Abrianna
"He said he's going to meet Attorney Rivedo but he didn't tell me why."
When Cervantes' mom uttered those words, it turned my world upside down. I felt nervous and scared but above all, I wished I could take back time.
I knew Attorney Rivedo. He was father's friend and our family attorney as well. And he was known as a consultant for legal separation. He specialized on that field. So, the whole time Grego was driving us to our house, I was lowkey fidgeting thinking Cervantes and his reason for meeting attorney.
Was it for our annulment paper? Did he go see Attorney Rivedo to consult him on the process? Would he get us annulled even in the middle of our situation?
Ang daming pumapasok sa isipan ko at hindi ko maintindihan bakit hindi ako mapakali. It was like something was not right. NO, it was not "something" because I knew very well what it was. It was the idea of getting separated from Cervantes for real. It scared for no reason and I'm confused. I asked for it, I know, but it felt wrong and I didn't get it. Nagugulahan ako at hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong gawin.
"Abrianna, you feelin' good there?"
My eyes opened on their own when I heard my name called. I glanced in front where Cervantes' mom was sitting and she was looking at me through the rear mirror. "Is everything okay? Does your head hurt?" She wasn't looking anywhere except my eyes.
I shook my head. "No. I'm fine here.. mom." Calling her mom was still new to me. She smiled but I'm pretty sure she wasn't convinced at all. Good thing though she didn't insist. I just gave her a half-smile as gratitude.
"Tell me if wanna stop somewhere."
Agad akong umiling. "Let's just straightway go home." I wanted to rest.
Nang makarating kami sa bahay, una kong napansin agad ang bakanteng garahe. It only meant one thing. Cervantes was not yet home. His mom seemed to notice it too because she immediately insisted to accompany me but I told her I can manage.
"Are you sure? I can stay here until Luke arrives."
"It's fine ..mom. I'm sure Cervantes won't also take long."
She lightly chuckled. "You really got used calling him by our family name." It wasn't an insult nor a negative comment. It was a plain statement after a heartful laugh. She held my hand. "You take care then, okay?" There was still a smile on her face.
Napangiti na lang din ako. "I will."
"Call me or Luke or anyone if you need anything." She kissed my cheeks before Grego drove off.
I watched them leave before closing the gate. After making sure that everything's locked, I went inside. Silence immediately welcomed me. Only the sound of the clock could be heard. Napabuntong hininga na lang ako bago dumiretso sa kusina para magtimpla ng ginger tea. I kinda miss it and I also need it to calm my nerves and think better. Everything just overwhelmed me. Not to mention the slight pain I'm feeling on my forehead. There were few scratches on it but I'm pretty sure it won't leave a scar. I haven't seen Vienna since the accident but mom told me she's good and there's nothing to worry about since both of our x-rays are good. The accident has also been taken care of already she said. That fast. There were no foul plays found. It was a plain accident all because of the bad weather and the slippery road.
I sighed and just stared at nowhere. My mind quickly travelled back again to what Cervantes' mom has told me earlier in the hospital. She said Cervantes went to see Attorney Rivedo but he didn't tell her why. Ang sabi lang daw niya ay hintayin ko na lang daw siya dito sa bahay pero dumating naman kami eh wala pa siya which only meant that his talk with Attorney was not yet done. That was why I cannot help but wonder. What was taking them long? Did they start processing the papers already? Was that it?
I took a deep breath when pain instantly hit the organ inside my chest. But this time, it was painfully bad that I had to lean against the counter for support because my breathing went unsteady. It also didn't help when I felt a throbbing pain on my temple. I tried massaging it including my forehead hoping to ease the pain but it was no use. It was making me dizzy even more. Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa counter nang maramdamang tila umiikot na ang paningin ko.
