#DS5Unbowed #EmbRace #PuppyCouple #DaggerSeries
CHAPTER 33: HUMOR
EMBER'S POV
The last six months were a whirlwind. I realized that if the Dawsons could arrange a grand proposal in a very short time, they could also do the same thing for a wedding. I know what it's like to be busy, especially when I have a competition, but I've never been as busy as I've been with all the wedding preparations.
Ang choice lang kasi namin ni Trace ay magpakasal ngayong taon o after two years pa dahil next year ay si Ellena naman ang ikakasal. The Dawsons don't really believe in superstitions that much, but my family does. Lalong-lalo na si Papa.
Honestly, I don't really want to have a long engagement. Trace and I are already living together. Kasal na lang ang kulang. At ang 'perks' ng mga mag-asawa, also known as the honeymoon.
I might be open to exploring that part of a relationship before marriage, but not Trace, who stood by his words to do right by me and to keep his promise to my father.
So here we all are.
I thought that six months was a pretty decent amount of time to prepare for a wedding. Hindi rin naman kasi kailangan na sobrang engrande ng kasal dahil wala naman akong masyadong iimbitahin. Iyon nga lang ay kapag pinagsama sina Ellena, Papa, at Trace ay hindi talaga pwede ang simple lang. Trace and Papa even teamed up together when I told them that I'm fine with a civil wedding.
I'm glad that we didn't opt for that one, though. Even though it was exhausting and at times overwhelming, I enjoyed every aspect of the planning process. Especially when I accidentally found a venue for the ceremony while I was out riding with Choc Nut.
Everything was going smoothly. We didn't need to rent a hotel because the wedding will be held at a location near the farmhouse, so I stayed here with the Dawson women and Ellena, while the men stayed at Gun and Lia's home. We also have a venue for the wedding, the reception will be at the Forest Barn in Alfonso, Cavite, the food and cake are all settled, the invitations were sent out, and I bought a wedding dress from a local designer in Ormoc who turned out to be a fan of mine and reached out to me.
I fell in love with her design. It was simple, but I love the work that has gone into making it. The designer crafted every part of the dress. It has a complex lace bodice that the designer custom made herself, it's tight at the torso, and the rest cascades down into a graceful flowy train. It has an open back, a neckline with enough skin to show, and delicate sleeves. I loved it.
Everything is perfect. Alas dos ng umaga ay gumising na ako dahil sunrise ang theme ng kasal. Trace and I greet every morning together, and each of them is special in their own way. I wanted to greet another day that will mean so much to us.
I have nothing to worry about. I wasn't even nervous, and there's no way that I will ever have cold feet when it comes to committing when Trace is involved. I was so sure that I would be the kind of bride who wouldn't be a nervous wreck on the day of the wedding. After all, I handled much greater pressure during my career as an athlete.
Except I woke up today and everything is in chaos.
Nagkaroon ng problema sa shipping dahil hindi maipadala iyon dahil sa bagyo. When we received the all-clear and sent it out, ang courier naman ang nagkaroon ng problema. I was expecting it to arrive three weeks ago, but it's not the designer's fault that it got delayed, so I didn't stress much about it. It arrived in Luzon two days ago, and Trace and I went to Manila to directly get it from the hub.
Then we encountered another problem. A big one.
The gown was missing.
Hinanap ng management sa mga iba pang maaring napuntahan no'n ang gown pero hindi nila makita. We were all concerned that it was still in Visayas, but their system showed that it had been shipped out.
Yesterday, they told me that they found it. Aksidenteng napasama iyon sa mga ibinyahe papuntang norte. Handa na akong bumili na lang ng kahit na anong wedding gown na makita ko na available. It's not like I have a choice. But since they found it, the problem is solved.
It was expected to arrive at one in the morning. Enough time para makuha sa Manila iyon ni Cristiano na siyang nagpresinta at makabalik dito sa Cavite.
