In the morning, Evan was surprisingly subdued. His mind was blank, his emotions gone as if he had exhausted them all the night before, and all he felt was the tiredness that made him want to stay in bed. However, he was not allowed to do that, as the next second his mom appeared at the door of his room to make sure he was on time to go to school.
Evan automatically got up and started to do his normal routine in a learned manner. Basic hygiene, clothes, hair, everything was as usual. On the outside, no one could tell that something was wrong with him. Inside, there was confusion, but a subdued confusion. Maybe it was because for the second time in the last few weeks, he had completely broken down, and he got all his emotions out of him until he had none left.
This time he didn't check his phone to text Kieran, and in fact, he didn't check it at all, so he didn't even notice that it was almost dead. He put it in his pocket, slung his backpack over his shoulder, and left for the bus stop without breakfast or goodbye. And although his mom was stressing about whether he would make it, he ended up getting there even earlier than usual and even caught an earlier bus that, although it didn't stop at his school, stopped close enough for him to take it. And so, for the first time in the last three years, he sat alone on the bus without his friends, leaning against the window, trying not to fall asleep.
He was jolted out of his half-sleep by the rocking of the bus that went over a bump in the road. He looked out the window to see where he was and to his surprise, the bus was approaching the stop where he wanted to get off. He stood up automatically and walked to the door. It didn't take long, and he was standing at a stone stop, where mostly people working in a nearby factory got off.
His shoes touched the pavement, following one after the other in a regular rhythm. Again, Evan went to school on autopilot. Everywhere was still quiet, since school started in almost an hour, so Evan decided to put his things in the locker and sit on the bench where he usually sat with his friends.
It was strange. His head was once full of thoughts that screamed over each other, but now he felt as if he had amnesia. He knew he should be unhappy, he knew he should panic, but even though his mind knew it, his emotions were almost zero. He wasn't even looking forward to seeing Kieran, and he wasn't angry at Angie. It didn't matter to him. Just like everything.
His phone vibrated in his pocket, and Evan automatically took it out and unlocked the screen. Kieran wrote to him, asking when he would be at school. Apparently, he wanted to go and wait for him at the bus stop. Evan read the same sentence over and over but didn't feel like answering. He knew he would probably regret it later, but his fingers just weren't cooperating.
With a sigh, he put the phone down and went back to looking ahead. He wasn't looking at anything in particular, nor was there really anything interesting. In front of him were only trees, a sidewalk, and another bench, the same as the one he was sitting on.
However, his peace was interrupted. His phone vibrated again, but this time longer, signalling that someone was calling him. He hesitated for a moment as to what to do, but finally decided to pick up the call without even looking to see who was calling.
"Everything is alright?" Kieran's worried tone came from the other end the second he put the phone to his ear. Evan paused, thinking about his answer, not realizing that he had actually answered without meaning to.
"Where are you?" This time his voice sounded even more worried.
"School," he answered simply. Just saying that one word cost him more energy than he expected.
"I'm on my way." Immediately after that, a sound came from the phone announcing the end of the call. Surprisingly, even the knowledge that his boyfriend was on the way did not cause any reaction in him. No joy, no remorse, simply nothing.
It wasn't long before Evan's field of vision was disturbed by an approaching figure. He didn't recognize him at first, but when he looked up, and their eyes met, he finally felt a spark of joy inside. Kieran looked perfect except for a worried grimace on his face. He carried himself with ease and elegance as usual, in dark trousers, a white T-shirt, and a denim shirt that accentuated his eyes.
Evan moved to make room for him, and Kieran didn't hesitate to sit right next to him and pull him into his arms, resting his chin on the top of his head. Evan leaned against his chest, his hands clutching his shirt, and closed his eyes, taking in his soothing scent. Kieran's scent was one of those things that worked on him no matter what state he was in. It was quite ironic since it was a model lesson of how he should feel when smelling his mate.
