A/N: Hello again! A timely update? Who is she?! All jokes aside, things are starting to pick up and I'm very excited to show y'all what we have planned. Thank you as always for reading and hopefully we have an eventful race week! 💚💚💚
Maeve
The disappointment of Russia qualifying was simply forgotten when Daniel and I managed to make it into 5th and 6th in the race. That was where our good fortune for the week ended. As soon as the race was over, Daniel was swept away straight to the next track in Suzuka. He had some press to do before press day. I was much more lucky, having a preview of my thesis that I needed to work on for a few days before I didn't see my work until the end of the season.
My full presentation, due to be given on December 16th, was nearly completed. Pieces of it had been done as I went, making notes and gathering visual aides throughout my entire research project to ensure that I would have what I needed by the time we reached this point. My professor needed to check in and make sure that I was on track to give that presentation. That meant clearing nearly three days out of my schedule to work non stop on my thesis.
Given the tight turn around, I skipped my debrief to grab Max's plane to fly straight to MK. I was going to be sleeping at my flat, but driving to school every day. They didn't know this, but I was also going to be packing up my home. Daniel was very serious about me moving in with him, and I was very serious when I agreed. It was as simple as selling off my furniture and moving all of my belongings into his London home for now. That was what took up my nighttime routine. Given the time difference, it was hard to get the moment to even speak with Daniel.
He was still trying to reach out and make sure I was ok as the minutes ticked down. We both knew that once we left Japan on Sunday night after debrief things would change. We would be walking back into a warzone in Austin and there would be a lot of really mean and unfun texts and calls to respond to. We didn't care though. There was only one more race that we had to get through.
The very one I was descending into now. There was a car waiting for me as soon as the jet hit the ground, bringing me to the track after an overnight flight plan to make it into Suzuka just before midday on Thursday. Press conferences were scheduled for just an hour after I landed, making time a huge issue. My press officer sat across from me in the car, Steve sat next to me as he came to the airport to brief me on some issues with my press officer.
"They're going to ask the longer we wait." Steve said simply, not looking up from the iPad he was currently using as his notebook.
"Well, what do I say?" That made me look at my press officer.
"That you are confident in your position for next year and everyone will know soon." She smiled at me.
She had no idea what was going to go down this week. I almost felt bad when I nodded back to her. Steve looked up from his iPad.
"I promise we will have this all wrapped up soon. We have some other things to focus on," He handed me the iPad, "Japan has a very passionate fan base and we have plenty of marketing events this week. As a reward for doing everything, you are excused as soon as debrief is done. I know Max and Daniel had some plans that we don't want to know about in Monaco..." I smirked as I took the iPad from my sassy manager.
Steve was our coconspirator in this. Our plan was to tell everyone that I needed to get my project in order before the last races of the year. Max wasn't needed at any of the prerace things that lead up to America. Daniel 'had plans' to see some family in between the races. We were all individually lying to our teams, letting them know that we would all be flying out together so Max could return us to Monaco or MK before we had to continue on to where we would be spending our week break. They didn't need to know that we would actually be flying straight to LA. Max, Daniel, and I would get three days before our four day adventure in Vegas to celebrate Max officially being cleared to race. If he was cleared to race.
"Well it's not everyday he's cleared to race. He is cleared to race right?" That I looked at my PR manager for.
We had been waiting for his essentially 6 month check up results. Being cleared for driving didn't mean he was race ready, but it was the first step. From here, they could start putting him through the intensive training to get him back in an F1 car and not just on a simulator. He was going to be at the training facility in MK for months on end once he was cleared to race. They weren't going to give him a break, especially with the other two stars of the show now leaving. They just didn't know it yet.
"We don't know yet. He's expecting a call shortly. However, we do want to get the two of you doing some press together this weekend." This was confusing.
"I've been doing press with Max for weeks now. Is there something different they want?" I crossed my arms, letting Steve take the iPad back from me as he sensed a less than favorable argument.
"Yes, but we'd like to do some more," She gave me a sad smile and I knew what was coming when she couldn't fully meet my eyes," With just the two of you." They were anticipating me staying and didn't want Daniel there in the videos and photos.
