trigger warning ⚠️
domestic ab*se, violence, blood, su*cide
Episode 9:
DEAD MAN WALKING
Somewhere in
Northwestern Daegu
THE FIRST TIME MIN YOONGI experienced betrayal—the length of his fingers were no longer than twelve centimetres and the width of his feet were no shorter than three inches. At the age of six, he distinguished the extent to his father's wrath for the first time. He was no longer a parent—he became a demon.
The second time Yoongi experienced betrayal happened to be with his older brother, Min Yeong-su, who he thought was the coolest person in the entire world—the person he looked up to in every aspect. Yeong-su was the favourite son: the studious, perfect child that their father dotted on with so much love. But things took a turn the older Yoongi grew. In truth, his "genius" brother was merely putting up a front. At fifteen years old, Yoongi learned his secret: Min Yeong-su was a bully and a fraud.
Yoongi could not describe how much he loathed his brother for what he'd done, but still, he kept his secret to protect him. For a while, he was able to ensure the safety of Yeong-su's reputation. That is until he arrived home one winter night to empty bottles of soju laying on the floor of their living room, and a notice of dismissal sent by Kyungpook National University sitting coldly on top of the centre table. In that moment, Yoongi knew right away: the whole world had found out.
"How dare you do this to me?!" Yoongi's father howled at his brother, who laid weakly on the floor, all bruised up and thrashed by his vile hands. "After everything I've done for you—"
"I had no other choice!" Twenty year old Yeong-su cried, crawling closer to his father's feet. "You would have killed me anyway! I had to do it to survive!"
"You bastard!" Another brutal kick to his ribs and Yeong-su collapsed to the ground again. The man bent down, grabbed an empty bottle of soju and hammered it mercilessly across his son's head. The bottle broke in half upon the forceful contact, its other piece shattering into smaller fragments as it hit the floor. Blood began to trickle down the boy's forehead. Yeong-su screeched in pain. The wound would last a lifetime, he knew.
As the years continued, Min Yoongi eventually overthrew his brother's reputation in the family. While Yeong-su shunned himself from the rest of the world, Yoongi became the studious, perfect child their father dotted on with his entire heart and soul. "My son, I'm home!" The man grinned drunkenly upon his arrival from work, pulling his younger son into a tight embrace. "You know that Dad loves you, right?" He whispered tenderly. No emotion formed on Yoongi's face. The man was lying through his teeth; what he really meant to say was, Dad cares and loves you only when you meet his expectations.
At seventeen years old, Min Yoongi became no different from a zombie; he was practically a walking dead man. He slept for four hours every night, shut the alarm off at six in the morning, rose out of bed, got dressed for school, and studied for thirteen hours every day until bedtime. Then he would be ready to do it all over again the next morning. His brother, on the other hand, finally found the determination to break free from his guilt. He came out of his bedroom after two years of hiding. He got down on his knees and begged his mother for forgiveness, promising her that he would be a better man from today onward and not grow up as a horrible person like his father.
Unfortunately, Min Yeong-su's cheating scandal and bullying allegations had left a negative impression on all secondary institutions in the city of Daegu, therefore he could not return to college no matter what. In the past, Mr. Min promised that he would bequeath the family business over to the hands of his oldest son but considering what Yeong-su did, the probability of it occurring was now zero. He set himself up for failure, everyone in the neighborhood gossiped, which became the sole reason for his father to continue beating him up every single night. It is a curse, the man reiterated, to be a parent of a good-for-nothing.
Hurt people hurt people, they say, but Yoongi inclined more towards hurting himself than hurting others, which is why he never retorted to violence and misconduct the way his brother did. On a summer night in 1992, on the rooftop of Gyul Mi's study room, Yoongi stood lonesomely on the ledge of the railing. He had decided that tonight...he would bury himself in the ground for good.
Min Yoongi knew that he was not going to live a very long life. Although he maintained high grades at school, met his father's expectations, and thus, received more "love" than bruises on his skin, Yoongi felt that he was also setting himself up for failure like his brother did. The more he spent time alone in that bedroom, listening to the excruciating screams of his brother and mother from the abuse, the heavier Yoongi's obsession with death weighted. It was a feeling he could not control nor describe. Was it out of guilt? Remorse? Because he had no other choice? Yeong-su's biggest enemy might be his father but Yoongi's worst nemesis was himself. What is the dictionary term for describing the state of being unhappy, but not feeling any bit of sadness either? What is the proper term to call a person who is less than human but more of an empty shell; an empty can at the bottom of the dumpster; a home with no residents inside; an empty cupboard; a void of hollow echoing nothingness? Min Yoongi could give no answer. What an irony, he thought, to hate oneself so achingly despite not knowing a single thing about who one is.
