Steve
I wake up with the feeling that someone is watching me. For a moment, I think about not opening my eyes, turning over and going back to sleep imagining that it could be Natasha who has returned to a mania we had at the beginning of our relationship.
I still remember the first time I woke up and she was watching me in the dark, her green eyes wide like a psychopathic crow.
“What the fuck are you doing? I asked uncomfortably, wondering if she had a problem.
— You are so beautiful that I want to stuff you so that you will always remain like this, serene in your sleep, for my eternal appreciation.
Okay, so I went from bothered to worried about my life.
"You're kidding, aren't you?"
She laughed and kissed me and in a few minutes we were naked and having sex and I forgot about her weirdness. Until it repeated itself a few times and I started to get seriously worried that one day I would go to sleep and not wake up. I was going to become one of those stuffed bears in the hunters' room. Only the hunter was my insane girlfriend with psychopathic tendencies.
— Natasha, love, please don't do that anymore.
- This what?
“Watching me sleep and then raving about how much he wants to see me stuffed like a dog.
- Why not? I thought we had to be honest with each other. What will happen if we start hiding our thoughts from each other, Steve? Are we that kind of couple who will need therapy with three months of relationship? Wait... Do you hide thoughts from me? What are you hiding from me?
— No, Natasha, you don't travel. It's just weird as fuck. And I'm getting scared of you. If you don't stop this, I'm going to sleep in another room.
- I knew. I knew we were having trust issues...
“My problem is that you have psychotic thoughts about me.
“Oh Steve, I'm kidding! Do you really think I was going to kill you? We will die together. Old people. - She hugged me, going on top of me.
- Oh yes? I tried not to laugh, or get turned on because his hand was already going under my pajamas. Natasha knew how to distract me with sex. And I wasn't complaining.
— Yes, if I die first, you take poison and die next.
"Okay, it's getting weird again...
She just laughed and silenced my protests with her insane mouth. And at least she stopped that habit of watching me while I slept. Although from time to time she still threatened to kill me. The difference is that now I know Natasha very well and I know it's just crazy things in her overly creative head.
However, when I go to turn over and go back to sleep, a small hand touches my shoulder.
I open my eyes and the hand is gloved with lace. I turn, startled, and let out a cry when I see Queen Elizabeth standing beside my bed.
- God Save the Queen! - The ghost says and for a crazy moment I think maybe she's still sleeping, because the queen must be small with her age and all, but there, her tiny figure looks more like a hobbit.
- My God, I'm crazy... Natasha finally made me crazy and I'm delirious... - I whisper and the mini-queen smiles with her small teeth and jumps on the bed lying down next to me. And only then do I snap out of my delirious stupor and realize that the person standing there, dressed in the queen's costume, is my daughter Penelope. "Damn, what a scare!"
As soon as the words are out of my mouth I mentally scold myself, not wanting Penelope to hear her father curse like a drunken sailor who almost pissed himself thinking he was having psychotic dreams about little hobbit queens. But she is already snoring.
“My goodness, Penelope, you almost gave your father a heart attack.
I bring a hand to my chest, wondering if I really am having a fit.
And I turn to scold Natasha for putting those clothes on Penelope, but the bed is empty.
— Natasha? I call into the dark room, but the house is silent. I get out of bed and go looking for her, but I can't find her anywhere.
Natasha isn't sleepwalking, is she?
I pick up my phone, starting to get worried, and notice that I have a message from Natasha from two hours ago.
"Steve, if you wake up and don't see me, don't worry, I wasn't abducted by ETs, or left with my mystery lover. I'm at a witches' meeting with my mom. Okay, I don't know if I can really call it a meeting. But it's like a sabbath in the middle of the woods. I mean, it's close to my parents' house. Yes, I know you're mad and wondering why I ran away in the middle of the night, but I'm desperate to solve our marital problems. I mean, Before you get mad, think that I'm just an exemplary wife who looks out for the well-being of our relationship."
natasha
PS. I don't have any mystery lovers (yet, you never know).
"Damn it, Natasha!"
What do you mean she left in the middle of the night to be reunited with her mother and a bunch of crazy people who call themselves witches in the middle of nowhere? And what did she mean by marital problems?
I dial her number a few times and leave threatening messages to get back to her home or I would pick her up, but she doesn't answer or view messages.
- Daddy...
I turn around and there is the hobbit queen at the bottom of the stairs watching me again and again it takes me a few seconds to get my bearings and my legs shake with fright.
"Damn it, Penelope, stop scaring me!" And we need to get out of this outfit...
I take her in my arms, willing to change that bizarre queen outfit, but she already puts her little head on my neck and starts snoring. What do I do? I wait for Natasha to come back from God knows where she got herself with her mother and crazy witch friends?
No, I can't stay here. Something tells me Natasha is up to one of her own. Determined, I put Penelope in the car and text Henry that I'm on my way to drop her off with them. And then I'm picking up my crazy wife from some witches' sabbath.