Evan should have guessed that the fact that Kieran stopped avoiding him would not bode well. When he met him right after the second period in the hallway, he lowered his head and waited for him to pass, but after he saw someone stop in front of him and smelled his scent, an alarm went off in his head.
He slowly raised his head, bracing himself for anything, and when their eyes met, Evan felt like time stopped for a moment. Kieran stood before him with a determined expression that lacked his usual lightness, his hand tightly gripping the backpack strap on his shoulder.
His mouth was unpleasantly dry, which prevented him from speaking, so he had no choice but to wait.
His eyes wandered over Kieran's shoulder for a second, and he noticed the familiar brunette leaning against the lockers a short distance away with his arms folded across his chest as if ready to step in at any moment if things went awry. Great, Kieran had backup, but he didn't. Evan had no idea where Angie was now, but he had never wanted her by his side as much as now.
Kieran cleared his throat, drawing Evan's attention back to him.
"Can we talk?" Kieran asked him, and Evan winced. It had been weeks since he last heard his voice, and now he felt like it was tearing his ears off. Not that it was unpleasant, but it was like an arrow to his heart and a trigger of his guilt.
Evan had no idea how to answer. He had nothing to say to him, no matter how bad it sounded. Moreover, he already knew that whatever he wanted to talk about, it would definitely not turn out well.
"About what?" he finally found his voice. He tried not to sound dismissive, but he wasn't sure if he succeeded. Kieran frowned, clearly not expecting such an answer, and silence fell between them.
They stood in front of each other like pillars, not one of them showing any movement. It was embarrassing, and Evan could feel the stares of the passing students stopping on him, but he decided to stay put anyway. He couldn't give Kieran an explanation, but he could at least give him the chance to embarrass him.
"Us. I want to talk about us," Kieran blurted out suddenly, and it took him a moment to register his words. He blinked in surprise, speechless, and stared at him as if he were crazy. There were no us left, and they both knew it.
"I-" Evan started but had no idea how to finish the sentence. He didn't want to deny Kieran anything as he felt indebted to him, but he knew this conversation could only end one way, and he'd rather avoid it. He didn't feel like crying in the school toilets again today if he didn't have to.
"Please," Kieran added, noting his hesitation. Evan swallowed dryly and raised his eyes back to him, which he had managed to lower earlier. He looked like he meant it and that he was determined to stand there until Evan agreed.
"Okay," he knew he'd made a mistake the moment he said it, but he didn't take it back.
Kieran bit his lip, obviously thinking, so Evan had no choice but to wait. He didn't know if Kieran was having second thoughts, but he doubted it, since he certainly wasn't that lucky.
As if sensing the awkwardness of the situation, Josh approached them. Evan noticed his movement in the corner of his vision and immediately shifted his gaze to him. Kieran noticed and looked over his shoulder, frowning.
Evan had no idea why Kieran didn't want Josh involved, but he honestly agreed. Josh was the one who was the most honest with him right now, which also meant the cruellest, and even though he knew he deserved it, he was a coward when it came to confrontation.
"I don't need help," Kieran told him when Josh was only a few steps away from them. His best friend shrugged his shoulders in response and continued towards them as if he hadn't even heard him.
"We should move. We're drawing unnecessary attention," Josh's words were directed at both of them, but his eyes were only on Kieran. Evan didn't know whether to be happy or sad that his former friend wasn't looking at him on purpose.
The blue eyes turned back to him, and Evan felt himself shrink under his gaze.
"Can you?" He nodded his head behind him, indicating that they were to move. Evan was reminded that it was still the same Kieran, never demanding, always asking politely.
"Yeah," he replied almost inaudibly.
"Great. Let's go then." Josh's sudden clap sounded like thunder in his ears, and he jerked in alarm. He had no idea when he had become such a sissy, but he hated it.
The two of them moved first, and Evan took a step behind them, not daring to fall in line with them. They walked in silence and Evan casually looked around, hoping to catch sight of his best friend, but no luck.
They stopped in front of an empty classroom and went inside. Evan's mind decided this was a good time to remind him of all the times he spent with the boy next to him in the empty classrooms. But then he looked into the blue eyes in front of him that hadn't looked at him with the same feeling in a long time and his stomach heaved. Now was not the time for him to panic, but his hands didn't understand, and decided to start shaking. He quickly hid them in his pockets before the others could notice.
"Can you at least give me some answers?" Kieran's tone changed, no longer hiding his anger towards Evan.