I was really hoping to open my eyes this morning with the wedding gown already here. I'm not the kind of person to cry over a dress, but I'm near tears right now.
Pinaypayan ng kapatid ko at siyang maid of honor ko ang mukha ko. Kasalukuyan niyang karga ang isa sa kambal ni Belaya. "Huwag kang iiyak. May makeup ka na. Madilim pa sa labas kaya may oras pa tayo."
I bit the inside of my lip, afraid to ruin the carefully applied color on my lips. Naayusan na ako kanina pa. My long hair falls on my back in natural curls. There's a pin holding my hair away from my face, where the veil will be attached.
"Cristiano won't make it," I whispered brokenly.
Parating pa lang sa hub ang gown. Kanina pang madaling-araw nandoon si Cristiano at iniintay iyon. Motorbike na nga ni Coal ang ginamit niya para mas mapadali ang byahe.
Hinapit ko ang suot ko na roba. We should have gone back to Ormoc to get it ourselves. Kung nagkataon man na abutan kami ng bagyo roon ay makakabalik pa rin kami na hindi hapit sa oras. We went there for the fitting, so I was confident that nothing wrong would happen.
"W-Wala na nga akong honeymoon, wala pa akong wedding gown," garalgal ang boses na sabi ko.
Isa pa iyon sa problema. The finals for the competition got moved to last month because the country where it was supposed to take place closed its borders for government-related issues. Then it got moved again, but I was relieved at that time because they decided to hold the competition in mid-January. I was training constantly, so it wasn't a problem. Ang kaso ay inagahan nila ang schedule.
Trace and I already accepted our fate, especially when we found out the final date of the competition. Hindi na namin pwedeng iusog ang kasal namin dahil naka-set na talaga ang lahat. We planned to marry on the day we first met. December 31.
Trace has no choice but to tell me his plans for the honeymoon as well. Sa Maldives kami dapat pupunta. Our flight was supposed to be late in the afternoon. Pero dahil sa competition ay mas mauuna akong umalis sa reception dahil mas maaga ang ibinigay na flight sa amin ni Stellan. I will be going to Moscow, and Trace will leave for Maldives and wait for me there.
He wanted to come with me, but I convinced him to stick with the original plan. It's not like we can have a decent honeymoon in Moscow where I will need to be focused on the competition.
"Do you want our gowns? Kung okay lang sa'yo pwede kang mamili sa gown namin," sabi ni Lia na nag-aalalang nakatingin sa akin. "Kahit iyong kay Lucienne. Siguradong papayag 'yon. Gusto mo bang tawagan ko siya?"
Mireia rubbed her round pregnant stomach. She's as tense as the rest of us. "I'll offer mine but..."
Yeah. There's no way that Mireia's gown will fit me. She's a lot taller than me, so the gown will swallow me. The bust area will be a problem too, since there's no way in this lifetime that I can fill it.
"Wala akong wedding gown pero I can try and ask local designers here in Tagaytay if they have something on-hand. Baka naman may makumbinsi ako na magbukas ng maaga," sabi ni Luna.
A shrill ring of a phone sounded, and Ellena transferred the three-month-old Astrea's weight into one arm so she could reach for it. She listened for a few seconds before she handed the phone to me.
"Ember?"
"Yes, Pa?"
Even to me, my voice sounded defeated.
"Parating na si Cristiano."
"Po? Akala ko hindi pa niya nakukuha?"
"I asked an employee of mine to wait for the other wedding gown. Cristiano's bringing you a different one. He needed to go to the ranch first, so it's taking him a bit of time. I didn't know that you were having problems, but Trace told me what's happening. I thought of offering it to you months ago, but you said that you have a wedding gown already."
"I don't understand, Pa—"
Bago ko pa matapos ang sasabihin ko ay may kumatok sa pintuan. Everyone was being so quiet so that I could talk to my father that the loud sound made us all jump. Belaya, who's carrying her son, Orion, went to the door and opened it. Nakatayo sa labas ng pintuan si Cristiano na may dalang malaking itim na garment bag.
