wc: 4526
warnings: discussion of past trauma
it had been a week since donica received the message from her parents. they left the messages pretty cryptic but basically asking if they could meet up to talk. for the first day or two she contemplated if she should go or not. carden sat with her the entire time letting her know that even if she didn't want to go that was absolutely fine, but she wanted to.
so this is how she ended up where she was now; sitting in the car with carden on the way to the cafe they chose to meet up at. she fiddled with her thumbs the entire time as she felt like her heart might pound out of her chest. to say she was nervous was an understatement. she wasn't nervous about seeing them again, she was nervous about her emotions. she couldn't even remember the last time she truly broke down and she feared them seeing her in that position; weak and still that six year old little girl they turned their backs on.
carden took notice of her nervousness and placed his hand over hers. honestly he was fuming. he couldn't understand how after all these years they come back and disturb her peace. he hated seeing her like this and it was starting to break his heart.
"doni we can always turn back around. remember you owe them nothing." he spoke gripping the steering wheel.
"i know but i do owe it to myself. maybe doing this might heal my inner child. it'll hurt, but the outcome will be better." she smiled up at him.
he looked at her for a second examining her expression. though she smiled, it didn't feel real. it felt more like she was trying to convince herself as well as him.
carden let out a sigh as they pulled up to the front of the cafe. it was big enough for nobody to listen in on their conversation as well as being able to point them out in the large crowd.
"alright baby, i'll be right out here waiting for you. let me know if you need me to come out, i'm not playing. don't try to keep a strong face with me either." he lectured.
"alright, alright," she huffed playfully rolling her eyes.
he smiled and pulled her in and kissed her forehead then placed a tender one to her lips; letting his thumb trace her bottom lip after. holding her head in his hands made him not want to let her go in. he didn't want to see her hurting. she noticed his hesitation and gently removed his hands and smiled at him.
"i'll be alright, i promise." she comforted.
he nodded and watched her leave the car and enter the cafe. when she entered and looked around for them. once she saw them sitting at a table in the corner she took a deep breath before walking over.
feeling her presence they both looked up and their faces looked to cheer up a bit, especially her fathers. "donica, look at how much you've grown!" he gasped getting up seemingly wanting a hug or a closer look.
she pulled out a chair and sat down, completely ignoring him. he cleared his throat and slowly sat back down. she made herself comfortable giving the two a nonchalant look. her father timidly placed a mug of coffee in front of her. she eyed it and looked back up at him.
"coffee?" he smiled.
"i don't drink hot coffee." she stated pushing the mug back towards him.
her parents looked at each other and then back to their mugs. the tension in the air was thick they were pretty sure everyone in the cafe could sense it. donica huffed realizing she would have to carry the conversation on her own.
"was i called here to watch you two have a staring contest with your mugs?"
"right..." her andrea started, "donica we want to rebuild our relationship with you and hopefully become a happy family again."
"relationship? family? happy?" donica couldn't help but let out a laugh, "when the hell did we ever have that?"
"doni listen-" marcus started but got cut off.
"it's donica. we're not familiar enough for you to start calling me by my nickname." she corrected
"donica... i ended up getting married and you have other siblings that'll love have a relationship with you."
"same here, i think you should be around your little sister." andrea added.
"wait a damn minute, are you two here because you actually want a relationship with me or is it because the new family that you abandoned me for finally found out about my existence and is pushing you to?" she questioned.
"nobody abandoned you donica." andrea huffed pinching the bridge of her nose. by that donica knew her suspicions were correct.
"is that how you remember it? because i distinctly remember you kicking me out of house almost every week or so since i was six. don't you remember those cold nights of me banging on the door to let me in, or were you too busy getting drunk and fucking the next dude who you told i was your little sister to remember?"
andrea gasped and slammed her hands on the table, "enough!"
"or you," she turned towards her father, "i actually took comfort in you. i always knew you didn't want me but shit you were there. the night you left, did you ever think about me? we're you just that eager to leave your mistakes behind and start off new? i hope you're wife and kids aren't so much of a mistake or nuisance as i was to you."
