Disclaimer: I own nothing, not RWBY, not the characters, or any concepts and abilities written here. Please support the official release.
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A Bullhead flies down and crashes into Beacon Academy!
The doors fly open and out comes a disheveled and clearly drunk Ozpin.
"Hey, its Beacon! We made it girls!" I shout to the heavens before a spear stabs me in the head. "Ow!"
"Shut the fuck up, Master!" Ishtar shouts from the Bullhead.
"My head is pounding against my skull..." Ereshkigal moans in pain.
"You're an animal husband... a beast." Morgan bluntly states.
"Shut up girls, you love it." I smirked. "Now you know why they call me the dick wizard."
"Please... shut up!" Scáthach demands.
I look around at my school.
"Hm... did they remodel while I was gone?" I asked.
"I thought I smelled bullshit and lo and behold, here you are." Raven's voice catches my attention. "Welcome back, Dick Wizard. How was your four-month-long orgy? Judging by the way you dress, I'd say it went great."
"Oh? What's this? Is Raven Branwen actually interested in me? What a twist! Does this mean you'll finally become part of my-" But before I can finish, Raven punches me so hard it not only sends me flying but also causes all of my clothes to fall off.
"Pervert." (*Falls* Ozpin: Ouch) "Anyways, Gylnda wants to see your stupid ass." Raven growls before she sends a crooked smile my way. "I hope you got it all out of your system because I doubt you'll stay a man by the end of the day." She laughs hysterically and walks off.
The Servant girls look on curiously as Ozpin's body twitches in the background.
Later
The group arrives at the headmaster's office where we find Glynda sitting in my chair.
"Hello Ozpin. It's been a while." Glynda greets her boss with a smile.
I give Glynda a look. Something's off...
"Yes, its good to see you Glynda. How are you?" I said and Glynda laughs.
"How am I? Oh, I don't know Ozpin. Maybe having to deal with damage control, the funerals, the spikes in negativity, and overall dumbassery from the entire world is actually a GOOD THING for me." Glynda states.
I sweat drop. "That bad, huh?"
"What the fuck do you think?" Glynda snarls.
"Well, you can rest easy. Why? Because I AM HERE!" I smiled, putting my fist on my chest. "I intent to do anything to fix things."
"Anything, you say?" Glynda asked.
"Yup!"
Glynda's head leans lightly, enough for her hair bangs to cover her eyes. Suddenly, a dark aura manifests around Glynda as she breaks into a massive fit of giggles.
"Uh, Glynda?" I said, a bit concerned.
"I think you broke her Master." Ishtar points out.
"Oh Ozpin. You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that!" Glynda slowly stands up and walks towards me.
"Because I have bone to pick with you!"
"Master! We must leave! That woman isn't-"
"SILENCE!" Glynda bellows as she throws the Servants out of the tower with her Semblance.
"Now Ozpin..." Glynda's shadow completely eclipses me. "You and I are going to have a long, long chat."
The sounds of screaming can be heard throughout the kingdom of Vale.
"-and that is why you will NEVER, EVER, go off on your own with your harem without MY permission! Is that clear, Ozpin!?" Glynda demands.
(This is what Ozpin looks like)
"Y-Yeesh..." I managed to say in pain.
"Good!" Glynda then throws a handkerchief. "Now, clean yourself up. I'm going to bed." She then leaves the office.
"*Cough!* *Spits a tooth* Fuck..."
"Huh? I guess Glynda didn't turn you into a woman, but seeing you like this makes it all the better." I look and see Raven appearing from an open window.
"R-Rah- *Cough!*" I spit out blood.
"Wait-wait-wait, don't move, don't move!" Raven takes out her Scroll and takes pictures. "Twitter's gonna have a field day with this~"
"D-Don-"
"Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnd, send~" Raven sang. "Is there anything you'd like to say, Master?"
"Fuk u..."
"Sorry. You're not my type. I prefer blonds~" With that, Raven jumps off the window and flies off.
I let out a sigh. So much for a welcome home present.
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Author Notes
I'm back~
This story is not dead yet! I still have like, tons of chapters to go, so don't worry.
Anyways, I'm a bit rusty so if it sucks you know why.
Expect another update soon, either for this or another book. I'm saying which because there no fun in that.
Peace~