"It's your mother's wedding gown."'
Tuluyan ng kumawala ang kanina ko pa pinipigil na mga luha.
"She's crying!" Mireia shouted in panic.
Natatarantang napatayo si Lia. "Tissue!"
They all scrambled to find something to wipe my tears with. Ellena grabbed a towel, Lia took a shirt from the closet, Belaya pulled the end of my blanket, and Mireia successfully found a tissue since she was sitting near the vanity mirror. I would have laughed at them if we were in any other situation than this.
Akmang kukunin ko na sana ang tissue kay Mireia pero lumapit siya sa akin at siya na mismo ang nagpunas sa mukha ko para marahil ay hindi ko mabura ang makeup ko.
"I don't know if you'll like it. It retained its color since it was in the secret room with the rest of her stuff, so it's not turning yellow yet. I don't know why, but when I visited the ranch last week, I decided to take it out and put it in my closet. I really wanted to give it to you, but I don't want to force you into anything anymore. You are your own person, and I'm trying to be a better father. It's old and probably outdated, but if you want it, it's yours."
"Pa..."
"Everything's going to be fine. I don't think a missing wedding gown could stop your groom from marrying you today."
Ellena gave Astrea to Lia, and she walked to the door to take the gown. She thanked Cristiano before closing the door so that I could change into it.
"Thank you, Papa," bulong ko.
"Your mother would have loved seeing you wear it. I just didn't want to make you think that—"
"You don't need to try so hard, Pa. Even before, you were only thinking of giving me a happy life. Hindi lang tayo nagkakaintindihan. We were just..."
"Too prideful and stubborn."
Mahina akong napatawa. "Yes. We were."
Muli akong nakarinig ng ingay sa kabilang linya. My father let out another sigh. "Your permanent headache wants to talk to you."
"Grabe ka naman po, Pa. Parang kagabi lang close na close tayo dahil pinatumba natin ang mga mahihinang nilalang kong mga kapatid sa tong its ah," narinig kong sabi ni Trace.
"Paano mandaraya ka." Humina ang boses ng ama ko na parang malayo na sa kaniya ang phone. "Bilisan mo lang at baka kapag natagalan pa ang anak ko eh mapag-isipan niyang umatras."
I could hear other voices at the other line. Mukhang hindi lang kaming mga babae ang kanina pa gising.
"Princess?"
"I'm here," I whispered.
"Are you okay?"
"I am now."
"Your father was right. Kahit walang wedding gown ay matutuloy pa rin ang kasal. If you wear your pajamas to the wedding, I'll wear mine too."
I chuckled. "Eh paano kung robe lang?"
"Eh di mag ba-boxers lang ako."
"Ang ginaw sa Tagaytay."
"Isang tingin pa lang sa'yo hindi na ako lalamigin— Joke lang, Pa. Wala akong masamang ibig sabihin. Mabuti ang intensyon ko sa prinsesa natin." Trace snickered as if he's a boy who got caught being naughty. "I should let you go. Well, the call at least. Because there's no way that I will ever let you go. So don't cry, okay, princess?"
"How did—"
"Humihingi ako ng update kay Lia," paliwanag niya. "I know you're stressed out, and I understand. You can cry all you want later. I just want to be with you when it happens. I hate being away from you knowing that you're crying."
He's going to make me cry again. "It's just overwhelming. Parang lahat hindi nag wo-work out."
"The universe has a sense of humor. But at the end of the day, we'll just end up proving that no matter how many changes and mishaps happen, we're still happy. We're still going to be husband and wife."
"I want everything to be perfect for you."
"What do you mean, princess? Everything's already perfect the moment we found each other."