One look at Steve and I knew better than to argue. In order for this to work, for Daniel, Max, and I to disappear after the race on Sunday, we had to act like it was business as usual. They thought we all just had places to be, not that we were running and hiding.
"I understand." I spoke with some slight sadness in my voice. Of course I would want Daniel there, but I definitely didn't want to have to spend more time than necessary away from him.
That was the end of the conversation though. There was silence as we all waited for the car to pull up to the track. Once there, I was rushed straight into a press conference with Seb, Lance, and Stoffel. They were already seated and ready to go, leaving me to grab the seat on the middle right with Lance on the end and Seb to my right.
"Cutting it close, yeah?" I shrugged as I threw my microphone on.
"School got out late. My bad." Seb shook his head with a slight chortle.
"You're insane. School, driving, what else is there?" I raised an eyebrow, realizing that we haven't actually given Seb the news yet. He didn't know that there was a ton more going on.
"I dunno, why don't you come back to your old stomping grounds for dinner and we can talk about my other extra curriculars?" He laughed.
"Absolutely not. They'd have my head if I walked into Red Bull Hospo." I smirked.
"Your loss, food's fantastic." I turned my body towards the crowd of journalists as the MC tried to bring everyone's attention to the actual press conference that we were supposed to be having.
"Alright, thank you for waiting ladies and gentlemen, We did have a late arrival due to some outside activities."
"My bad, I didn't turn in my homework on time and had to stay late." I said it jokingly, making the crowd laugh as Seb just shook his head next to me.
"Yes," The MC said, not caring about my joke," And thank you for joining us. Now, three out of the four of you currently do not have a contract for next year. Let's start with Lance, any news for next year?"
Lance and Stoffel both said the same thing, there were a number of races left and they would have more information shortly. Then they came to me and it seems like there was some confusion about my status given what the year started as.
"We've never really had the moment to discuss how your contract negotiations are going. Given how you started the year, is there a continuation we can assume coming or is this going to be a new negotiation for you?"
I pursed my lips, reading between the lines here. They were asking if I was getting a new contract or extending a current one. Which was a bit more ambiguous than I would like for a clear answer. Steve would like me to avoid it, but I was feeling a bit more fight than normal. It was time to sink my teeth in.
"Well if I'm already here it would always be a continuation right?" I winked at the man, letting him take that and run.
"But will it be a continuation with your current team?" I shrugged.
"This is obviously just so new to me," a slight southern accent came out as I mocked the things that others have said in commentary about my negotiations," I'm not really sure how things are going, just that they are going."
I could imagine that the team and the journalists were just as frustrated as I was. We've only been sitting here for about 5 minutes and I was already over it. They're asking questions that they know they won't get an answer for given the state of things. Oh, I had also traveled overnight. My brain was fried and it was time for me to take a real nap. Which is hard to do when you have a million people breathing down your neck because they expect answers to questions or solutions to problems. My body was tired.
Everyone could see it too, Seb kicking me under the table when he thought that I had in fact fallen asleep a few minutes later. A sheepish smile did nothing to dispel that fact that I did look drained. The press did not care that I was tired either, they just wanted to know why and if it was going to affect my performance. Something that they were quick to ask.
"Question for Maeve, it's become apparent that the high paced environment of F1 can be taxing on the body and mind. This is your first year, you're experiencing many challenges that other drivers do not have to face, and now, understandably, you seem to be showing physical signs of exhaustion. Given how much you do, do you feel yourself hitting a wall?"
While I felt bad for nearly falling asleep during this press conference, being asked about it outright made me angry. I wanted nothing more than to push it aside and do the right thing, if anything to make Angela's life easier. But this made me grit my teeth.
"I don't know, would you hit a wall after flying overnight to walk out of a plane straight into a press conference after two and a half days of non stop work to finish something you consider your life's work?" I stared at the journalist blankly, my face in a slight frown and eyes seemingly blank but laser focused on the man as he suddenly shrank back in his seat.
