Weird was an understatement.
Evan felt so much that he wasn't sure he could even put a name to it all. Seeing Ryan in person after knowing about their connection just felt like something he has never felt before. It felt mushy. Like watching an old couple bickering on the street after they had a romantic dinner and seeing them act freshly in love even after all those years together. That kind of mushy. Evan felt his stomach turn up at the feeling.
The romance was one thing, but the fact that they barely knew each other was another. Evan had heard since he was a little kid that when he met his other half, things would be different, but at the time, he wouldn't have imagined how much.
It was weird. And not bad weird, but good weird. It was that feeling you have when you meet someone, and suddenly you two click. Like you don't even know each other but feel so close instantly, which was something Evan thought shouldn't happen. Not now, not ever. And definitely not under these circumstances.
Evan had never felt anything like this, not even with Kieran, and it felt like he fell in love with him right away. He knew what it meant. He knew that he was trying to trick destiny by pretending he didn't feel anything at that moment, but every time he started to think about Ryan, an image of Kieran's blue eyes popped up in his head. He knew he loved him. He loved him with all his heart. Kieran was just perfect for him. He cared deeply about Evan, always making sure he was alright, waiting for him to be ready to love him. Kieran felt like home, and Evan being Evan needed a permanent home where he was always welcomed. But now he didn't feel welcome. Every time he even thought about his boyfriend, he felt guilty. It consumed him and co-existed in him along with the undying desire for his mate.
Evan knew that if his feelings weren't going to fight, he had to. He could not rely on fate as it was not on his side.
That was it.
That was the plan.
Avoiding fate at all costs. It sounded easy, but the desire to see those deep brown eyes smiling at him again like he was someone special was as complicated as Evan's attempt to be human. The more he tried, the worse it hurt when he failed again. It was ironic that both failures should end with him in a happy relationship with someone who cared about him.
Either way, he should have been happy at the end, but happiness was the only emotion he didn't feel right now.
---
"C'mon, give me something," Angie urged him, thrilled with the news of him meeting his mate. He wasn't sharing her enthusiasm, but she clearly decided to ignore it. Evan didn't blame her, though. Meeting the mate was a big thing in a werewolf's life. Even he knew that. The thing was, he didn't want her to know anything that was happening in his head. It was his battle. She couldn't help him to sort out his feelings. Well, she could, but he didn't want her to. He was too afraid she would tell him something he didn't want to hear.
"It wasn't a big deal, seriously. We met, we said hi to each other, and then the meeting started." He shrugged. It was the truth. At least the verbal part of it. The way he felt when he met him was on a completely different level. Just like the moment when he looked into his eyes, and Evan froze in place and suddenly found himself in another universe. He tried to stop thinking about those feelings, but it was almost impossible. The whole night, he was waking up unexpectedly, remembering the only thing from his nightmares – his eyes.
To forget about them, he set a picture of Kieran as his wallpaper. So every time he thought about Ryan, Evan just looked at his phone to remind himself that he was not only taken but also deeply in love. In love with his boyfriend. As he should.
"I don't believe you." Angie was as stubborn as he expected. Evan guessed she knew exactly, what she was looking for, and until he wouldn't spill it out, she wouldn't stop bugging him. However, in situations like this, he could be way more stubborn than she was. He couldn't admit something he tried so hard to forget.
"So don't, I don't care," he told her, but he knew that this conversation was far from over. He needed to come up with something quickly. Something big enough for her to stop talking about that person. Evan didn't even want to say his name, knowing how it would make him feel. Stupid mushy feeling.
"Tell me! I'm dying to know! You are supposed to feel different when you find your mate. I obviously wouldn't know, but you do. So tell me." She was adamant, and she was absolutely right, too. Evan felt different. Different wasn't exactly the right word, but none of them was. There wasn't anything accurate enough to describe how fast his heart was beating or how fond he felt inside.
"You're thinking about it. So I'm right!" She smiled triumphantly.