Evan, with his hands shaking and the contents of his stomach suddenly pressing down in his throat, just nodded silently. He felt like he was going to collapse at any moment, but for Kieran's sake, he decided to hold on.
"Great," he assessed as if he expected such an answer. Josh leaned on the desk behind him as if nothing important was happening and casually watched his back, occasionally shifting his gaze to Evan.
"Was it a bet?" Kieran spat out, and Evan's eyes widened at the question. Although he had hurt him, he had no idea how Kieran could think such a thing.
"Of course not," he answered eagerly. He subconsciously took a step towards him before he came to his senses and stood still. It wasn't his job to calm him down anymore, so all he had to do was answer in a way that made him feel better. And he hoped he could answer like that.
Kieran gave a short, bitter laugh. His head shook and bent to the ground for a second as if he had heard a bad joke. Apparently, the whole situation was so bad that he would rather have a horrible answer than none at all.
"Aiden told me it wasn't even because of your parents either." He lifted his head back and pierced Evan with his gaze. He knew he deserved it since he really did give Aiden that information, but not Kieran.
"It wasn't," he confirmed, though it wasn't necessary.
"Then what was the reason?" That question didn't come out of Kieran's mouth, but Josh's. He stopped leaning and lined up next to his best friend. It was a clear sign that they were outnumbered, and Evan had no doubt that they could keep him here until he at least told them something they wanted to hear.
This time, it was Evan who bowed his head.
"People who want to break up don't cry in the bathroom." Josh's words were like a dagger to the heart. He didn't know why he didn't expect them when he knew that Josh hadn't reacted enough before.
"I'm really sorry," he finally said when he couldn't find any other words.
He heard Kieran sigh and knew it didn't bode well.
"Not this again," his voice was firm, making Evan look at him again. He was always used to sweet Kieran and to hear him talk to him like that, even though he knew it was justified, was shocking.
"At least tell me something, Evan," he urged when he didn't answer him. He wanted to, but didn't know what to say, so that it would be both sufficient and true.
"Did they make you choose?" At first, he had no idea what he meant, but then it dawned on him. It was he who revealed to him that his "community" decided whether he could date someone or not.
The brunet on his right looked confused by the question, and Evan felt guilty again. Despite hurting Kieran, it was obvious he hadn't told Josh his secret.
"Choose what?" Josh decided to fill the silence that had occurred due to no response from Evan.
"My cousin was kicked out because he was given a choice between his family and his boyfriend, and he didn't choose his family," Evan explained, although that wasn't what Kieran was referring to, it was still true.
Kieran blinked in surprise at his answer, not hiding that it was the first time he had heard it.
"Your family is fucked up," Josh assessed, and Evan shrugged because he knew that even without him.
"I wouldn't make you choose me," were Kieran's words after he finally spoke.
"I know," he answered promptly. He never doubted how Kieran would act if he was faced with the same decision as Riley before. He was an honest man, and he always admired that about him.
"But that's not the reason," Kieran seemed to realize only now that Evan had tried to avoid his request. His gaze hardened again, and there was no longer a shred of empathy that had flashed there for a moment.
"I can't tell you why. At least not now," Evan admitted, even though it was stupid. He couldn't tell Kieran he was a werewolf, at least not while he lived in the pack, and he wasn't planning on leaving it for another two years. Not now was a matter of years, and Kieran certainly wasn't going to wait that long.
"So when?" Of course, Kieran caught on.
"I don't know," he admitted honestly.
"This is stupid," Josh interjected again. "I don't know what game you're playing here, Evan, but I'm sick of it. First, you break up with him and then act like it's the other way around. I don't get it. I never thought you'd enjoy playing with someone's feelings, but I obviously misjudged you."
"I didn't mean to hurt his feelings!" Evan didn't even realize he had raised his voice until it was too late. His eyes widened, and the boys across from him were no different. All three were shocked by his outburst.
"Then why did you?" Kieran spoke up, his voice almost inaudible.
Evan had no idea how to answer, and luckily, he didn't have to, as he was saved by the school bell. He muttered a short apology under his breath and ran out of the room before they could recover. He quickly got lost in the crowd of students rushing to classes at the last minute and didn't stop until his feet crossed the classroom threshold.
Angie shot him a surprised look, and he automatically headed to the seat next to her. He had a lot he needed to tell her and knew he only had a few minutes before the teacher showed up. And so, he leaned straight towards her and began to explain in a whisper.