Enjoy!
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~ Chapter 28 ~
“Why did you suddenly want to go to you know…,” I asked Matthew as we walked down the hall from our rooms, we had already gotten ready.
“It’s the first of December. That’s two months isn’t it?” he shrugged and I froze, my steps coming to a halt and after a few of his own he stopped, turning to look at me with a worried expression.
“Rose?”
I shook my head in disbelief. “It’s the first?” I choked out, glaring at the floor.
How could I have possibly forgotten?! I was disgusted with myself. It’s been two months and I can’t even remember the day they had died.
Cussing under my breath I turned around, starting to head back to my room so I can scream into my pillow again when his firm yet gentle hand took hold of my waist, throwing my over his shoulder.
A loud gasp escaped my lips and my cheeks reddened, my fists automatically going to his back to pound against the hard muscles located there.
“Matthew! Let me go!” I ordered him breathlessly though he just continued to descend the grand stairs, heading for the kitchen where the smell of eggs and bacon hit me.
“No, you’re going today whether you go freely or I have to drag you,” he told me firmly and I sighed, feeling down.
“What kind of stupid person forgets their family’s own death?” I muttered to myself so quietly, putting my head down and Matthew stopped walking, standing there for a moment before slowly placing me on my feet.
He placed his hands on my shoulders lightly, making me look into those beautiful greyish blue eyes.
“Don’t beat yourself up for it Rose. You’re still going today whether someone told you or you remembered yourself and isn’t that what matters?”
I sighed. “But you reminded me, what if I forget the next one, or the one after?” I mumbled to myself. I felt like a little child in sad mode.
He smiled, trying to change the atmosphere. “You’re lucky I’m going to be here to tell you then aren’t you?”
Looking up my eyes glanced over the strikingly beautiful features of his face before I nodded, my mood lifting slightly. He really was sweet when he wanted to be.
Walking into the kitchen that I was most familiar with we found Jeremy holding a frying pan in one hand and a spatula with the other while singing, ‘forget you’ by Cee-Lo Green.
Our entrance ceased his out of tune singing and he turned his head to smile at me, smirking at Matthew.
“Good morning lovebirds!” he said cheerily, turning the stove off and piling the delicious smelling eggs and bacon onto a white platter.
“Jeremy!” I hissed, glaring at him and he chuckled at my embarrassment.
I’m glad I amuse you, I thought wryly, taking a seat on one of the few counter seats and collecting a plate from the table.
Ignoring me he continued. “So how did you two sleep?”
Matthew took a seat on the other side of the island while Jeremy sat next to me.
I didn’t answer though I was surprised by Matthew’s answer. “Pretty good,”
Not making eye contact with him I served my self small portions of both the egg and bacon before reaching for the bread, opening the bad and taking a slice from its contents.
Pretty good, I thought over his words. I doubt it was because he was sleeping in the same bed as me, it was probably just a normal response. I kept trying to convince myself as he continued. “Wait, man where did you sleep?”
I sneaked a glance at Jeremy to see him pretending to be in thought. “Well since it was dark and I had no idea where the light switches were I failed to find the kitchen, so deciding to skip dinner I went back upstairs to Rose’s room to see you both sleeping,” he stopped looking at Matthew. “Thanks for making me feel SO much at home,” he said sarcastically and Matthew just grinned in response.
He sighed before continuing. “So I crossed the hall into supposably your room,” he pointed at Matthew, “and slept on your couch. Hope that was okay with you,”
Matthew waved it off. “Don’t worry about it; we’ll get you a spare room. How long you staying?”
I turned my attention back to Jeremy, curious of his answer. “Just a few days, one week tops,”
I looked back down at my food. Only a week? I only get to spend one week with him? It was Wednesday today so if he only stayed for a few days I wouldn’t get to spend time with him, I would be at school.
I didn’t register their conversation on the latest sport scandals instead thinking about when the next time I’ll see him again, if not at all.
He’ll probably forget about me in a few months, I thought sadly.
