianna said. She hated seeing Cinese cry. She was always full of smiles, it was unusual to see her cry.
"It's not even that, it's the fact she said I was the reason she had marks and scars on her body, like she didn't have two other children." Cinese said, making Levani gasp.
"She said that?" Levani asked in shock. Cinese nodded her head. She couldn't believe it herself.
"She could've aborted you if she felt that way. Nobody asked her to be grown and have sex." Tianna said.
"Literally. I don't think she'll ever change. It's probably why Malik & Irenè moved to Senegal." Cinese said, referring to her older sibling.
She had two other siblings. Her older brother, Malik who was 29, and her older sister Irène (I-REEN) who was 25. They both moved to Senegal, leaving Cinese with her mom.
"I think that the trauma she went through as a kid, is impacting her life. You know, since she never really healed. The way she was raised, is the way she is treating you. Because that's the way she grew up, Which very is sad, and not talked about enough." Levani explained.
Cinese never thought about it that way, but it was still no excuse to ever treat your child like that growing up. Especially if you never liked it either.
"Don't let her affect you though. Keep focusing on yourself. Mkay?" T told her.
Cinese nodded her head. "Cmere." Tianna said opening her arms
___ THE NEXT DAY ___
April 10th
Thursday
Cinese was laying in bed scrolling through Instagram. She saw Javier had posted on his story. She clicked on his story.
@javiii_er
..
..
Send message...
Cinese chuckled at his story. She didn't understand why he had two hats on. "Levani get your man! Why the the fuck he got two hats on?" Cinese laughed.
Watching Javier's story reminded her to watch her story again. It was her 70th time rewatching herself. Looking at all the little hearts made her smile.As she was scrolling through the views she came across an unfamiliar username.
"@machikofi.1"
She scrunched up her face, "The fuck?" She mumbled to herself. She clicked on the profile and immediately recognized the face. It was Omachi. She didn't understand what he was doing in her views.
🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾
Today at 3:45 PM
what are you doing in my ig veiws??😂
wym?😭
are you illiterate ?
Delivered
stop playin w me bruh
??
what are you doing in my views? that's weird
Delivered
ain nun weird, i saw u in my suggested and clicked on ur story
nun weird ab that 🤷🏾♂️
mhm.
yea mhm
why do you like to argue sm ? like ur js so annoying
wtf you talking about?😂 all i said was 'mhm' you js like to start shit
nobody's starting stuff.. it was simple ass question
Delivered
ion like to argue
u can take that bullshi somewhere else
yea ok, omachi
yea ight cinese
aye, but while you complainin follow my ig
absolutely not😂
Delivered
She rolled her eyes and shut her phone. It was always something with him. She felt her stomach beginning to growl. It was time for her to go find something to eat anyway.
...
Cinese saw her phone light up on the counter. Someone was calling her. She looked at the caller ID and saw it was her brother Malik. It's been almost 3 weeks since she talked to her brother. She swiped and put the phone to her ear,"Hello?"
"Hey. What's up Cinese?" Malik asked.
"Nothing. I'm just tryna find sum to eat. How's Vivian?" She asked referring to his pregnant wife.
"Oh she's good. So listen, I wanna talk to you about something." Malik said. Cinese rolled her eyes. She just knew it was gonna be about her mom. Her mom always did that when they had arguments. She'll let the whole U.S know by the end of the week.
"Is it about mommy?" Cinese asked. She heard her brother sigh through the phone. "Yes. Cinese what happened? I knew better than to trust her word. But she seemed really upset. Do you want me to book a flight?" Malik asked.
"No, it's okay. It's just- she went off on me because I don't call her. She thinks I owe her the world because she gave birth to me. She blamed all her scars and marks on her body on me." Cinese explained
"You sure that's all that happened?" Malik asked.
"Mhm." Cinese lied.
"Cinese.." Malik said. Her brother always knew when she was lying. She didn't know how, when they were over the phone. "I also said that she wasn't my mother. She just made me really upset Malik! I've been holding it all in since I was a child. I don't know what I did to her for her to be treating me like this. You see it too." Cinese said.
