In which all you wish is to be with her
Now Playing: Yours - Conan Gray
The two of you have been friends since you were kids, the two of you always went to the same church, your families were friends by that connection. You both would go off and sit together, giggling quietly to different things, always earning scowls and dirty looks from the people around.
You never cared though, you seemed to fall in love with her. Cherishing every single moment with her. Her family loved you, yours loved her.
Your sexuality was never an issue with your parents, if god loves you regardless, then they do too. You were always able to go to them about your issues, you'd come back with advice and not just directions to pray to god.
Coming out to her wasn't an issue either, she didn't care, she just wanted you to be in her life. You were best friends, someone she would always turn to.
"Hey y/n." Jenna greeted, taking a seat beside you in the big church. You were sat against the wall, thoughts of her consuming your mind. What would she wear? What is she going to talk about with you? Are there any new guys?
You glanced at her, mumbling a small greeting before looking forwards. She furrowed her eyebrows at you, you would usually be more cheery, but you seemed pretty tired. She leaned close to you, the sermon starting. "Are you okay?" You tilted your head, looking at her up and down. You swallowed thickly, sniffling.
"I'm fine." She raised an eyebrow, not believing you. "I'm just a little tired."
You both went through church all quiet, barely talking. It was abnormal, she hated it. You did too. But you didn't know what to say. Everyone got up, shuffling their way out. You stood up, dusting your clothes. Jenna furrowed her eyebrows and grabbed your wrist to pull you back down. "What is going on with you? Are you okay?"
Your mouth twitched ever so slightly. "I'm fine, Jenna." You tried to stand up again, but she didn't let you.
"You need to explain what is going on with you." She turned to face you. It was just the two of you. Your knee bounced, you leaned back as you remembered what happened last week after Jenna had left for a second.
"Y/n, may I speak to you for a second?" You nodded at the man, taking a seat with him at one of the pews. You opened your mouth to speak, but he cut you off with his request. "I need you to stop being friends with Jenna."
Your head snapped towards him. "I-I'm sorry, what?"
"I heard that you were..." He looked around and leaned close. "Gay," He whispered before sitting up straight. "I can't have you indoctrinating my Jenna." His voice was gruff and stern, you knew that there was no negotiating with this man.
"Y/n!" You both looked to see Jenna, who was waving you over. You glanced at him, he nodded at you. Doubt filled your gut, you weren't feeling well now, but you had to suck it up for her. "Come on!" You stood up, excusing yourself and heading towards his daughter. "What was my dad talking to you about?"
"Uh-" You opened your mouth, you didn't know what you were going to tell her. "He was just- telling me to remind my dad that they need to play sometime soon." You lied, you knew that she wasn't believing you, you hoped to god that she wouldn't call you out on it.
She let out a small chuckle. "If you say so, I didn't think it'd make you look so sad." She teased, poking your side. You forced yourself to let out a chuckle.
"Whatever," You shoved her slightly. "Just tell me about this guy." It broke your heart hearing about another guy, you wanted it to be you. You wanted her to talk about you the way that she talks about these guys.
"I really don't feel like it." You stood up, making her sigh, and get up as well. She watched as you left, but you turned around. "When are you leaving, for that show you're doing?"
She furrowed her eyebrows once more, you knew when she was leaving. You don't forget that stuff. "I'm leaving on Wednesday." It was like your heart dropped, you tried not to cry on that spot. You hated the fact that she's leaving so soon, and you weren't allowed to be around. You nodded, walking off, leaving her confused.
________
"Where's y/n?" She glanced around the airport, you promised you were going to be there a few weeks ago, but since the two of you saw each other at church, you've been icing her out. Her mom also looked around, she was also expecting you to be there. You were always there.
"I'm not too sure," She turned to her husband. "Have you seen y/n?" He just shook his head.