"donica that is enough! you're twenty three years old stop acting like a child!"
donica huffed a laugh and sat back in her chair, "twenty-six ma. i'm twenty-six."
andrea and marcus fell silent. andrea stared at donica with wide eyes realizing her mistake. donica abruptly got up and grabbed her purse. "donica please- we're sorry-" marcus started but donica raised her hand to stop him from whatever b.s was about to start spewing from his mouth.
"i would like it if you two would forget about me. though i know that won't be that hard," she laughed lowly, "go back to your families and i'll go back to mine. i could say i hate you, but that'll cause me to constantly think about you and that's too much wear and tear on my energy levels. so i'll just say i don't care for the either of you. enjoy your coffee."
donica walked out of the cafe with her head down. she heard her "parents" calling out for her but her feet moved quick. when she was out the door she collided with someone's chest. her nose stung a tad and she instantly looked up to apologize. her eyes met cardens sympathetic ones, he was going to walk in seeing everything from the cafe window. after seeing him the tears she'd been trying so hard to contain began to flood her water line making her vision blur.
"oh, no baby," he cooed holding her head and hugging her close to his chest. her sobs broke him. the tears soaked his shirt but he didn't care.
"carden," she called out as the tears wouldn't let out. her hands gripped his shirt—wrinkling it with her firm grasp. her body trembled as her breathing went ragged with every choked out sob. this was years on top of years worth of pent up anger and hurt, but she knew it would end up like this.
as embarrassing as it was to be ugly crying like a child in front of carden it brought her a great form of comfort in the warmth of his embrace. "i know, baby, i know. i'm right here, let it all out." he hummed rubbing her back.
"please- please lets go h-home." she let out in quick rapid breathes. this alarmed him and he carefully helped her to the car and took no time to get in himself.
she continued to cry into her hands as his reached over to lift up her face to wipe away the constantly running tears. cardens lips were in a prominent frown looking at the way her face turned red from crying.
"i need you to breathe donica, okay?" he started breathing in and out and she followed his instructions until her breathing had calmed down significantly. once she was done she looked up at him.
"she didn't even know how old i was carden- it- it wasn't even their idea to meet up..." her voice spent and raspy. she felt as though she might cry again and carden seemed to notice that scooping her up into his arms.
"i'm so sorry baby, you don't deserve that." he whispered.
she let her forehead hit his chest. she felt so worn out her energy was now at rock bottom. "it's okay, i'm used to it," her words were soaked with melancholy.
carden sighed, "let's go home, yeah?"
_________
a few days had breezed by since the incident with donicas life givers. she was up and moving again but carden knew better than anyone else that she wasn't completely back to her normal self. the interaction affected her more than she allowed herself to believe.
carden walked into the house from running some errands. it was quiet which was unusual. though she was the only one there the house was always lively. she never failed to have music blasting and some form of dessert in the oven, but now it was quiet.
"still in bed huh..." he sighed making his way up the large staircase. he walked into his bedroom and there she was in the same spot in bed he had left her in with her nose stuck in a book.
she didn't seem to notice him walk in due to the headphones in her ears. so he kicked off his shoes and made his way to her. he leaned in close and blew on her ear making her jump.
"shit! you scared me!" she huffed putting her hand over her chest.
he snatched her book away from her and analyzed the cover, "have you eaten since i left this morning bookworm?"
she looked to the side and puckered her lips, "yes,"
carden gave her a face and she sighed knowing her obvious lying didn't work. "c'mon, let's get out of bed." he said getting up and stuffed his fist in his pockets.
"no," she whined, "i just want to stay in bed all day. let's cuddle instead." she pouted. usually that trick would work on him but not at the moment.
"nope, and what happened to the hair care day we were supposed to have? it's been over a week and you've had me scared shitless to wash it." he smirked.
donica perked up. she had completely forgotten about her telling him that and had been itching to get a chance to play in cardens head for a day. she jumped out of the bed and instantly grabbed his hand forcing him to follow her into her room.
