Abrianna's POV
His jaw dropped, totally not expecting what I just said. Confusion was also vividly written on his face. He opened his mouth but closed them again. I squeezed his cold hands. "This is the space that I want, Cervantes." I intently looked into his confused eyes, making sure he won't miss the next word I'm gonna utter. "I want our marriage void."
He dryly chuckled. His hands slowly slipped from my grip and unconsciously, he frustratingly wiped his face. He searched for my eyes and it rendered me weak when I saw how confused and pained he was. "W-why?" It was just a single word but it felt so heavy.. and painful.
"Is this about yesterday?" He weakly asked and I quickly shook my head in disagreement. I reached out his hands, they were cold still, and held them again tightly. I wanted to tell him that this isn't just about yesterday but when I heard him cussed that's when I realized how messed up we really are.
"Dammit." His eyes were glued on our holding hands and none of us is wearing his/her wedding ring.
I weakly smiled. Yeah, Cervantes. We're totally in a damn situation. You and I, both with empty ring fingers yet married. I bit my inner cheek, and inhaled gently, trying to calm my still loud beating heart because this is just so damn complicated and exhausting.
"I'm sorry." Mabilis akong tumingin sa kanya dahil doon ngunit halos malunod ako sa lalim ng tingin na sumalubong sa akin. It was pleading, in pain, in sadness, regret, confusion, and doubt. Kinabahan ako dahil sa mga emosyong nakikita ko sa mga mata niya ngayon. For a moment, I wanted to take back my words. The guilt I disregarded earlier came creeping inside me. I'm hurting him. "I'm sorry love.." He apologized once more and squeezed my hand. I wanted to stop him because there's no reason to apologize but when he lifted both our hands, I was stunned and speechless with what he did next.
"Cervantes.." My eyes widen and I felt my heart beating erratically fast.
He just kissed both our hands.
He found my eyes again and I never felt so nervous and muted my entire life just now. His eyes were lost and pleading. "Please don't... not this one love.. please."
I didn't know my heart could beat even louder and faster. I can also hear my heavy breathing including the unusual pumping of that specific organ on my left chest. His head was now resting on our intertwined hands and I can hear his heavy breathing as well as his soft numerous whispers of "please" and "don't".
I was starting to feel anxious as hell. Hindi ko na mapigiling mapalunok dahil sa mga naghalo-halong emosyong nararamdaman ko ngayon. Confusion. Doubt. Pain. Sadness. Guilt. I don't know what to do anymore. "Cervantes.." I called him but it was almost a whisper. I thought it would be easy to ask him this but I was wrong. Ang hirap pala. His reaction was making me weak. I didn't know he would be this affected, hurt and sad. And it hurts to think that I am responsible behind it.
I tried to lift his head and made him look at me but he just shook his head. "Luke.. come on." I'm scaring him and that hurts.
"No, love.. please." He held tightly on my hands.
"Just look at me.."
"I can't.."
I breathed out loud, lost at what to do next. "Come one Luke.. please.." Please..
"Love please.. don't...I can't.. I.. " His voice was trembling. He was having a hard time but what he said next caused another havoc inside me.
"I.. I don't wanna lose you. I can't."
Shit.
My eyes welled up so I looked up and blinked numerous times. Why would he say that? I even had to swallow the lump on my throat before I could speak straight. "You are making this hard." I tried to remove my hands from his grip but he won't let go. Napakagat ako sa aking labi. "Come on, Cervantes." Please. I'm near to breaking down already.
"Love.. I can't"
I laughed exhaustedly. "It's not like we could really make this relationship work."
"W-what?"
Shit.
He dryly chuckled. "Dammit love." I bit my lower lip. "That's.. that's just.. shit." For the first time, I felt my heart bleed. "Did you honestly think that way, Abrianna? 'Cause I don't believe that even just for once, you haven't thought that we could actually make this relationship work." His voice was a mixture of pain and unbelief.