"I get that, I do. She also made me feel that way growing up, but at the end of the day, that's still our mother. Dad isn't here anymore." He said. Cinese rolled her eyes. She used to hear this all the time when she was a teenager.
"Why does everyone keep saying that? I don't care if she was our cousin, blood or not, people can still do you dirty Malik! So don't try to make me feel as if i'm the bad person, when clearly she is!" She said hanging up. She didn't even feel like talking about her mom anymore.
She was tired of feeling like that bad guy all the time. The one time she stands up for herself she's suddenly labeled as a terrible person. She didn't have any tears left in her, nor would she let it ruin her mood.
She put her plate in the sink and walked towards the shoe closet. She put on her yellow crocs and grabbed her keys and phone. She needed a walk to clear her mind.
...
Cinese was on the way to the park, blasting music out her airpods. She used to go on walks all the time to clear her head. She stopped doing them when college began to kick her ass.
She felt someone tap her shoulder. When she turned around her airpod case fell out of her hands due to shock. She was stiff and in shock. It was her ex, Javon.
It was like her world began crashing down all over again. Her healing process, gone. She felt like she was at square one again. She didn't understand why it had to be the one time she wanted to clear her head. "Cinese." Javon smirked at her reaction.
"Don't touch me!" Cinese exclaimed pushing his arm away.
"Cinese calm down." Javon said calmly. She didn't understand why he was so calm.
"Calm down?! Javon do you know what emotional and physical stress you made me go through?! You hit me, cheated on me, and abused me!" Cinese expressed.
"Shh. You're overreacting. I only hit you because you were being dumb. You're making it seem as if I actually abused you." He laughed. Cinese furrowed her eyebrows. She'll never forget what he put her through.
"Javon you did abuse me!!" Cinese shouted. She wasn't gonna let him try to justify his actions. Javon quickly put his hand over her mouth. Cinese reacted quickly and kicked him in the balls. "Shit!" He exclaimed, letting go.
"Don't even put your fucking hands on me again." She gritted."Look, ian mean for things to go down that way. We were young." He said. Cinese blinked at him speechless of what just came out his mouth. "Is that your way of saying sorry?" Cinese asked.
"Yeah. I wanna get back together." He said, stepping closer. Cinese stepped back. She didn't even want to be in his presence. Cinese chuckled to herself than slapped him. Hard."Fuck you Javon!" She shouted. She picked up her airpod case from the floor, and began to walk away.
She was walking for a good 20 minutes until he was out of her sight. She sat in a small corner on the sidewalk. She needed to process what just happened. She didn't even realize how bad her hands were trembling.
She took out her phone, clicking on Tianna's contact. Tianna was the only one who really knew what went down between them. She picked up on the second ring. "Hello?" She answered.
"Yeah, hello? T? I need you right now." Cinese spoke lowly.
"Okay hold on, lemme step outside." Tianna told her."Where you going?" Cinese heard Levani speak through the phone. She forgot Tianna and Levani went over to Omachi's. She didn't want to go this time. "Im going to answer this phone call real quick." Tianna told them.
Cinese heard movement in the background. "Cinese? What happened? Is everything okay?" She asked.
"It's Javon. He came back." Cinese said, her eyes watering.
"Bitch you're joking! He came back? Where are you? What did he say??" Tianna asked. Cinese sniffed wiping the tear that just rolled down her cheek. She hated how he thought he could just randomly come back.
"I went on a walk, and I randomly bump into him. He basically told me how he wants to get back together. S-So I slapped him." Cinese explained.
"You slapped him? Oh I know that felt so good."
Cinese shook her head. Although it did feel good, it was besides the point.
"T, that's not the point. It's the fact that after all I went through, he thinks he can just pop back into my life as if nothing happened. Then had the audacity to say he didn't abuse me." Cinese said, getting heated all over again.
"Where did you see him?" Tianna asked.
"At the park. And you know what's funny? I went to the park to clear my head from my mom. And now he's back. It's like I can never get a break." Cinese groaned.
