As soon as my lips touched his, it was like everything else disappeared. The danger, the cold, the pain, the anger – all of it became background noise. My kiss was little more than a peck but I found myself caught up in the warmth of his lips.
I wanted it to last. I wanted more, but my sanity returned.
Feeling a hot blush of embarrassment rising up my neck, I pulled back and let out a shaky breath. Unable to meet his eyes, I was about to release his collar when his arm slid around my waist. He pulled me back in.
Ian's lips met mine again, but his kiss was much more than a peck. I could barely even register what was happening, so I gave in to just feeling.
And it felt amazing.
He raised a hand to my chin, gently tilting it to get a better angle and our kiss deepened. As his soft lips brushed against mine, time lost all meaning. I wove my hands back up and around his neck, causing our bodies to move closer together.
A loud pop came from the burning house to our side, making us break apart. I hurriedly removed my hands. Ian didn't stop me as I took a step back, though he was slower to let go.
I crossed my arms and bit my lower lip, trying to ignore the fact that it was still tingling. Ian took a deep breath as I gathered enough courage to meet his eyes. His gaze was heated and full of confusion.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't come up with any words to say to him. I had no explanation for what just happened. In only a few moments I had gone from obliterating one man to kissing another. As much as I didn't want to cheapen what had happened between us, I also wasn't sure how I was feeling about any of it.
"I, uh, I...um..." My cheeks felt like they were on fire and I had to clear my throat before trying again. "I need to find my gun?" My voice came out sounding pitchy, making my statement into a question.
The confusion disappeared from Ian's expression as he looked at me with a mix of amusement and exasperation. A smile blossomed on his face as he shook his head at me.
"I'll find it." He walked past me and headed towards the man I'd killed.
I found myself unable to look. I couldn't stomach it.
Weak. You're being weak.
Straightening my spine, I confronted what I had done. My stomach rolled at the sight of the man's mashed face. His jaw was hanging on by a thread on sinewy tissue. Bile began to rise in my throat and I had to turn away.
A hand touched the center of my back. "You okay?" Ian asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
I had overdone it, but the man deserved to die. He was going to kill me and everyone else if given the chance.
He had to die.
"Yeah," I said, forcing my voice to sound fine. I took a step away from Ian as I turned to face him. His eyebrows were raised about as high as they could go and I was pretty sure I was giving him emotional whiplash.
"About what just-"
"Oh! You found my gun," I exclaimed, effectively cutting him off. "Did you get the man's gun too? Check his pockets?"
Ian's eyes slightly narrowed at me. "I did. But you know that's not what I was about to say."
I flinched, wishing he would have let me off the hook. "We don't have time to talk about that right now. We need to get back to the others. There could be more people-"
"I know." The seriousness in Ian's tone cut me off. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but let me just say this. I don't know if what just happened meant anything to you, but it meant something to me."
My mouth fell open slightly at his confession. All the air suddenly disappeared from my lungs and it was like I couldn't inhale.
My silence made Ian let out a short, dry laugh. "It's fine. We're fine."
Are we?
I certainly wasn't. I felt as though a bomb had gone off in my head. I'd wanted a moment of feeling good and instead I got a flood of every emotion in existence.
Except one.
It was as though my rage had been finally released in a puff of steam. It burned neither hot nor cold. I was left empty... except for a soft, warm, buzz that still glowed under the surface of my skin.
No.
I was out of my mind to even think of anything other than survival. My rage was necessary. It had saved us. It carried us. My rage was what got us through the last three weeks. I needed it to face what was to come.
"Come on." Ian painted a kind smile on his face. I expected it to be false – angry even – but it was small and almost tender.
It made my heart ache.
His gaze lingered on me even as he walked past, taking the lead to go and find our friends. When he finally turned away, I had to take a moment to breathe.
Stop.
Knowing the nighttime would only bring us frigid temperatures and that our destination was unknown, I made myself move. My eyes stayed on Ian's back the whole time.
---
Prisha and Ray and taken down two people. Prisha herself had shot one dead. It didn't seem as though she'd had any qualms about it given her stony expression.
The four of us huddled quietly by the burning house for a few more minutes to make sure we hadn't missed anyone, but there were no other signs of life. I noticed Ian and Ray moving off a bit to the side to whisper with each other, but I actively ignored them. Instead, I focused on Prisha.
"You okay?" I asked.
Her eyes met mine before drifting back to stare at the climbing flames that were now cresting over the roof. "I am. You don't need to keep checking in with me. I told you – I'll do what needs to be done."
It was hard to respond to her after that, so I said the only word I could. "Thanks."
As we watched our home's destruction, I felt a prickle of awareness on the back of my neck. Turning my head to the side, I caught both Ian and Ray looking over at me.
I quirked a brow at them but they simply went back to whatever they were whispering about. Nothing about their expressions gave away what they were discussing, but they had made it obvious I was among the topics.
It doesn't bother me.
