request: @scarly_flo_olsen
age: 15
my attempt at writing from someone's pov with dissociative disorder, as always i did my research but ofc it's hard to be 100% accurate unless you've experienced it yourself, which i have not
also wanda's just a mother figure:)
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Y/N's POV
Honestly, it is so exhausting trying to hide the fact that I dissociate. But I manage to hide it well enough by only staying in my bedroom and only coming out when necessary, so the Avengers don't suspect it.
Today's one of the worse days. It's like my head has a lingering cloud in it, I'm floating above it - watching everything happen. But all those other things happening are below the cloud. It's separating me from reality. I know that I'm here but I don't feel here.
"Y/N, hey," Wanda's voice breaks me from a minor daze, "Hi, honey. I've been calling your name for two minutes. You feeling okay?"
I wish I knew. I can barely make sense of my emotions.
As not to worry her, I answer, "Yeah. I'm okay. Did you need something?"
"Yeah, training started twenty minutes ago, Steve sent me up here to get you."
Shit. I don't even remember being told about training today. Then again, I don't really remember anything from last or this week.
"Um," I whisper, feeling myself beginning to fade away, "I..."
"Darling?" Wanda says in a confused and concerned tone, sitting opposite me on my bed. "Are you with me?"
"What did you say?" I ask slowly, trying my hardest to ground myself.
"I asked if you were with me," she repeats, but it goes into one ear and straight out of the other.
"Huh?" I ask again, about to disconnect entirely. She's gonna notice.
"When's your birthday, babe?" she quizzes me, I'm assuming to see where my head's at.
"Apr, aug..."
No matter how hard I try, I don't remember at all. That's scary. It's like I lose a part of me every time this happens.
"Lovey, are you dissociating right now? I don't know a lot about it but I'll try to help you."
WANDA's POV
I watch as she freezes and her eyes wander off, staring at a wall in front of her. She's gone.
It's become obvious that she struggles with dissociation. I can't believe I've never actually brought it up before.
"Hon, you're dissociating," I let her know, in case she doesn't even realize. When that does nothing, I pick up a random apple flavored lollipop on her nightstand and take off the wrapper.
It may be worth getting her to taste something to attempt to bring her back or at least help her steady herself.
With the help of my hand, I manage to open up her mouth and put the lollipop inside before shutting her mouth again so that the stick is the only visible part.
I know it'll take a while for her to come out of it.
And twenty minutes later, she does. She comes back to me but I doubt she actually feels 'with it' right now.
"I have dissociative disorder," is the very first thing she says upon coming back, and she snuggles into me
"I caught onto that. Is there anything at all I can do to help?"
Once we've had a bit of a conversation about what I can do to help ground her or keep her safe, she gives me permission to tell the rest of the team so that they'd also know what to do.