Hearing his heartbeat and feeling his lips in his hair, tears welled up in Evan's eyes again. Was he really selfish if he wanted this instead of the perfect wolf's fairy tale? If he could find his place in the world in the arms of a man who had no idea about the supernatural world, didn't the wolf with whom he shared his soul have the same opportunity? Evan had no idea what to believe. Whether it's his own judgment, Michael's words, or what he's been hearing from his parents all his life. Even Riley chose his mate over his family and home.
"Can I help you in any way?" This was exactly one of the things Evan loved about Kieran. He didn't ask what happened or what the problem was, but how he could fix it. In the world where he lived with Kieran, white always prevailed over black.
Evan wanted to tell him that just his presence was enough, that he felt safe in his arms, and that his problems seemed smaller when he was with him, but saying it all felt like too much effort, and he didn't have the energy. Moreover, his problems included the possibility that he would have to break his heart, and if he told him, it wouldn't sound like a warning but more like a threat.
And so he just silently shook his head and sank deeper into his embrace. At the moment, he didn't care if anyone saw them, and if the bench was wider, he would have climbed on top of Kieran and hugged him not only with his arms but also with his legs.
"We can skip if you want," he mumbled into his hair, and Evan was surprised. Kieran was known for his perfect attendance. Every time he missed school, it meant he was so sick he could barely sit let alone stand up. And now he was offering to skip class with him.
"Maybe we could skip the last class and go somewhere?" It was the longest sentence Evan got out today and also the quietest. Luckily, Kieran was so close to him that he had no chance of not hearing it.
"We can go to my place if you want," Kieran suggested. Evan was never at his house, and vice versa. Not that they didn't talk about it, but Evan could never stay at Marwell long enough to go to him and make it back to the bus stop in time.
"I'll tell Angie to cover for me," he replied, satisfied with his idea. Nowhere else would he feel as good as by his side, and right now he needed nothing more than his presence.
"I thought you two still weren't talking," Kieran was confused by his statement. Evan wasn't surprised as he was right. He and Angie were still avoiding each other, and if Evan didn't need something from her right now, it would stay that way.
"She owes me," he answered simply.
"Okay. In that case, you'll process Angie, and then together we'll go to the infirmary before the last class to get passes." Evan's head moved up and down Kieran's chest in agreement. After they came up with a plan together (or rather Kieran came up with a plan) there was silence between them. Pleasant silence. Peaceful silence. A silence during which Evan wasn't being slowly and agonizingly killed by his own thoughts.
After a time that seemed far too short to Evan, Kieran helped him up and gave him one last long hug before they had to make their way back to the halls of the school and go to class. Together they visited Evan's locker so he could get his things (which Kieran refused to hand and decided to carry) and then Kieran walked him to class, even though it meant he was going to be late.
Evan had no idea how he got so lucky, and his first serious thought that day was whether it would be a big risk if he kissed him here and now. In the end, his dilemma was decided by Aiden, who was waiting for him and pulled him by the forearm into the classroom and away from Kieran.
Aiden pulled him into a seat next to him and immediately started talking about everything and nothing. After receiving no response from Evan, Aiden fell silent, his expression turning worried. The two of them always had something to talk about and it often happened that the teacher had to tell them to stop disrupting the lesson. Now, however, Evan was suspiciously quiet. He just stared in front of him in silence, his hands folded on the desk, and although Aiden looked in the same direction as him, he couldn't make out what he was looking at.
"Are you sick?" was his first question. Evan turned his head in his direction, thinking of an answer that would at least calm him down a little. He didn't want to worry him unnecessarily. Aiden was another person he couldn't talk to about his problems, and Evan had had enough of lying.
"I just don't feel well," he admitted quietly. His illness was not of a psychological nature, but the explanation still applied.
"You want me to take you to the nurse's office?" The tone of his voice didn't change, even sounding even more worried than before. Evan was more than surprised when Aiden gently placed a hand on his forehead and then looked relieved when he pulled it away.
"It's not that bad. I'm just tired," he tried to turn the conversation away. The last thing he needed was to go to the nurse before he could go there with Kieran.