I cannot help but bit my inside cheek as I felt my eyes heating up. I just wanted to get away but why does it have to be this heart-breaking and difficult? Magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong never kong inisip na kaya naman talaga naming ayusin ang meron kami. Because I admit, a million times, during those times that we've been together despite the quarrels, arguments and misunderstanding, it crossed my mind that maybe what we are experiencing is actually a process of us getting to know each other. That all those bickering, sweet and flirty movements are part of our growth as a couple. That we are actually making it work. But you know what? It just so hard to continue keeping and living with that thought when outside the roof you're living, the people around you are toying you. Our parents, the Hontiveros and including him.
Ang hirap kasing isantabi iyong pakiramdaman na hindi mo alam kung totoo
ba 'yong nangyayari sa buhay mo o isa lamang ito sa mga pagiging kontrolado ng mga malalapit sayo kasi walang gustong magsabi ng katotoohan. Everytime I attempted to ask clarification from my father it won't just make sense. And the very first time that I ask Cervantes, he told me to confront my father. They were like tossing me like a coin and it hurts. Hindi nila alam kung ano 'yong pakiramdaman na hindi mo makuha-kuha yung sagot na hinihingi mo kahit ikaw na mismo 'yong lumapit pa sa kanila. That is why even if the thought of us being together for real crossed my mind a lot of times, I just can't find the feeling to totally give in and genuinely invest. It is just so hard to pretend that you don't feel manipulated when in the beginning that is already what's happening. How I wish I could be braver and stronger to handle all of this until it's over ... pero nakakaubos na kasi.
"Let's not make it more complicated." It was the only thing I could say because I'm getting drained already. And getting away from him would be my key to a total freedom.
He chuckled again. But this time, it was lifeless. Maybe he didn't expect that I would really result to this. Pero kasi ayoko na. Ang hirap nang huminga..
He lifted his head and I stared deeply in his eyes. I cupped his face with both of my hands and weakly smiled. "Let me breathe, Cervantes.."
Let me go already..
I watched as he closed his eyes and opened them again. He held both of my hands and rested his forehead against mine. Automatically, I closed my eyes. Silence enveloped us. All we can hear is the loud beating of our hearts including our unsteady breathing.
I am not sure how many seconds or minutes we stayed silent but when I felt his hand slowly caressing my cheek that's the time I opened my eyes. His eyes immediately meet mine. Unlike earlier, they were now calm and gentle. But I can still see through them sadness and pain.
He softly caressed my cheek. "Everything must have been really hard for you, love..." I didn't know but after hearing those words from him, my eyes instantly watered, like I was relieved that finally someone has noticed what I have been carrying. I slowly nodded and spoke with a trembling and cracking voice "I-it was.."
Tsaka ko na lang naramdaman na tumutulo na pala ang mga luha na akala ko ay kaya kong pigilan nang magsalita siya. "Let me.." He reached for my face gently brushed my tears away. I bit my inner cheek as my tears continue to fall like a stream.
"I'm sorry love.." he soothingly said then leaned down and planted a kiss on my forehead. Even while silently crying, my eyes automatically closed on their own, getting drowned by the calmness brought by his simple and warm kiss. His hands traveled to my back and pulled me for a hug, gently caressing and helping me to calm down. He wasn't saying a word and neither do I. He was just hugging me, soothing me while I rest my head on his shoulder.
I thought everything was finally okay. That all was settled. That even though he didn't say a thing, he understood that he has to let me go. That we're finally free from each other. But I was wrong. Because in the middle of calming ourselves, the door suddenly opened, and slapped me with the reality that I can never get the freedom I am longing for, that it is impossible to get away from all of this mess.
Pumasok ang aming mga magulang at sa mga mukha pa lang nila alam kong masamang balita na ang dala nila. I dried my face and pulled myself away from Cervantes' embrace before facing them but his hands remained on my back like he was assuring me that I still have him. Everything happened quickly that I was rendered in daze because of what my parents were saying. Hindi na ako nagulat na alam nila ang issue ko sa New York pero hindi ko inasahan ang mga rebelasyon sa likod ng mga pangyayaring ito.
