Long chapter :)
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You're the last one
Audrina jolted from her sleep. She blinked in the darkness not understanding what woke her up. Kieran laid next to her, hardly disturbed by her sudden movements. The air conditioning was running on full, the air in the room cold.
But Audrina felt hot. As if she was running a fever. Despite so, she was perfectly fine. Not drowsy, no other symptoms that would indicate she was sick except the heat coursing through her body.
Hypothetically , what would you do if your curse broke.
Amrin had once asked her that. She didn't have an answer. She was scared to think of the possibility.
Of the emptiness that would consume her.
Thank you.
But maybe if she did. If she took the moment to ponder on such a rare possibility. She would of been prepared. Prepared, for the final silence in her head. Nothing attaching her to anyone.
Or the feeling that her body. Her movements. Everything about her as a person, she was in control.
Maybe she would of been prepared for the tears. The drops that ran down her cheek, cooling them along their path as they reached her chin, falling onto the sheets.
The shaking hands, her trying to control her breathing.
Goodbye
With those same shaky hands, Audrina mindlessly, pulled the covers back. She walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.
It was early morning before the sun rose. So when she had stayed in there for couple of hours. She felt her dizziness subside, but that didn't take away what just happened. It took her so long to realize it was true.
That it wasn't fake.
But the clear thoughts. Her own not being bombarded with others or the concern for other. She was worried about herself. And to say it was an emotional experience, was something she couldn't describe.
As she looked in the mirror, she looked the same. Her eyes were still dark purple, her hair streaked with those same mauve strands.
Nothings changed. But at the same time, everything has changed.
It was a moment of sitting on the bathroom floor when she felt more hopeless than any other moment in her life.
She pulled out her phone, and dialed a number.
She knew no matter, he'd see her name on the phone and answer.
"Audri, dear what a lovely and unexpected call!"
Ayame was loud on the other end. But Audrina didn't mind. She felt numb. And despite her mind being clear, she didn't know how to handle it. So she said what she was thinking.
"What did you do when your curse broke?", she spoke. "Like immediately do?"
There wasn't any hesitation to his answer. She called him because she knew he wasn't shy about anything, "Why hugged my Miné of course."
That got her even more fidgety. She wiped some of the sweat that was starting to form on her palms just from the thought. When's the last time she hugged someone as important to her as Kieran. It was such an easy gesture that she was starting to overthink. Completely out of her nature.
"You just like-.", she paused trying to form her words, "Hugged her, like you'd do with me?"
"No my dear, it's not the same", he too paused trying to figure out why this call was happening, "Audri?"
She didn't say anything. Only felt embarrassed to even look at her own reflection as she turned around till her back was towards the mirror.
"Ok thank you for your help bye.", she hung up. She groaned, dragging her hands over her face, not realizing they were still shaking.
It was still early. The sun not even over the horizon yet. But at this point she was fully awake. She was stressing out, pacing back and forth in the bathroom as she was thinking of the scenarios in her head. It's as if she was a little girl again. Back to being foreign on affection.
In no time her phone rung again, causing her to slightly jump.
She picked it up without checking thinking it was Ayame ready to help her but of course it wasn't.
"You haven't hugged him?"
"Good morning Hatori", she rolled her eyes.
"Why?"
"Well it's morning. Actually the ass crack of dawn, and it's common courtesy to greet-."
"Why haven't you hugged him?", he spoke over her. Not recognizing the type of panic in her voice. It was fear.
She stopped pacing, looked at the door to make sure he wasn't on the other side. After confirming she shrugged her shoulders. Hatori she could trust. It was a moment of weakness when she went to Ayame for her problems.
"Because of damn cuties", she flopped a hand in the air as her voice was covered in sarcasm, "I don't know maybe because for the past 25 plus years of my life the thought of hugging someone always gave me a slight panic attack. Or because every time he taps me on the shoulder I flinch like I have PTSD from his touch. Going from that to fully wrapping my arms around him is just a little frightening don't you think."
Hatori paused on the other end. Because she was right. Everyone had different reaction with their curse breaking but, one thing he didn't understand was how confused she felt.
Alone. Kieran was right outside the door but, while everyone was able to talk about it. Let go together. She carried it on for four more months.
This experience she was going through wasn't just emotional, it was confusing. She didn't know how to handle being in full control of herself. Didn't know the next step. How was she to go from denying his touch for their entire relationship to jumping into his grasp.
