Soviet: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Weimar: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.
Soviet, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.
Soviet: It's dark in here
Weimar: Don't worry dude I got this
Weimar: *Stomps their feet*
Weimar: *Skechers light up*
Soviet: Hey, Weimar, what do you think it would be like if we had kids?
Weimar: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.
Soviet: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it?
Weimar: Can't really say I have.
Soviet: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes.
Weimar: Sorry, Soviet. For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.
Weimar: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.
Soviet: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.
Weimar, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Soviet: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Weimar, with the tone of someone who is used to Soviet: Outstanding.
Weimar: This is what I'm talking about people.
Weimar: Okay, I'm going to get the wedding cake.
Soviet: Perfect, while you do that I'll check on the ring bear.
Weimar: ...
Weimar: You mean ring bearER, right?
Soviet: ...
Weimar: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.
Weimar: I've been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Soviet: Wow. They sound stupid.
Weimar: But they're not. They're really smart actually. Just dense.
Soviet: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don't know... "Hey! I love you!"
Weimar: I guess you're right. Hey Soviet, I love you.
Soviet: See! Just say that!
Weimar: Holy fucking shit.
Soviet: If that flies over their head then, sorry Weimar, but they're too dumb for you.
Weimar: Soviet.
Soviet: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.
Weimar: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.
Weimar: My crush isn't picking up on my hints.
Soviet: What hints have you given them?
Weimar: Well, I think about them a lot.
Weimar: And sometimes I even think about talking to them.
Soviet, sweating: Weimar, there's something I need to ask you-
Weimar: Finally! You're proposing!
Soviet: How'd you know?
Weimar: Soviet, you've dropped the ring five times during dinner.
Weimar: I even picked it up once.
Weimar: Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this.
Soviet: What did you do?
Weimar: A MISTAKE
Weimar, in a beach shirt: So sue me, it's October and I'd like to be on Island Time for a day!
Soviet: I have Spotify open right now on my computer, do you want me to blast you? Do you want me to put you on blast? Cuz I've got your history right here on the sidebar,
Soviet: Take it Back by Jimmy Buffet, Nautical Wheelers by Jimmy Buffet, Jolly Mon Sing by Jimmy Buffet, Steamer by Jimmy Buffet, trEAT HER LIKE A LADY BY JIMMY BUFFET, MAÑANA BY JIMMY BUFFET, WHEN SALOME PLAYS THE DRUMS BY JAMES BUFFET, HAVANA DAYDREAMIN BY JIMMY BUFFET- What the FUCK happened to you?!
Weimar, laughing: I HAD A CASE OF THE MONDAYS
Soviet: ARE YOU HAUNTED?! ARE YOU FUCKING POSSESSED?!
Soviet: YOU USED TO BE MY FRIEND
Weimar, cry-laughing: ᴵ ᴴᴬᴰ ᴬ ᶜᴬˢᴱ ᴼᶠ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴹᴼᴺᴰᴬʸˢ
Weimar: Soviet... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Soviet: Your text told me to satanise the house before you returned.
Weimar:
Weimar: I wrote sanitise, Soviet.
Weimar: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I've killed anybody. I'm not an arsonist. I've never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.
Soviet: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.
Weimar: So are we flirting right now?
Soviet: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU
Weimar: That doesn't answer my question.
Soviet: I think it's time I get my life in order.
Weimar, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.
Weimar: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I'm eating dirt?
Soviet:
Soviet: Why are you eating dirt?
Weimar: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.
Weimar: I'm going to hell.
Soviet: Probably.
Weimar: I'll pick you up?
Soviet: *nodding* Carpool.
Soviet: Here you go, Weimar, a nice hot cup of coffee! Weimar: It's cold. Soviet: A nice cup of coffee. Weimar: It's horrible! Soviet: Cup of coffee. Weimar: I'm not sure if this even IS coffee. Soviet: C U P.
And now, enjoy some quotes from the modern countries.
*The squad is playing a team sport*
Finland: Are you upset you don't get to be on the same team as Spain?
Germany: Have you ever played a game with Spain?
Finland: No...
Netherlands: Have you ever been trapped in a cage with a wolverine?
*Meanwhile, on the other side of the field*
Spain, chasing Poland: I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD "FASTER" MEANS? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!!!
Spain: We've been conducting an ongoing study to see what Finland will and will not eat.
Poland: Grass? Yes!
Spain: Moss? Yes!!
Poland: Leaves? Ohh, yes!
Spain: Shoelaces? Strange but true!
Poland: Worms? Sometimes!
Spain: Rocks? Usually nah.
Poland: Twigs? Usually!
Spain: Germany's cooking? Inconclusive!
Netherlands: How did you... test this?
Spain: You just hand them stuff and say 'eat this' and if they eat it, they eat it.
Netherlands: ... I don't know how to feel about this.
Germany: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?
Finland: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked.
Spain: Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right?
Germany: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time.
Poland: No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy!
Netherlands: ...put it away.
Finland: So we're gonna read what we wrote down so we can tell everyone in the class something about ourselves.
Netherlands: Okay, my name is Netherlands but you can refer to me as Lord Farquad.
Finland: Okay that's not happening- how about you!
Spain: I'm Spain and I like the movie White Chicks!
Finland: ...Okay... whatever, I respect that.
Germany: My name is Germany and I hate this place, it actually sucks here...
Finland: Okay... and you...
Poland: *nervous* Uhhh my name is Poland and my favorite color is... math.
Finland: Okay! Let's play Kiss Marry Kill!
Finland: First who would you kill?
*Spain points at Germany*
*Netherlands points at Germany*
*Poland points at Germany*
Germany: *shrugs* I would kill me too.
Poland: Germany is late again.
Netherlands: How did this happen? I called them at 8 o'clock this morning and pretended it was 11.
Finland: I printed up a fake schedule for them saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.
Spain: I set their clock to say PM when it's really AM.
Poland: Oh boy. We may have overdone it.
*Germany bursts through the door*
Germany: WHAT TIME IS IT?
Poland: Guys, I've been meaning to tell you... Germany and I are dating.
Germany, Spain, Finland, and Netherlands: *gasp*
Poland: Germany, why are you surprised?!
Poland, holding in their laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it's doing?
Germany: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.
Poland:
Poland: Water you doing?