"Your so-called issue in New York is not actually meant specifically against you neither was it intended to destroy your image, Abrianna. It was a warning for us but one wrong move and you're totally destroyed." Hindi ko maintindihan noong una at bakit kailangang idamay pa ako nang mga pamilya ni Dylan pero nang magsalita ang magaling kong ama akala ko makakatulong sa akin 'yon, pero mas naging masakit pa pala ang lahat.
"Malaki ang naging epekto ng pagsira ko sa usapan namin ng pamilya Hontiveros. Because my union with them didn't happen, it caused them a great lost. Almost half a billion worth of damage. They lost some big projects, investors and even stakeholders. And now, they wanted me or should I say us, pay the prize. And they are looking at you, princess, as the best way to get to us because they knew I would yield when they make a move against you. What they are doing now is a declaration that it's time to face our betrayal. If we refuse to acknowledge their statement then it would be you who will pay the prize of our deceitfulness. And I don't want that to happen. We don't want you to be sacrificed after everything that you've been through."
"So, we decided to compensate them for their great loss in exchange that they won't stir up a drama just like what they are doing right now." It was Luke's father who continued. "They are asking for a full payment but we insist on paying only the three fourth. They are also partly liable to their own cause though we are totally at fault."
They were still sharing to us their plans on compensating the Hontiveros pero walang matinong mga salita ang pumapasok sa utak ko. I felt nauseated and my head felt like it will explode any minute because a lot of thoughts is running in my head. It kept ringing in my head that they will pay the Hontiveros because as what my father has said they don't want me to be sacrificed after everything that I went through. That pierced my heart. Why now? After everything ngayon niya lang naisip 'yan? Nangangati akong sumbatan ang magaling kong ama that's why when I could not take it anymore I asked for a minute my father which they gladly obliged.
"Princess.." he was the first one who spoke after we're left alone.
"How much is the Hontiveros asking?" I gave him a death glare. "How much are they demanding for you to finally say that you cannot afford to see me face the prize of your betrayal? Just how much do you think is my worth for you to sell me like I am some kind of property?!" Hindi niya alam kung gaano kasakit na marinig mula sa kanya na ngayong tinatarget ako ng pamilya Hontiveros tsaka niya sasabihin na ayaw niya akong makitang binabayaran ang kasalanan niya. "You are so heartless! How could you treat me as a pawn in your business?! How could you take in all of this?! After all what you did you finally has the guts to say that you don't want me to see me pay the prize of your action?!" I harshly brushed my tears away. "Dammit father! I have already been paying the prize of all your betrayal since you planned to marry me off to the Hontiveros! I am already suffering the consequences of your stupidity so don't tell me that you cannot afford to see me pay the prize because I have already been paying for it right from the beginning! You made me feel so low! Just how much are they asking?! A million dollar!? A billion dollar?! How much?! Because you made it look like I am just worth a penny! You chose to sell and betray your daughter and you have no idea how that fucking hurts!" I breathed multiple times, trying to catch my breath to somehow ease the pain I am feeling inside but it was no use. I can still feel my heart clenching and bleeding inside. It felt like I was being stabbed non-stop. It was so painful. Ang sakit sakit na. Mom, take this pain away please.. Napahagulgol na lang ako sa iyak sa isipang wala 'yong taong gustong kong nandito ngayon sa tabi ko.
"Princess.."
I looked at father again. "Do you know what I asked Luke earlier?" Tangina. Iniisip ko pa lang ang mga mangyayari ay hindi ko na kakayin. "I just told him that I want an annulment."
Father's eyes grew wide, shocked at what I just said. "Princess.." He suddenly looked lost. Pagak na lang akong natawa sabay pahid sa aking mga luha kasi alam ko kung para saan iyon.
