~~~ This is my mental image of Arc Angel Gabriel. Take a look on the right hand side --> ~~~~
Gavin stared at his superior. It was his review date, tine to see if he has earned forgiveness and be allowed back into the physical world. It's been eight years since the day that he failed his duties and the Arc Gabriel had finally called him in to discuss the situation with him.
"So you think it is time for you to regain your flesh?" the Arc asked, pacing around Gavin, purposefully trying to be intimidating. He wanted to see if he could provoke the younger Angel into rash action or an outburst. It was important to see if he was as easily directed as he used to be.
"I still feel guilty." Gavin admitted finally. "I am standing back, forced to offer the comfort of a ghost to a child that needs me. I... I wasted my gifts chasing loose women, indulging in passtimes that were useless and purposeless." Gavin looked at Gabriel.
"My charge has not called out to me, ever and I have only seen her from the spirit side. She is abused and alone and I want to help her She deserves it after my original failure."
Gabriel paced around the young Angel, giving thought and judgement to his words. "So you feel that by being present, you can help her?"
"Yes."
"That you can give her comfort?"
"Yes."
"That you can make atonement for your past transgressions?"
"Yes."
"So you don't feel you have earned forgivness yet?"
"Yes." Gavin said without hesitation.
"Then you're not ready." Gabriel replied simply,
"What?" Gavin demanded, his calm demeanour cracking at the rejection. "She'd being abused. He hasn't threatened her life but even you have to admit she deserves better than that!" he demanded of his superior.
"I do admit that she deserves better. You were supposed to be better than that. But the fact of the matter is that you're still too emotional. Take yourself entirely out of the equation. Your pride, ego and impulses have NOTHING to do with this. It should be all about her. It is sad that her father mistreats her thus, but that is not our domain. She can fight back, she can leave, there are options for her. Not choosing to go is her option, and we have to honor their free will. That's the whole point. Guardian Angel's are meant to protect someone when they have no other option, when someone else's choice has led to the deadly situation." Gabriel rested a hand on the younger Angel's shoulder.
Gavin shook, upset beyond explaination but not for himself. For the little girl who felt herself unworthy of being treated with love and care from ehr father. "Fine, don't give me my body back. But please, please send someone to help her." he begged, not caring about his ego at the moment.
Gabriel watched him plead, face smooth and expressionless. He wasn't heartless, though sometimes he was forced to do cruel things. "You can be her apparation then. But if I feel for a single moment htat you've crossed a line. You will never get your corporeal self back again." he warned.
Gavin nodded, realizing this was the best he was going to get. "Thank you sir." he said, voice soft. Gavin turned and walked to a traveller's room. Many of the inhabitants of this incoporeal plane could maifest nothing more than a vague presence in the corporeal plane. It required great amounts of energy unless sent there on a mission. Guardian Angels were often sent out on missions and there were individual traveller's rooms set up so that they can place their return marker and head into a physical manifestation in the solid world.
Gavin stepped into one of this rooms and looked around. Every being here used their own personal ritual to manifest elsewhere. For Gavin, he sat an incorporeal body down and looked into a mirror on the table top. He treated it like a scrying mirror and LOOKED for his charge. Images moved across the mirror like a movie screen, fast jerky motions as he tried to catch up on what has been happening to this poor girl.
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Lone stood with her classmates, a solitary figure in a crowd of people. She smiled and acted happy, putting on a show of being like everyone else, but it was slightly off. Anyone watching would realize that although she acted like the others, here was a young woman that somehow just didn't belong there. She wasn't anything special to look at. Her face was strong and beautiful only if you liked a face designed with characer. There were times when she could be breathtaking to look at, when her face was soft and happy, care free and joyous. But since she always looked at the world through jaded eyes, those moments were few and far between. Her hair was brown, a lighter shade in summer and a darker one in winter, changing as the sun bleached her hair.
Standing in her graduation gown, Lone looked like everyone around her. No one could see the hard muscles she'd worked for, nor trace their eyes along the lines of scars and bruises colouring her body. After her father had learned that she was doing kickboxing and fighting, he realized it was a perfect cover for the marks he left and stopped holding back. The hospital had a file thick with her name in it, but they never worried; reassured by a loving father that he was worried her kickboxing would land her in an early grave. They all bought it and he no longer had a reason to worry about being found out.