I didn’t notice Matthew leave as I was nudged out of my mind by Jeremy smiling at me though when he saw my face he dropped the grin.
“Hey, what’s wrong Eli?”
Turning my head I tried to give him a look saying I was fine but he narrowed his eyes, not believing it one bit.
Letting out a sigh I glanced back at my eggs, moving them around my plate.
“Since I’ve come here I’ve noticed,” he started, turning my chair to face him, “that you haven’t smiled or laughed at least once,” he looked into my eyes, trying to find some answers.
Averting my eyes I thought how to say it. “I don’t…smile anymore. It hurts to be happy,” I muttered under my breath though he still caught it.
He tugged my arm, my body leaving my chair and he pulled me onto his lap, into one of those hugs he always gave me.
“Come on Eli, you’re family wouldn’t want you to be miserable and especially moping around all day. They would want you to be happy,”
I groaned, pulling away to lean my head against his chest. “Why is everyone saying that? Why should I be happy if they’re dead? I think they would rather see me miserable,”
He pushed my shoulders away so he could look into my eyes again, giving me a stern look. “Do you really think that if you asked them that they would seriously say they want you to flush your life down the drain?” he asked rhetorically not giving me a chance to answer as he continued. “No! Do you think that your parents would have raised you up, telling you to be happy and when they die demand for you to be depressed?”
I opened my mouth to inject though he wouldn’t have it.
“No! Do you think that Kelly…would have wanted her big sister to be sad?” he questioned me again, his voice going quiet at the end and I shrunk on his lap, not meeting his eyes.
He took my silence as his answer. “No…,”
I stared at the kitchen counter across the room, my brow scrunched in thought.
When you say it like that then it was obvious that no, they would want me to be happy but I just couldn’t bring myself to do so. A sense of betrayal hangs over my head whenever I come to that statement that they would want me to continue my life.
Guilt, there was always guilt. The guilt of living when they didn’t have that luxury.
I choked out, feeling suffocated with all these thoughts of them, all the thoughts of their deaths.
I slammed my clenched fist on his chest weakly. “I just can’t Jeremy, I can’t…,” I said in a cracked voice, the tears not evident though it hurt.
His arms wrapped around my body and he let out a deep breath, the air tickling my ear. “It’s okay Eli, I’m not forcing you into anything. You just need some time,” he tried to reassure me though now that the thoughts were in my head I couldn’t help but keep analysing them.
Matthew returned a few minutes later with a whole bunch of tulips, the sweet scent coming with them and he handed them to me, saying they were for the grave. I nodded, standing from Jeremy’s lap and taking the flowers into my arms, letting my eyes look over them.
They were really beautiful, the petals seeming waxy and soft, like velvet.
Breathing them in we all left, heading over to the side of the house where a small parking lot was found, along with a large garage with all the cars of the Gray residence.
Deciding to take Matthew’s car I hoped in the passenger seat, Matthew driving and Jeremy taking the back.
I held the variety of purple and red tulips securely to my chest, protecting them as I dropped my gaze to the window, the landscape of buildings and houses soaring past, too fast for my eyes to focus on one object. My mind was whizzing from the concentration and instead busied myself by inspecting the tulips again, trying to banish the nerves.
We arrived at the cemetery a few minutes later, all stepping out of Matthews black convertible Audi and came together to walk through the peeled grey painted gates of the entrance.
It was eerily quiet; the thought of talking escaped all of us at the presence of many dead corpses six feet under. The sound of the wind seeping through the long grass whistled in our ears as the stepping of our feet tried to rid of the skin crawling sound.
I pulled on the sleeves of my long black sweater, hoping to get remotely warmer as I shrunk on the spot.
Finally we reached the spot where my family laid, their lifeless bodies along with the other people of this cemetery. For a few minutes I just stood there, trying to control the tsunami of emotions as my eyes trailed over every inch of the cemented plaques. I silently thanked the two of them for respecting the amount of time I was using. They really were the sweetest people in the world.