"But the honeymoon—"
Trace cut me off. "That could wait. I don't mind waiting. All that matters to me is at the end of this day, even if we're in different countries, that we both have rings on our fingers." Someone called his name. Probably one of his brothers. "We need to leave now. I'll see you in a few?"
"Trace?"
"Yes, princess?"
"I love you," I whispered.
Sandaling hindi siya nakapagsalita. Nang muli kong marinig ang boses niya ay mukhang hindi na lang ako ang nag-iisang niyayakap ng nakalulunod na emosyon. "I love you too, Mrs. Dawson."
I was the one to end the call. Knowing Trace ay baka nakakailang paalamanan na kami ay hindi pa rin niya magagawang putulin ang tawag.
I turned to the others and I saw all of them watching me. Inangat ni Ellena ang hawak na garment bag. "Ready?" Tumango na lang ako nang hindi ko magawang mahanap ang boses ko. "Close your eyes, and we'll assist you."
I did what she told me to do. Narinig ko ang pagbaba ng zipper ng garment bag at rinig ko rin ang pagsinghapan nila.
Hindi ko na alam kung sino sa kanila ang humahawak sa akin. I didn't find it in me to be shy, and they clearly didn't mind. They helped me get into the wedding gown, and it wasn't long before I felt it slide up my body. Mayroon ding nagkabit ng veil sa pin na nasa buhok ko.
Nang maramdaman ko ang pag-angat ng zipper na nasa likod ko na nasundan ng kung sino na humawak sa mga balikat ko at iniharap ako sa ibang direksyon ay unti-unti kong binuksan ang mga mata ko.
My tears threatened to fall again when I saw my reflection on the mirror. I held it in. I want to see everything clearly.
I thought I already found my gown. I thought I already fell in love with one. But looking at my mother's wedding gown, it's like I fell in love again... but harder.
It's a princess silhouette dress, and it's no wonder that the garment bag was huge because there's so much fabric and the train is longer than my original gown. The bodice is cinched tight at the waist, and it has a more decent sweetheart neckline, but it has a sensual front side slit that makes movements easier. And it's a very long slit.
The sleeves are everything though. They have the perfect balance of flare and grace. They're drop sleeves, so they look like they're hanging from my arms effortlessly. They're puffy, but they didn't look heavy since the material used was light.
My father was wrong. It's not outdated. In fact, it's perfect.
"Mama Callista had taste," Mireia said, breaking the silence.
Tumango si Belaya. "Parang gusto kong magpakasal ulit."
Ilang sandaling nakatulala lang kaming lahat habang tinitignan ang suot ko. It even fit perfectly. Like it was made for me.
Thank you, Mama.
Lahat kami ay napatingin sa gawi ni Luna nang malakas na pumalakpak siya. Binuksan niya ang bag niya at pagkatapos ay lumapit siya sa akin. May dala siyang maliit na kahon.
Both Ellena and I were confused, but the rest of the women seem to know what's happening.
Binuksan ni Luna ang kahon at sa loob niyon ay may kulay asul na hikaw. The sapphire was shaped into a flower, and it's attached to a gold jewelry mount that has the same shape but is bigger than the stone to accentuate the design more.
"It's my mother's," she explained.
"Luna... that's... you don't need to give it to me. It's probably important to you and your family—"
"That's why I'm giving it to you. You're going to be part of our family. Gusto ni Mama na ibigay ko ang isa sa jewelries niya sa mga babaeng pipiliin ng mga kapatid ko na makasama." She smiled at me gently, and she reached for the small earrings inside the box. "And later, there's something else that Kuya Coal will give you."
Her fingers are gentle as she removes the earrings that I'm already wearing.
"Sa lahat ng mga kapatid ko ay si Kuya Trace ang lagi kong nakakaaway. Iisipin mo na mas nakakaasaran ko dapat si Kuya Domino o si Kuya Coal pero si Kuya Trace lang talaga ang kayang gumalit sa akin ng todo," sabi niya habang inaayos ang hikaw. "May middle child problem ang isang iyon. Walo kami pero masyadong mild mannered si Kuya Axel. Naibuhos lahat ang sakit ng ulo kay Kuya Trace."