It doesn't.
I faced Prisha. "Do you think you could get them?" I nodded my head in the direction of Ian and Ray. "I'll check over the bodies for anything we might have missed, but we should get going."
Before Prisha could get a word out, I scampered off. In the end, we gained two more guns, but it almost wasn't worth taking them. The long-nosed pistol turned out to be a revolver and the man had used it with only a few bullets left. Ammo was going to be a major issue going forward if we kept spreading it over too many guns and kept finding guns that required different kinds.
Guns also weren't always the best option as not everyone was a good shot. Ray was lucky he hadn't accidentally blown anyone's head off the few times he handled one. However, I still couldn't bring myself to leave such good resources behind and I ended up putting both the revolver and new pistol in my backpack.
When I met up with the other three, I could see that they had all been keeping a lookout while I'd done my work.
"Ready to go? Do you need to reload your gun?" Ray asked.
I blanched.
What did Ian tell him?
Looking between the two men, neither one showed signs of concern or judgment. In fact, they showed so much neutrality that I instantly knew that they both had to have been hiding what they were really thinking.
My gut told me that, even if Ian hadn't told Ray about the kiss, he definitely told him about what I'd done to the man. It shamed me but both of the guys seemed to be trying to protect my feelings and I wasn't quite sure what to make of that.
"I already did," I told Ray, trying to play at acting neutral too. I'd made sure my gun was good to go before putting away the others. "Let's head out."
Leading the way, the only sounds I heard came from our feet crunching in the snow and the soft crackle of the blazing fire. The farther away we got from the house, the more steeply I could feel the temperature drop.
It was going to be a brutally cold night. Despite my gear, I was shivering by the time we caught up to Misty, Carlos, and Jamie. It hadn't taken long to find them at the end of the street.
To my dismay, the three of them were out in the open, almost as if they were baiting trouble. We all exchanged our stories of what had happened – with the exception of a few details – and Misty explained that they had been too concerned for our safety to simply hide.
"We didn't want you guys to have any more people to deal with," Misty said, justifying her choice.
"I appreciate that," I told her earnestly. My biggest concern was for Jamie's safety in her plan, but I believed she wouldn't have made her choice unless she was confident that she could handle it. She wouldn't put him at risk for anything.
"We have a long night ahead of us," I reminded the group. "Let's go as far as we can, but it's too cold to be outside for long. If anyone starts to lose feeling in their toes or fingers or if you are having trouble at all, please speak up. We can't afford for anyone to get sick or injured. Okay?"
I got some grumbles for responses but Carlos gave me a look of gratitude.
No one else will ever end up like Paula.
As we headed off into the night, I promised myself that I'd make damn sure of it.
---
The small amount of snow on the ground had deceived me into thinking it was a good time to travel – not that we'd been given much choice in the end. The next two days of travel were hindered by some of the most bitter cold temperatures I had ever experienced. We ended up spending most of our time huddled together in houses and stores, setting fires where we could.
Had we not acquired actual winter gear during our time spent hunting others, I was sure we would have all ended up sick or with frostbitten extremities. It took all we had not to freeze to death as it was.
However, despite the cold slowing us down, we still managed to make some progress. On our third day on the road, the sun was especially bright, giving us the best chance we'd had and we took it whole-heartedly. After a quick breakfast of snack bars, we spent hours walking, having made the choice to take the nearest major highway. After some time, it seemed as though fewer houses could be found as trees and brush lined the sides of the highway, only broken up by what looked like stretches of snowy fields.
I was determined for us to stay on the highway, drifting between abandoned cars, until we could spot a good place to rest, but I began to get nervous when even the turnoffs looked as though they were long stretches of road to nowhere. Not knowing the area was quickly becoming a massive problem. Even Carlos, who knew the area best had little in the way of advice to give.
By midday, I was becoming desperate for a solution and planning for us to take the next turn off the road. I was so obsessed that I didn't even notice that my companions had stopped walking until Ian grabbed my arm.
I looked up at him in confusion at first. I'd spent the last two and half days avoiding him and he'd let me. It made little sense for our inevitable confrontation to happen on the open road, but I was mentally preparing myself for it when I realized that he wasn't looking at me.
He – and everyone else – were staring off to the woods to our right.
A rustle came from the overgrown brush and, before I could even raise my gun, a man emerged less than ten feet in front of us.
He saw us and his eyes widened as large as saucers. I was so caught off guard that I stumbled a bit in my haste to back away from him. He raised his arms in reaction to us and it was only then that it occurred to me.
He's almost naked!
The man's dark skin had turned nearly purple as he shivered violently in his boxers. He looked younger, right around Ray's age. Despite his predicament, he looked to be in good shape. His handsome face and head were both clean-shaven. I doubted the man had been struggling before whatever mishap had befallen him had left him without even shoes in the near-freezing conditions.
"Hey," he said, trying to sound far calmer than I was sure he was. "I don't mean any harm."