Coming back to the present I split the tulips into three bundles, placing one on each of their graves gently, hoping they would be able to appreciate them from heaven.
When I finished distributing the flowers I sat on the cold, rough grass in front of the centre grave, my mother.
“We’ll give you a few minutes,” Jeremy whispered and held my shoulder comfortingly, squeezing it before releasing his touch and retreating with Matthew to a tree a small distance away.
Turning my attention back to my family I laid down on the grass, in between Kelly and mum.
My body was turned to the sky, watching the dark clouds hover above, daring to let rain fall at any moment.
“It’s going to snow soon,” I murmured quietly, as if my family were here.
I turned my head to the left, my cheek pressed against the stiff cold grass as I face Kelly’s grave. “We won’t be able to make a snowman or snow angels this year Kels,”
I pivoted my head to my right. “and I won’t get to taste any of your Christmas brownies mum,” I muttered sadly, before looking beyond her grave to my father’s.
“And I won’t get to have a snowball fight with you Dad, like we do every Christmas,”
My gaze met the gloomy sky again and I let out a shaky breath.
“We’ll never get to pull firecrackers together,” a single tear left one of my emerald eyes that I didn’t even bother wiping away; all the energy already had left my body.
“We’ll never get to sing carols on Christmas Eve together,” another cold tear travelled down my cheek as I watched the grey clouds sail the sky and my hands grasped at the edgy points of the grass.
“We’ll never get to open presents and wish each other a Merry Christmas together,” a choke left my throat as a few more tears unfortunately escaped my eyes. My voice came out in a strangled quiver as I said the next words. “We’ll never create new memories together…,”
It was true. A fact that I had to face but didn’t have the strength or courage to accept they really were gone. I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that I would never do anything with them together again, it was impossible. They were gone, why couldn’t I just accept it like an adult and stop crying like a three year old baby.
I internally scoffed sarcastically. “That’s right, I’m not eighteen yet. I’m not legally an adult anyways.”
For the next ten minutes I just thought about all the good things we would forever miss out on doing together, speaking them aloud as if they could some how hear me.
I let my eyes drift back to the sky above, the blunt dull clouds really starting to annoy me. It seemed to reflect my exact mood and looking up at it reminded me why I was miserable.
I heaved myself up before turning around on the spot and glancing at their grey cement plaques, each with their own details.
Frowning I glared at the sky, it was now not only mimicking my mood though also the same colour as the plaques of their graves, making me feel as if my family were sad and feeling depressed.
It was amazing how a single colour could make me feel mentally sick and distraught.
Softening my gaze, the fell upon Kelly’s grave and my heart squeezed in pain.
Kelly June Fern
2006 – 2011
Was a young girl of kindness and many smiles.
It felt like someone or something was tearing my heart into shreds, most likely Karma, back to take what I deserved and continue until it was satisfied.
The years reminded me of how young Kelly was.
“What sort of five year old deserves to die?” I questioned myself internally with a rising anger that I couldn’t control.
My eyes snapped closed, the rage blazing within as I grasped at the innocent pieces of grass, pulling them from their roots.
A hand came to sit on my shoulder and I quickly opened the lids to my eyes out of surprise, tilting my head up to look over my shoulder.
I sighed, relaxing at the sight of Jeremy giving me a sympathetic smile.
“You going to torture all the grass in the graveyard?” he questioned me jokingly, trying to lift me from my gloomy mood.
My hands were indeed filled with pieces of dishevelled grass which I hastily wiped against my jeans. Checking my hands I was glad to find them clear of any bits of grass and looked upon Kelly’s grave again.
The squeezing of my heart increased as I turned my head away, looking across the fields of the graveyard as I tried to rid my head of the guilt.
A sudden rustle came to sound next to me and I twisted my head to see Jeremy now kneeling beside me, eyes trailing over the graves of my family.
