Evan still couldn't believe it. He was at Kieran's house. His eyes darted all over the place. All the walls, all the decorations, all the details, he tried to remember it all. Every bit that made up the amazing boy by his side.
"I can't believe you're finally here," Kieran's voice came from behind him. He turned to him with a small smile, and his head fell on Kieran's shoulder as he walked closer to him. His arms wrapped around his waist, and Evan's fell on top of his.
He closed his eyes blissfully, inhaling his scent, and allowed himself to completely shut off his mind for a moment. In Kieran's arms, he didn't have to worry about anything happening to him or being hurt again. He knew his beloved would never allow that. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was offered the thought that he was the one unknowingly hurting him, but he decided to push it back from where it came from.
Kieran's lips touched Evan's shoulder in a short, sweet kiss, sending shivers up his neck. His smile widened until he felt like his lips were going to hurt, but he didn't mind that kind of pain. He finally had a bit of inner peace.
"Me neither," he whispered. Being in the home of someone who wasn't a wolf was something Evan thought would never happen. And now he was standing right here. Not just in a place where people lived, but even in a place that belonged to Kieran. This is where he ate, this is where he wrote his good morning messages to Evan every morning, and this is where he did all the things that made him who he was. Evan felt as if he had uncovered a hidden world that had been within his grasp for months, but only now had he finally seen all its corners.
"How are you feeling?" Kieran asked him at the same volume, but there was a care in his voice that couldn't be overheard.
"Better," he replied and meant it. He knew that the source of his problems was only himself and his indecisive mind. Maybe that's why his problems seemed smaller in Kieran's embrace.
"I'm glad. You wanna lie down?" he suggested, moving to his side but not letting Evan out of his embrace.
"If you'll be with me." Looking into his blue eyes, his voice sounded more suggestive than he intended. He knew Kieran meant it carefully, but it sounded like another offer coming out of his mouth.
"Okay, but you need to rest." Apparently, Kieran also realized that Evan had taken his words to another level and although his eyes moved all over his body for a moment, examining every detail, he didn't let himself get distracted and focused on the priority - Evan's health.
"I will." Although he was slowly starting to get tired, he didn't want to move from his spot so soon. He curled back into Kieran's arms, wrapping his arms around Kieran's waist and resting his cheek against Kieran's shoulder. Without hesitation, Kieran rested his chin on the top of his head, and his hands gripped him tightly yet gently.
Kieran's arms were his safe place. His firm grip kept him afloat, keeping him above the turbulent river of his thoughts that tried to drown him whenever he least expected it. His blue eyes were the sky calling to him, promising him heaven. Maybe that's why Kieran was so good in his heart. He was an angel who fell to Earth to save him from himself. Be that as it may, Evan was thankful every day that he had met him. Maybe his presence complicated his life, but it showed him that there is much more to the world than he originally thought. Suddenly he wanted much more from life.
"I don't know what I'd do without you," he admitted honestly. The grip on his waist tightened, and he felt Kieran's lips again, this time in his hair. From there they moved to his temple, then his cheek, and as soon as Evan lifted his head, Kieran's lips landed on the tip of his nose.
"Good thing I'm not going anywhere," the blue-eyed boy chuckled. Evan always admired how even the slightest hint of a smile would be reflected in his eyes. Right now, he felt as if he were looking at sparklers that were burning more and more brightly.
"How about bed?" Evan reminded him of his previous proposal. Kieran pretended to be thinking, twisting his lips and looking left and right.
"Okay." He didn't even have time to recover, and his legs were suddenly in the air as Kieran grabbed him by the knees and lifted him into his arms. He held him like a princess, and Evan remembered his old childhood fantasy again.
When Kieran saw that he wasn't protesting, he pulled him closer and headed toward what Evan assumed was his room. It took him a while to figure out how to get through the door with Evan in his arms, but even though Evan was ready to go in on his own, Kieran was confident he could do it. And that's what happened. It wasn't long before he was carefully placed in a bed that smelled like the Garden of Eden to his wolfish nose. He wondered if it would be very strange if he turned around and buried his nose in the pillow to take in his intoxicating scent.
"Make room for me, please." Not about to protest, he quickly moved closer to the wall, reaching out his arms in Kieran's direction as if trying to summon him into his embrace. He didn't have the slightest problem with that and complied with his request to the letter, resting his head on his chest and entwining his legs with his. Evan sighed in pleasure, burying his nose in his brown hair, and running his nails gently down his spine.
"Too bad we can't stay like this forever," Kieran muttered into his chest. Too bad was an understatement. Evan was the one among them who realized the full weight of those words. Forever was hard to promise when fate was not on their side. And not only fate. Evan knew that if he chose Kieran, he would lose his family. There was no doubt about it. They didn't accept Riley's mate because he was human, yet the two of them had the most sacred bond for wolves.
"Don't be sad. That's the last thing I wanted to cause." Evan had no idea how Kieran knew. He couldn't even see his face, but he could read his emotions as if they were his own.
"Sorry. I was just thinking," try as Evan might, he couldn't suppress the unhappy tone that crept into his voice. Kieran shifted so he could brace himself on his forearms and lifted himself up, towering over the prone Evan. Their eyes met in silence, communicating with each other without words. Evan knew that hiding his feelings was pointless as Kieran had long since read him like an open book. He didn't want to show him everything though. He didn't want him to see the doubts, the guilt, the disgust. Everything he tried so hard to suppress inside himself.