"You sure?" Before Evan could answer him, the teacher entered the classroom and caught Aiden's attention. He remained silent and Evan thought he wouldn't question him again, but he was wrong. After the teacher settled down, Aiden lowered himself in his chair so he couldn't see him and turned back to Evan.
"If it gets any worse, tell me, okay?" Evan nodded silently and rested his chin on his folded hands. A warm feeling washed over him for a brief moment, reminding him what great friends he had, and he suddenly felt like he could make it through the day.
---
The third period was just ending, and Evan was mentally preparing for his talk with Angie. He didn't want to talk to her, but he missed her at the same time. She was his oldest friend, and even though they were fighting now, Evan didn't forget all the times she stood by his side.
On the other hand, Michal's words played over and over in his head. Not only about his mate, but also about Angie. When Michael asked him if Angie was really his good friend, he didn't take it seriously. But now, after Michael had practically scolded him, Evan couldn't stop thinking that even though his words had hurt him, he had told him straight up and wasn't playing any mind tricks with him like Angie had. Maybe that's why he was afraid of having a conversation with her.
Everyone around him suddenly stood up, and Evan realized that being lost in thought, he hadn't heard the bell ring. It was time for the blackmail.
His footsteps headed towards the familiar locker, which he had been avoiding for the past few days. Angie wasn't there yet so he leaned against the locker next to hers and watched the hallway. It didn't take long, and he spotted a familiar brunette in the crowd. To say Angie was surprised to see him was an understatement.
"Hey?" her greeting sounded more like a question. Evan did not return her greeting and decided to get straight to the point.
"I need you to cover for me," he blurted out. Angie's surprised expression turned into one of confusion. Her brows were furrowed, and her folded hands indicated that she did not agree to Evan's request.
"You want me to cover for you?" Evan could have sworn he heard the hurt in her voice. She obviously thought that Evan had approached her, and they could continue their friendship as if nothing had happened between them, but she was far from the truth. He was still waiting for her apology.
"You owe me that," he reminded her, but she didn't seem to be aware of such a thing.
"Why the hell would I own you one?" From her tone, she finally understood that Evan really wasn't here to make up with her, and she obviously still hasn't realized that she had made a mistake. Well, at least from Evan's point of view. What she thought about the situation was apparently something different.
"Because you made me spend time with Ryan for your own little experiment," he explained to her, leaving no room for objection. Evan honestly didn't understand why he had to explain something like that to her at all. She had to be aware of what she had caused.
"Because someone had to show you the truth. You had to see that it was not as easy as you thought. That you can't just choose who you want to be with," she countered immediately, gesturing with her hands as if his words outraged her. She simply had to prove that she was the right one.
"That's not your choice. Besides, I thought you were happy for Kieran and me." Evan leaned closer to her like she had before, throwing his hands up in reproach, not caring at the moment that anyone could hear him.
"I was and I still am, but seeing Ryan happy after one conversation with you made me feel guilty. He may not know he's your mate, but his soul does. Kieran is human, he can find anyone, but to Ryan, you're his only chance," her voice sounded sincere, and her face completely changed for a moment. It reflected regret along with something that Evan couldn't identify. And although he realized the truth of her words, he focused on something else.
"Oh, shut up. You had a plan before you even saw me with him. You owe me." He was fed up with the fact that she wanted to come out of this whole thing as a victim. This was the most emotion he felt all day, and the strongest of them was anger, closely followed by disgust.
"Fine, I'll help you, but just this once." Her lips closed in a thin line, and it was clear from her eyes that she absolutely did not agree with him. However, Evan was not interested in her opinion at that moment. All he was focused on was that with her approval he would be able to spend time with Kieran. He was sure that there were many more moments ahead of him when he could expect her reproachful look. Not that he planned to make up with her.
"Not that I would expect anything else from you," he snapped and stepped away from her, turning towards the hallway to indicate that their conversation was coming to an end.
"Whatever, Evan. I hope you're happy with your decisions." With a sigh, she also turned, and they both went in opposite directions."