Finding Florence's old entries on Adomania was really a wake up call and after his lengthy cry session, all Ethan could do was sit on the Legacy website for hours, reading everything he could get his hands on. He went through all her messages and emails and anything else he could find.
His prior apprehension and worry was gone, replaced by an urgent need for answers and how he could have missed all the signs. He knew she was suffering but he didn't think it was this bad. But that was obviously by design. Just like him, she was also suppressing her feelings a ton.
The more pieces he uncovered, the more the puzzle was starting to make sense.
Florence had a drinking problem, one that she thought she was hiding, but that revealed itself when he realized she admitted herself to rehab. So, the time she told everyone she was going back home to care for a sick relative was a lie. She was really trying to take care of herself instead.
And then the most shocking piece of information followed right after that.
Florence had been drinking the night she died, a key detail that revealed a lot. That maybe, she knew she was going to die that night. And maybe she had been planning it for a while now.
Maybe it wasn't the accidental death that everyone was led to believe.
When Ethan looked up from his computer screen, he realized it was already late into the night and that if he wanted to work the next day, he would have to wake up in just a few short hours.
He sighed, already logging into his work and requesting the rest of the week off. There would be no way he'd be able to focus on work when he was already so deep in reading everything.
And right when he thought there would be more, all of a sudden, he was told he had read it all.
"you have an important decision ahead of you now, ethan. what will you save?"
The message from Honey stared at him from the screen, taunting him, but it was almost three in the morning and Ethan was sure as hell he wouldn't be able to make a decision at this time.
So, he decided to sleep, even though his mind was still reeling from everything.
▽
The next morning, Ethan woke up around noon. He felt emotionally hungover, if that was what you could even call it. Or more accurately, he felt numb, like everything inside of him was empty.
He opened his phone, writing up a text to send to Kailani, but before he hit send, he erased it. This was a bad idea, he thought. He shouldn't tell her this kind of news over text message.
Instead, he sent a different kind of message.
"can you meet up friday night? i have news about florence"
Not even a minute later, he got a reply.
"at just wing it? and you'll pay? (:"
He laughed to himself, somehow expecting her to say that.
"yeah, it's only fair. see you then"
Putting his phone away, Ethan climbed out of bed and looked around his apartment. As much as he knew he should eat something for breakfast, he couldn't quite find the motivation yet. Or maybe it was his depression surfacing to pay him an extended visit. Either way, he wasn't hungry.
"I need to get out of here," he said to himself. And then realized he was talking to himself, which was something that a sane person would definitely not do. But was he ever sane?
He glanced out the window, feeling a yearning in his soul to be outside. A walk around the neighborhood could be just the thing he needed to help him organize through his thoughts.
So, he walked over to his wardrobe and grabbed a black hoodie, pulling it over his head. There was no time to think or overthink for once as he let his body go through the motions of leaving.
Not even five minutes later, he was outside his apartment, locking up the door behind him.
It had been so long since he left his apartment. He couldn't remember when he last did and the more he tried to think of a specific instance, the more his mind went blank. But in that moment, breathing in the fresh air, he felt alive in a way that he hadn't felt in a truly long time.
It was nice being outside, something he had forgotten over the months of seclusion.
The wind was playing with his hair as he strolled down his street, not a single care in the world. People passed him, some waving his way, and he smiled back and waved at them, too. He didn't know any of them but somehow, it still brought him some joy to be seen and acknowledged.
It was silly, really, but it was another form of human connection he had been missing all along.
And as he walked, he couldn't help but pay attention to all the new buildings he passed. There was a lot going on in his neighborhood that he had been unaware of. He lived here for so many years and this was the first time he saw a donut shop nestled between some apartment buildings.
His stomach growled at the sight, demanding that he go there for breakfast, and he decided to be spontaneous and listen. After all, it was better to eat a donut for breakfast than nothing at all.
It was one block down and the name of the shop was Donut Queen. He found himself walking faster and as the shop came into view, the smell of freshly baked donuts invaded his nose.
Once he was inside the brightly colored shop, he felt like a kid in a candy store, taking in all the flavors they had displayed at the front of the shop. He was the only one standing, as everyone else in the shop was sitting and eating. The sole cashier stood behind the counter, waiting for him.
"Let me know when you're ready to order," she said with a smile.
Somehow, it felt like the clerk was extra friendly to him, or maybe she was nice to everyone who bought from there. He forgot what it felt like to have these sorts of mundane interactions.
Maybe this was what it meant to be human. He had never seen this person before but he still felt a kinship with her, as they were both humans in this world, trying their best to survive.
Experiencing kindness from strangers, from people who had no reason to be nice to you, felt special somehow. They wouldn't benefit at all and he probably wouldn't see her again.
And yet, she cared about him, even if just to help him get the donut he wanted.
He looked through the options, trying to decide on the one he wanted the most. He could go safe and go with glazed, a classic, or he could branch out and get an oreo cookie donut.
So many options, so many delicious looking donuts to choose from.
He almost wanted to pick them all, but what would he do with a dozen donuts? After a few days, they would go stale and they wouldn't taste the same as eating them fresh that day.
Eventually, his indecision led him to frustration and his frustration to being hangry. Before he could angrily storm off without a single donut and being disappointed, the clerk stepped in.
"Do you need help deciding?" she asked, her voice calm and even. "I know it's hard for new customers since there's so many options to pick from. My favorite is the maple cookie crunch."
Ethan directed his attention to the flavor she mentioned and his stomach growled again. It was a plain donut as the base with maple icing and small pieces of cookies adorned on it as sprinkles.
"Yeah, I think I'll go with that one," he said. "Maybe I'll try another type next time too."
She smiled at him and went to grab the donut, placing it in a tiny box with the shop's name and logo on the outside of it. She set the box on the counter. "Can I get you anything else?" she asked.
He thought about it for a moment and decided that now was as good a time as any to treat himself. "One medium iced vanilla latte please," he said.
Once she rung him up, he used his phone to pay. At least he could rely on the wonders of technology instead of having to carry around his wallet all the time in case he needed it.
"It'll be right at the counter once it's ready," she said.
A few minutes later, Ethan grabbed his drink and his donut box and went outside to the shop's outdoor seating. There were a few small tables with umbrellas outside and he sat at one of them.
He opened the box, and the donut looked even more delicious up close. The smell of the maple icing had him drooling and he reached down to grab it, sinking his teeth into it and taking a bite.
It tasted every bit as sweet as he was expecting it to be and it felt like a nice reward after the shit week he had. He completely forgot what day of the week it was because time had completely lost meaning. So, he opened his phone, only to be greeted with the fact that it was only Wednesday.
Friday was still so far away but he was already mentally done with this week.
Luckily, because of how many sick hours he had, he didn't have to worry about work for a while. He could take as much time as he needed and maybe by Monday, he could work again.
At the same time, he wasn't planning to rush himself. It was important for him to be well-rested and prepared for was coming next in his life and he was thankful he could afford to slow down.