"Awh C. Please don't let him bring you down again. If anything, you said what you wanted to say to him after years! That should be a weight lifted from your chest." Tianna tried to reason.
"It doesn't feel like a weight has been lifted. I-i don't even know if i'll bump into him again. I was healed. Now it feels like I'm back to square one again. I don't know what to do." Cinese said shaking her head.
"Hm. What's one of the ways that helped you cope when you were healing?" Tianna asked.
"Writing on the notes app." Cinese said. She would type how she felt here and there, but was never really consistent with it. "Have you tried journaling?" Tianna asked.
"No? Isn't it the same thing as typing on the notes app." Cinese asked.
"No, it's not if you think about it. Try journaling. It keeps you organized. It's helped me cope in so many ways." Tianna suggested.
"I'll see." Cinese mumbled. She's never really thought about journaling. She was gonna have to get into it one day or another.
"Do you think you'll ever tell Vani? She's gonna ask me what happened." Tianna asked. It never really crossed her mind to tell Levani. Although they're really close, talking about it opens up wounds.
"I dunno. Should I tell her today?" Cinese asked.
"Do you feel as if you're ready to talk about it ? I don't want you to feel like you're pressured to." Tianna stated.
"Yeah. I do. I feel like if I talk about it, maybe it'll feel like a weight lifted off my chest. I mean I did keep everything in. It's time." Cinese said.
"Okay. We'll talk when we get home. Mkay?" Tianna said.
"Okay. Thank you T. I really appreciate you being here for me." Cinese smiled.
"Girl of course. I'll see you soon. Love you." Tianna said. "Love you too." Cinese replied as she hung up.
Cinese got up from the corner she was sitting on the sidewalk. She just hoped that her pants weren't stained. She felt her phone vibrate in her hand. She looked down and saw it was Omar.
She clicked decline and texted him she'll call him later. She didn't feel like talking to anybody at the moment.
____ 30 MINUTES LATER ____
Cinese was sitting on the couch watching TV. She had a bowl of popcorn in her lap as she was finishing the show 'You'. She heard the door being unlocked with the key. She knew it was Tianna & Levani.
She looked up and saw not only Tianna & Levani, but Omar and Javier with them as well. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. 'What are they doing here?' She thought to herself.
"What are y'all doing here?" Cinese asked with a mouthful of popcorn. Usually the girls would've told her if they had guests coming over."Girl, What do you mean? This my apartment" Levani chuckled.
Cinese shook her head, "No, I'm talking about them." She said pointing towards Omar and Javier. "Damn, I didn't know it was a crime to come see you." Omar said, making Cinese chuckle.
"After I got off the call with you, Levani asked what happened. I told her it was something bout' the issue with your mom. Omar and Javier overheard and wanted to come over to check on you." Tianna explained.
"Yeah. You aight?" Javier asked her. Cinese nodded her head. "I will be." She said.
"Cmere." Javier said opening his arms. Cinese laughed and got up to walk into his arms. She wasn't used to so many people checking on her.
"You wanna talk about it?" Omar asked.
Over the weeks, Cineses friendship with Omar and Javier began to grow. They felt like older brothers to her. Them wanting to be here for her meant a lot to her. She never really grew up around so much affection.
Cinese parted away from Javier's hug and nodded her head. She made her way back over to the couch and sat down, grabbing her popcorn. She watched as everyone sat down on the couch as well.
"Watchu watching?" Javier asked. Cinese straight faced him as if it wasn't on the screen. "Javier don't be stupid." Cinese said making everyone laugh. "Mmtch, you ain funny." He said side eying her.
"But anyways. It's a lot to explain but, should I start with my ex or my mom?" She asked them. She knew she could only afford to open up about one."Whatever you feel like talking about." Omar said, as they all nodded in agreement.
"Okay, soo I bumped into my ex today." Cinese said, getting straight to the point. "Javon?" Levani asked. Cinese nodded her head, "Yeah."