"that's all i had to say?" he asked.
"of course." she brought him into her en suite and began undressing.
"woah, are we having a hair care day or..." he drifted watching donica take off her sweat pants.
"no, we're going to wash you hair in the shower. i think it'll be easier, now get naked." she ordered going to turn on the shower.
"hey, take me out to dinner first before you treat me like a common whore." he dramatically rolled his eyes and smacked her ass.
"i should be using that line, and this shower is tv-14." she warned turning around to take off her shirt.
"huh- so no touching?"
"depends,"
"is groping allowed?"
"if that'll make you comply then sure."
carden finished undressing and got into the large shower as he waited for her to finish wrapping up her hair. once she was done she joined in right after and instructed for him to begin wetting his hair.
he did, and once it was fully drenched she had him sit down on the showers built in bench. he was just too damn tall.
"okay billy the giant, i'm going to start shampooing." she stated grabbing her shampoo bottle.
"uh huh." he mumbled as his eyes hyper focused on her breast.
"you'd think as many times as you've seen these things you wouldn't be as infatuated with them anymore." she huffed pouring some shampoo into his head.
"what do you mean, they're perfect. plus, they're all mine." he smiled reaching up to grab them.
she rolled her eyes with a smile and started shampooing. she made sure she tended to the ends before making her way to his scalp. she couldn't help but relish in how thick and pretty cardens hair was. it was just too perfect for her not to take charge in the caring of it.
she let her nails gently scrap at his scalp making sure everything was perfectly clean. carden hummed letting his forehead hit her sternum. his hands traveled to her waist pulling her in closer.
"does it feel good?" she laughed not letting the head scratching fail.
"mhm," he let out. his head slightly rocked due to her relentlessness but he could care less it felt too damn good.
donicas fingers stopped before she accidentally made his scalp bleed and he whined at the loss. she backed away looking at the dopey expression on his face as he looked up at her wondering why she stopped.
"keep goin," he hummed.
"no. i'll make your scalp bleed."
"who cares."
she rolled her eyes forcing him to get up and rinse the suds out of his hair. donica decided to sit on the bench as she watched him rinse off his hair. he honestly looked like a dream. his back muscles flexed alongside his biceps as his arms reached up. don't even get her started on his ass. carden was the king of all perverts but when it came to her... secretly, she was the queen. it was round and perfect it nearly made her jealous. also, how was it even humanly possible for one's dick to be that big even on soft? she feared for her intestines most times.
"take a picture sweetheart it'll last longer."
she was so much in a trance with his ass (and dick) she hadn't even noticed him catching onto her staring. "trust me i have more than enough,"
he laughed and she beckoned him over so that she can put in the deep conditioner. she coated it throughout his hair making sure to avoid his scalp. in the meantime, his hands absentmindedly fondled her body; pinching and squeezing bits of skin. she rolled her eyes noticing the far out look in his eyes. he probably didn't even realize what he was doing with his hands.
"carden," she giggled as his fingers pinched her sides.
"huh?"
"stop it, you're tickling me."
he looked down to where his hands were. he had surprised himself honestly. he hadn't even realized what he was doing due to zoning out.
"oh, sorry,"
she continued with coating his locks with the conditioner while simultaneously finger detangling it. he looked up at her focused expression and her tongue that slightly poked out of her mouth. an idea hit him and a devilish smile presented itself onto his face. his hands slowly raised to her sides without suspicion before he instantly went to tickling.
her body locked up and she fell forward on his lap. she shrieked as her hands reached to stop his with no avail. "carden i swear to-" her own screeching laughter cut her off, "stop it!"
"i think you should beg for me to stop." he teased.
"are you serious?!" she huffed trying to conceal the laughter.
"dead."
she said nothing not wanting to fall into his trap, instead, attempted wriggling out of his grasp. carden noticed this and started tickling harder and faster.