"Maybe," he gave her another vague answer. He really didn't want to talk about it. Saying it aloud would mean admitting that something was going on between them when clearly it wasn't. He had a boyfriend. A great, amazing, loving boyfriend. Thinking about someone else was basically cheating. And Evan wasn't a cheater. He was a brat, a liar, the black sheep of the pack, but not a cheater.
"Fine, keep your secrets. But just so you know, we are hanging out together today. You and me, North Hallson, Rock Pop Diner at 5 pm." At first, Evan thought he didn't hear her right. If it was an attempt to change the subject, Evan thought it was lame. The two of them hanging in North Hallson outside her house, it wasn't something they did often. Or ever. And he wasn't afraid to remind her that right away.
"We never hang out in North Hallson. Literally never. And don't get me even starting on Rock Pop Diner. You hate that place," he immediately protested. Rock Pop Diner was a place where only werewolves hanged out. Members of their pack basically lived there, which was one of many reasons why Evan never went there. He didn't want to hear all that crap about him not caring enough for their pack. Hearing it at home was enough.
"You are right. But since you don't want to tell me anything, you owe me. Therefore, I'm picking Rock Pop Diner as our hangout place for today. You can't say no." And Evan really wanted to say no. His goal was to meet fewer wolves, not more.
"Fine. But just this time." He gave in, but only under one condition. Plus, he could always pretend that he felt sick at the last moment.
"I promise. It's a one-time thing. Their coffee is too bad anyway." Before he could ask her why she wanted to hang out there then, she already turned around and left. Evan sighed, but at the same time, he was glad their conversation was over.
"Hey, pretty stranger. You look lost." A bubbly voice came from behind him, and suddenly a hand appeared on his shoulder. The corners of his mouth instantly turned up in a bright smile. Evan would recognize this voice anywhere. His scent, too.
"Hey. I would say I got lost in your eyes, but we both know I'm not that cheesy." He put his hand over Kieran's for a second, enjoying the feeling, before dropping it and turning around so he could face him.
"I don't know. Do we?" He made a face at him, and Evan playfully shoved him. He loved moments like this. Moments when he, for once, wasn't too sad or too much of an overthinker. There weren't many of them, but he could tell he got better since they first started hanging out. Maybe he really got a bit braver, and it wasn't only in his head. Or it was simply Kieran, but that would mean the light in his life was there only when he was too, and Evan could not put such a burden on his shoulders.
"I can go back to my daily glooming if you insist," he suggested, moving closer to Kieran, but not too close so no one would get the wrong impression. Well, the right impression, but that's behind the point. Evan would love to shout to the world that he loved the boy in front of him, but not everyone gets what they want. Evan was not one of the lucky ones.
"Nah, even when I love to hold you when you are sad, I prefer you happy," Kieran beamed at him, his eyes also showing his cheery mood. Evan thought it was impossible to resist him. Kieran was a beautiful soul, always caring about others and putting everyone first. His bright eyes, his hearty laugh, and his ability to see the positive despite the negative. Everything he did make Evan's heart race. His good looks were just a bonus.
"Kieran Greene, are you flirting with me? Cause sadly, I have to inform you that I have a really hot boyfriend." He acted offended, putting his hands on his chest and all. But Kieran's attention clearly focused on something else. Hearing Evan using the b-word on purpose. Evan was sure he loved it as much as he did.
"Oh, really? Can you meet this hot boyfriend in the library at your favourite section in about two minutes so he can finally kiss you?" he asked. Finally, Evan could identify exactly how he felt. And thrilled was an understatement.
"Definitely." It almost ached how big his smile got by now.
This was it. Focusing on what they had with Kieran, not distracting himself with overthinking his decisions, and enjoying every minute of feeling loved. Every piece of it sounded like the right choice. The choice Evan's heart made. And he was prepared to hold on to it as if his life depended on it. Mate or not, he was the one who was choosing the source of his happiness.