I don't know how I feel right now. The lingering worry about Luke and talking about middle-school now mixed with the flurry of butterflies from what Tim just said makes for a confusing mix.
"I love you too," I cough awkwardly.
His eyes are sparkling at me, and his sunburn tints his cheeks and nose pink.
"I'm really proud of you, Sydney," He grins. "And I kinda wanna spend a long time with you."
"What do you mean by that..?" I frown briefly, but then it hits me. I stare at him, eyes wide, and somehow he manages to sparkle even more, but the sparkle is all over his body.
It's like this light that surrounds him, even though his lip is busted and there's sand in his hair, he's so incredibly... beautiful. I don't want to stop looking at him. There's a warmth I feel blossoming in my chest as he smiles at me. A comfortable warmth.
I stand up, grabbing my shirt and tossing it over my shoulder. He raises his brows and stands as well.
"Where are we going?" He asks.
"Just follow me," I say. And then I take one last sip of my water before taking Tim's hand and tugging him back in the direction of the beach.
He laughs and twines our fingers. "How mysterious..."
I squeeze his hand. "You'll see."
It doesn't take long to get down to the shoreline, and once again the warm sand coats the bottom of my feet. Warm sand, warm heart, Tim's warm hand with mine.
I can feel the sun hot against my skin, but I don't mind the heat.
I tug Tim to the shore until the water laps at our feet, and then I stop and let go of his hand. He stops as well, brows raised curiously as his eyes squint against the sun.
I give him his hat back, since I'm not being blinded right now, and chuckle lightly.
"So, I've never been someone that's very good at...articulating their words," I say slowly, then take a deep breath. My heart is racing, but I know it's not just because of the run down to the water. "But I'm gonna try to say this in a way that makes sense."
Tim smiles, adjusting his hat slightly, and meets my eyes. "I'm listening."
I stare at him, my mouth suddenly flooded with all the words I want to say. But when my lips part to speak, they linger on my tongue.
I want to tell him that everything he's done for me— even if he doesn't think he's done anything— has probably been life-changing. I want to tell him that I don't know where I would've been if he hadn't talked to me that day.
I can still remember it vividly.
---
"Hey," Someone I didn't recognize said. I hadn't bothered to give my classmate much of an assessment before sitting next to him. What little of his features I remembered as I rested my face in the crook of my arm screamed "cis straight white boy", all of which should've been a huge red flag. "I'm Timothy."
I repressed a sigh before turning slightly to look at him. I glanced at his hand, which was extended as though he wanted to shake mine. I was comfortable enough, so I didn't move to take it.
"Hm?"
He retracted his hand back into his lap after another second. "I'm Timothy. Though I'm sure you already knew that."
"I'm Sydney," I replied, deciding he sounded nervous enough to not be too much of a jerk.
"Yeah," He said, then turned to look out the window. His jaw clenched. Had I upset him? Probably. It doesn't take much for me to piss people off.
I watched him for another couple seconds, losing myself in my grey thoughts.
"Uhm," He said, and I realized he had turned back to look at me again. He shifted awkwardly, as though uncomfortable. "So... Sydney, huh?"
I sighed. Here we go again. This happened way too often. I would tell someone my name— which I didn't think was all that weird considering I'd grown up with it— and they'd chuckle and ask if my parents were Australian or something. Or if they had wanted a girl.
"Yeah. Sydney like the city in Australia. Sydney like the girl name. I don't like it either."
There we go. Covered all the bases, unless he managed to find something else to comment on. Maybe I should've just ignored him...
"What?" He exclaimed. He looked slightly panicked as he scrambled to speak. "No, I like it!"
"Hm?" My eyebrows shot up. I wasn't expecting that. "What'd you say?"
"I like it," He repeated, swallowing. "I think it's pretty." Then he coughed, eyes wide again. "Wait, not pretty like girly— pretty like—"
"It's fine," I interrupted him, not wanting him to keep fumbling with his words to try to appease me or whatever. "I just wasn't expecting that."
"Sorry," He winced.
I wondered why he was trying so hard to get me to like him. If I have it my way, we'll hardly talk all year. I don't want to get to know people if I can avoid it. Especially pretty boys that are definitely straight.
---
"I'm really glad I met you," I begin. "And I know I've been talking a lot recently but you're gonna have to deal with it for a second."
"I like listening to you talk," Tim winks at me. "I wouldn't consider myself 'having to deal' with anything."
I blush. "Well. Anyways."
He laughs. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt."
"It's okay," I clear my throat, shaking my head in an attempt to dispel my blush. It doesn't work. "But as I was saying... I'm really glad I met you. And I just wanted to thank you. For everything.
"I know I'm not great at warming up to people, but somehow you managed to make me feel so safe and wanted. And I've been meaning to ask..."
I swallow, staring up into Tim's gentle and sparkling eyes, letting the cool jade calm my nerves.
"Would you wanna be my boyfriend?"
He blinks, then a grin spreads across his face. In one fluid movement, he scoops me up into his arms and kisses me.
Everything else fades into the background, and suddenly my entire world is Tim. The only things I think about are his strong arms holding me and his smiling lips against mine.
I don't think about my insecurities. I don't think about Luke. I don't think about the sand on my body or how Tim's button up has floated up my torso to expose my stomach.
I'm consumed by the overwhelming desire to be close to him. I never want to leave this moment. I want to kiss him until the end of time.
Eventually we part, and he laughs breathlessly. "Yes!"
I let out a relieved sigh I didn't realize I was holding onto. Thank god. I don't know what I would've done if he said no. Even though he technically started to ask me first, he never said anything officially.
He kisses me again, but it doesn't last as long, because right afterwards he gently puts me back down on the ground. I brush myself off a bit as he steps away so he can spread his arms towards the sun.
His eyes are closed blissfully, and he inhales the salty air slowly.
I see his mouth moving, but the breeze whips his words away before they reach my ears.
I lean closer in an attempt to hear what he's saying, but he stops talking abruptly and opens his eyes to look at me. A mischievous smile creeps across his face.
"Trying to spy on me?" He cocks an eyebrow at me.
"I wouldn't call it spying," I protest. "More like trying to hear my boyfriend speak." A shiver runs down my body as I say the word. I haven't said it in that way in so long that it's almost foreign on my tongue. But it also feels right.
"Well I'll tell my boyfriend what I'm saying if you say you love me."
I cough, my face hot again. "What kind of trade is that?"
"A good one, that's what," Tim winks at me. "And maybe you could tip me with a kiss?"
I laugh lightly, then grab his face so I can press a kiss to his lips. "I love you."
"Perfect," He grins, his cheeks pink. "I love you too. And now I'll tell you what I was saying..." He pauses for dramatic effect. "... I was thanking the universe for you. And this moment. And every moment we have together in the future."
Then he holds my hand, twining our fingers together, and everything is right in the world.