He knew that if Luke and I separate, he cannot afford to compensate the Hontiveros alone. His business was already not running good years ago and it would use up all his investments and all our properties which he knew that we cannot afford to lose because all of our properties remind us of mom. And the Cervantes won't surely agree to solely pay the Hontiveros alone. And to agree to share the payment will be a lot of discussion because it would me a matter of percentage. How much would they pay and how much would father's part be? It is only our marriage that is keeping the compensation much easier because the Cervantes-Galvez business is strong and able. So, if an annulment will push through, it would be a lot of works.
After talking to Luke earlier, I thought I could finally be able to finally get my freedom but I was dragged back again. This time with chains. Ganon ba kalupit ang mundo para sa akin? I tried stopping my tears but they just won't so I have to look up.
"Do you realize now father how much am I paying for your single selfish decision?" I stared back at him. "It cost me my freedom." A lone tear fell on my cheeks. He attempted to get near me but I stopped him. "Don't come any closer."
He immediately stayed on his track and looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry, princess." My heart crushed even more. I looked at him with my eyes still shinning in tears. "How I wish that could erase my pain like how it would when I was a kid but the wounds are just too deep, father."
Hindi ko na alam kung paano nagtapos ang usapan namin but as soon as he left the room, I cried my heart out. Nagising na lang ako noong madilim na ang paligid. Mahapdi ang aking mga mata at ramdam ko rin ang pagod. I looked at the wall clock and it's already past eight in the evening. We talked around eleven in the morning. Akala ko wala akong kasama pero nang narinig ko ang pagpihit ng doorknob ay nagpanggap akong tulog pa rin.
I don't know who that is but I am thankful that I cried myself to sleep because I don't have the strength anymore to talk to anyone even to the nurses or doctors, and especially to Cervantes. After we talked about annulment earlier and heard our parents' plan to compensate the Hontiveros, hindi ko kayang marinig mula sa kanya ngayon ang posibilidad na hindi niya magagawa ang hiling kong annulment. I don't have any more energy to process whatever he might say. I'm already drained with everything.
Hindi ko tuloy mapigilang isipin na ganito na ba talaga ang magiging takbo ng buhay ko? Won't I have a chance to get freed? Nor a chance to choose whom am I gonna be with for the rest of my life? Am I really gonna be forever be tied to a Cervantes?
My body slightly stiffened when I felt a hand gently caressing my cheek. From the touch alone, I already knew who am I with.
"You must have been exhausted to sleep this long. You even cried yourself to sleep." I heard him heaved a loud sigh. And it was followed by another one then another which bothered me. He sounded not good. His hand travelled to my hand and I felt his head near my arm. I can already imagine him resting his head on my bedside. Hindi nagtanggal ay naramdaman kong nag-angat muli siya ng ulo. His hand caressed my cheek again. "What am I gonna do now, love?" He whispered.
I waited to hear more pero tanging ang mga paghinga niya at ang minsan ay pagbuntong hininga niya na ang narinig. Our situation is stressing him I could tell. I continued to pretend that I'm still asleep hoping to hear him say more but I failed. The last thing I felt before I drift off to sleep again is a feathery kiss on my forehead.
Paggising ko kinabukasan ay ang mommy ni Cervantes ang bumungad sa akin. She was smiling and was really taking good care me. She said I would be discharged today. It was supposed to be yesterday afternoon but because of what happened it got extended. Tipid lang aking ngumiti at tahimik na inayos na ang sarili ko. Hindi siya masyadong nagtanong at inaalalayan lang ako sa kung anong kailangan ko. I can sense that she was trying to be careful with her moves and action and I thank her for that.
The whole time we were preparing to leave I was waiting for Cervantes. When the door opened for the first time I thought it was already him but to may dismay it was the doctor. He just gave his order and advice before leaving. I sat on the edge of the bed while waiting for his mom to return since she accompanied the doctor outside. I wanted to ask her where Cervantes but when she came back and gave me an answer, I felt nervous and scared which I don't understand.
"He said he's going to meet Attorney Rivedo but he didn't tell me why."
•••••
A/N:
thank you for staying, for rooting for this story, despite going hiatus for more than half a year. I couldn't be more grateful. Always.
~*~