All the other students were joyous and excited, planning summer trips and parties, the last hurrah before college or university, or even work took over. "Elonore," Lone heard one of her classmates try to get her attention. She smiled and looked at him. "Elonore, I ah.... well the entire gradutating class is invited to my place. And I know I don't know you well or.. ah... well I'd like it if you came out. No one really seems to know you well and I'd like to see you there." Jack went on, rambling and boyishly charming.
Lone looked at his aura, seeing a blue tint of honest intent. He was a good guy, just too popular for her to ever try and be friends with. One on one she could stand him, he was decent. But all those others... too close, their colours mixing and sick, lust, anger, greed, pride, envy and angst. But then she saw her father in the watching parents. Other familes stood together, talking, hugging, happy. Her father stood there, glaring at her. Dark sunglasses covering hungover sensitive eyes, slightly wrinkled simple suit that he wore to interviews when he felt like giving work another shot. She didn't need to see his eyes to know the hatred swimming in htem.
"Sure." she agreed to Jack, taking down his address and directions to get there. He was so simple and happy to have everyone going, even the reject nerd kids and hte druggies. Jack was fabulously rich and yet somehow....pure.
Seeing her standing there, talking to someone, smiling like she had the right to be happy made her father clench his teeth in anger. She should remember who's life it cost for her to be here now. He was sick of seeing her wearing that pretentious robe. "We're going." he snarled at her, pulling her out of hte crowd. There were so many people around that no one saw how hard he grabbed her arm, or the fact that he dug his fingers in even though she followed meekly.
She sat silently in the passenger seat while he swore and wove hte beat up car through traffic. He'd lost his license years ago and had no insurance, but he'd bought the car for $500 when the liquor store nearby closed and he had to go farther for his favourite drinks. That was one of the few times Elonore had actually agreed with how he spent hte money she saved up to give him. She would use it whenever he was too drunk to drive or asleep. He would send her out when he was too lazy or hell, whenever he wanted to stay home.
She often thought about just packing up her few belongings, grabbing the car keys and just driving away. But where would she go? Even with working at the gym for two years she didn't have enough money saved up to go to college, left alone find a place to live. She just didn't know what she could do to get away from the life she survived through, and Lone still felt like she deserved it.
When they got home, she walked inside after her father, not wanting to be in his direct line of sight. He went and collapsed on the ground, demanding a drink. She passed him a beer out of the food barren fridge while he complained about being hungry and drank it noisily. Lone bit the inside of her cheek to keep quiet, knowing she had given him money for groceries, but the amount of liquor and beer in the kitchen let her know where it'd gone. She looked through the cupoboards, finding not enough of anything to scrap together a meal for two. So she set about cooking food for him, to shut him up and distract him. It was a pasta thing and she sliced the last of the hot dogs into it to bulk it up. He bitched about how bland it was while wolfing it down, drinking from a new beer.
He watched the cable tv like it was the only thing in the world and Elonore sat at the kitchen table, flipping through the mail, making sure the bills were paid. Her father had stopped paying them regularily, but she often stole money back from him to pay it off. There were a few weeks where he'd forget that he'd never picked up his welfare check, too drunk to realize what day of the week it wad. Lone would go and collect them, using them to pay the bills, keeping the rent, water and elecricity going. The only thing he ever paid for was that damn cable of his. While her classmates complained over how cheap their parents were buying them a generic mp3 player instead of an ipod, Elonore had kept quiet, using the public library to type up projects so her teachers would never know she couldn't even afford a laptop.
She just kept quiet and endured, not sure there was any reason to keep moving forward. But any time she started to think about stopping, of taking a jump off the highest bridge she could find, she would see him. Her dream man from so long ago. He haunted her dreams, stalking through her nightmare of a world. Challenging her to keep living, just so she might have a chance to find out if he was ever real.
She shook off thoughts of her shadow man and went into her room. There weren't many clothes in hte closet and her stomach rumbled with hunger. "Screw this, I'm gonig to the damn mall." she said softly to herself, heading to the front door. She peered over, seeing her father in his usual spot, a whole case of beer in a cooler next to him. He'd sit there, drinking as much as he could before passing out. He would never even notice she'd left.
