[Hyunjin]
I stood in front of the sink, rinsing my face with cold water, getting the ends of my hair wet and the collar of my freshly thrown on shirt. But I didn't bother to care.
Wiping my hands on the hand towels, I turned around and leaned against the bathroom counter. Drying my face as slowly as I could to try, no longer having any emotional or physical energy to put up with anything.
I could here San and Joong downstairs, laughing loudly like usual and drowning out the already faded sound of the tv. My hands hit the counter top softly and I kept my eyes closed, my head sucked between my shoulders.
I sank down to the bathroom floor, pushing my head back to touch the counter behind me. No energy, not even to walk back to my bedroom. I can't even stand anymore, everything was so physically drained for my body as if overexerting myself wasn't such a good idea.
I just wanted to close my eyes and let it all just fade away as I slept. Maybe I'd sleep so deeply I'd forget it all tomorrow. Forget every last hurtful word, that was meant to hurt but not meant to strike so deeply. Would it be possible to forget something that wounded me so badly?
Or would my mind be so stuck in it that it made even my sleeping state overwhelming, turning simple dreams into nightmares?
"Hyunjin?" I heard Felix's voice and I instantly snapped my head up and quickly shot up on my feet. I hadn't heard them come home, or I just wasn't paying attention.
"Felix! Hi, I did- I didn't hear you guys come home." I laughed off my previous state hoping he'd ignore if i acted fine.
"Yea, just now- what were you doing in here?" He quickly change the topic back to what I was praying he would ignore.
"Nothing. I'm just tired. I see you got your lip pierced." I once again brushed it off, tried to deflect and once again he didn't fall for it. He stepped into the bathroom closing the door behind him with a soft click.
"I'm not a fool, baby." He spoke softly and I sighed. "Come here." He opened his arms out to me and every muscle and nerve in me pushed me towards him with even a thought or hesitation. "Was it that bad?" He asked, stroking my hair as I nuzzled my face into his neck, nodding at his answer.
"He's so disappointed in me Lix. So disappointed." I whined. I was used to feeling like a family disappointment to my mother. But to my best friend, my brother? That was a whole new level of hurt that I never knew. A level I wish I didn't have to experience.
"He will calm down." Felix hugged me tighter. "Come on, I'm sure Jeongin is waiting his the room already.
He took my hand and led us out of the bathroom to join Jeongin. Immediately upon seeing him, I knew what I needed, and immediately upon seeing me he knew it too. His face softened and instantly wrapped his arms around me when I sank into the bed next to him.
"Do you wanna talk about it, bub?" Jeongin asked as he smoothed out my hair and the sleeves of my shirt. I sighed and sat up. Here goes nothing.
[Three hours earlier]
I tossed my backpack into the corner of my bedroom and my phone onto my bed before quickly ushering off back downstairs. I wanted a snack and it seemed like the better idea than calling Heeseung hungry, especially if he reacted the way I thought he was.
San and Joong walked through the door, Joong was holding Jeongin's backpack and shirt. "Hey guys!"
"Hey Lil Jinnie. I think Jeongin left this on the porch." Joong said calling me by that nickname he had started using a while ago.
"Thanks, I'll take it to his room." I took the bag from him and disappeared into the kitchen while the two of them settle in the living room. Which was odd, they usually go straight for the bedroom. But it was none of my business. I scoured the cabinets til I found something good enough to appease my snacking mood, quickly opening the package and shoving into between my teeth as I jogged up the stairs.
I dropped the backpack off and then took up refugee in my room, as I grabbed my phone from the bed. I stared at the black screen for a good long moment before unlocking it.
I took a deep breath as I swallowed a bite of my snack and dialed Heeseung. I rocked back and forth from foot to foot anxiously before the call went to voicemail. So I left a message.
"Hey Hee, I need you to call me back. We have to talk, there's something I have to tell you." I paused. "So just call me back when you get this. Love you."
I sent the voicemail and shoved my phone into my pocket to be ready for his return call.
I walked downstairs, deciding to give myself the company of San and Joong. Just as Cheongsan walked up the stairs by me, looking so worn out.
"Hey Che. You good?" I asked and he shrugged.
