Ao'nung was busy putting off the training he and Tsireya were supposed to lead that morning, with Kiri, Lo'ak, Tuk, and Neteyam. Ao'nung shivered at the thought. His father had said he was allowed to see Neteyam during these sessions, but Ao'nung wasn't sure if he could handle it. Every time the mere thought of being near Neteyam crossed his mind, Ao'nung was immediately lost in thoughts of the golden eyes, the beaded braids, the sleek muscle, and the accentuated waist in his warriors belt. The waist he had so recently wrapped his arms around as he and Neteyam... and was every time snapped out of it by the sound of thumping footsteps past his marui. He wore a consant scowl as he was taken out of his thoughts. It was these images in his head that worried Ao'nung, making him unsure if he could handle being civil but also ignorant of Neteyam. Ao'nung assumed his father also meant they weren't to be dating at all, and Ao'nung didn't know if it was best for him to continue being around Neteyam. Just looking at his boyfr-
No. Ao'nung thought. He couldn't be anymore, they couldn't be anymore. Just looking at Neteyam gave him goosebumps, every part of the Omatikaya was perfect. The smile, his gleaming white canines just overhanging his lip, his glowing eyes creasing in laughter, the confident flirting. All these things and so, so much more, made Ao'nung mad. Mad at his father, mad at his own stupidity for being caught, mad at himself for letting Neteyam distract him, mad at-
Ao'nung once more had to stop his own thought process. No, he wasn't mad at Neteyam. He couldn't be... could he? Neteyam had convinced him to stay out, sleep on the beach. Ao'nung had enjoyed it, so much. But how could Neteyam do that to him, surely he knew the risks of it. Neteyam's own father was evidently very tough on his own kids, as was Tonowari with Ao'nung and Tsireya. However, Neteyam didn't have the future of Chief looming over him. Now Ao'nung's lingering scowl was now directed at the one person he would have thought most unlikely to earn his contempt ever. Before he could continue this undesireable thought process, the marui entrance was shadowed by Tsireya.
"Ao, what are you doing? We have to teach the Sully's, come on!" She crossed her arms. Ao'nung deliberated for a second, caught off guard by the nickname he had last heard from Neteyam. Tsireya seemed to miss this, or she chose not to comment on it.
"Do I have to?" Ao'nung groaned, wishing he could stay in this marui for the rest of the day. He didn't want to see Neteyam if he could avoid it. He didn't want to look at the expression his not boyfriend would give him when Ao'nung had to distance himself. Selfishly, he wanted to distance himself so Neteyam's emotions wouldn't make him rethink his own decision. Despite the extreme unenthusiasm from her brother, Tsireya just walked further into the room and pulled him up. Despite the difference in their size, his sister lifted Ao'nung into a standing position with great ease. Her training was different from his, but she was fierce as any one of the boys her age, and then some. Groaning dramatically, Ao'nung followed Tsireya, scowling once more when the sun was so bright on such a miserable day.
Neteyam was eager for lessons today, though they weren't as important as of late. Learning to sign and make themselves useful was something the Sully siblings definitely wanted to and needed to continue learning, but they were getting the hang of breathing and swimming. Even with the disadvantage of their slimmer frames and tails that were not meant for swimming, the Omatikaya children had adapted well and quickly. Ilu riding was become easier for Neteyam, and he was excited to show Ao'nung. All this excitement fell away very, very fast. When the two Metkayina siblings arrived with Rotxo, Neteyam couldn't stop a smile when his eyes found Ao'nung's. Except they didn't. Neteyam was expecting, perhaps wishfully, that he would be the first place Ao'nung's eyes fell. But they didn't, and Neteyam found himself staring at a blank gaze towards the horizon. Smile faltering, Neteyam was puzzled. Waiting for Tsireya to explain what they were to be doing that day. Over the weeks Neteyam and his siblings had been learning, Rotxo had taken the lead on signing, often with Kiri and Tuk. Tsireya would help practise breathing and swimming technique, while Ao'nung and Neteyam mainly focused on Ilu riding and learning about hunting and gathering. Neteyam had been making an effort to learn signing with Kiri outside of their morning sessions, allowing more time with Ao'nung. Though as he thought about it, Neteyam realised Ao'nung could also teach him to sign. His thoughts had managed to bring him back to Ao'nung, as they so often did, and this caused Neteyam to once more meet Ao'nung's eyes as Tsireya finished her explanation and instructed everyone to go do whatever it was they were doing that morning.
