It was a video of a guy and a girl in one of the disabled toilets. The door was shut but from the high gap, I could see their legs. The woman was standing in front of him. "Arshia still doesn't know, right?"
"She won't if you don't tell her." And when the man spoke, I knew it was him. His husky voice dripped with lust that I could hear from through the phone. If them saying my name wasn't any confirmation then I didn't know what was. My jaw clenched as I glared at the screen. "This has to be a secret between us."
"I've kept it a secret for this long." Then they both spread their legs. I shut my eyes, trying to get rid of that image, trying to stop the tears from even being created in my ducts. My chest physically ached, my ears buzzing. God, I hoped it wasn't true. I really, really did.
"I stopped recording after a while," the friend said, face a little red. "I didn't know if confronting them was the best idea so I let it be. But now..."
Now that he wasn't here, he thought it was for the best. "And if he had come? You were just going to let me marry a cheater? Someone who fucked another girl?"
Jade pulled me away. "Babe, calm down."
Calm down?! How did she expect me to calm down when the guy I loved for nine fucking years didn't even hesitate in flushing that down the drain?
My tears did well up then, because I was helpless. I couldn't do anything. Had I done something wrong? Why did Varun think I wasn't good enough that he had to turn to another girl?
I wrapped my arms around Jade's neck and buried my head into her shoulder. Her warmth comforted me. I felt another hand on my arm and saw my dad's red-rimmed eyes looking down at me.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart."
"It's not your fault, dad." His huge frame engulfed me as I rested my head against his chest. "It's mine."
"No. It's Varun's."
Was it though? Wasn't it mine because I couldn't fulfil his happiness?
A scream made us pull away and my mum was on the floor, unconscious. A huge commotion began then, with some of the bridesmaids, groomsmen and my relatives rushing forward to see what was going on.
I glared at the guy that showed me the video through my wet eyes. "Did you show that to my mum?!"
"She snatched the phone from me! I di—"
For God's sake! I tried to push through the people to get to my mum but Jade shook her head. "Your dad's with her. I think your cousin or something is calling an ambulance."
Seeing my mum so pale and weak on my dad's lap made me crumble down on the red, Church floor. This was all my fault. No, like dad said, it was all Varun's fault. No, my heart whispered to me.
My whole body was quivering and I wanted to punch something. I wanted to hunt Varun down and sock him right in the face and hope he cried. I didn't know. But I wanted to hurt something. Jade rocked me back and forth in her arms as if I was a baby. I didn't try to stop her.
I wanted to scream and cry and rush to my mum but me being there, a mess, would only make things worse and my dad already had so much on his plate. No, I was going to sit on the floor right here with my best friend.
We were going to be okay.
***
The adrenaline had long ago coursed out of my body but I still wanted to hurt something. I couldn't stop chewing my nail as I paced outside the hospital room. I was getting a lot of weird looks because I still hadn't changed out of my wedding dress. Who cared? My mum was in the hospital.
And all because of Varun.
"Sweetie, please promise me you won't let this stop you," she'd whispered to me weakly as she was being put in the ambulance. "Please promise me that you'll get married again."
Being a sobbing, wailing mess, I agreed. The doctors thought she was going to die, her heart being weak.
My dad was the calmest of us both. He was seated on one of the chairs, his head lulled back against the wall. He was staring blankly up at the ceiling. I knew he was only pretending to be calm. I moved to sit beside him in my huge arss dress and put a hand on his limp one. I squeezed it.
He turned his head to look at me, and I could see the unshed tears. My own glazed over and I placed my head on his shoulder, not wanting to look him in the face when I cried like a pathetic child.
The soft warmth of his kiss on my head made me close my eyes. At least I had dad and mum with me. Jade had to leave because she had to pick up her little brother from a friends house.
My phone rang and without even looking at the caller ID I picked up. "Hello?" My voice sounded scratchy, drained of all emotion.
"...Arshia?"
I moved to sit up, back ramrod straight. Varun? What the hell? I glanced at my dad who tilted his head. "You okay, sweetheart?"
"Yeah, Jade's calling. I'm gonna go over there and talk to her."
"I'll let you know when mum's awake."
"Thanks." I got up and moved as far away from my dad as possible. Not because I wanted to speak to Varun, hell no, but because I knew how angry and worried he would be if I told him who was calling. "Why the fuck are you calling me?" I hissed when I was far away enough. "You cheat on me and then leave me at the altar?"
"Look I—"
"I don't need to hear your bullshit excuses. All I want to know is where you are."
"I can't tell you."
"Why not? You ruined my life and put my mum in hospital so you better start talking."
He didn't say anything for a long time. My vision was filled with bright white spots and it took me everything not to scream into the phone and curse him out. Just as I was about to hang up, he spoke.
"I'm sorry," he choked, voice so quiet, so small. "I never meant for things to be this way."
"Nine years," I whispered, feeling the rage seep out of me with those two words. "Nine years that you threw away. Was it so easy?"
"...It just happened, Arshia. You rejected my advances at every turn, what else was I supposed to do?"
My heart fell. He had to be joking. "So you're telling me you cheated on me because some days I was too tired to have sex with you? Are you fucking serious?"
"I'm dead serious. And since it wasn't you, I turned to someone who could give me that."
I took a sharp breath in. Relax Arshia. Don't entertain him. "Where. Are. You."
"Somewhere in the city. We're staying here until things calm down."
We. So him and his girlfriend were running away. Great. If that didn't make me feel more like shit then I didn't know what did. I knew he had left me at the altar but I thought it was because he didn't love me anymore. It was because he found someone better to love. And that made me feel like shit even more.
"How long?"
"We're going to be here—"
"No," I spat with all the venom I could muster, "how long has the affair been going on?"
"Four years."
The rest of the crap that came out of his mouth went through my ears in a buzz. Four years. I was pretty sure I heard my own heart shattering like glass within the cages of my rib cage. Four out of the nine years and I never noticed a thing.
Oh my god.
All the smiles, the kisses, the hugs...the times where we had movie nights on Fridays and ate Chinese take-out and talked shit about it? They were they all fake? He was thinking about another woman when he was with me the entire time.
Had she been the woman that had texted him that Friday night?
I could feel the acid swirling within my stomach and bile clogging my throat. My legs shook; I needed to sit down. I found a chair near the reception and tried to calm my breathing. "And that video I saw?"
"What video?"
"Of you and your woman having sex in the toilet stall."
I heard him curse under his breath. "I fucking knew I'd heard something." I tried not to scoff. That was what he was worried about?
"Answer the damn question," I spat. You piece of shit, I added.
"Uh, it was at our engagement party last year. We...I couldn't help it."
I remembered that. Not remembered what he did, but I remember sitting at our table eating cake wondering why it was taking Varun so long to take a piss. When he'd come back, he was all grins and so affectionate that I figured he was just in a good mood, happy about the party as I was.
Oh my god. I was so oblivious. I was such a fool.
"You're a great person," Varun was saying. "The perfect Indian girl that any desi family would adore. I guess I realised that wasn't what I wanted anymore."
My breath tremored and my cheeks twitched as I tried to force out a smile. Perfect. Yeah, right. Clearly not perfect enough. "Can I ask one last question?" I didn't wait for a response from him. "Who's the girl?"
It took him a few seconds. "Claudia."