"But, Levani I haven't been honest with you, on how we broke up." She said, making Levani furrow her eyebrows. "What do you mean?" She asked.
"He used to abuse me." She said, making her gasp.
"He what?How this nigga look like?" Omar asked. Cinese was trying not to laugh at the fact of how fast Omar's head popped up. "Baby. That doesn't matter right now" Tianna told Omar.
"I remember when he used to.. " She stopped mid sentence, the memories now swirling around her mind."Bestie, if you ain't ready that's okay." Javier reassured. Cinese shook her head. She wanted to get it done and over with today.
"No. It's okay." She sighed.
"Okay so, I was 19 at the time, I'm 22 now. The time when I decided to move out, was when I was still having issues with my mom. But I finally moved out. My dumbass decided to move in with him." Cinese explained.
"We were dating for 7 months and things were going good, but as soon as 8 months strikes, everything started to go downhill." Cinese said shaking her head.
"He came home with lipstick all over his shirt, and on top of that he smelt like alcohol. So I flipped on him, but he got mad at me, and punched me in my jaw." Cinese said making everyone's jaw drop, but Tianna's.
"What the fuck.." Levani mumbled.
"I don't know why, I didn't leave that exact night, but I remembered having an argument with my mom about moving out. I didn't want to prove her point and run back, so I stayed." Cinese explained.
The room was silent listening to Cinese explain everything. "He would always shame my body too. He has hosted a hangout with his friends at the apartment. He would shame my body in front his friends. He said I was gaining a lot of weight and that he likes slim girls." She said.
She saw Javier rub his forehead and shake his head from her perceptual view.
"Another time he hit me was in at a public restaurant. We had went to this restaurant together. He claimed it was to 'make up' from the last time he hit me. I don't know why I went. I guess it was cus I was scared of him." Cinese sighed.
"We had some type of mistake with our food. I got up to tell the waiter there was some type of mistake with our food, but when I got back, he started bickering about how I was flirting with the waiter and how I was dressed up like a whore." Cinese said.
"I was arguing with him, and he got upset. He got up and dragged me to the bathroom. It was a Unisex bathroom. He beat me unconscious. He left me there. Not even caring about anyone finding me." She said sniffing.
"And that continued for a year. Well until I got the courage to leave. But today I saw him at the park. He told me he wanted to get back together and that he didn't mean for things to go down 'that way'." She explained.
Cinese looked around the room and saw the pity on everyone's faces. She didn't want to be pitied though."What the fuck!? Yo, once I see that nigga in person it's the end of him. You got his instagram?" Javier asked, making Cinese chuckle.
Why would she have his Instagram? "Javi.. it's okay calm down." Levani said.
"Nah man fuck that! This shit just got me real tight! He put his hands on a woman. What kind of bitch ass nigga does that?" Javier exclaimed.
"If you need anything at all I'm here to talk. Aight?" Omar told her. Cinese softly smiled at nodded her head. This was all new to her.
"So, what happened with your mom then?" Javier asked, making Levani nudge him with her arm. Cinese laughed at Javier's face."Javi!" Levani exclaimed.
"What? She said she would talk about both?!" Javier said in defense. "Yeah, when she's ready! Dumbass." Levani smiled
Cinese laughed, "Its okay. I'm ready."
She told them everything that happened with her mom.They all comforted her and made her laugh. It made her feel warm to be in a room surrounded with love.
...
"Yo Nigga what? You can't spam cards then put a draw four." Omar said. They were currently playing Uno. The room was filled with laughter and arguing."Omar what? Yes you can!?" Tianna argued.
"You can't!" Javier said.
"Yes you can?? What uno is y'all playing?" Levani asked making Cinese laugh. You could never play Uno with black people.
"Right they must be playing 'one' because what uno is they playing?" Tianna asked making everyone burst out of laughter. Cinese laugh was really contagious when she was laughing at something funny.
"Yooo, Cinese got that donkey ass laugh." Javier said, laughing. "Shut up bruh," Cinese said. She needed this.
____________________________
end of chapter five!!
cinese's mom?
javon?
vote n comment!