The rest of the city slept like a child while Yoongi stood on the rooftop, preparing his ending. For the first time in a while, a smile crept up onto the sides of his lips: what a beautiful night, he whispered, spreading his arms wide open. Like a butterfly breaking free from a trap, Min Yoongi leapt.
—
May 15, 1997
It was a dreary, balmy Thursday afternoon at Yonsei University. Park Jimin and Kang Pureom had just completed writing their Computer Science 214 midterm assessment an hour ago. Now, they sat listlessly under the sun outside the famous Underwood Hall, waiting for their other friend, Kim Taehyung, who was currently in a meeting with Akaraka, Yonsei's cheer squad. While the two waited in silence, Park Jimin observed his surroundings to kill time and mend his boredom. In the distance, he spotted several couples displaying public affection, and a few others walking hand in hand. The sight of it aggravated him. Spring for sure had come, which meant that love was in the air for most people—"But surely not for me," the nineteen year old muttered to himself mindlessly.
"What?" Kang Pureom retorted, a bit alarmed. She sat beside him on the wooden bench, reading and flipping through her booklet of notes indolently.
"Nothing," Jimin responded quickly to cover up his embarrassment. "Ah, 'Reom-ah."
"Mhm?"
"Should we go clubbing at Hongdae tonight?"
"It's Thursday, Jimin."
"So what?"
"No one goes clubbing on a Thursday night unless you're a crazy person."
"What makes that person crazy?" He countered. "They just want some fun."
Pureom laughed wryly, not having enough spirit to explain herself further. She placed the booklet down on her lap. "If you want to go that bad, you can go on your own."
"Ew, no thanks."
"Exactly."
After a bit of silence, Park Jimin turned again and pressed his eyes weirdly at the curly haired girl, like a dog begging desperately for treats.
"I'll burn to ashes if you keep staring at me like that." Pureom apprised, taking the booklet and gliding it right across the boy's cheek playfully. "What do you want?"
"I'm bored and hungry," Jimin frowned, nonchalantly resting his head on her shoulder.
"Okay, and? What do you want me to do about that?"
"Should we...just ditch Taehyung and go grab lunch together? He's taking forever."
"If you wish to die early then feel free to do so." Pureom sniped, shoving his head away.
"You're so mean."
"When am I not? Just sit your ass down and wait patiently for your friend. He'll be out soon."
Jimin rolled his eyes with a disapproving 'tsk'. "How did he even get recruited by those cheerleaders? He never said he could cheerlead. They even ate pizza with him at Apgujeong. Ugh, I'm so jealous."
"Why don't you go join him, then?" The girl suggested. "I heard they do auditions every summer."
"Hell, no!" The boy hollered, looking unreasonably offended. "I was talking about the pizza! I'm jealous because I want to eat pizza from Apgujeong too."
"Okay, I was just saying," Pureom retorted with pursed lips. "There's no need for the attitude."
As Jimin and Pureom were fully occupied with their playful bantering, they did not notice that Kim Taehyung and a woman with an unnamed identity were making their way towards them in the distance, following the shrub-bordered esplanade side by side. Taehyung was clad in white trousers, a black pullover underneath a white unzipped utility vest. His soft layered mid-length hair did not look very kept, but nevertheless, his glamour remained unparalleled.
"Have you two been fighting while I was gone?" He inspected as soon as he was nearby. Pureom and Jimin veered their heads simultaneously to the sound of his deep, velvety voice. But not so long after, both of their attention were pulled towards the figure standing beside him—the prettiest girl they'd ever seen.
Their gaze clung onto Jung Chae Ryung's presence, whose features were as stunning as a Monet oil painting. Her straight layered raven locks fell right by her stomach, complementing her soft and gracious-like physiognomy, as well as her big almond eyes and rosy heart-shaped lips. Not only that, but Chae Ryung's choice of apparel also revealed her sophisticated and affluent background. Underneath her Yonsei varsity jacket, she wore a navy Chanel jumper, which she matched with a tartan pleated mini skirt from Vivienne Westwood's 1994 ready-to-wear collection. For the footwear, she wore a pair of Miu Miu round-toed ballerina flats.
"Hey, snap out of it, you two!" Kim Taehyung yelled out loud to revive his heavily distracted friends. No response from them came through so the poor guy turned shamefully to Chae Ryung: "I'm really sorry, Sunbae. They're not usually like this."
Chae Ryung let out a giggle. "It's alright."
He bent forward this time and each gave Pureom and Jimin a light smack on the cheek to wake them up. The two freshmen jumped back to reality at the same time.