It was odd to think.
"Listen, take your time.", he said as if it was that simple.
"I don't have time.", she stressed. She didn't want to further elaborate for it would surely make her cry. But they knew what she meant. Realization came to her that the only reason why she called, was to avoid her own desires.
She knew what she wanted to do. But it scared her nonetheless.
"I", she audibly sighed, "I have to go. Ill see you later today to say bye."
She didn't wait for him to answer, instead she just hung back up.
The Zodiac spirit within her that was able to keep up with the lack of sleep was gone. Staying up wasn't an option for her as she felt sleep call to her no matter how fast her heart was continuously racing.
She only hoped that as she crawled back onto her side of the bed, tucking completely up under the covers that it would be a great distraction. A moment to forget as she closed her eyes and fell asleep.
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Eventually, Audrina woke up as the sun seeped into the room. She could only tell even having her face buried under the covers, light still shone through.
She stirred in place, and stretched before the door to his bedroom, she heard open.
Kieran was walking back in for his phone not want to disturb her but, a smile appeared on his face as he realized she was awake.
"Good, I was starting to get bored.", she heard his groan.
She froze at the voice. Not because she startled her. Because it was starting to hit.
It wasn't a fever dream. It was real.
Her curse broke.
But Kieran didn't think anything changed. Just did what he'd normally do. It was easy for him. He didn't know that everything was different for her. Audrina was ready to fall back asleep, the warm of the covers and the escape she got was preferred.
"It's almost noon", he continued on, she wasn't ready when he drew back the covers to reveal her face, she too groaned bringing her hands over her eyes, blocking them from the sudden light. "There's no way I woke up before you."
Ignoring his remarks, her eyes still shut, she brought the cover back up over her face. Kieran chuckled at that. He placed his coffee cup on bedside table and Audrina wasn't ready as he drew them back once more.
"Stop", she whined, and pulled them up.
"You've grown spoiled.", he teased, "You want me to bring breakfast to you?"
Seeing it was about to turn noon, the thought of breakfast made her nauseous. Kieran huffed, picking back up his mug.
"I'll take that as a yes."
A few second later, he came in, the aroma seeping under the covers. Audrina was fully awake. Still battling with herself how she was going to handle this.
When she was still buried up underneath the covers for his return, Kieran settled the plate on the table beside her, "What's wrong.", she felt his hands trail up her arm. The touch alone making her question things she'd never thought to of imagined. But it wasn't fair. This was her last day. She shouldn't turn away, for her own personal problems.
Putting on a mask of comfort, she drew back the covers for the last time.
"Nothing", she rose and look to the table to see he fixed her favorite. "You didn't burn down the kitchen this time?"
"Oh and she's got attitude.", he leaned down for a kiss. "No I didn't."
She laughed and enjoyed as he came in with his tray of breakfast. There were moments in which she would catch herself staring at him. As if the person in front of her was foreign. And in some aspect he was.
She's had dreams of just being able to comfort into his arms. Buts that all there was for her to grasp. Dreams.
She felt weird knowing that it's been this long into their relationship and he's yet to question it. The respect he has for her, she couldn't have gotten that from anyone else.
"I have a surprise for you.", he reached into his desk drawer. She watched as he pulled out a white envelope. She scrunched her eyebrows as she took it. It felt light, featherweight as she opened the flap.
"Whoa.", Audrina's eyes nearly popped out of her head.
It was a printed out reservation for one of the top restaurants in Japan. It was an hour drive and seats fill up so fast some people have to call in months advance.
"How!", she beamed.
Kieran was tying back his locks as he explained, "You remember the Ryle's case we won?."
She nodded her head looking over the reservation again to make sure it was real and she wasn't dreaming.
"He is friends with the owner.", he nodded. "Gave us VIP treatment, for saving his friends ass from spending half of his life in prison."
She smiled brightly, trying to ignore the signals in her head. Telling her to just do it. For she wanted to just wrap her arms around him, she felt it'd be out of place. She didn't know when was the right time. Or if there's ever be a right time. But nonetheless, today was the last day in which she'd be able to do so.
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The day went by too quick. Audrina and Kieran were already back from the restaurant. They were driving back when she didn't realize that they took a different route.