"Gym just really wore me out today, imma nod off. Wake me up for dinner?" He said patting my shoulder and I nodded though he didn't pay attention to that.
I stood in front of the coffee table, "mind if I join?" I smiled knowing instantly Joong was gonna say yea and San had no say. I was basically Joong's child at this point.
He patted the seat beside him with a smile and I happily sat down, San gave me a look as if I was disturbing something but then he quickly changed and ruffled my hair.
He probably just wanted alone time with him, which I completely understand. But I'd be upstairs unraveling myself with anxiety if I didn't give myself some kind of distraction.
But although I was physically present with them, my mind couldn't help but slip away elsewhere in between moments. Reminding me just how easy it was for my anxiety to surface, distraction or no distraction.
I felt throat constrict. Every numb from my fingertips down to my toes was tingling. Like pins and needles. Yea, so much for a distraction.
"Hyunjin?" San's voice echoed in my ears and I perked my head up in response. "You good, bro?"
"Oh, yeah. Just waiting for Heeseung to call me back." I chuckled nervously and he just nodded as if he was unsure of a certain part of my answer.
I hadn't really processed time, how much of it hand gone by. Just seconds? Minutes? Hours?
I took my phone from my pocket, checking the time. Noticing that I had called hun an hour ago and yet-
Before I could finish the thought, Heeseung's caller ID showed up on my screen. The fucker heard me thinking about him.
I quickly stood from the couch and rushed upstairs as I answered his call, placing my phone to my ear.
"Hey." I said as I shut my bedroom door.
"Hey, got your voicemail. What's up?"
"Yea, I was honestly expecting a call back sooner with the way I set up that voicemail." I chuckled, masking how anxious I was.
"Yea, sorry. I was on a date with Sunni."
"Oh." I said, prolonging the sound. He always turns off his phone when they are out together. To give her his undivided attention.
"What did you need to talk to me about?"
"Felix."
I could practically hear him freeze through the phone and then sigh.
"What did he do this time?"
"Apologize." I said and he chuckled disapprovingly. "And said he loved me."
There was a scoff, and only silence from my end and that when I heard the wheels start turning in his head.
"Hyunjin. No, don't tell me.."
"Hee-"
"No. Don't you dare fucking say it Hyunjin."
"We are together. All three of us, officially. I needed you to know."
"God fucking damn it! Hyunjin!" He was upset. Very upset. "You know he's just gonna fucking break your heart again! You are suppose to be the fucking smart one when it comes to this shit!"
"I am."
"Clearly fucking not! He's not fucking good to you or for you."
"Heeseung, I'm happy! Can you please support that?"
"Not for that fucker, especially since he will just rip that happiness away from you." I feel silent at his words and then he continued. "You really think he's gonna stay? He already left once, meaning he's completely fucking comfortable doing it again... and again... and again. And however many times you left him come back."
"He won't leave again."
"Don't sit there and lie to me because you don't know that."
He was right, I didn't. But he didn't know either. "And you don't know that he won't stay."
"It's called being fucking smart. And not being a so damn desperate for attention." He snapped back at me. "I would gladly let you be happy with just fucking Jeongin, but your goddamn obsession with Felix is beyond comprehension. And quite honestly fucking disappointing."
I squeezed my eyes shut as a tear rolled down my cheek and there was a knot in the back of my throat. "Well, then I guess I'm a fucking disappointment Heeseung. Gee, good thing I'm fucking used to it."
I immediately hung up after those words. About a whole minute went by before he tried calling me back which I ignored. And another call, ignored. On the third one I just decided to shut off my phone and put it in the drawer of my nightstand.
I sank to the floor and held my head in my hands. My heart ached. My head hurt. I just stayed like that for as long as possible until it faded enough for me to get to my feet. And then I walked straight for the bathroom.
[Present Time]
"He really said he was disappointed?" Jeongin asked.
"Not the exact phrase, but it really fucking felt like that's what he meant. I knew that's what he meant." I said, cuddling into his chest as Felix rubbed my back.
"I'm sorry, baby." Felix said as he scooted closer to spoon me, trapping me between the two.