So she grabbed the keys and quietly left the house. Habit had her throw the car into neutral and push it out of the driveway and down the block until she was far enough away that starting it wouldn't get her in trouble. THe neighbors that saw her do this regularily all thought it was sweet, believing the lie she'd told them. That her father worked nights and had trouble sleeping in the day, so she didn't want to wake him.
Lone made it to the mall without mishap. First thing she did was go to the food court and spent $5 on a meal with drink combo. She'd heard enough of the gym patrons go on about fueling the body that she knew that food gonig in had to be worth something. So she munched on her salad, drinking the cool water and quieted the angry snarls of her stomach. Fed at last, she then wandered the mall, indulging in a lot of window shopping while she struggled with her guilt. She didn't really NEED new clothes, the money could be used for groceries. But she was so tired and even if she didnt really want to be in a crowd of people, she found herself wanting something new to wair. Something pretty, or at least something that wasn't from the consignment shop.
So up and down the halls of the mall she wandered, looking in stores and then fleeing from the sticker shock. She'd find a dress and it would be lovely, and she'd walk away after finding out it was $40. Jeans, skirts, tops and jackets, all called to her but were beyond her wallet's reach. Finally she walked into a store that had clearance racks with prices that weren't so frightening. The clothes were less fine, not as lovely, but they all had their own charm. Lone had long ago stopped seeing things as worth more simply because they cost more. There were pieces here she could work with, ones that would be stunning with a little effort. Choices in hand, she bought them, not even trying them on because she knew if she stopped moving forward, she would give up and buy nothing.
Rushing to the bathroom, she pulled on her new clothes, relishing in pulling the tags off of them. The jeans weren't super tight or skinny style like was fashionable. Instead they were faded black, low on the hips and a little flared at the ankle. Down hte sides from knee to foot were snaps that gave it a western retro feel. She wore a burgundy blouse over her old black tank top and pulled her battered leather jacket on. She never wore the jacket in front of dad. It used to belong to her mother and he'd put her in the hospital the one time he'd seen her in it. She looked at herself in the bathroom mirror, wishing she had the shape that other women had. It confused her, wanting to be desired, to feel sexy and know someone wanted to be with her, and yet whenever one of the guys would try and make moves on her, or even just get to know her, she retreated and rejected.
Lone shook her head, brown hair tangling already and she tied it up out of the way. Her hair was long, in fact she'd accidentally tucked it into her pants when pulling them on just now. The braid she pulled her hair into hung heavy and thick on her back, but it was out of the way at least. "Come on feet." she said to herself and walked out of the bathroom to the car.
It was an old, beat up dodge that she jokingly named General because it was the same horrid orange as the General Lee from the Dukes of Hazard. The car always worked amazingly for her because she'd gone the unsual route and learned how to work on cars. It'd looked weird, being one of the only girls in shop class, but those days in school and the hours spent reading books in hte library were the best teachers and let her take care of General without ever having to pay a mechanic.
The party was in full swing when she finally found hte right house. Jack's place wasn't the biggest one on hte block, but it had the most cars in the driveway. Which was about a half mile long. Lone walked up the line of parked cars, seeing her classmates wave drinks at each other, lovers snuggling, friends hugging, enemies screaming. It was a mass of human noise and she froze on the spot, seeing exactly what she feared. They were all bright and brittle colours, like jagged stained glass. They couldn't see it, but she could and it was overwhelming. "Coward." she chided herself and still stood frozen on the spot.
"Elonore?" she heard someone ask, surprised to see her. "Hey Looney Lone's even here! Jack can throw one hell of a party eh?" he yelled out, drunk and rambunctious. Lone couldn't even remember his name. "Come on!" he demanded of her and pulled her along with a sweaty arm around her waist. The smell of alcohol was thick on him and she flinched away, not liking the green colour he had around him, but she didn't break his grip. She wanted this moment of normalacy. God dammit she wasn't gonig to be a freak tonight.
Someone thrusted a drink into her hands and Lone drank it, wanting a cool drink after walking into the crowded inferno inside. Coughing at the amount of liquor in the drink, Lone stood almost terrified in the center of the grinding mass of her classmates. She finished the drink in a nervous rush and set the plastic cup aside. Someone gently touched her elbow and passed her another. She looked up, seeing Jack's smiling face.
"Hey! Glad you could make it!" he yelled to be heard over the cheering crowd. Someone was doing a beer bong and everyone was very enthusiastic about it. Lone just nodded and smiled, wanting to leave.