Kieran leaned in and planted a kiss on his forehead. Brown eyes closed involuntarily, enjoying the gentle touch that made his insides tremble. However, the gentle tremors quickly turned into an unrelenting flame as Kieran's mouth softly but clearly whispered, "You're beautiful."
Three specific words that he had been wanting to say for so long were on Evan's tongue, but instead, he said, "Come here." Just like before, Kieran immediately complied with his request, and their lips met in a tender kiss.
Evan's heart fluttered, asking for more, so he decided to take what he so desired. His fingers dug into the brown locks, pulling him closer to him, even though he felt like it wasn't even possible anymore. His teeth ran over his soft lips in a rush, demanding more. And so their tongues met in a duel that was long lost for Evan, but he decided to fight anyway.
Their rapid breathing echoed through the room, accompanied by guttural noises that neither of them could contain. And even though they were close, closer than ever, Evan wanted more. His hand slipped confidently under the white t-shirt, pulling it up to explore every bit of his gorgeous body. Kieran moaned, and Evan felt his animal side rise to the surface. Just like him, his wolf felt a strong attraction that drew them together like magnets.
Out of breath, Kieran pulled away from him for a brief moment, but not wasting a second, he asked, "Can I?" Evan didn't have to think long about what he meant as his hands moved to the hem of his t-shirt. He nodded silently, almost hurting himself with how quickly his head moved back and forth. Kieran moved away from him, and Evan reached up to help him take his shirt off. Right after that, Evan ripped his shirt off his shoulders, and Kieran didn't hesitate to throw it on the ground. His shirt followed right behind.
As soon as there was nothing to prevent their bare chests from meeting, Evan eagerly pulled Kieran back against him, placing one hand on his side and the other around his neck. Their lips instantly connected again and finding support in the other, their hands were free to explore.
"Shit," Evan blurted out as Kieran's hand wandered a little lower and his thumb trailed the hem of his pants. Kieran made sure with one look that his reaction was positive and gave him the charming smile that was so typical of him.
"You are so unbelievably beautiful," he told him, looking straight into his eyes, and Evan didn't doubt the truth of his words at that moment. The earth revolved around the sun, the apple always fell to the ground, and he was simply beautiful.
"You're one to talk," Evan laughed. His eyes travelled over the image drawn right in front of him. His tousled brown hair that had long passed the line of his ears but made him look even more like he didn't even have to try and look perfect, blue eyes that shone with happiness and desire, and a bright smile that couldn't be missed. And that was just his face. His body on the other hand.
"Hmm, maybe I need a better look." Kieran promptly reversed their positions, and Evan found himself straddling him. All the blood that had rushed to his lower parts just a moment ago quickly returned and stained his cheeks. He was a blushing mess watching Kieran lying shirtless underneath him with messy hair that was his doing.
"Uh-huh, quite beautiful," he didn't give him a second to recover and finished him off with another sentence. His ears were already burning, so he decided that he had to take action. He moved his hands that were resting on his thighs to Kieran's stomach and leaned in to lock his lips with his again.
Their lips battled for power, crashing into each other in a regular rhythm, and their hands roamed the other's body as if they couldn't get enough of it. Evan could feel his pants starting to get tight and because of the way he was sitting, he knew he wasn't the only one. This was the furthest they had ever gone, and Evan had no idea what to do. His body begged for more, his heart pounding as if alarmed, but the wolf within him whimpered as the person beneath him, though he smelled like heaven, was not his mate. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who had his doubts as Kieran stopped them moments later, and not just because he was out of breath.
"Wait," he said breathlessly, carefully helping Evan to his side next to him. They both lay on their sides close to each other, looking into the other's eyes as their chests heaved rapidly. Evan had no idea why Kieran decided to stop, and his fears were evident in his eyes as the blue-eyed boy tried to drive them away, first with a hand that caressed his cheek and then with his words.
"I don't want to abuse the situation," he said. Evan frowned, not understanding what he meant.
"I know you're better now, but you were upset earlier. I have no problem distracting you if you want, but I don't want us to get close just for the sake of it." The sincerity in his voice was clear, and along with the thumb caressing his cheek, the intimacy between them was rising to the extreme.
Kieran was always honest with him, always making sure he was okay and doing everything just to see him happy. And Evan couldn't reciprocate. While Kieran was caressing him and looking for places where they could be together, Evan on the other hand was doing everything he could to resist someone else. Kieran was proving his love to him, and Evan was trying not to cheat on him emotionally. Put in sentences like that, it sounded terrible. Evan was a terrible boyfriend.
"You're too good for me," he said matter-of-factly. He was sure Kieran would protest that claim, but he knew it was the harsh truth.
Of course, as he had anticipated, Kieran frowned, and the hand on his cheek stopped moving. He propped himself up on his elbow so he could lean over him and see his face up close. Evan was sure that his eyes were telling everything, and Kieran could see all of his guilt.
"And you have a terrible habit of underestimating yourself." The seriousness of his face and tone almost made Evan believe it. Almost.
"Because I know myself," Evan admitted, sitting up before Kieran could protest. The truth had to come out, even if not all of it. They say that the truth will set a man free, and Evan hoped that would be the case for him as well.
Sensing the importance of the situation, Kieran sat up as well. He immediately picked up their t-shirts from the ground and handed Evan his. They both got dressed in silence, and while Evan's nerves were shaking, Kieran looked more than confused.
Evan knew he couldn't back down anymore. He started this conversation, and this whole mess was all his fault. And so he took a deep breath and said what had haunted him for so long.