"Oh hey, Taehyung!" Kang Pureom stood upright, suddenly grinning ear to ear. Park Jimin, on the other hand, got up to his feet and subtly hid himself behind her, now feeling a little self-conscious since he didn't put much effort into his appearance today. "Who's this with you?" Pureom added casually with the intention of becoming familiar with the new girl.
"She's my senior," Taehyung pointed out. He turned to Chae Ryung again, giving her a signal to introduce herself.
"Hello," Chae Ryung announced with a gentle, soothing tone. "My name is Jung Chae Ryung. I'm a third year student in BA."
"T-that's a p-pretty name," Pureom tried to say clearly but standing in front of a pretty girl like her made it hardly possible. "Nice to meet you, Jung Chae Ryung. I'm Pureom—Kang Pureom." Without warning, she dragged Jimin forward by his arm and continued—"and this guy's name is Park Jimin. Both of us are in Computer Science."
Jung Chae Ryung paused and gave the two figures a quick scan from head to toe. Her cheeks lifted into a smile before turning her face to Taehyung. Jimin and Pureom's eyes widened in shock as the girl leaned forward and whispered something in his ear. Kim Taehyung's lips soon formed into a smile. When she finished, he whispered back, making a response to what she said previously. The other two could not believe what they were witnessing. Considering Taehyung's usual withdrawn, apathetic personality towards strangers, the sight of him actually making expressions to someone like her—a girl they'd never seen before—quickly stirred a billion of questions in Jimin and Pureom's mind.
"It's nice to meet you, Pureom and Jimin," Chae Ryun said after returning her attention to them. "I wish I could stay longer to talk but I have an appointment to get to right now. I'll see you two around campus, okay?"
"Yeah, sure." Pureom said flatly, leaving behind the enthusiasm she had a while ago.
As soon as Jung Chae Ryung waved them goodbye and walked off, Jimin immediately came onto Taehyung and head-locked him.
"Hey!" The boy gasped at his unexpected behaviour. "What's the matter with you?!"
Meanwhile, Kang Pureom returned to her seat and crossed her legs. She was obviously not concerned with whatever dispute was happening before her.
"Park Jimin!" Kim Taehyung continued to struggle.
"Don't say my name. We're not friends anymore!" Jimin snapped back, putting all his strength into use.
"What?!" The nineteen year old shouted, pushing him away with force. Once he escaped, he angrily took the shorter boy by the collar. "What's your problem, huh?!"
"You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend!" Park Jimin cried.
"Huh?"
"You heard him!" Pureom joined. "Didn't we promise to tell each other everything, Taehyung?"
Taehyung laughed hysterically; he was in utter disbelief. He released the boy from his grip. "Hold on. What girlfriend are we talking about here?"
"That Jung Chae Ryung, duh!"
"She's not my girlfriend!"
"Not my girlfriend, my ass," Jimin scoffed. "You two were so close! She whispered in your ear and you were fucking smiling!"
"Exactly!" Pureom concurred.
"I'm telling the truth! I'm seriously not dating her." Taehyung argued desperately. "How do you expect me to date someone who I've never talked to until like two days ago?"
"Who knows?" Jimin shrugged. "There are people out there who start dating right after the first meeting."
Kim Taehyung sighed in exasperation. He was about to lose all the self-control he preserved any minute now. He chuckled dryly to himself, his eyes seething with coldness.
"You two are the worst," he grumbled before turning around and walking away.
"Hey, where ya' going?!" Kang Pureom shouted, watching him advance speedily. The girl groaned in annoyance. She stood up, hastily slung her duffel bag over her shoulder, slammed Jimin's backpack into his stomach, and said to him, "What are you doing? Let's go!"
Park Jimin and Kang Pureom ended up following Kim Taehyung all the way to the Student Union Building: a four story building that housed Yonsei's large dining facilities, student club rooms, etc. Once he and his two followers entered the first floor of the building, they headed towards Cafeteria Goreulsam.
"Is this guy really planning to eat lunch without us?" Jimin blurted while watching Taehyung take a stainless steel tray.
Pureom, on the other hand, took two trays: one for herself, and the other for Jimin. They lined up in the queue, and picked out their chosen Korean dishes from the buffet. At the end of the line, where the pay counter was, the two found Kim Taehyung waiting on the side, letting the other students behind him pay ahead.
Once it was Jimin's turn to give payment, Kim Taehyung hurriedly walked over to him.
"You said you were paying together, right?" The cashier lady recalled.
"Yeah, that's right," he answered quickly, resting his hefty palm on Jimin's shoulder. With a large smile, he announced, "This guy's paying for it."
Jimin and Pureom almost broke their necks when they swerved their heads to his direction, both absolutely appalled by what they had just heard.
"Alright," The cashier nodded, entering the prices on the POS. "For three lunch meals, the total will be 10,500 won."