"I never thought of that. Akala ko may personality lang talaga siya ng chihuahua. High-energy and adorable."
"Kaya bagay ka kay Kuya eh. You always see the best in him, which others find annoying." Nakangiting napailing siya. "Not everyone could handle him. He's always too much. Masyadong makulit, masiyahin, magulo, maingay, at ang daming naiisip na kalokohan. Kaya laging kaibigan lang ang tingin sa kaniya tuloy ng mga nakikilala niya. Iyong masarap maging tropa pero hindi jowa."
"Sa bilis ng kapatid mo hindi na nga siya nagawang makita ni Ember bilang jowa," singit ni Mireia na natatawa. "Asawa na agad."
Luna rolled her eyes. "The famous speed of the Dawsons." She stepped back and looked at the earrings that were now attached to my ears. "Kuya Trace might be a lot, and he could annoy the hell out of anyone, but he's loyal to the core. He'll do everything for the people he loves. He'll do all that he can to make you happy."
"Parang ayaw mong magbago ng isip si Ember ah," natatawang sabi ni Belaya.
Luna winked at me. "Something like that."
I understand her without needing an explanation. Even if Trace is the brother that she usually fights with, like the rest of her siblings, Trace is also someone for whom she would fight for. And even if she's telling me that her brother could make me happy, I know that hidden behind her words is a plea for me to do the same.
"I love him, Luna. I'll take care of him," I said to her as a promise.
She looked down as if to hide my words' effect on her, but I already saw that it was the same with the others. Nagpapaypay na ng mukha si Lia, si Belaya ay nakatingin na sa ceiling, habang si Mireia naman ay lantarang naluluha na kaagad namang inabutan ng tissue ni Ellena.
When we heard knocking, our moment was cut short. Ang kapatid ko na ang lumapit doon para pagbuksan ang nasa labas.
"Everyone ready?" Coal asked.
"Almost," Ellena said.
Kinuha niya ang wedding bouquet na nakapatong sa vanity mirror. I wanted the arrangement to be simple, so it's just white roses with silver dollar eucalyptus. Ellena also grabbed my white heels and helped me put them on.
When she straightened, she looked me over. "The earrings are for your something blue, your dress is for something old, and your necklace is for something new," Ellena said, pointing at my necklace. It's a bow and arrow necklace that she gave me last night. "Something borrowed na lang."
Before anyone of us could move, Coal walked in front of me and leaned down. May kinuha siya sa bulsa niya at inangat ko ng bahagya ang harapan ng suot ko nang maramdaman kong inabot niya ang kaliwang paa ko.
I eyed the accessory he put on me, and I saw that it was a blue woven anklet. Sakto lang iyon sa akin kaya sigurado ako na hindi iyon kaniya. It's too small to fit him.
I gave him a questioning look, but he just grinned at me without saying anything. Umayos siya ng tayo at inabot niya sa akin ang kamay niya. "Let's go?"
Tumango ako at inabot ko ang nakalahad niyang kamay. I looked at the women, and I gave them a smile full of gratitude. It was a very intense morning, but I made it because of them.
Iginaya na ako ni Coal palabas ng bahay at nakita kong naghihintay na sa labas si Domino na siyang sundo ng mga babae. Dala niya ang van ng Dagger. Ang mga sasakyan kasi ni Trace ay ginamit nila kahapon kaya malamang sa hindi ay nasa bahay ni Lia ang mga iyon. Si Stellan naman na kasama rin nila ay kotse ko ang gamit dahil sumabay lang siya kila Papa papunta rito sa Cavite. We're going to use my car to go to the airport later.
