The time had arrived for another meeting and I was happy that I would be seeing Severus but I hated what we'd have to do. From this point on we wouldn't be able to be seen in public together. The door opened and Severus stepped inside, smiling as his eyes fell on me. Remus was the only other one in the hallway, greeting the Order members as they arrived and Severus was the only one we were waiting on.
"I'll uh... give you two a minute," Remus said, walking toward the kitchen.
"Does he know?" Severus asked, his eyes wide.
"He assumes but nothing has been said out loud," I assured him. "It's Remus. He can smell a plan from miles away, Sev."
Severus chuckled, shaking his head slightly but he didn't seem mad.
"You know what you have to do?" he asked, lacing his fingers between mine.
I nodded. "You?"
He nodded, giving me a soft smile but it didn't meet his eyes.
"Darling, I need you to know that whatever is said in there... I don't mean."
"I know, love. Same goes for me. I think we can mutually agree that we are going to have to say things that may hurt the other... but as long as we know we don't mean them... we'll get through it, Sev."
He wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his lips to mine.
"I love you, Y/n. I love you so much," he murmured against my lips.
"I love you too, Sev," I whispered. He pecked my lips one last time before we parted.
"And now we need to break up," he chuckled softly, sighing as he let go of my hand and his cold exterior returned, putting on the face we were both so familiar with, though I hadn't seen much of it over the years. We walked into the kitchen and I sat between Remus and Sirius while Severus stood in the back, neither of us looking at each other.
Don't be afraid to hurt me, love. I heard his voice in my head and I smiled softly, keeping my head down so no one saw it. I can sense your hesitation but the only way your father will believe this is if you make it realistic. I'll give you the signal once I've finished my report.
I know, Sev. I'll make it believable, I answered him and the meeting began. Sirius informed us that Buckbeak was keeping an eye on the kids, making sure they stayed on the third floor and Muffliato was used on the kitchen to keep them from snooping. Severus told us what he knew about my father, though there wasn't much to report. My father was growing desperate to get to me, even going so far as to try to get a former Death Eater appointed to the Defense Against the Dark Arts position. Albus refused the candidate, both because he knew of the man's former Death Eater status and because he already had another candidate in mind, though he wouldn't tell anyone who it was. This made me nervous.
Severus finished his report, ending with a question for Albus about Harry's protection during the school year. He cleared his throat and crossed his arms, thus giving me the signal that he was finished.
I scoffed, laughing at his statement about protecting Harry.
"Something funny, Y/n?" Severus asked.
"Nope. Nothing funny here," I answered, leaning forward. "I mean... other than the fact that you're suddenly so concerned with Harry's safety."
"I'm concerned with the safety of you both," he hissed.
"Yeah? Where was that concern when you got all buddy buddy with Lucius Malfoy?" I spat. "You may have Albus fooled but I know better."
"Y/n, what are you talking about?" he asked, his voice growing soft as he knew he would need to act hurt for this to work.
"How else would Lucius have found out where I was staying? You've been pretty friendly with him and the people who tortured Harry," I spat.
"Love, you know I don't have a choice... but I would never have betrayed you."
"So Lucius just somehow happened to think I was living with you. You think I don't notice how close you are with all of them?"
"I seem to remember you being quite close with them as well," he hissed.
"That was before I found out about my father! Before he left me! Before he wanted to use me for my magic! He wasn't interested in me until he found out about the sorting ceremony and couldn't read my mind! All he wants is to use me for my magic and I'm done being used!"
"How do you know that's all he wants?!" he spat, his voice growing in volume. The tension in the room was thick and no one knew what to say. They didn't dare interrupt so they stayed silent as Severus continued. "For all you know he could just want to be in your life!"
"You can't actually believe that, Severus."
"I'm just saying... you don't know what he wants."
"And I don't care to know," I replied. "He left me."
"What if that is truly what he wanted? What if he didn't want to use you for your magic? What if he just wanted to meet you?"
I looked down, knowing this part was essential to our plan. My father had to believe I was conflicted about meeting him. I shook my head, looking back up at Severus.
"It doesn't matter," I answered. "Because that's not what he wants."
"Why are you defending You-Know-Who?" Sirius spat as he began to stand but I placed a hand on his, calming him, and he sat down.
"I suggest you keep quiet, Black. This doesn't concern you," Severus said, his voice low and dangerous.
Sirius looked as if he wanted to argue but I shook my head. "It's not worth it, Sirius."
"Look, love, all I'm saying is you don't know what his motives are for wanting to meet you."
"Is that why you started dating me?" I hissed. "To bring me to him?!"
"No! We started dating long before he returned! Long before I even knew he was your father!"
"Then why are you defending him!?"
"I'm defending you! You have a right to the answers you've been wanting for years!"
"I don't want the answers if he's the cost of getting them. I don't trust him... and I... I can't trust you anymore either."
Severus's eyes widened and I was amazed at his acting.
"Y/n, what are you saying?" he asked, his voice breaking slightly.
I love you, I told him silently as tears slipped down my cheeks.
I know, darling. I love you too. Now drive it home, he answered.
"We were never going to work, Sev. You're too close to the Death Eaters and I was practically raised by members of the Order. This was never going to work."
"Y/n... don't do this," he begged, but I knew better. While it hurt to hear him sound so broken I knew it was all an act and I had to keep going. We had to give my father a real memory to find.
"I'm sorry, Sev... but I can't trust you. I can't trust that you won't decide to sell me out to him."
"I wouldn't do that to you, love."
"But I don't know that, do I? You can't honestly sit there and tell me he hasn't told you to bring me to him. What if what he offers you is too great to pass up and you decide my life is worth the trade?"
"Y/n."
"I'm sorry, Sev... but I can't do this. I can't take that risk. I won't be used again. I can't sit here and listen to you defend him and trust that you won't take me to him."
"Darling, I wouldn't-."
"I think you should go, Sev," I interrupted.
Sirius placed a hand on my back and Severus caught the small movement.
"Is that what happened? You let Black get in your head? Is that why you're doing this? So you can be with him?" he spat.
"Are you serious right now? I'm not having this argument again. Sirius and I are friends! I'm doing this because I can't trust you! I can't go back to that life, Sev. I won't."
"Y/n... what do you mean?"
"You know damn well what I mean! He knew what I'd been through and he Cruciod Harry! He didn't just try to kill him! He tortured him! And they made me watch as Harry was tortured! They knew what had happened to me and they still made me watch! He was screaming for help and I couldn't do anything!" I yelled.
Well done, sweet girl. Way to make him feel guilty, darling. You truly are amazing. I love you, he told me silently.
I love you, I answered, keeping my head down as I spoke again.
"You can tell your little Death Eater buddies to fuck off and you can tell my father to go straight back to hell. If he wanted to know his daughter he wouldn't have left her in the first place."
With that I stood up and left the kitchen, hearing Severus not far behind me. I turned and saw him standing in the hallway but we knew my father could see this part of the memory as well so we turned away from each other, heading our separate ways.