When his eyes returned to rest on Ao'nung's face, Neteyam found the boy was finally looking back at him, but the gaze Ao'nung levelled was not one Neteyam thought he would be receiving that morning. The look wasn't angry, or perhaps it was. Whatever it was, Neteyam found it foreboding. Tentatively walking over to Ao'nung, Neteyam tried to replace the grimace on his own face with a smile, hoping Ao'nung's mood would miraculously lighten and they could go back to... Neteyam had to stop himself before his face could build an obvious blush. Despite the wishful thinking, Ao'nug didn't break into a smile and embrace Neteyam there and then, he just turned and walked towards the rock flat. Neteyam's smile faltered once more, having hoped to show Ao'nung his ilu riding progression, but he followed nonetheless.
Speeding up slightly, Neteyam tried to walk in step with Ao'nung, raising his arm to rest on his boyfriend's waist. But Ao'nung happened to speed up at the same time, and Neteyam's arm fell on open air. Now not smiling at all, Neteyam's mouth hung open slightly, and he stopped. Ao'nung stopped instantly, apparently paying more attention to Neteyam than it seemed. Turning slowly, Ao'nung's face was revealed, a blank mask. Neteyam crossed his arms.
"What?" the word was annoyed, but his tone hinted at something else.
"Are you okay?" Neteyam stepped closer, daring to rest a hand on Ao'nung's shoulder, who immediately shrugged it off. Neteyam backed away again, mouth open again as his brow creased and his head tilted to the side.
The expression on Neteyam's face killed Ao'nung. He would have given anything for his father to take back what he said, to be allowed (in good conscience) to kiss Neteyam right there. To pick him up, wrap his arms under the waistband that framed Neteyam's hips so well. But he couldn't. He steeled his throat, refusing to betray his shattered heart.
"I'm fine."
"No, you're not." Neteyam told him.
"Why ask then?"
"Because I care about you skxawng." Neteyam didn't smile, his attempt at humour falling to the ground. Ao'nung wanted to tell Neteyam he cared too, he cared so much it hurt. But he couldn't, so he said nothing.
"I thought... You said..." Neteyam's voice was so soft, so quiet, Ao'nung felt the words pierce his heart sharp as glass. But his father had been clear.
"It was a mistake." This sentence was the biggest lie Ao'nung had ever spoken.
"But... us?" Neteyam couldn't put together a sentence, he was struggling just to stand.
"There is no us. Not anymore." Ao'nung had to force his legs not to shake, his voice so close to cracking. To Ao'nung's horror, Neteyam nodded.
"I am a distraction. I saw you talking to your father, he is right." No, no he isn't Ao'nung wanted to scream, to take Neteyam's shoulders and shake him, make him see sense, but he didn't move. "You are the future Olo'eytkan, you don't have time for me." Neteyam didn't say this selfishly, and there was no sarcasm or pettiness in his voice, just the purest sadness Ao'nung had ever heard. "You must focus, I get in the way. You don't need an escape, you need support." Ao'nung was about to pull his own hair out. Neteyam was his support, wasn't it obvious? Didn't he see that Ao'nung was about to fall apart, and every word Neteyam said was pulling him further away?
He said nothing. He wanted Neteyam to yell, to fight him, to do anything but walk away. So naturally, the opposite happened. Neteyam smiled weakly, trying and failing to be assuring. Ao'nung didn't move, he couldn't, and when the sound of Neteyam's light footsteps trailed off, he collapsed. It didn't matter the rock cut his knees, the water quite literally adding salt to the wound. The only thing that mattered was that Ao'nung focus. He couldn't be distracted and Neteyam could do better, deserved better. Someone who could give him all the attention and love he needed, without the added weight and stress of training to be chief. Even as he thought this, tears rolled down his face, become indistinguishable from the salt water lapping over the rock below him. Silently, Ao'nung mourned the death of his biggest happiness in... ever.
But it was better this way... wasn't it?
Even as the words left his lips, as he heard what his own mouth was saying, Neteyam wanted to take it back. He would have rathered drown, be mauled by a skimwing, shred his shins on coral, lie on the sand in the full blaze of the sun. Anything, to escape this. But he wasn't lying, at least he didn't think he was. He was clearly a distraction, he had taken Ao'nung away for the night, and convinced him to disobey his fathers orders. It was his fault Ao'nung was in this position, and Neteyam needed to take responsibility. As his father had taught him, don't ever drop responsibility because it is easier to live without. Walking past Ao'nung, it took every fibre of his being and soul, every drop of strength Eywa had ever gifted him, not to jump at Ao'nung. He wanted to hide his face in the crook of his boyfriends neck, hide from this nightmare. But he couldn't, he didn't have a boyfriend anymore. Neteyam couldn't afford to be this selfish. But he wanted to be, he wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything. As he walked off, forcing himself not to look back, Neteyam tried and failed to remind himself they had only known each other for months, hardly even. Had he turned back, he would've seen Ao'nung fall to the ground and his head fall forward.
But he didn't, because it was better this way. Wasn't it?
(Spoiler alert it's not better this way)