Domino waved in my direction, and I waved back before Coal guided me to the waiting black car with white flowers decorating the front. Binuksan niya ang pintuan ng backseat at tinulungan niya akong makapasok bago siya pumunta sa driver's seat.
He backed the car out of the farmhouse, and instead of going left, he turned right.
"You don't seem surprised," Coal said, looking at me through the rearview mirror.
"I'm not. Alam mo naman ang kapatid mo. Advance mag-isip. Kaya nasabi niya na sa akin ang tungkol sa tradisyon niyo. At saka nabasa ko rin sa mga libro ni Lucienne."
He chuckled at my words, but he didn't say more. Umusog ako palapit sa unahan at ipinatong ko ang magkabilang braso ko sa likod ng kinauupuan ni Coal at ng passenger seat. He glanced at me for a moment before focusing back on the road.
"What?" he asked.
"So... the anklet—"
"No."
Napatawa ako. "Bakit? Tatanungin ko lang naman kung saan mo nabili."
"I've seen it with the others, and I know you're no different. Masyado kayong mga in love at masaya kaya gusto niyo na lahat din ng tao ay mapabilang sa inyong mga lasing sa pag-ibig."
I shrugged. "There's nothing wrong with wanting other people to be happy as well."
"I can still be perfectly happy while being single and alone."
Sumandal ako sa kinauupuan habang may ngiti sa mga labi na nakatingin pa rin sa direksyon niya. "You're right. Being alone doesn't mean you can't be happy, but I also know from experience that even if you can live the rest of your life alone, that doesn't mean that you should."
And for someone like him who claims to only seek temporary companionship and still keeps a piece of an accessory that seems to mean something to him but he clearly doesn't own, I think it's safe to assume that it won't be long before he says goodbye to his bachelor days.
Huminto ang sasakyan at bumaba si Coal para pagbuksan ako ng pintuan. Nang makalabas ako ng kotse ay binigyan ko siya ng makahulugang ngiti na ikinabuntong-hininga niya na lang. I'm not going to force him to tell me about the anklet. Malalamat at malalaman ko rin naman iyon dahil sigurado akong ang pamilya niya naman ang una niyang lalapitan kapag kinakailangan niya na.
Inabot niya ang kamay ko at ikinawit niya iyon sa braso niya. Naglakad kami papasok ng sementeryo kung saan nandoon ang puntod ng mga magulang nila. Maging ang ina ni Mireia ay narito rin sa lugar na ito. They went here for Mireia's wedding anniversary and her mother's death anniversary. Hindi ako nakasama dahil pumunta ako sa condo ni Papa ng umaga ng December 25.
Coal and I went straight to the huge tree in the middle of the cemetery. I looked down at the tombs in front of me.
Liana Irene Dawson.
Nikolas Clarence Dawson.
May inilabas si Coal mula sa bulsa ng suit niya at ibinigay niya iyon sa akin. "Open it."
My hands started to tremble when I flipped the envelope over and saw what was written on it. It was addressed to me. Someone that Trace chose to spend the rest of his life with.
To the woman that my son Trace will love someday,
If I could have more time, you are one of the people that I really wanted to meet. I want to know the woman who will finally make my son's dream come true. To be the one and only favorite of a person who will choose only him.
Trace loves to convince us that he should be our favorite. As his parents, we can't choose one because we love them equally. But I think everyone knows that I have a soft spot for Trace. I know that my other children don't mind and that they understand because we are all the same. We all have a soft spot for him.
Sobra kasing lambing niyan. Sobra ding kulit. Pero basta nasa paligid siya ay lahat kami napapatawa niya. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I know that all of my children took it hard, but they handled it in the best way they knew how. Trace, being Trace, did it by making sure that he could distract me from the pain. He'll act silly, tell me stories that make me laugh and smile, he'll often come home with a surprise, and he'll try so hard not to show me that he's hurting and afraid of losing me.
