A/N: this chapter is unedited!
***
He stood a few feet away from the bed, unmoving.
"You two can sort your own shit out but I don't want to be involved. I don't want to be caught up in drama anymore. I got married thinking things would be drama-free but the moment I married you my life has been going downhill. I'm sorry for involving you with Varun, but he's happy. I don't want to ruin his happiness. I don't want to ruin my happiness."
I stood up. "Now you're free to be with whoever you want. I'm sick of being the reason people are unhappy."
Romir kissed his teeth, letting out a breathy laugh. He was probably happy that I was saying the words he was thinking. "I'll get everything sorted out tomorrow," I continued. "I'll let my parents know and I'll...send the forms and stuff to you, I guess. You don't need to worry about anything."
"Don't I need to agree to this?"
"This wouldn't be happening if you didn't."
I picked up all the clothes I had thrown on the floor and placed them softly onto the bed. Then, I walked past him and into my room near the bathroom on the opposite wall. I leaned against the closed door and rested my head against it, covering my mouth as I cried.
I hated my life. I hated it so so much.
When I woke up, I was on the floor, leaning against the door. Somehow I had cried myself to sleep at the door. It creaked as I opened it, signalling my awakening. I peered out. The house was unusually dark. There was no sound of water running, sizzling of food or the plates clanging together.
I turned on the hallway light before peering into every other room. There was no sign of Romir. I hesitated before knocking on Romir's door. The door was half open. I pushed it. The bag from before and the clothes that were strewn were all gone.
There was no sign of life in the room.
Romir was gone.
I sat down on his side of the bed and let my hand graze his pillow. I grabbed it and clutched it against my chest, letting my chest rack with the sobs that I'd been so badly holding back. I had told him to get out, pushed him away, was rude to him so that this would be the outcome.
This was what I wanted. But it hurt so bad knowing that all my doubts were true.
He really didn't like me.
***
"Why did you not want to speak to me during your lunch break?"
She was talking about yesterday. "I wasn't in the mood. I'm sorry, Jade." I let my hands cup the hot mug of hot chocolate. We were at a cafe downtown; it was a perfect, small nook for some quiet, deep conversation.
"It's fine, babe." She stretched her hand in the middle of the light oak coloured table, reaching for mine. I placed it in hers and she squeezed. "You know I'm always here for you."
"I know."
"Tell me. What's been going on?"
"I've been a hypocrite," I confessed. Her perfectly drawn blonde-brown brows furrowed but she circled her hand, gesturing for me to go on. "I've been hiding something. I...Romir and I weren't really in love. Not at the start."
"Wait, I'm not following. What do you mean?"
"It was an arranged marriage. We'd made it clear that it was only going to be a marriage of convenience to get over our own personal problems. My parents thought this was what I needed to get over Varun and my mum just wanted to see me happy again."
"And...along the way it changed?" She knew me so well. I tilted my head down and nodded. "Oh, babe. Why do you always get yourself into these messes?"
"I don't know," I warbled. "When I fell in love with Romir, I thought things were finally getting better for me. I knew he never liked me back but it felt nice to like someone instead of spending all my energy hating them." The look Jade gave me made me sputter out a laugh. "I always fall for the wrong men, don't I?"
"Yeah, you do."
Anjali didn't need to try. Claudia didn't, either. Love went after them. Not the other way around. I wondered if Romir treated Anjali the way he treated me. Of course not. He hated me at the start and it never changed, not even when he pretended to be gentle like I was something worth loving. He was tolerating me for his plan.
"Did you tell your parents?" Jade asked.
"Huh?" I was broken out of my thoughts.
"About the divorce?"
"No. I checked the government website last night for the application. It says that we can only apply for a divorce if we've been married for at least a year. We've only been married for half a year."
Jade moved back and crossed her arms against her busty chest. "Are you for real? Does that mean you're stuck with him?"
"Well, not with him. He moved out. I guess as long as we're still married a year, it should be fine. It doesn't say anywhere that we have to live together in the same house."
"That sounds like the best plan. That way, the year will go by pretty quickly as well and no one's at each others throats."
That was the plan. I was going to do this. I was going to tell my parents that this was what it had come down to and some things could never be mended. I didn't want to be anyone's replacement or second choice or rebound. I was my own person. I didn't believe in love anymore but I did deserve it just as much as the next person.
It just wasn't meant to be Romir.
***
"What're you doing here?" asked mum, eyes wide in surprise. She opened the door further. "Come in."
"Sorry for not calling you."
"Don't be silly. This is your home. I would never expect you to call me before coming." She looked behind me and out the door as I came inside. "Is Romir with you?"
"No, uh, just me."
"Is he at work?"
"I don't even care anymore."
Mum studied me before shutting the door. Grabbing my hands, she gently tugged me toward the couch and sat me down.
"What happened?"
"Where's dad?"
"Bathroom. Now, tell me."
"Romir was Anjali's ex, mum," I blurted. I swallowed, not wanting to see the look on her face.
"What?"
"But—but it's okay. That was their issue and they'll sort it out. This is my issue."
"That was in the past, wasn't it?"
"He lied to me about it, mum."
"...How are you going to deal with this issue then? Can't you not work it out? Speak?"
I shook my head. "The damage has been done. I—It's too late for that. Romir and I decided to get a divorce. Well, I decided, but he's okay with it."
Mum's face crumpled and she put a hand over her face, covering her eyes. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into a hug. "I'm so sorry for always disappointing you," I whispered into her hair. "But I want to be happy."
"I'm not disappointed in you, sweetie." She kissed my forehead, smiling through her red-rimmed tearful eyes. "I'm disappointed in him. In Varun. I only wish that men would see what a beautiful, amazing woman you are."
"I don't need them to see any of that, mum. So long as you, dad and Jade know. The people that really matter."
We embraced, crying in each other's arms and for the first time, I felt closer to my mum than ever before. This was the inevitable, anyway. Romir was gone for good and I didn't care. I wanted nothing to do with him and the earlier I recognised that and normalised it, the easier it would be come the time to actually get divorced legally.
Jose uncle tried to call me but I didn't pick up; Romir probably let him know what was happening and he was trying to check up on me or something. In all honesty, I didn't want to talk to anyone about anything Romir-related.
I stayed at my parents' house that night. I couldn't go back to my house that reminded me too much of Romir. When mum told dad what was happening, he had gone quiet but he didn't blame me. He hugged me and comforted me like mum had.
"You won't...go back to that shell, will you?' asked Dad. "I want to see my daughter again. The old Arshia."
"I'm not going to waste my energy on someone who doesn't deserve it." That was a lie. A big part of me wanted to do exactly that but now that my dad had brought it up, it seemed like a pathetic thing to do.
Besides, I was over it, now. I couldn't keep whining every time someone broke my heart.
I had the support of the people I loved and that was all I needed.