Kim Taehyung sent Jimin a sadistic smile, leaning in close to his ear. "You heard the lady, Jimin. Pay up."
If they were not in a public place right now, the boy swore that he would have cursed the living hell out of him. Nevertheless, he calmly pulled out his wallet from his back pocket, took out a 10,000 won bill and 500 won coin, and then handed it to the cashier. Afterwards, the three of them silently made haste towards a vacant table in the middle of the cafeteria. Kang Pureom occupied the spot beside Taehyung, while Jimin sat across him, still sulking.
The three freshmen students ate together in silence, letting the ambience of the busy cafeteria fill their ears for about ten minutes.
"What's with the weird atmosphere?" A figure said suddenly. Kang Pureom, Park Jimin, and Kim Taehyung swung their gaze to Yoon Seora, who stood in the front of the table, holding a tray of food. She was wearing a tight sleeveless denim jumpsuit and styled her long dark hair in a messy up-do. Like always, she looked ravishing and very put together.
"You look great today," Kang Pureom found herself saying, acting like they had not seen each other this morning and like it was her first time seeing that outfit on her.
"Thanks," Seora said, positioning herself beside Jimin. "I have something to share."
"What is it?" Jimin paused to ask.
"I met Yoongi earlier."
The sheer mention of his name instantly roused everyone's attention. Kim Taehyung and Kang Pureom moved their gazes promptly to the girl, their stone-like expression both faltering.
"You met Yoongi?" The curly haired girl had to ask again, just to make sure what she heard was really accurate.
"I did," assured Seora. "Our exam rooms were right across each other and we happened to go out at the same time."
"Did you talk to him?" Park Jimin asked.
"Yeah, for a bit."
"How was he?" Taehyung added. "How'd he look?"
"He looked..." Yoon Seora's lips formed into a pout as she began to recall the details of their encounter.
IU—
DREAMS IN SUMMER NIGHT
1:05 ───|────── 4:00
|◁ II ▷|
∞ ↺
EPILOGUE
YOON SEORA DESCRIED that Min Yoongi had lost a lot of weight. She found that the twenty two year old looked way scrawnier than the last time she saw him, which was a week ago. His cheeks had sunken and the underneath of his sharp, droopy eyes were stained with dark circles.
For the first two minutes, Yoongi and Seora sat still and silently in an empty lounge area in the College of Medicine building. After their coincidental encounter a moment ago, Yoongi arranged that they talk somewhere quiet and vacant. Many people have said that when the world of two introverts collide, they either dissolve completely in each other's patience and silence, or they break their glass shells and become new people. In the case of Yoongi and Seora, neither of them were really sure which step to endeavour. As a matter of fact, despite that they had been living in the same household for the past four months or so, this was actually their first time being alone together.
"This..." Seora finally found the courage to start a conversation. "This is awkward."
"Right," Yoongi responded dryly.
"How'd your midterm go, Sunbae?"
"It was the same—difficult, as always. How'd yours go?"
"Not too bad," she said. Then with a grave timbre, and clear intention, the nineteen year old called his name. Yoongi locked eyes with her. She looked very hesitant. "You know, my mom's worried about you," she disclosed shortly after. "Everyday, she's always thinking whether you ate or not; whether you've washed your laundry; or whether you slept well the previous night."
"That's very much like her," Min Yoongi smiled gently, a hint of sadness appearing in his eyes. "She's always been a kind person."
"Too kind, as a matter of fact." The girl mumbled to herself.
"Tell her not to worry so much about me. I'm doing okay."
"How much longer are you planning to stay over at your friend's house, Sunbae?" Seora had to bring up. "My dad said he'll burn your stuff and get Taehyung a new roommate if you don't come home soon."
The twenty two year old laughed laconically. "To answer your question, I have no idea."
"It's not because you're sick of living with us, right?"
"Of course not!"
"You sure?"
"Believe me, I'm not doing this out of hatred or because I don't like living in that boarding house anymore."
"Then why?" She questioned. "I can't seem to understand it still."
"There are just times in my life where I feel...so stuck that I seem to forget how to breathe the longer I stay there." Min Yoongi said subconsciously. Maybe it was because they were both introverts or something, but Yoongi felt like his thoughts were safe enough to be shared with the girl before him. "I guess that's why I'm always going from one place to another," he continued, "always trudging step by step without the actual intention of staying."
"I know how that feels," Seora empathized, not realizing the shift in her expression. "That feeling of being so confined that it almost feels like you're dying."
"Did something bad happen to you, also?" Yoongi found himself asking when he noticed how sad she looked.
Yoon Seora looked at him dead in the eye for a moment. "No, not really," she said sternly. "I was just saying."
a/n:
idk about u but i feel like
every single character in this fanfic
is lowkey traumatized or something.