"Look, I do a lot. This season obviously wasn't the best situation, but I am here for the team first and foremost and would not do what I do if I didn't think I can handle it. We went through something tragic at the beginning of the year and I stepped up to assist my team in the best way I could despite the massive commitments that I already made," I spoke honestly, sitting forward and clasping my hands together on the table," While those commitments still remain, my main commitments have shifted which is why I am sitting here currently instead of in my classes or at the factory where I would be doing the same amount of work. Racing comes first. Racing will always come first." There was a longer pause as I took a deep breath.
"Furthermore, I would appreciate it if I could receive less of these questions. No one else here gets questions on how their personal lives affect their racing ability. We all have commitments outside of the track, some more appropriate than others. While I am happy to return for a press conference and do my duties, this is not about my actual job and what I do. And even more so, while I know it is an expression, asking if I'm hitting a wall it's the most proper thing given the profession." I gave the journalist a sickly sweet smile, a reminder that I was being professional and firm.
"Well I think that is enough for today, everyone. Thank you and have a good day."
Angela was quick to be by my side and scolded me despite the fact that I was having a short conversation with Seb.
"Hello Sebastien," she smiled at him before turning towards me and having her face drop into one of disappointment," Maeve, I believe we have some things to talk about." I wanted to roll my eyes, but instead turned to Seb again.
"Seriously, let's grab dinner this week. I'd love to actually catch up." Seb sighed.
"I have a pretty busy schedule. Maybe when we're back in the states?" I gave him a small smile, looking at the ground as I nodded and trying not to show that I was a bit disappointed.
"I'll text you. Have a good weekend." He gave me a pat on the back as he passed by, meeting up with Britta.
"Now," I turned back to Angela," I am sorry, but they are really getting on my nerves. I just want to get through my day and I promise I will be better after a good night's sleep."
I could see her wanting to argue, but when my words were punctuated with a yawn she instead sighed.
"Maeve, is something going on? You've been so tired lately and you never snapped like this at people before..." I responded by starting to walk away from the FIA building. Angela walked next to me as I was finally going to get a moment to sit down and relax.
"Everyone thinks something is wrong," I grew frustrated, but I know I was only moments away from a fucking break," I'm just exhausted Angela. Can I just get a nap in and get through this week so I can finish my school project and get my single day off next week?" She didn't say anything after that.
We walked to the team building and I was quick to go to my room. Steve and Pyrita sat at the small table as we entered the room. While they tried to greet me, I immediately plopped down on the couch and pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes. A nap was all that I needed right now, but someone always has to spoil the fun.
"Meave, GP is asking to see you before your start of the weekend meeting." Steve spoke up before I could fully settle in.
I wanted to scream. I needed a fucking break, literally alone with no one bothering me. Yet, as I pretended to sleep, Angela was the one trying to break it.
"Maeve... I know you want a nap, but if you can just do your meeting then I will cancel all of your commitments for tonight so you can get a good night's sleep."
"I don't need to cancel any commitments," I moved my legs back over the edge of the couch so I was sitting properly and rubbed my eyes," I'm sorry. I will go see GP and then I will be in the conference room."
I was still before frustrated and I needed a fucking nap. yet, getting mad at my team when some of them were about to see me become a traitor and the rest of them are just trying to help me where they can considering what was about to happen. I took a deep breath to calm down before giving up and standing. They all went to follow me and I quietly asked to go alone before walking out into the garage.
GP was standing at the data desk with Blake and two of my other engineers. They were discussing something and I stood at the back of the garage just staring at them for a second. They were my team and it was obvious that we had done something pretty spectacular this year. We had a car that had the potential if it weren't for the shitty engine we were dealing with. Regardless of Engine, I had my first ever win with this group, my first podiums, and even helped with my first F1 car that this team was a part of. To see how far we've come given the situation, to come together as a team after what happened to Max. I'd never felt so at home than I did working with this team.
For a second, I regretted my decision. Leaving this team behind felt like a mistake. Having to say goodbye to the people that gave me the career that I currently have. People that I have to thank for helping me with my research, that did more than I could have ever asked to welcome me into the world of motorsport engineering. To see that I was done with that for the time being, I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes. If I hadn't started racing, I wondered if I would still be 100% into Red Bull? If Max had been here for the season, would I be leaving? Would I finish out the next year and a half to get my degree and move on?