Trace will break his back to prevent those he cares about from feeling the burden of their problems. If they're going through something and they can feel the weight on their shoulders, when they look beside them, they'll see him helping them. Susubukan niyang pagaanin ang lahat para sa mga taong importante sa kaniya. He'll try his best to make them smile and do anything to make them feel special.
Sa kaniya nakakahanap ng kakampi ang mga kapatid niya. Even his older brothers. I don't know how many times that he became his siblings' accomplice. Kapag nagkamali ang mga kapatid niya ay nasa tabi siya lagi. He may not resolve the issue, but he doesn't want anyone of his siblings to get scolded alone. Kaya pag napagalitan ang isa ay lagi siyang damay.
Trace hates seeing anyone sad. Hindi lang sa pamilya niya kundi maging sa ibang tao. I remember this one time that I asked him to go to church with me. I was praying, and when I finished, he was missing. I found him at the votive candle station. May kasama siyang matandang babae at nagtatawanan sila. Nang umalis na kami ay tinanong ko kung kilala niya ang babae. He told me that he didn't, but he saw her crying. Kamamatay lang daw ng asawa ng babae ilang araw pa lang ang nakalilipas.
I don't know if Trace understands what a massive gift he just gave that old woman. She was deep in grief, but he managed to take away her sadness, even just for a while. Something that I know she will treasure for the rest of her life. A day where a stranger gave her a small moment that held so much meaning.
My son has a gift that he doesn't realize. I've never met anyone who could do what he can do. He's like a spark of light in a person's darkest hour. Even if he continues to give and give, his fire never dies. Even if his own pain is trying to paralyze him, even if his fears are beginning to suffocate him, even if his world is collapsing because of his sorrows, even if the darkness swallows him and only a tiny window is left... he'll find a way to share the fire he has with someone who needs it.
Itinatago niya sa aming lahat kahit nahihirapan siya. He might complain a lot about trivial things, but when it comes to what really matters, he'll hide it and resolve it on his own. He tries so hard for other people, and he walks with them when their steps are becoming heavy. He'll walk beside them to accompany them, or he'll walk behind to push them forward. But when it comes to him? He'll smile and pretend that he's okay.
He notices everything. He remembers everything that will make everyone around him feel validated. And that worries me. Dahil ginagawa niya ang lahat para sa iba, para sa mga gusto nila, pero paano siya? What if he never gets what he really wants, and what if he never understands what his heart truly needs because he's too focused on others?
Alam kong nasa personality niya ang magbigay. That's how his soul speaks. That is his own language. But as his mother, I also want him to receive everything that he deserves.
I want him to stop trying so hard. I want him to have someone who can see every part of him that makes him Trace Dawson. Someone who will understand that he has a lot to give this world, but he also has so much more that is only for that one special person. And I wish with all my heart that it's you.
I hope that you can see the adorable part of him—a child inside him that I know he will carry for the rest of his life, and I hope that you never get tired of it. I wish that even if he lends his hand to the world, yours will be the ones that wait for him. I hope that even if he might be everyone's shoulder to cry on, you will be the one who can recognize when his heart needs a break too. I wish that you would let him be himself and love him for it. And more than anything else, I wish that he could finally be someone's one and only favorite.
I understand that everything sounded a lot. But I also know that I am not asking for too much.
Even if he can give everything he has to everyone around him, I know that with you, he'll give even those he doesn't have. He will not just offer you the world. He'll give you the entire universe if that's what you desire.
He will go to great lengths for you. He will do all that it takes to be with you. He'll cross great distances just to find the path that you will take. He can do all that for you, but please don't let him do it alone. On his journey to belong to you, I hope that you are also on your way to belong to him.
They said that life was like an arrow. Pull it back, and it will launch you to something great. Life could be cruel. It could take a lot from us. No one in this world has ever had it easy. Lahat nahihirapan. Lahat may pinagdaanan. I want to believe that you had a happy life where pain rarely touch your heart, but if it isn't, may life's difficulties send you flying into my son's arms so the both of you will find strength in each other.