“You left your daughter behind Michael. You told me that you would always be here to protect her though if something ever did happen to you I swore I would take that job from you,” His eyes didn’t meet mine, instead gluing them at my fathers grave.
“It’s more or less of an honour than a task to do. You left too soon, it was terrible to hear you were gone, though it’s how life works. Things happen for a reason…,”
I slumped on the spot, the cold breeze whisking away at my hair that flowed with the wind, my front fringe swaying slightly.
“You don’t have to worry about Rose either too Mrs R, I think she’s in good hands already,” he tilted his head to give me a small smirk that tugged at his lips.
I glared at him playfully. “I’ll kill him later,” I told myself in my head.
A breath left his lips as he continued. “Kels, who am I going to give piggy backs ride to now? Or annoy Rose with?” he pouted before he sobered up.
“I’ll miss you guys, you know you were like my second family…,” his eyes glistened slightly as they raked over the graves. They met my own eyes a few seconds later of silence and he smiled down at me before pulling me onto his lap, embracing my whole being.
“It’ll be okay Rose,” he murmured into my ear, the heat of his breath warming the skin of my neck from the frosty breeze. “It’ll be okay…,” assuring me again, his hand running up and down my back and a small part of me believed that things would get better…
When we got back no one spoke about today’s visit to my family, acting as if none of it ever happened and I sighed thankfully to them for not pushing the topic. The time passed by quickly, we watched re-runs of Big Bang Theory on the small cinema sized screen for hours, the boys laughing hysterically as I just kept it all in my mind.
I left them a while later and went to cook dinner, ending up making lasagne. It was my mother’s trademark dish and she taught me the recipe to pass on down the family line. That saddened me quite a lot though I’m glad I didn’t refuse to learn the recipe or I would have never known how to cook it.
Dinner was filled with easy chatter and after Matthew left to make a phone call, while Jeremy and I washed up and headed up to my room.
“So…,” he trailed off, arms tied behind his back as he tilted his head up towards the ceiling as we walked, our steps echoing off the hallway walls.
Lifting up an eyebrow I sent him a questioning look, which he returned before I noticed his lips twitching, more like fighting a smirk. I knew enough to see when a smug look was coming onto the face of Jeremy List.
“What’s it like living here? You know with a new fami---,” he started before I cut him off, giving him a blank look.
“Where is this heading Jeremy? I’ve known you for three years and I know when you just want to tease me about something,”
A smirk finally overtook his struggles as he stopped to give me a radiant look.
I rolled my eyes. “There it is,” I muttered sarcastically, making him chuckle.
“Lover boy down the hall seems to be quite the catch,” he said cheekily, beginning to walk again and I froze for a moment before running to catch up to him.
I nodded, agreeing with him. “He is, any girl would be lucky to be with him,” I shrugged off, trying to pass off that I didn’t notice my burning cheeks.
“Hmm? Really? How far is the extent on ‘any girl’?” he asked, as we reached my door and I glanced at Matthews, knowing he was in there before pushing Jeremy into my room.
I closed the door behind me before leaning against the white painted surface.
Looking at my bed I slipped off my slippers and bolted over to it, diving onto the lavender coloured sheets and I internally laughed at my actions.
I lifted my head to find him looking at me weirdly, waiting for an answer and I just dropped my head back to the covers.
Rolling my eyes I pulled myself up into a sitting position and crossed my legs. “Pretty much every girl,” told him, and he stepped over to the bed, kneeling on the floor covered by carpet, placing his folded arms on the edge of my bed.
“Really?” saying it like he wanted a confirmation and I nodded my head slowly, narrowing my eyes slightly at his curiosity.
He looked into my eyes and I stared back into his as a large smirk raked across his features.
“That must include you right?”
My eyes widened and my cheeks felt as if someone had spilled gasoline over them and lit them on fire.
I shook my head in denial though I could tell by the growth of his devious grin that he didn’t believe it.
“I-I-I don’t l-like him!” I stuttered, shaking my head again like a child who as been denied.