We all gaped at him, likely too stunned by his sudden appearance to have a decent response. It took me a moment, but I eventually raised my gun and pointed it at his chest.
He swallowed hard. "I don't have anything on me. You can check but look at me. I've got nothing."
I didn't doubt it, but I also wasn't sure if he wasn't some kind of bait. A million questions ran through my head and I was having trouble picking one.
The man decided to answer a few for me. "I was robbed about fifteen, maybe twenty minutes ago. I don't know exactly how long 'cause they took my watch, you know?" He let out a nervous chuckle and then cleared his throat when he didn't get a reaction. "They headed off down that way," he said, pointing back at the woods he'd come from.
"How many?" I finally asked. His eyes had been examining us one by one, but they darted back to me as soon as I spoke. I knew he was sizing me up, trying to get a read on me, but I held myself firm and steady.
"Six or seven," he said plainly.
My heart nearly skipped a beat. We'd always done our best to steer clear of anyone who outnumbered us. Knowing there could be that many roaming around was alarming.
"Are you alone?" I pressed, glancing over to the thickets behind him for signs of movement.
"I am now. I wasn't before. I was out with two others when we got jumped. They got away – I think. It all happened really fast, but we got separated." The man's teeth chattered so hard it was difficult to understand him. "Look, I'll answer any questions you've got, but do you think you could spare some clothing? A shirt? Socks? Anything?"
If he was being used as bait, he was doing a great job. I pitied him despite my determination to stay indifferent. It was impossible to ignore his pain, but I tried. "Why should we?" I asked coldly.
The man's friendly demeanor faltered, becoming more somber. "If you're the kind that has to ask that question, then I can only give you one answer – I'll pay you back.
"If you can give me some clothes and help me get back to my group, I can get you some supplies. We don't have a lot, but if you help me, we'll give what we can."
My interest was piqued but tempered by my caution. "Why should we believe you? How do we know this isn't some kind of setup?"
The man lowered his arms. "You don't. But my name's Jaquan. I'm hoping you'll find it in the goodness of your heart to help a guy in need out."
Nothing about the man seemed disingenuous. I also figured he would also be completely at our mercy if anyone was going to try to mess with us. It was hard to see a downside to helping him, especially if it could lead us to obtaining more goods.
Or robbing them of goods.
He could lead us right to a stash ready for the taking and in the meantime, we would help him live another day. It wouldn't be the worst trade.
"And you're willing to trust us?" I asked. He was a fool to think he could, but I planned to measure him by his answer.
The man gave me a wry, twisted smile. "What choice do I got?"
His lack of bravado further eased my worries. It helped convince me more than any false promises or niceties. It gave us a better chance of taking advantage of him.
"Also," Jaquan added. "If you guys need a place to stay for the night, I'm sure we could set you up. You know, before it gets any colder."
That solidified it for me.
"Ray? Give him some clothes."
---
Ray and I ended up trailing behind all the others as Jaquan took the lead with both Carlos and Ian right at his sides. We'd given him just enough clothing to keep the worst of the cold out, but I was unwilling to risk our best spare gear on him.
"It's about another mile," Jaquan said to the group. He wasn't unfriendly, but he'd spoken less once we'd given him clothing. When he did speak, it came out much more measured – almost as though he was trying to buy our favor before we reached our destination.
"Alright." I kept my tone light, however, I also tugged at Ray's shirt, holding him back a bit. I was glad to see that he didn't seem surprised by my movement. He actually seemed to be waiting for it.
"We're robbing them?" He asked in a whisper.
"Depends on how it looks when we get there. But yeah, we're robbing them. We'll wait for the right moment but stay on guard at all times. I'll signal you."
Ray adjusted his grip on his crowbar. "Sounds good to me."
We walked in silence for another few minutes and plans began to spin in my head. I went through every good and bad scenario I could come up with, wanting to leave as little as possible to chance. I was starting to plan how to pass out the spare guns we'd picked up when a truck stop came into view.
"That's it!" Jaquan nearly yelled, relief evident in his voice.
I could make out a person in the window of the truck stop as we got closer. The place didn't seem very defensible or plausible for a long-term stay. It made me wonder if Jaquan and his group were transients like us.
"Kate," Ray whispered, sounding concerned.
"What?" I scanned the truck stop for what was bothering him but didn't spot anything unusual. A second person had joined the first in the window, but Jaquan had told us that he'd had two friends.
"You're looking the wrong way," Ray murmured almost urgently.
"Huh?" I looked away from the truck stop. As we'd gotten closer, I could see that there was something across the street from the truck stop. What had been hidden by trees moments before turned out to be a long, winding driveway that led to a house and barn set back from the road.
Smoke was lightly puffing out of the house's chimney.
Taking another few steps shifted my view even more. Seeing past the trees, I could make out the front of the house. Jaquan began to wave excitedly as no fewer than twenty people had begun to file out.
Oh.