Would Daniel and I be together?
When that thought made it into my brain, I felt the tears fall down my face and immediately wipe my eyes. This team gave me so much and I hoped that after this year I would still see them.
"Maeve? You good?" I quickly dried my eyes as GP noticed that I was standing at the back of the garage just staring.
"Yeah, sorry. Got something in my eye," I walked up to the group and quickly smiled as I looked at the data to see what they were looking into," Steve said you wanted to see me?"
They all looked slightly concerned at my face, but were quick to direct me to the data for this weekend. We were discussing engine modes for optimal results given that we were on the end of our engine allotment and the end of our engine's life. We spent nearly an hour debating the options. They wanted the driver's point of view and were giving feedback based on some things that Daniel had said, meaning he had already talked to them as well. This could have been done in the meeting, but it seems like there were too many options.
Engineering decisions aside, there wasn't an excuse for us to be late to the meeting like we were. All of us walking into the conference room still discussing, didn't notice the frustration that radiated from everyone else as we entered the room. There were apologies as we sat down, my team already seated together on one side of the table as GP and I joined them across from Daniel and his team.
Daniel was staring at me as we quieted down, a look I knew well. He was concerned and I thought it was from my press conference woes. Only when I gave him a look back to say I was fine and he looked over me, I realized that someone had been talking. My eyes swept to Angela and he gave me a small nod. Angela had gone to Daniel because she was worried about me. It made more tears want to fall as I realized that I really did have a lot of the team behind me. Leaving suddenly felt like a mistake.
It was hard to pay attention in the meeting as we were talking about what we needed to do to progress this weekend. They were all having a very serious discussion about the issues and what we all felt was a set up we needed. Daniel was giving his concerns, but when it came to my turn, Angela was the first to jump up instead of having me talk.
"Actually, she's already discussed this with GP and the performance team. Their opinions reflect hers." Christian seemed confused as to why my press officer was speaking up instead of myself, but I just nodded before yawning and Christian seemed to understand.
"If that's the case, why don't we let non essential personnel go and get some rest in while we go over some things. Maeve, Daniel, thank you for coming in and we will see you for practice tomorrow." He nodded to both of us before excusing us and a few others from the room.
Daniel immediately fe; in step next to me.
"Maeve, seriously what's going on?" He was quick about it, keeping his voice low as he leaned slightly into my personal bubble as we had plenty of people walking too close to us to have a more serious conversation.
"Am I making a mistake?" Daniel stared at me.
"A mistake about what?" His eyebrows were knit together and he stared at me with narrowed eyes. He wasn't sure what I was referring to, making me look back at him with confusion.
"Sunday..." He immediately looked behind me and then nodded to the building we were walking towards.
He waited until we were upstairs and somehow piled all of our teams into his room before taking me to mine.
"Are you getting cold feet about the signing?" He asked quietly once he locked the door.
"I don't know!" I groaned as I leaned against the physio table Pyrita had set up on the far end of the room under the window. My hands went to my face, practically clawing at my skin.
"Hey," Daniel crossed the room, immediately grabbing my hands and pulling them from my face," Talk it out, babe. What happened between Sunday and now? You haven't had a single regret in leaving and certainly didn't act like this." His face fell when he realized that I was crying. Again, I couldn't hold in the emotions and I was very much so tired of this. The tears ran in thick streams as I started to gasp as I cried.
Daniel didn't say anything, instead pulling me against his chest as he stepped closer to the table. He just held me as I finally broke down, tears falling freely only to be absorbed into his polo. One hand caressing my head and the other rubbing slow and comforting circles into my back.
"So you want to go back to the hotel? We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but there's no reason to stay here..." He whispered into my ear after some time, my body was now almost entirely held up by Daniel. He still just held me and let me cry.
"I just want you to tell me I'm not regretting this," the words seemed to disappear into his chest, but I kept going,"I walked into the garage and just had this wave of crazy sadness seeing everyone talking around the computers. Am I really going to abandon these people?"