He chuckled evilly. “I never said anything about you liking him. I just said you would be lucky to be with him,”
I gaped at his trickery, slapping the back of his head. “You idiot,”
“Actually I think that you probably have the biggest crush on him don’t ya?” he smirked again, leaning towards me.
I groaned, hiding my cheeks from his laughing fit and I grabbed two pillows, covering his face with them so he would hopefully not be able to breathe.
It was ridiculous. Sure I couldn’t deny that Matthew was breath-takingly handsome and any girl truly would be lucky to have him. Though that girl wouldn’t be me. I couldn’t come to trust a guy to an extent that I could be close to them. Not when bad things have happened twice to me, I just couldn’t.
The thing that annoyed me the most was my body and mind reacted as if the statement was true, while the smarter part of my mind denied all of it.
I sighed, my mind smiling as watched my best friend laughed at me.
*{Matthew’s POV}*
When I reached my room I called for my dad, telling him all about Jeremy and that he was staying here for a few days. He had said it was absolutely fine since he was Rose’s best friend and was welcome to stay as long as needed.
Also I shared with him that today was the two month death anniversary of their deaths and he told me to pass on his grief.
“Hey dad,” I started, thinking how to word this. “Did you ever hear, Rose…sing?” I questioned him, running my hand through my hair as a nervous habit.
He didn’t answer for a few seconds before replying. “Yes I did, she has a beautiful voice, one of the best I’ve heard,” he told me.
Scratching the back of my neck I picked out my next words, trying to sound unsuspicious. “Do you happen to have any videos of her singing?”
“I filmed a few times she was singing when our families were together… What brought all this on?” he questioned and I sighed, the bed lowering as I sat on the edge.
“I need to see something. Those tapes in your room?”
“My dresser, bottom drawer there should be all the recordings of everything,”
I nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see it and quickly said my goodbyes before hanging up.
Rummaging through the draw I found videos of a lot of things, one of them I wish I didn’t even see the title of. I found a few that had something to do with Rose’s family, choosing her fourteenth birthday. It was the tape she was probably oldest in before she left.
Slipping in the tape I sat on the floor cross legged in front of the plasma TV like a little child.
“Aww Rose hunny. You look all grown up!” My mother exclaimed in adoration, as a fourteen version of Rose came into the camera’s view. She looked adorable in a floral dress that went to below her mid thighs and he hair cut straight across and went up to her shoulders.
“Hey Aunt Jen!” She smiled, running up to her and pulling her into a hug.
“Are you wearing a bra under there missy?” my mum asked and a blush covered the cheeks of an embarrassed Rose.
I laughed at that. Only my mum knows how to embarrass someone that bad.
“Aunt Jen!” she yelled as her mother called her down stairs. The camera followed as they went down the stairs and into their backyard where people where laughing and smiling, all enjoying the birthday.
Pausing the video I fast forwarded it, stopping at a few places thinking it was when she was singing. Finally I found the part I needed to watch.
Rose’s father pushed Rose gently to a small platform with a microphone and stand. She looked embarrassed though still confident as she finally agreed to sing, taking the microphone into her hands. Her eyes closed for a few seconds, the instrumental music of ‘Beautiful’ by Christina Aguilera came on and her eyes slowly opened, showing her green emerald eyes.
Then words began to escape her lips, the sounds and pitch of her voice was angelic as people watched on in awe and approval.
I sat there, stunned as I listened to a fourteen year old version of Rose sing with one of the best voices I’ve ever heard. Continuing to watch in admiration I listened to her voice, imprinting it to memory.
I stopped the video after the crowd applauded, the screen choosing to stop on a close up of her smiling happily. I sat the remote on the ground, staring at her face for a few moments before a smile took over my own face.
I knew exactly how to make her smile again.
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Hey guys (:
I'm sorry for the kind of late update, I promise to get another uploaded before next wednesday.
Hope this chapter wasn't as boring, I love writing jeremy though. He's really fun to write (:
Anyways Comment me your thoughts :D
~mary (: x