She felt tears fill her eyes. She didn't want to leave without seeing you. You would always say the same stupid joke with tears spilling out of your eyes, it was like her good luck. The announcer called out, announcing that the plane was leaving soon. Jenna really needed to go. "Jenna, you have to go, you don't want to miss your flight." He ushered.
You were just in your room, sobbing your ass off. Your throat was closing up and it was getting hard for you to breathe. Some music played in the background, but it was covered by your sobs. You mumbled little sentences like 'I'm sorry, Jenna' or 'I love you'. Your parents stood by your door, looking at each other in concern. They could hear you through the door, and they've never heard you cry this much.
You heard a few knocks on your door. "Come in." Your voice was hoarse from the amount of crying that you were doing. Your room was almost pitch black, you were buried under your blankets.
"Honey, why are you here and not at the airport?" Your mom took a seat by you, rubbing your covered leg. "If they weren't picking you up, you could've asked us."
You shook your head against the blankets. "I can't go with them." You stammered, crying even more. The tears never seemed to stop.
"Why not?" Your dad asked, sitting on the other side of you.
"I- her dad." You could barely get your words out without crying even more. "I can't be around her anymore." Through the darkness, your mom looked at your dad, even though they couldn't see each other well, they both knew what was going on.
"It's okay, baby." They both laid beside you, holding onto you as you continued to cry. Of course they wanted to know, but they knew that you would talk about it at some point.
Your breathing was staggered, you struggled to properly breathe. "I- I can't handle it anymore. All I've done is love her, yet I get told that I can't be around her anymore." They tried to soothe you, and comfort you. "She doesn't even like girls!"
_________
"Y/n?" You froze at the sound of the voice, it was one that you've been hoping to hear in person once more. You turned slowly, seeing the face of the girl that you loved the most. "Is that really you?"
You were now 21, and you were visiting your parents back in Coachella Valley. You tried not to look back since, but it's been hard for you to date. "Jenna, hi." You spoke, confirming her thoughts. You just stood there, awkwardly, not really sure what to do.
She walked up to you, slapping you across the face. You felt your face stinging, but you knew that you deserved it. Right after she slapped you, she hugged you tight. "I fucking hate you." You felt your shirt start to soak, she was crying.
Since you've grown to swallow all your feelings down, that's what you did at that moment. Jenna pulled away from you. Just because she's the greatest love you've ever had, doesn't mean that you want to be around her. "What brings you back?"
And just like that, she feels like she's a teenager again in that church. You were standoffish, cold. She steps back, a little hurt. "I'm going to Coachella with my sisters. What about you? Did you ever leave?" You nodded, crossing your arms.
"I'm just visiting my parents here." You kept your answers short, you didn't want to stay too long around her. It wasn't that you didn't like her, you just knew that you would end back where you began. Helplessly in love with the girl who would never reciprocate feelings for you.
"We should catch up." She tried, not entirely sure what your answer could be. From the way you were acting, she just hoped that you accepted.
You clecnched your jaw, not really knowing how to let her down easy. "I don't think that's the best idea." Your voice was quiet. You looked around. "It was nice seeing you." You walked off, leaving her standing there, confused and hurt. Similar to how you did a few years ago.
ok so like at around next week or so, all my work and stress should be over, so i think im gonna try and post imagines either every week or every other week, and then im working on a few other books and trying to start them up. ummm and i think im gonna make a schedule for how often im gonna post and what i will be posting
if you were curious, the books i plan on publishing/starting up/continuing for the following summer are:
- yellowjackets imagines/yellowjackets fanfic (the chain, lottiexoc, natxoc, and shaunaxoc) (unpublished)
- quinn fabray fic (the blonde) (published)
- daisy jones and the six, karen sirko/camilla dunne (les) (published)
- shay rudolph (your woman, unpublished)
- olivia rodrigo (out of time, unpublished)
- rachel roth (name is a work in progress, unpublished)
- and of course, this amazing book; jenna ortega (dreaming of you, published)
im not entirely sure if im going to be able to finish them all in the summer but yeah!