CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
no time to mourn
"Could've been a faulty electrical wire." Pope tries to explain.
There's nothing left of the place I've been calling home for the last seventeen years.
I haven't slept at all. I've spent the night sitting between Pope and JJ, watching my house get destroyed. With everything we've ever owned inside. We truly have nothing left. John B and I have lost all our clothes, our books, our photographs, our memories.
The only photograph we kept from our mother doesn't exist anymore. Our father's office has been burned out completely, there's no sign of the research that took his entire life to get together. Our baby pictures, the gifs the Pogues gave us for our birthdays, each and every single memory of our life doesn't exist anymore. It's all gone.
I wipe a tear away from my cheek. I'm not entirely sure if my throat burns from the smoke or from crying all night long.
"Place was all wood." Kiara says. "Tinderbox."
The seven of us are tired, apathetic and covered in dark disgusting stains from the smoke. John B and I turn our heads at the same time. I've known this man my entire life and I've never seen such a shallow look in my brother's eyes.
"Thing just went up. Boom."
"Veredit's in, bro." JJ speaks, glancing at JB, then at me beside him. "Whoever's up there does not like you."
"JJ, don't." I say with a hoarse voice and a scowl, slapping his arm with the back of my hand.
"Sorry," Pope says to both JB and me, sitting in between us.
"Can we just go?" My raspy voice feels like knives as the sound leaves my throat. "I don't wanna be here anymore."
"Yeah, me neither." John B exhales, letting his head fall down to his arms for a second. "Come on, let's get out of here."
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We used the HMS Pogue to get the hell out of there. We drove with no actual destination in mind, we just wanted to get out of there. John B ended up taking us as near as he could to Heywards.
There's no time to mourn the life we've lost, both John B and I know that. That's why we're planning our next moment on the dock, with a cloud of sadness above the seven of us.
"Sarah, when did you say the pilot was getting in?"
"Probably like an hour?" She answers, "I mean, once he's here, my dad says we can leave whenever we want."
"Good. The sooner we leave, the better." I say, rubbing my thumb with my hand, trying to get rid of the fucking black marks that remain on my skin.
"Okay, well, as much as I would love to ghost my parents again, I can't." Pope explains.
"Pope, we're talking El Dorado here. Can you just slip out the back maybe?"
"Great advice," Kie mocks JJ.
"It always worked for me." He insists, "How to avoid unpleasant circumstances 101. If there's a problem and you don't wanna face it, turn that face and keister around and walk the other way."
"I'm not doing that, okay?"
"I just want you to be there, dog."
"Okay, enough." I cut in, grimacing at the pain of my throat. "Everyone go home, grab whatever you need, talk to your parents, whatever, I don't care." I wave my hand, "We'll meet at the airstrip in an hour. All right?"
The Pogues share concerned looks between them, but still no one disagrees with me. They all agree, and that's the end of the discussion. Pope and Cleo are off to the Heywards, Kie is also going home to talk to her parents, and I'm going with JJback to his home so he can grab some stuff.
JJ's house looks honestly depressing. But at least it's still standing. JJ is going around, throwing everything he can inside his backpack - clothes, his lighter with his initials engraved by me...
"You all right?" He asks carefully, eyeing me while I stand in silence looking at the pictures hanging on his wall. "You haven't said anything in a while."
"I'm alive. That's enough for today."
"Brizo-"
"Please, don't." My voice breaks. I sniffle, trying not to cry again. "I love you, I appreciate you trying, but I just don't want to talk about it, okay? Please, don't make me talk about it, JJ."
JJ swiftly slides his backpack over his shoulders and jumps over the bed to get to me. As soon as he wraps his arms around me, I can't help but break down crying again. I cling to his shirt, gripping it harshly while his hand holds my head, burying his fingers in my air.
"It's okay." He kisses my brow, "We don't have to talk about it. It's okay."
A car engine revving outside makes my sobs get cut in my throat. JJ still won't let me go. He keeps me close to him while he leans towards the window, checking the outside.
There's a black car that I don't recognize, but he must know it, given how his back tenses and the way he clenches his jaw.
"Who is it?"
"Shit, shit. We gotta go, come on."
He doesn't need to give me an answer. As he pulls me further away from the window, I catch a quick glimpse at Barracuda Mike getting out of the car.
"JJ! Your ol' buddy, Mike!" The man shouts, "You lost my load. Time to pay up!"
I'm not sure I'm gonna make it to 40. Not with the amount of stress my heart is handling.
I follow JJ around his house. He pushes me to the wall, taking his finger to his lips, telling me to stay quiet. We hear Mike kick open the back door from the other side of the house. JJ grabs my hand, and breaks out in a run towards the front door.
Both of us run as fast as we can, panting and trying to catch our breaths. Luckily for us, they haven't seen us leave.
JJ stays back while I keep running. I almost miss him. I stop dead on my tracks, waiting for him as he stares at his house, probably thinking it'll be the last time he sees it. JJ turns around, sniffling and whipping his nose with the side of his hand.
