I have decided to switch back to writing in past tense- Indecisive yes very much. I will go back and edit the other chapters later, happy reading (:
***
"Heyyy ice maaaaan" my speech was slurred and the shit eating grin covering my face was clearly evident through my voice, something that would surely annoy the grumpy Finn on the other side of the phone.
"Don't " His voice sounded unamused and there was some sort of noice in the background, loud enough to notice but low enough to not identify. I jutted out my bottom lip and took support against the chest of the man next to me as to not fall over, I'm drunk as fuck.
"Who is it" The German next to me leaned in and whisper-yelled, effectively making the whisper-tone useless. I took my hand off his warm fabric covered chest to wave dismissively towards him, an act that made me stumble for balance until he grabbed my forearm to steady me. Though, given his state of intoxication his balance is no better than mine so we both ended up sitting on the asphalt sidewalk as I continued my phone-call.
"Whyyyy" The whine in my voice would usually make me cringe but with my current state it did not phase me in the slightest, Mick however made a gagging gesture and pushed my shoulder, making me fall into a lying down side position from which I did not bother getting up.
"You make it sound not very cool, ruining it" My juvenile pout quickly turned into a frown, though I could hear the slight amusement lacing his words, signaling that he was not as grumpy as I previously thought. Like I've said I did not bother trying to get up since the world was spinning a little too fast for me to keep up, but rather opted to turn around and lay my head in Mickys lap.
"Then why are you calling me if you are going to be all pissy" The attitude in my voice was probably at a level only a drunk teenage girl could manage but I am a drunk teenage girl so I have no shame about it, but rather pointed my potiner finger into the air as if he was standing in front of me- pointing it around and pretending to poke his chest as the German beside me watched me in amusement.
"I need to get your location, turn it back on"
Oh right, I turned that off earlier today when I skipped out on the media work so the team couldn't track me down, I know very mature. It's never easy to lie your way out of doing interviews, however sneaking away from the paddock is much easier. Or well at least for me since most people are too busy with frantically searching for my male opponents to notice me slipping by. Not being too popular of a driver certainly comes with perks.
Seeing as I travel so much alone/ semi alone for work a lot I have had a location sharing app basically since I got my very first phone. It has never even been used to track me in order to get me out of danger-trouble but rather get me back to whatever work I've tried to skip out on.
"Who is it" He whisper yelled again- only this time loud enough as to where im sure that Kimi could hear him. Since waving him off didn't work last time I put my phone onto my chest and reached my arm up and placed my hand over his mouth, "He who shall not be named" I whisper yelled back while covering the microphone with my other hand. We may or might not have given Kimi the nickname when we were ten and thirteen ( he had not yet turned fourteen) and had watched Harry Potter for the first time together.
"Why do you care where I am, Im in Abu Dhabi you dumbass" I wiggled my finger around in the air once again, giving the utmost attitude I possibly could all while remaining a serious exterior.
I know for a fact that Kimi is in Abu Dhabi as well since he attended my podium ceremony but surprisingly enough passed on attending my party, the reason being him not wanting to leave Minttu alone with the kids in a foreign country.
My dad had also been at the race, though when I did not win he hopped right back onto his private plane and left without a single word other than calling me a pathetic disappointment and telling me that I would not be welcome at my childhood home until I won a race. The reason being he expected me to put all my time into improving and not be such a loser.
"I'm picking you up, you're drunk and stupid and it's night " Great he is in dad mode, how fun. I can not even count the amount of times Kimi has had to come pick me up after I have had a night out, he is almost like my own personal Taxi company. I actually had him saved in my contact as "angry taxi man" for a good few years when I was younger.
The thought is still weird to me. Having several years of experience within drinking and partying at nineteen years old. I think I was about thirteen the first time I got really drunk. It was a miserable thing really. My dad and I had had a really bad fight again, I had placed third in a karting competition and he actually threw the trophy at my head, resulting in Marcus's parents having to drive me to the hospital to get stitches. It was not the physical pain that bothered me the most but rather the emotional anguish of feeling like my father hated me. I suppose that is why I raided the Hotellroom mini bar when I got back to my hotel room. I got so drunk that I still remember feeling sick for days after, I was such a lightweight.
"How do you wether I'm sober or not, actually I haven't had anything to drink tonight" The words did not really make sense to me as they left my lips and reached my ears but I still spoke them with as much conviction as I could muster up.
"Stop the shit, Seb called"
Before I could top it a snort managed to escape my lips at Kimis bad wording, something he ignored completely.
"How-" I did not even get to finish my sentence before he cut me off, I hate it when people interrupts me.
"He is coming to pick Mick up and assumed that you would be together" My eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.
"How does h-"
"He was at the party, when he was going to leave and bring Mick home, Mick and you weren't there"
"Then why do you need m-"
"Bwoah in case you decide to wander off, now turn it on"
"Will you stop interrupt-"
"When you turn the location on"
***
Kimi arrived to pick me up about thirty minutes later, turns out the noise I had heard when speaking to him on the phone was the engine of his car. He pulled up in his black Ferrari and nodded thanks to Seb whom stood holding onto Mick's arm, before grabbing mine and pushing me into the passenger seat.
Turns out Seb had been watching us from his car for a while, he had been the scary driver that me and Micky had ran away from earlier- thinking he was a serial killer or something.