I quickly pulled one of the dining chairs and leaned against its back. Kumulo na ang iniinit kong tsaa pero nanatili pa rin akong nakaupo. My body felt tired all of a sudden and just the thought of standing up exhausts me even more. The dizziness and discomfort were slowly fading but I still didn't feel good. My breathing wasn't steady yet and I knew I had to sit for a little bit more.
Maybe I just need to rest. I slowly opened my eyes at that thought. Feeling somehow good, I went upstairs, not minding my ginger tea, then took a shower before changing into some shorts and plain shirt. I was moving slow I noticed. Matapos magpalit at mag-ayos ay humiga agad ako sa kama. The moment I felt the soft mattress, my eyes instantly closed.
When I woke up, I was hoping that Cervantes was already home but to my dismay, he wasn't. I tried calling him but his phone just kept on ringing. Was he that busy? Kaya ba hindi niya masagot ang tawag ko? Disappointed, I placed my phone down. Hindi ko na lang muli siya tinawagan pagkatapos noon because I was hoping that maybe after he'll see it, he'll ring me but it didn't happen. The whole time I was waiting for him, I received nothing. Even until evening came.
I just sighed and walked out of my closet after changing now into a satin night dress ready for sleep. Contemplating whether I should call Cervantes again or not, I sat on the edge of the bed. I dialed his number in the end, but just like earlier he wasn't answering. I unbelievably stared at my phone. Damn.
Is this it? Hindi man lang ba kami mag-uusap ngayon? I waited for him the whole day yet it will all boil down with me lost in the dark. Sana man lang tumawag siya o magtext para alam ko kung maayos lang ba siya. If he doesn't wanna tell where he is then atleast magtext man lang siya na hindi siya makakauwi or magagabihan siya para hindi iyong nag-aalala 'yong tao. Hindi naman iyon ganon kahirap. Hindi ko lang kasi mapigilang isipin that this was the second time around he left without a word, a call nor a simple text. I mean, how hard is it to spare a minute and send a message?
Hindi ko namalayang nakatulugan ko na pala ang pag-iisip. Naalimpungatan na lang ako nang maramdamang tila may humahaplos sa pisngi ko. When I opened my eyes, I was greeted by the person I've been waiting for since this morning. My heart beat loudly on its own. He stopped caressing my cheek and just stared at me straight in the eyes.
"I think I wake you up." His gentle yet manly voice resonated in our silent room. That's when I realized I missed him badly. He was in a white polo. Its sleeves were rolled up until his elbow. I stared at his handsome face and noticed that he didn't look weary nor stressed at all, but I can see in his eyes both uncertainty and doubt. I bit my inner cheek. Am I the reason behind it? Because I can still vividly remember his pained look and how he plead not to let him go.
We were just looking at each other's eyes, and I knew we were trying to figure out what's running in each other's mind. I decided to broke the silence. "Where have you been?" I softly asked. It was a genuine question and he knew what I meant. I was expecting him to give me an answer but I didn't imagine that what he will say next would shatter my heart into pieces.
"I'll take a shower." He kissed the top of my head before heading to the bathroom.
I was left shocked and speechless that I was rendered immobile. I cannot help but tightly grip the bedsheet and feel my heart bleeding inside. After waiting for how many hours, that's what I would get in response? That hurts. Did he purposely evade my question? Kasi nakakagago lang.
Hindi ko siya nilingon. I remained silent on my side, unmoving. Even after hearing the door opened and feeling him sat on the other side of the bed, I didn't spare him a glance. Nanatili akong nakatalikod sa kanya because after what he did I don't think I'll be able to face him without uttering hurtful word nor pouring him my frustration and pain. He knew what he did and I think I deserve at least an explanation, right? Besides, are we going to just sleep feeling like this? Ang saklap kung ganon. I don't think I could take it if he would just ignore me and sleep like nothing happened. That would kill me. But I also knew, he wasn't that kind of guy.
So, when he called me, I thought it would help but with how he addressed me, it made me taste bitter.
"Abrianna.."