When she questioned it, he said that there was just one more thing he wanted to do before heading home. It wasn't a long detour.
Eventually, Audrina got out of the car and was looking at a lake. The sun was setting and the orange hue, made the water an oddly beautiful coloration. While Kieran was too following her, she approached the ledge and leaned forward.
Lily pads drifted along the surface of the lake. On top held frogs, and other creatures not minding the extra company.
"What's this?", she spoke, still admirring the line of flowers, rare to bloom anywhere else except next to a water front.
Kieran leaned against the rail beside her, "I don't know", he shrugged honestly, "I'm stalling."
Her features softened as she looked at his side profile. She could hear it in his voice. And she was trying to keep it together for him. Not to mention her still not giving him a simple hug. This was her last opportunity. After she heads back to his house, they were to grab her stuff pack it in the car and say goodbye to those waiting for her at the estate.
She didn't say anything at she looked back out at the glistening water.
"Thank you again", she spoke softly. Kieran didn't ask as she continued, "For not turning away. And I'm sorry for not ever giving you a choice months ago."
"Don't apologize", he finally moved from his spot . Standing Audrina turned till her back was against the rail. She looked up as he stood before her. As if she hadn't been by his side for the past four months she was trying to create a picture image. Some moment she'd have to store till they see each other again. And she could tell he was doing that same thing.
"I didn't turn away because...... I love you."
Her heart stopped. Everything about her stopped functioning. Her mouth suddenly went dry, as the sky behind him, was transitioning a star filled night.
Actions speak louder than words. She understands that. But hearing it was just as important. So she wasn't hesitant as she spoke too.
"I love you too.", her voice was soft and terribly vulnerable.
Kieran hummed at that before leaning in to seal the moment.
They were both in their own world. Taking this moment to just forget. Forget that in several hours they were going to be separated. And they were each ok with it.
But one thing Audrina wanted to do, she was fighting internally. When he stepped in closer, still connected at the lips her body felt overheated.
She couldn't think about it. Everytime she did, it took her one step back from doing what's she been wanting to do since New Years. It been so long she didn't understand how she lasted without falling victim to the simple gesture.
So she didn't think. Her brain was already swirled in dizziness from him in the moment. A daze as she took initiative and stepped in closer, placing her hands on his chest. To which she felt him practically fold under pressure. He tensed breaking the kiss and looked to her.
"W-wait what a-about-.", if he'd asked, she wouldn't have done it.
So she cut him off, "Shut up", she whispered gripping the back of his neck and pulled him in, this time their bodies were flush against each other. She gave him one last kiss to confirm he'd be quiet and then wrapped her arms around him.
She felt like a time bomb. Like in seconds she would turn into a cloud of purple smoke.
He was warm. Making her forget whatever she was thinking about.
People do this everyday, and she felt as if she missed out on it. She felt jealous in a sense about how natural it may seem to them. But one thing she could say, is that no one can feel the way she felt in this moment.
Kieran was tense for a second. Like if he moved he would break fragile glass. But eventually, he did slowly wrap his arms around her shoulder and lower back. She didn't think it could get any better until he drew her in burying his head in the crook of her shoulder. She listened to his heartbeat, and was surprised to hear is go a mile a minute.
She hasn't realize the impact she had on him until that moment.
And when she didn't flinch from his touch for the first time since they've been together, he squeezed her a little tighter.
After a couple of seconds, her becoming familiar with the arms closed around her, he mumbled into her neck, "I loved you for a while now; if I'd known telling you would lead to this, I would've been done it."
She huffed at that, and when she was about to let go, his grip tightened, "Kieran."
"Audrina", he mocked.
Having a smile on her face, she rolled her eyes, grabbed a fist full of his locks and dragged his head back till he was inches from her face. He smirked, moving his hands to her waist.
She couldn't help but giggle. All her life, there been so much that has set her back. Kept her locked in the past. She had to grow up fast to fill the parental gap in her life. Then was knocked down, multiple times every chance she took to move forward, to do something in her life for herself. For her satisfaction.
And finally, she felt what it meant to live for her future. To look at the man in front of her and be able to say what she wanted, and express herself in more ways than one. It was more than just loving him, it was understanding that she can love him without sacrificing herself or him and do the simple things.
Taking his hand, she directed him to the car, ignoring the painful jabs of realization. That this moment couldn't be everyday. But it still felt like the beginning.