"You okay?" I ask, trying to catch my breath.
"I'm alive. That's enough for today." He repeats my words with a lopsided smile.
For the first time today, I genuinely laugh. That makes his smile wider and brighter. He grabs my hand and takes it to his lips, giving it a kiss before we break out in a run again.
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"Dude, where is everybody?!" JJ yells at JB, throwing his bag to the ground angrily.
"I don't know, man." My brother shrugs.
It's just us, Sarah and JB on the tarmac. Not an ideal situation. The plan was leaving this fucking place made of nightmares as soon as we could. Of course something as simple and easy as that would go wrong.
"We should get in the Twinkie, and we should just get 'em!"
"No!" I yell, taking JJ by surprise, "If we go around town trying to find everybody that's only gonna slow us down!"
"Just give 'em five minutes, all right?"
"Guys, there's Pope and Cleo, right there." Blondie says, breaking the discussion.
Sure enough, Pope and Cleo get here on his motorcycle. JJ grabs his bag from the ground, hanging it from his shoulders again.
"You guys waiting for us?" Cleo says, unwrapping her arms from Pope's chest.
"Yes, we were. You're late!" JJ sighs, "Did you actually convince your pops this time or..."
"Cleo convinced him." Pope explains, getting off the bike and giving me a quick hug. "How you doing?" He asks. I just nod my head, which is enough for him. "All right, Bee J."
"My girl, that's what I'm talking about." JJ cheers, high-fiving Cleo. "I thank you for being a part of my crew."
"Anytime."
"You're really the best, I love you so much." I mumble under my breath, reaching out to give her a hug. Cleo gladly wraps her arm around my shoulders, squeezing me before letting go of me.
"Where's Kie?" Pope asks.
"I don't know." Sarah shakes her head, "It's gotta be her parents, dude. They've been up her ass."
"They must've said she couldn't come. We're gonna have to do this without her."
I've had many lows in my life. Especially in the last year. Kiara has been there for me every single time. She's been there with a laugh for me, a hug, a cup of hot chocolate and blankets, a The Office marathon each time I've felt blue.
But you know what? So have been each and everyone of these people right here on this fucking tarmac. Even Cleo, who I've known the shortest amount of time, has shown me immense love and respect since we met and bonded over being stranded on an island.
Sarah said it best last night. We're all in this. She was right, Poguelandia was perfect. And we let it go too soon, too fast. I'm not letting that happen again.
We're all doing this. Together. We're all getting on that plane, or no one else is. I'm not leaving anyone behind. Not this time.
JJ looks at me. He stares with those blue eyes of his, and there's a decision in them. He's made a choice. I can see it as clearly as I can see the dimple in his cheek when he smirks, tilting his head down.
"No," I say out loud, watching JJ smile down to the ground out of the corner of my eye.
"No?" My brother repeats.
"Give me the keys," I demand, putting my hand out.
"No, Bee. No, no, no."
"I said, gimme the keys, John B."
"Give her the keys, man." JJ supports me.
"It doesn't seem like a good idea now, Brizo."
"I'm not known for my brightest ideas. I don't care. Gimme the fucking keys, John!"
"I said no!"
"John B, I'm not leaving without her! Okay?" I yell, tilting my head back to look firmly in my brother's eyes. "We all get on that fucking plane, or no one does. All right?"
"Are you fucking serious right now?"
"No Pogues left behind, remember?"
John B exhales, hesitant. I actually don't care what he says. If he doesn't give me the keys to the Twnikie willingly, I'll tackle him to the ground and take them myself.
"Just give us an hour, bro." JJ agrees with me, "It'll be like a black ops mission, in and out. Surgical removal type shit."
"Just gimme the keys, Johnny." I try again, this time with a sweet smile and kinder tone.
John B takes his hand to his pocket, and looks behind me at JJ, "If anything happens to my sister, JJ, I swear to God I'll kill you."
"Got it, man."
"I can take care of myself." I scoff.
"Yeah, but you're fucking crazy." John B takes out the keys from his pocket. But before he places them on the palm of my hand he lifts them up, as my fist clenches grasping thin air, "If something happens to the Twinkie..."
"Oh, god, shut up already. The keys, John!"
"Fine!" He finally hands me the keys. "Hurry back!"
"Thank you, love you, brother!" I say, as I break out in a run towards the Twinkie.
JJ runs too, and wisely chooses the passenger side while I go for the driver's side. He jumps through the open window, and slides himself inside the car as I open my own door and get in as a normal person would.
"That door opens, bro!"
I put the keys in the ignition, and twist them. The motor revs sweetly as I step on the gas and start driving.
"Feather, feather, feather the throttle, you know?" I hear my brother yell.
"I know how to drive, thank you very much!" I yell through my window back at him.
Just one last mission before saving our dad. Just one small mission and we're off to South America.