The ride back to the Hotell was nothing short of tense. Kimi was clearly displeased and I did not dare say anything. I sat with my arms crossed and my body turned towards the door and he drove like a mad man, frowning constantly. Just as I thought I could allow myself to have a nap in the car he cleared his throat before speaking. " this tonight was dangerous, how many times have I told you be careful?" Looking at him through the corner of my eye I could se the frown on his face, matching his stern voice.
"You know I am a grown woman right? I can go out whenever I please" To my great dismay I had sobered up right in time for him picking me up, so there was no alcohol left in my system to seek comfort in.
He shook his head in disapproval. "You are not more grown than Ace, you are a teenage girl Emmy. A kid with too much freedom and not enough care for self preservation" He took his eyes off the road to give me a look I could not quite decipher. "You are still a kid and we have done this too many times, I worry for you. You should not be this careless with you safety, do you not realize the danger in you- a girl getting this drunk in a foreign country?"
I couldn't help but scoff at his words. "You have no business in lecturing me about partying on race weekends, you were just as bad as me, don't think I haven't heard the stories." The annoyance started spreading through my body, I hate it when people tell me what to do, it just irks me. I knew that I was being unreasonable but the frustration that had accumulated within me during the weekend needed to get out, so I was dying to have a good fight.
"I am not saying what you can or can not do, Em I am concerned" His tone was frustratingly calm and I found myself wanting to scream.
I have never been good at handling my emotions. I think I have always just held onto them until I explode. Growing up I never got told how to self regulate and I sure did not have any one to role model it for me. It also does not help that my emotions have always been extreme- weather it was happiness or anger it always just seems so all consuming. My parents always used to just brush it off and blame my adhd rather than actually raising me.
The conversation seemingly just died from there, I did not want to have a conversation and Kimi did not want to argue so there were no more words being exchanged until we bid our goodbyes at the entrance of my hotel room.
As soon as the door closed I calmly walked over to the couch, sat down, grabbed a pillow and screamed on top of my lungs into it. The anger just seemed to explode from within me until I did not know what to to with myself. I sat there, screaming and punching the cushions of the couch for a good twenty minutes before the rage slipped out of my system.
It was embarrassing really, I had no reason to be that angry and I should not have given into it that intensely. After hitting myself in the face with the pillow I stood up and walked over to the bathroom.
I finished the my night time routine without making a single sound more than necessary. Exhausted mentally and physically I threw myself onto the bed and succumbed to the darkness.
***
The two weeks that followed my Abu Dhabi race were a blur filled with nothing but angst and work. I would wake up at five am to have a two hour work out, have breakfast somewhere between seven thirty and eight, then I'd go to the Rb HQ and go over the data with the engineers. After that I would drive in the simulator for about two hours skip lunch to cram in another workout, go over more data and strategies until I went home and crashed for a few hours. Not sparing a single moment for being lazy or sluggish.
The cycle would repeat over and over again for two entire weeks, I took no days off and worked so hard that Christian called me in for a meeting about my mental health. He expressed his concerns about me resting enough and assured me that the team were nothing short of impressed with my last race.
However it didn't stick with me, or at least not as well as the words of my father did. He had not been accepting any of my attempted at calling and apologizing for disappointing him. So I figured that I would just give it my all in hopes of not pissing him off further.
As the Australian gp approached I consisted mostly of sugar free RedBull, iceberg lettuce and the occasional stress cigarette. I had lost four kilos in the weeks between the Australian and Abu Dhabi Grand Prix which would surely give me an edge against at least Max if not all the others. Being light is crucial for being faster wile driving the same car as your teammate.
The stress cigarette was actually how I ran into Lando. I was leaning against a wall in a small alley in the paddock as I saw him flash by, only to smell the smoke and turn right back around to give me a look.
"You know that that is really bad for you" before I could protest he took the cigarette from my hand and put it out into the ashtray placed on the table next to me. "So?" I grinned and pulled him into a hug.
"So I will tell Robin" I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Robin is my performance coach and he would probably kick my ass if he knew I started smoking again, it's not like I was a addict or anything, I would just have the occasional cigarette to calm me down. "Plus you have no right to give me attitude- you've been completely MIA for the past two weeks" He didn't let go of the hug but rested his head on top of mine, allowing me to rest mine against his chest as we breathed in the comfort of a simple embrace.
"Yeah sorry about that, I had a lot of work to catch up on" I closed my eyes and sighed. "So do I have to be worried about you? You look shit to be honest, when was the last time you ate?" His concerned words left the ghost of a smile on my lips. Lando never was one for sugarcoating things but it didn't matter to me. "No I'm fine it's just been rough with my dad, you know how he is and he is watching this race"
At the mention of my father Lando tightened the hug just a little "Oh" He didn't say anything else for a few moments so we just stood there, holding one another. "Well good thing you qualified in second place baby!" He pulled out of the hug to place his hands on my shoulders and shake me as I squealed. "You're joking!?" I didn't know in which position I had placed since my Q3 run was cut short since the breaks were feeling iffy.
Me being second could only mean one thing, it would be a RedBull one two start since I knew for a fact that Max was 0.6 seconds faster than me.
***
Authors note:
Sooo..... how have you guys been? Before I write anything else I just have to say 3K reads is CRAZY to me and I'm so so so thankful for you!
The past few weeks have been a little rough since school and life in general has been totally kicking my ass, I've also had quite the writers block.
Anyway, how'd you like this chapter? Please please please vote and comment!