"Don't be. He was an asshole about it. I'm happy. I don't care if he supports it. I'm going to let myself be fucking happy for once." I stated firmly and both of them smiled. Jeongin sank down into the bed, leveling himself with me until we were nose to nose.
Felix was hugging me with one arm tightly and for the first time since coming home today, I feel calm. At peace.
"I needed this." I admitted and Jeongin hummed.
"Me too, bub." He kissed my nose and I smiled contently, receiving a kiss on the shoulder from the lover behind me.
It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.
——
I woke up in the middle of the night, really needing to use the bathroom. So I slipped from in between them and hopped out of bed. One of them made noise and I froze thinking I woke them but when I turned back, all I saw was them wrapping themselves around each other.
I smiled brightly before skipping out of the room in a hurry.
Once I was relieved, I headed to my room to finally check my phone. Only to find 11 missed calls from my brother. The last one was from around the time Jeongin and Felix got home.
My eyes glanced up at the time. Almost one in the morning. Good thing it was the weekend, cause I probably, because I probably wouldn't be able to fall back asleep anytime soon.
I headed downstairs and sat down in the couch turning in the tv and making sure the volume was low but still loud enough for me to hear it. Last thing I want was to wake someone up this early.
I chose a random show on one of the many platforms we had set up and just decided to play games in my phone while the show played on in the background.
After two hours passing me by without noticed, I decided maybe I would try to sleep again, so I stood from the couch. My phone began to buzz consistently in my hand. Without thinking I answered the call.
"Hello?"
"Hyunjin, please don't hang up." I immediately recognized Heeseung's voice. And he sounded almost distraught.
"What do you want?"
"Well, honestly this call was just to see if you were awake, but now that I know you are. Can you come open the door for me?"
"Wha-" I turned towards to front door. "Are you here right now?"
"Just come open the door please. It's freezing." He said, his skeleton practically began rattling in his body.
I slowly walked over to the front door and opened it, seeing my brother standing there, hugging his body with one arm as the other was lifted, phone to his ear. I hung up the call and I was just in shock. I wanted to be mad, but I couldn't stop myself from being in a complete daze about the fact that he came here.
"Can I come in? Please?" He asked and I just took a step aside with no words, staring at him as he walked by me. I shut the door behind him and he turned to me. "Look, before you say anything, just know I want you to stay completely pissed off at me."
I didn't say a word.
"I shouldn't have reacted like that, it was unfair." He continued. "Especially the whole disappointment part. That was a huge mistake, cause you're not. You know you could never be that to me. I just.. I really don't trust him, but if you're happy," He fully looked me in the eyes as he spoke now. "I'm happy. Okay? And I mean that. Now please hit me."
"Wha- hit you? Are you serious?" I asked and he nodded firmly.
"Yea, remember I told you to stay mad at me. Now be mad at me and hit me or something. Just not the face. I'm too pretty." He held up a finger and I scoffed with a smile. "Or the balls, I don't want to be in that much physical pain."
"If you say so." I shrugged and then winded back my arm as I threw a rough punch straight into his shoulder. He knocked back a couple of feet with a groan as he held his shoulder. "Jesus fuck. Have you been working out?"
"No, I've just never fully punched you." I shrugged and walked passed him. "Look we can continue this conversation in the morning with Jeongin and Felix. But I need to try and get more sleep. You can take my room for the night."
I walked up the stairs as he followed. As I turned towards Jeongin's room, Heeseung whispered a goodnight to me. I didn't reply, I just waved him off. Which I felt slightly guilty for, but he wanted me to stay mad. So I'm staying mad.
I crawled my way back in between them and laid down, staring at the ceiling. As I let my eyes drift close, my thoughts were loud.
Goodnight Heeseung, see you in the morning.
————
[A/N]
Another chapter down! YAYYY!!
Okay, honestly my time: How many of you wanted to slap Heeseung this chapter?
Don't be shy, you can tell me.
Anyway! I hope you are all doing okay! Staying healthy, eating when you can and staying hydrated. Making time for yourself to enjoy things you love.
I love you all, and I hope you loved this chapter, but I will see you my next update Honeybees!
~ Cece