First name basis huh? What happened to calling me wife or love? Did he start working on our annulment paper already? Is that it? Are we going to separate any time soon that's why he's practicing calling me by my name? I bit my inner cheek to control myself from bursting.
"Abrianna.."
I silently drew a breathe as I can feel my heart being twisted. Why does he keep on calling me by my name? Can't he just call me love or wife again? Kasi ramdam ko 'yong sakit at pait at hindi ko mapigilang mapakapit sa bedsheet. How I wish I could teach my heart to stay calm just this moment because it's making me weak and I don't like it. He was just calling me by name, why am I making a big deal out of it?
"I know you're still awake.." His voice was soft and gentle like he was careful of his words. Careful. I smiled bitterly. Sana pati rin kanina.
"What do you need?" I asked almost in whisper.
"Don't you wanna face ..me?"
My grip on the bedsheet tightened even more. After ignoring me, he'll ask me that? Siya ang unang umiwas kaya bakit kailangang ako pa ang kailangang mag-adjust. Hindi ko mapigilang isumbat iyan sa kanya sa isipan ko. Ramdam ko muli 'yong bigat sa dibdib ko kaya hindi ko mapigilang huminga ng malalim. "Just tell me what you need."
"Can I talk to you face to face? I wanted to talk to you properly.." Naramdaman kong gumalaw siya nang hindi ko siya sinagot. "I'll move to your side."
I wanted to stop him but I couldn't find my voice. He was already walking to my side that I have to closed my eyes to ready myself. He sat on the side where he was seated earlier. I opened my eyes and his worried eyes met mine. Unlike earlier that he seemed to be hiding it, now I can clearly see it in his eyes. He was dead weary.
He warmly smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "How are you?" He held my hand, caressing it with his thumb. I stared at him for a moment. Dahan-dahan akong bumangon. Agad niya naman akong inalalayan. He fixed two pillows behind my back before settling himself on the side of the bed again. It felt better to talk with him this way.
"Where have you been?" I decided to ask him again instead. My voice was just like his, soft and gentle.
He smiled weakly but quickly tore his eyes from me. He faced the opposite wall and leaned on his arms which were rested on his thighs. I watched as he blew a soft sigh, stared at me for a moment before shaking his head. Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti ng mapait. It was obvious that he didn't want to tell me a single thing. No wonder why he chose to ignore my question earlier.
Ganoon ba kahirap sagutan 'yong tanong ko para hindi man lang niya ako bigyan nang kahit simpleng sagot? Ang hirap bang magpaliwanag o hindi kaya ay sabihan man lang sa akin kung saan siya nagpunta? I meant no harm and all I wanted to know was where did he go for him to come home this late. But I guess he truly didn't want to tell me anything. I thought he would be different from anyone but I think not. He also liked to keep me in the dark.
Mahina akong humugot nang hininga para pakalmahin ang nagsisimulang umapaw na emosyon ko ngayon. I knew I had to stop overthinking because it was messing me big time.
"It's fine if you won't say anything." Mahina kong sabi. "Let's .. let's just sleep."
This is just shit.
Mabilis siyang napatingin sa akin dahil doon. Umiwas ako ng tingin at akmang hihiga na sana ako pero pinigilan niya ako.
"That's not it, love." His hand was on my arm. I looked at it.
So, we're back to calling me love now huh?
He noticed that I was staring at his arm. "I'm sorry." Then, I felt his grip loosen. My mouth hanged slightly opened because of his reaction. Was he avoiding me?
Sinubukan kong tignan siya pero nakayuko na siya ngayon. His head was bowing and he looked lost. My heart tugged at the sight of him. What happened? Anong pinag-usapan nila ni Attorney Rivedo? Without reservation, I reached for him and gently tap his back, sending him comfort. He glanced at me side way.