"ahh! ok! ok! please stop tickling me carden! please!"
carden smiled moving his hands from side. her body fell limp on top of him as her chest heaved from the laughing. "you good? usually you look like this after i finished doing something else to you." he joked.
donica slowly raised her body up staring at the ground. "fucking asshole." she grit before punching him in the arm.
"ow!" he gasped bringing his hand up to rest on the spot she punched, "fuck, you can rack up k.o's with a punch like that sweetheart."
donica rolled her eyes before using a hair clip to put up his hair while the deep conditioner sat. "that's what you get for tickling me. i hate being tickled. what if i pissed on you from laughing so hard?"
his mouth opened to say something but she instantly shut him down, "i'd rather you not speak than say something absolutely insane."
he laughed and got up to stand behind her. he watched as she grabbed her washcloth and favorite soap. he reached over and grabbed both of them. she turn to give him a questionable look.
"let me wash you up."
she continued giving him the same look. he rolled his eyes with a dramatic sigh reaching down to kiss her forehead. "tv-14 i know, i know!"
she smiled and looked forward feeling his large hands rub the lathered cloth on her torso. he was so gentle it made her hum and let her head fall back onto him.
"thank you, for everything." she mumbled.
"hm? what did i do?"
"for sticking around and being by my side during these ugly events the past two weeks. i really do adore you." she admitted looking up at him.
carden wished the word "adore" was swapped out for a specific four letter word but he digressed. instead he smiled cupping her cheek gently.
"what type of boyfriend would i be if i didn't?"
___________
after the shower, carden washed out the deep conditioner and allowed donica to oil his scalp and ends as well as dry his hair. now they laid in her bed watching a movie on the flatscreen.
carden laid with his head on donicas lower abdomen and her plush thighs resting at the side of his head. she made him get in this position due to his constant rambling through the movie. this was the only way she could get him to sit quietly and comfortably.
"when was the last time you have sex before you did it with me?"
well obviously it hadn't worked all that well.
donica was taken aback. what had compelled him to suddenly ask her the most outlandish question. he must've became bored with the movie they had put on the tv.
she pondered on withering she should giving him the honest truth or not, but decided honesty was the best option. "six years ago."
"you serious?" he questioned astonished.
"dead. now, what about you playboy. i know you had pussy thrown on you left and right." she joked.
he chuckled and started massaging her thighs, "surprisingly, three months after i first met you at the diner."
"really? why?"
"because i realized i had feelings for you. actually i think i had feelings for you the moment i met you to be honest. i tried to hook up with women within those three months but... it just didn't feel right. it wasn't you." he leaned his head into her thigh and stared up at her.
her face grew hot at his confession. she just grabbed his face and squeezed his cheeks together in retaliation, "you're making me blush."
he smiled softly at her reaction as she tried to pay attention to the tv screen waiting for her blush to go away.
she looked down at him sensing his stare. he looked at her longingly with a small smile. he looked so content. "why are you staring at me like that?" she chuckled reaching to massage his scalp.
he looked back towards the tv before speaking, "doni...i love you. and when i say love you i mean in love with you. and i feel like lately i've been telling everyone that except for the person that truly needs to hear it."
donicas mouth opened in shock. she wanted to speak. she wanted so desperately to say something, she just couldn't. it was as though her body and mind froze over and she sat there like a statue.
her quietness surprisingly made him smile a bit. "it's fine if you don't love me yet. i'll wait for you to. even if it takes until we're old and grey, i'll wait." there wasn't a tinge of regret or sadness in his tone. it was almost as if he had expected her to react like this. his hands just simply caressed her calves.
donica opened her mouth but nothing came out. did she love carden. of course she did. was she in love with him? she wasn't sure. she'd never thought much about it. still her mind wandered. to the times where he remembered all the little things she hadn't even remembered she told him. the times he never seemed to be bothered by the mean things that escaped her mouth when he first got here and continued to be kind towards her. the times where he openly appreciated her mind, body, and soul. the times where he made her comfortable to give herself to him and still never made her regret it. he even made her comfortable enough to cry in front of him, a side of herself that she never allowed any breathing thing to witness.
carden heard sniffles and he urgently looked up towards her. her eyes were watery as her bottom lip poked out. he got up and cradled her face with a worried expression, "why are you crying? did i say something wrong?"
she gave him a tearful laugh, "no, you didn't carden. you said all the most perfect things."