Jack watched her nervousness. "You don't like crowds do you?" he asked, concerned. She shook her head quickly no. "Come on then, it's a little less crazy in hte games room." he offered, leading her to a less packed part of the house. There was a pool table where some of hte jocks were battling to the death with pool cues and billards balls, a small bar in the corner had drinks and bottles lined up and tumbled all over it. Some girls sat on the fluffy couch chatting and flirting with the guys. But there were less people.
"Thanks." Lone said, able to speak without screaming. She never liked to speak up loud, and no one here could honestly say they have ever heard her yell.
"No problem. I dragged you into this, the least I could do was make sure you didn't throw up on my carpet." he joked. Lone smiled, grateful that his usual blue aura was calm and soothing. Maybe getting to know him during school wouldn't have been such a bad thing.
He stayed for a little bit, helping settle Lone in as she quietly watched the guys play pool. She didn't join the game or the conversation, letting it all flow around her like a rock in a stream; but she was there, at a party. She was a little bit drunk now, having had a few more mystery drinks, and the others in hte room were far worse off. And that's when she heard one of the girls jokingly suggest playing adult truth or dare. Lone stiffened at teh words and bolted out of the room. She didn't want to force her way past the crowd though and just took the stiars all the way up. She stumbled past couples fondling each other in drunken excess and made her way out onto the thankfully abandoned balcony. It was the small one off one of hte bedrooms, the main balcony had people dancing on it. But out here, over the back yard, it was darker and buggier, too small for a group and no convient seats for lovemaking.
Lone leaned over the railing a little, sucking in deep breaths. She'd heard the words and felt the old drowning sensation. It was interesting that she'd never developed a phobia of water, was in fact an excellent swimmer, but truth and dare, simple words made her run for safety.
"Are you alright?" the drunk jock from earlier asked. It was the same guy who'd called her Looney Lone and pulled her into the party. He was still giving off a sickly green aura and it made Lone nervous. But she nodded yes, wanting to act normal. "I saw you bolt up here, was wondering if you were gonna yak or somethin." he explained.
"No. I'm alright. Just needed to get away. Needed air." she explained, turning her back on him. His aura was making her feel sick, watching it swirl. But even not looking directly at it, she felt it. Felt him. He stepped closer to her, leaning against the railing next to her. She wanted to move away but resisted the urge, remembering how her pulling away always enraged her father. So she fidgeted with the bottom of her blouse. She'd left the jacket in the car, knowing it'd get lost in a crowd.
The drunk jock watched her play with her shirt and misinterpreted it. He thoguht she was flirting. So he reached over and grabbed her shirt, jerking quickly and popping it open. It snapped up the front, the button snaps popping open and showing her tank top. Lone jerked away in startlement.
"What are you doing?" she demanded, stepping back. The balcony was small though and all she did was get closer to the wall.
"Thought you might need help there. It's pretty warm out. And you fiddling with the buttons was all kinds of distracting." he murmered, steppig up close to her. His breath was gross with alcohol and cigarette smells, making Lone gasp. He pressed his disgusting mouth to hers, grabbing her boob with one fumbling hand and placing the other on her hip. Lone wanted to jerk away but was already agaisnt teh wall. She pushed him away but there wasn't very far for him to go.
"What baby? Playing hard to get?" he asked, too drunk to realize she was not interested.
"No. Go away." she rejected, trying to move past him, inside. He grabbed her around hte waist again and pushed her back against the wall, pressing in close to her, trying to kiss her again. His green aura washed over her, cloying and sickeningly close.
He bit her lip, a hand grabbign her as painfully and she shoved him back again. This time she didn't bother with trying for hte door. Instead she hopped over hte balcony and dropped to the grass below. It was only the second story but she rolled when she landed anyways, distributing the energy of the fall into a forward roll. Then she ran for her car while the idiot jock called after her.
With shaking hands Lone started the car and drove off, for once finding the concept of gonig home to be safer than staying out. She drove carefully, realizing that if a cop pulled her over, she'd get arrested with teh booze on her breath. Instead she tried to calm down her heart beat and dispell the nausea in her stomach at letting him manhandle her that way. She knew how to fight, but her father was right, she was a born victim, too pathetic to do anything.