CHAPTER 11 -
ROSELYN.
The moment only lasted for a few moments. Quickly I was reminded again, who I was returning to.
My body felt cold and stiff again.
The comfort I had felt seconds ago, was gone.
Just like that.
I knew, where I was going.
I knew, what would happen in a few minutes.
Even though, it has happened several times already, I feared what was coming next.
I had no idea for how long I'd be able to endure all of this.
Every day was a new battle.
Battle of whether I should keep going or just give up.
I didn't want my fear to win, but what was I supposed to do?
"You're shaking."
My thoughts were disturbed by Erling's voice.
We were at a red light, when he turned his head to me.
"You okay?"
I swallowed. I hadn't noticed, I was shaking.
"Y-Yeah. I'm just a little cold." I lied.
The coldness wasn't the reason for that.
My fear was.
The lights turned green again.
"We're almost there." He said before driving again.
I swallowed.
That's what I feared most.
Being home soon and get hurt again.
I felt a tear rolling down my cheek.
I looked up to the stars and just wished, it would stop hurting, eventually.
Not long after, Erling stopped in my driveway and turned off the engine.
I wiped away my tear and got off from the bike.
Erling got up, too and unsecured the helmet on my head before helping me take it off.
"Thank you for the ride."
I said.
He looked at me, softly.
"No problem."
I bit my lip while lowering my gaze.
My mind was back on Brody.
Already thinking about him made me feel sick to my stomach.
I didn't wanna go inside, but I had no other choice.
Inwardly, I sighed before looking back into Erling's face.
I took off his jacket and handed it to him.
"Thanks for the jacket."
"Anytime."
He answered and put it back on with one touch.
"Are you sure, you're okay?"
He then asked.
I looked into his eyes and felt like crying.
I felt like, telling him everything that was going on inside of this house behind me.
But, I didn't.
I couldn't.
He wouldn't understand.
It would make things worse and harder.
Also, it wasn't his problem.
I wasn't his problem.
It should stay that way.
"Yes." I answered with a thin voice, before clearing my throat. "I'm fine. I'm just tired."
"Me too." He answered, while not stoping looking into my eyes.
For a moment it was quiet.
A little too quiet, for my liking.
Quietness always freaked me out.
At home, it never meant something good.
It meant, that sooner or later, Brody would sneak into my room and hurt me.
It meant, my mother was asleep and wouldn't notice Brody gone.
It meant horror.
"Good night, then."
I said a little shaky, but I hoped he wouldn't notice it.
"Good night, Rose."
The way he said my name, sounded so pure and beautiful.
I never liked my name, because my mother had given it to me.
But hearing him saying it, sounded so perfectly.
I turned around and walked up to my door.
With shaky hands I put the key inside of the keyhole and turned it.
My eyes filled with tears again, as I walked inside and turned around to quietly close the door behind me.
Tears rolled down my face.
"Roselyn."
I closed my eyes sharp, to try to control my emotions.
Suddenly, I heard Erling's engine start.
Not even 5 seconds later, the sounds became more distant.
I gasped for air, when big hands suddenly grabbed me by my throat from behind.
Brody pressed me with my back against the hard, concrete wall and looked at me with anger in his eyes.
"Do you think this is some kind of hotel?" He hissed, quietly, probably so he wouldn't wake my mom up.
"You think, you can walk in and out of here whenever you feel like it?"
His grip got tighter around my throat.
I only saw him through blurry eyes because it was hard for me to breathe.
"I want you to go to the bathroom. Now."
He said and let go off my throat.
I started coughing hard.
I put my hand on my throat and felt the heat on it.
"Now!"
He demanded a little louder.
I flinched, immediately.
Quickly, I walked upstairs and opened the door the bathroom.
My legs were shaky, because I knew what was about to happen.
Brody followed me into the bathroom and quickly closed the door behind us.
I heard him locking it.
I closed my eyes and tried to breathe calmly.
It wasn't possible.
No matter how often this would happen, it would never be easy for me.
Just because this wasn't right.
It wasn't right that he did this to me.
He grabbed me by my upper arm and turned me around to face him.
Brody grabbed my top and quickly put it over my head, just to throw it on the floor afterwards.
My eyes filled with more tears.
He, then proceeded to continue undressing me.
"Fuck." He moaned into my ear, while he had me pressed against the cold wall in the shower.
My face was pressed against the wall while he penetrated me from behind.
His hands were all over my body, while he gave me the next push.
I whimpered, while closing my eyes.
Inwardly, I just prayed this would be over quickly.
I quickly put on my underwear when he was finished with me.
On his face, there was this disgusting grin of his, while putting on his boxer shorts.
Suddenly, when I wanted to pick up my top from the floor, he grabbed me by my hair and hit me in the stomach with his other fist.
I cried out in pain and placed my hand on my stomach, to try to ease the pain.
Pointless.
He grabbed both my arms and pulled me closer.
"Don't ever sneak out of my house again, or else I will make your life a living hell."
It already is.
When I didn't say anything to that, he lashed out and hit me on the cheek with the flat of his hand.
I cried while looking down in shame.
"Understood?"
He hissed.
I nodded, strongly.
"Y-Yes."
"Good."
He said before walking to the door, unlocking it and walking out of the bathroom.
He left me standing half naked in here, in pain.
- On Monday -
I looked into the mirror and saw the bruise on my cheek.
Damn it.
How was I supposed to cover that up?
Make up wasn't my skill, so I was scared it wouldn't work out.
I took my concealer and applied a lot of it on my cheek and the rest of my face, so the colors would match. I took some powder as well.
After I was finished, I looked at myself.
It looked better, definitely.
I walked back into my room and took out some clothes of my closet.
I looked down to my stomach, which was covered by my shirt.
Carefully, I pulled it up a little and looked at the big bruise on it.
It was purplelish.
Tears filled my eyes when I thought about Brody hitting my stomach as hard as he did.
Whenever I took a breath, it hurt.
I pulled by shirt back down, before grabbing a pack of pills from my nightstand.
These will help, hopefully.
I took a short, grey, sweat jacket before taking the rest of my stuff and walking downstairs.
Quietly, I went into the kitchen and grabbed me a bottle of water before heading into the corridor.
I put my white, Air Force 1 on and walked out of the house.
When I was far enough, I felt some relief.
I arrived at school and walked to my locker, where I got my book out of it before closing it again.
"Hey, Rose."
When I turned around I saw Garrett and Gaby.
"Hey, guys."
I forced myself to smile.
"Wow, the party really fucked me up." Garrett said, while running his hand through his hair.
"I have it differently in mind. I saw someone trying to fuck you."
She grinned.
"Wait-You think he wanted to fuck me?"
Garrett smile got big.
When I heard that word my body froze a little.
How they talked about sex like it was something good, something excited and something to look forward to.
It made me feel different.
I knew I wasn't normal.
My life wasn't normal.
I didn't like the relationship I had with sex.
It was a topic I'd love to avoid.
I don't even think I could picture myself having actual sex with someone.
What Brody and I had wasn't sex.
It was rape.
It would always stay that way.