"so, what's the matter?" he sat down beside her and pulled her onto his lap.
"nothing at all, i just realized i'm in love with you too. i don't think i've felt and experienced love like this until i've been with you. i love you. i love you so much, carden." she smiled.
he quickly brought her in for a kiss before holding her close. "oh, thank god." her breathed.
"thanking god now?" she asked giving him a playful look.
"i'm thanking him for crafting a beautiful creation like you." he smirked.
she snorted resting her head in the crook of his neck, "you're so corny. i guess your stockholm syndrome plan worked, huh?"
he let out a laugh, "yeah, i guess it did."
they sat in the comfort of the silence until carden spoke up again, "hey, have you ever thought of having kids?"
donica looked up at carden curiously. she was wondering why he was so adamant on asking all of these questions. he didn't even look up at her; just concentrated on the ceiling.
"these questions... yeah, a little bit. you?"
"yeah, and i don't know why but i've been thinking about it a lot lately. mind if we get deep for a second?"
"not at all."
carden let out a small sigh before talking, "you know, my mother was a human,"
of course she already knew from that day at charnas boutique. "really?" she questioned looking at up him.
"yup, i never knew her though. she passed away a few days after i was born due to complications from birth. i felt like my dad quietly resented me for it. he tried to keep a strong face but at times i reminded him of her. i always felt that way during my birthdays, his mood was always low and most times he couldn't even look me in my eyes that's why i stopped wanting to celebrate it. but once i turned 13 and finally expressed how i felt to him it's like a switch went off in his brain and he finally stopped acting that way. it's scares me you know? if we were to ever have a baby and god forbid if anything happens to you, i don't want to resent my child. i don't want them feeling how i felt. fuck, i sound pitiful," he laughed dryly covering his face.
"no, i understand... my parents had me pretty young and it always seemed as though my mom could never wrap her mind around the fact that she was a mother. so she didn't act like it. she hardly ever took care of me and when we were out together she would tell people i was her little sister... heh, ain't that some shit?" she laughed, "my dad took care of me the most though, but it always felt off with him. like he truly never wanted to be there; like his heart was in a whole other place. so when i was six they had this huge fight and he just left. not even a goodbye, just packed his things and walked out the door. that's when she got blackout drunk and kicked me out in the freezing cold. i'll never forget the way she looked at me when when she said 'since he's gone you can go right with the motherfucker since you love him so much'. i stood outside that door all night crying for her to let me back in until i just gave up and curled into a little ball at the corner of the stoop and fell asleep. it wasn't until the morning that my neighbors came out and brought me back into the house. so, they just gave me a lesson on how not to treat my child. i never want my child to feel as though i never wanted them. i just want to be better than them."
the two fell silent taking in each others stories. it wasn't awkward however, it actually felt like a weight was lifted off of their chest. neither had ever opened up to someone like this so it felt refreshing.
"let's have a baby." carden said out of the blue.
"...what?"
"let's make a baby right now."
"your breeding kink is really showing right now."
"i don't- you know what-"
donica let out a loud laugh, "carden i'm still on birth control, plus i would like us to at least tie the knot before that."
"okay so after we get married i want you to throw out your birth control out. throw it into the ocean while we're in greece on our honeymoon."
"we're trying to get rid of the birth control not the aquatic life."
"you know what i mean!"
they both laughed finally turning to look at each other, "you can throw it in the trash can then."
"that sounds perfect." she smiled.
"i really do love you princess."
"and i love you more, my heart."