"You're far from abandoning them,D. This is part of this lifestyle. We all have to move on sometimes," He gently pulled me from his chest," Why did you decide to go to Mercedes to begin with?" Daniel's ask was gentle as he stared into my eyes.
"Because I want to race and I'd be second to Max here." He nodded solemnly.
"That's the same reason I'm going, D. If that's your decision, that's your decision. These people will be here next year, just in a different car. They'll still hug you as if you were their friend still. They aren't going to just abandon you and you can't get rid of the memories you made with them." Daniel's eyes flicked between each of mine as tears continued to stream down my cheeks.
"It just feels like so much..." It was irrational, how I was crying again as I laid my head forward and rested it against Daniel's chest again. He didn't seem to mind though, instead just holding me again.
"Baby, let's just go back to the hotel. You need some sleep and to relax. I'll let the team know you're not feeling good, we can order some food and you can just chill out before we make any decisions ok?"
I didn't want to move. Daniel's arms felt safer than leaving to even go back to the hotel. He must've known because instead of waiting for an answer, he was quick to let go of me and move towards the door. When I tried to protest, he simply promised to be back in a moment. He was as fast as he could be, coming back with Steve and Pyrita in tow just moments later.
It was coordinated, Steve packing up his bag as Pyrita packed up hers. Daniel was grabbing all of mine since I had come straight from the airport. It would be a true 'it takes a village' moment just to get me to the hotel. I didn't even have to lift a single thing, other than the rain jacket that belonged to Daniel that was suddenly thrown over my shoulders with the hood up. While it was press day, we were leaving early enough that no one should really be around. This was just to prevent me from being stopped.
After a ride in the team transport van, we were stepping out in the hotel entryway. The teams didn't say anything at first. Michael, Pyrita, Blake, Steve, Daniel and I were on the elevator when Daniel finally spoke up.
"We'll meet you guys down stairs for breakfast in the morning if that's ok?," The elevator stopped on the floor that our rooms were on and we all stepped out as Daniel spoke," Is 7:30 ok?" He looked at everyone around us as I stared at him.
"Of course," Steve turned to me," Get some sleep and we'll talk tomorrow." There was a weak smile as everyone turned in different directions in the hallway.
"Alright, what sounds good for food?" Daniel asked as he dropped all of my bags next to his.
I sat down at the foot of the bed, staring at my sneaker clad feet. Daniel sat next to me and reached over to grab my hand.
"D, you have to eat. I'll even get you a cheat meal if you want. We can get a bottle of red and take a bath maybe..." I gave Daniel a small smile as I turned my head to him.
"I know. I just feel so emotional over this. I have to be too stressed out..." Daniel nodded in understanding, giving my hand a quick squeeze.
"Alright, well then let's just forget about this for now then. I'll order us some food."
That was that. Daniel ordered us dinner, a plate of in meal plan chicken and veggies for him and fried rice for me. I don't know why, but the second he read it out in the menu my mouth started to water. He pulled up my favorite movie while I showered and immediately laid down in bed with me once we were done eating despite it only being around 6 PM. He was already adjusted to Japan time, but I was on UK time.
He didn't say anything when I was asleep just moments after the movie started.There were no comments when I woke up at 7 AM and barely made it downstairs in time because of how tired I still was. Even Pyrita took it easy, not saying anything as I ate way more than I should have. I had to give several assurances that I was in fact just fine. The whole team seemed worried and the only thing I could do to reassure them was to do more than was really possible.
We walked away on Sunday with a third place trophy after a good battle with the Mercedes. Daniel was right behind me in fourth. He was also right behind me as we walked out of the paddock that night. Somehow, the frightened and emotional young woman that had walked into her press conference on Thursday was not the same one that left the press conference on Sunday after the race.
I didn't think as Daniel and I practically rushed out of the building and back to the hotel to grab our things and head to the airport. We were smiling like children as we threw clothes around in the excitement to fly into LA. To get the fuck out of here and away from the F1 circus for even just a few days was excitement enough no matter how tired I was.