There's nothing in this world that will make him stop loving you. No matter what life throws at the both of you, he will stand beside you... unmoving and steady. You will never feel alone again. You will never cry or hurt alone. He will be your greatest cheerleader, he will be your greatest best friend, and he will be the man who will love you the most.
You both will face any hurdles that might walk into your life with smiles and laughter. It won't be so hard now. Kasi merong kayo na nandiyan para sa isa't isa. Being with each other, you will both feel like you're constantly winning. Because there's no greater reward in this life than to have someone who will always choose you.
You are one of the important people in my life. Kahit na imposible ng magkakilala tayo, masaya ako na dumating ka sa buhay ng anak ko.
I will always be grateful to you. The universe's gift to my precious son.
Love,
Liana Irene Dawson
It felt like a dam full of tears exploded and freed everything. Tigmak ng luha ang magkabilang pisngi na nagbaba ako ng tingin sa puntod ng mga magulang nila Trace.
Through her letter, I could feel all her worries and hopes... but more than that, I felt her unwavering and unconditional love for her child.
"I already love him for being him. I love every part of him that makes him the man I fell in love with. He never gave up on me, and I will do the same. Hindi na siya malulungkot. Pero kung hindi po maiiwasan, nasa tabi niya lang ako lagi. He won't need to pretend with me." Pinunasan ko ang pisngi ko at sa kabila ng emosyon na yumayakap sa akin ay ngumiti ako habang nakatingin sa dalawang taong unang nagmahal kay Trace. His parents. "He's my favorite person in the entire universe. I will never stop choosing him. I promise."
I was forced to look away from the tombs when I felt Coal place a hand on my shoulder. Iniharap niya ako sa kaniya at naglabas siya ng panyo mula sa bulsa niya at pagkatapos ay maingat na pinunasan niya ang luhaan kong mukha.
"You even know how to wipe a woman's tears," I whispered.
He sighed again, but he didn't say anything more. I uttered a silent goodbye to Trace's parents, and then I let Coal guide me out of the cemetery. Nang makarating sa sasakyan ay tinulungan niya akong makapasok ulit sa backseat bago siya pumasok sa driver's side.
"Shit."
Napakurap ako at nagtatakang tinignan ko ang binata. "What happened?"
Para bang biktima sa horror movie na nilingon niya ako. "Ayaw mag-start ng sasakyan."
For a moment, I could only look at him. I could descend into panic, I could stress like I did this morning, and I could cry. But for some reason, I just found myself laughing.
"Are you having an emotional breakdown?" Coal asked.
"No," I answered before I burst into another fit of laughter. "It's just so funny. Iyong iba iisipin na masamang pangitain na 'to pero ang kapatid mo confident na niloloko lang kami ng universe. Pero feeling ko kinakabahan na 'yon kaya lang in denial."
Napabunghalit na naman ako ng tawa. I don't see this as a bad omen either. Who cares kung hindi lahat perfect? Kung marami kaming kailangang baguhin? It will just make this day memorable, and when Trace and I look back on this day, we will laugh the way I'm doing right now.
"Ember, you're kind of scaring me. Maayos natin 'to. Ipasusundo kita sa isa sa mga kapatid ko."
Mas malapit ang farmhouse. May pakiramdam ako na hindi pa nakakaalis doon si Cristiano. "Nasa venue na ang mga iyon."
"But—"
"Stop stressing, Coal," I snickered, finding it amusing that I'm the one who is calming someone else right now.
Naluluha sa kakatawa na umiling ako. Trace was right. The universe really has a sense of humor. But I don't care. Dahil tama rin ang Mama ni Trace. Whatever life threw our way, we could face it with a smile and laughter because we knew that we could get through it easily.
The worst is already over because we've already found each other.
"Call Cristiano," I told him. "I have a plan."
________________________________End of Chapter 33.