"What happened?" I cannot help but seriously asked hoping that he would tell me what's bothering him so I would know what to do. Pero hindi ko inasahan nang mahina siyang natawa bago biglang tumayo. He turned his back on me and muttered something I didn't pick because my mind was focused on my hand that was left mid-air. Dahan-dahan ko itong ibinaba at hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam muli ng sakit sa ginawa niya.
I bit my inner cheek. My eyes welled up. I tried to look up to stop myself from being about to cry it was no use. The moment I looked down, tears rolled down my cheeks.
****
On the other side, Cervantes felt like shit. His talk with Attorney Rivedo didn't help like what he expected it would be. He thought consulting him would give him a way to grant his wife's request but it didn't. It even emphasized how they got to stick with each other even more given their situation.
He badly wanted to ask his father's help but he knew that it would reach Abrianna and for sure they would pester her again. Non-stop. She already had enough from their parents and he didn't want them to squeeze her again and again. She's already reaching her limit and he knew that one more blow would make her lose herself.
He was against the idea of annulment. Even when he was forced to marry Abrianna, he never thought of going into one. So, when she suddenly broke it to him, he plead not to because he believed that they could do better. But after hearing her beg for freedom, right there and then he knew he has to give way. He witnessed how Abrianna endured so much and the least he could do is to add up.
But why the fuck do they have to fucking pay Hontiveros' family? He hated it.
Getting their marriage void is not a problem for Cervantes. He could do it in a short span of time. But with that fucking debt, he knew it would be difficult. It was a complicated situation. Both their families would suffer if he'll push through with the annulment. That was why he went to Attorney Rivedo for legal advice but it was no use. He even asked his parents for any other possible ways to pay the Hontiveros, hoping that if there would be any then, it would be easier for him to give what his wife wants, but still none. Their debt to the Hontiveros was a fucking great wall. There was no way he could get them annulled without Abrianna suffering. And that made him felt like shit.
All he wanted was to give her what she wants without stressing her. But how when every situation was suffocating her?
If it would only be him, he would not give in to his wife's demand. He would choose to give their relationship a chance until they would find themselves comfortable with each other and who knows loving each other as well. He wasn't closing doors. He was open to building his future with Abrianna. In fact, in his mind, he already created one.
He may not feel it and tell it now but he was sure that time will come when his heart would beat for her, hard and real. Because Abriana wasn't difficult to be with when you get to see her as a person. Her attitude maybe be irritating and bitchy to some but to him, it was only a reflection of what she's feeling inside. And he pretty much liked it because it was authentic. It was who she is. She's pretty handful that's a fact but Cervantes wasn't complaining. He'll gladly be more willing to know her better.
But how would he now when his wife wanted to be away from him. If only he could ask her to be with him or take back her words back. But that would be selfish. He genuinely cared for Abrianna that he was willing to give up his built vision for them just to see her freely soaring high. It pained him but he really and undoubtfully cared for her.
But what was killing him more was the idea that he has to shatter Abrianna's dream of being away from him. A part of him was relieved and happy that they could continue their lives together but a greater part of him was afraid and in pain. Afraid because he was certain that it would not be an assurance that Abrianna will still choose to be with him after. And in pain because he knew his wife would get hurt once he broke the news with her.
He didn't want to see his wife's pain reaction when he broke it to her. NO. He could not bear to see her hurting again. She was in pain already. He didn't want to add up. He's afraid his wife will breakdown due to emotional stress.
He ran his hand on his hair and looked up. I hate it that I'd cause her pain too. I wish I could trade position with her.
He heaved a sigh and turned around, bracing himself to talk everything to his wife, but the scene that greeted him broke him into pieces. His wife was hugging her knees while silently crying. There wasn't a sound but her shaking shoulder was enough to figure it out.
He cannot help but cuss as he quickly went to Abrianna. It was piercing his heart seeing her in this situation, especially what happened back in the hospital.
He immediately gathered her in his arms as he gently soothed her back, hushing her to calm down.
You made her fucking cry, jerk. You fucked up.
•••••