In which you broke down your walls around the holidays for her
Listen to: my tears ricochet - Taylor Swift
As a kid, you loved Christmas. You loved the family parties, getting gifts from everyone. You loved trying to stay up late to watch Santa come by, but always falling asleep. There would also be a smile on your face during winter break.
It's a sweet time that you wish you could come back to. Your own neverland.
You don't feel that way about Christmas anymore, you hated the holiday. You loathed the families that you would pass by, wishing that you could feel the happiness you did when you were younger.
Why do you hate Christmas?
Well, there's no one there for you.
You're like the grinch.
Your dad had died a few years ago, which shook your world. It changed you for life. He had a late stage of cancer, so you watched him as he passed. You could never forget the way he went limp, the heart monitor going blank. You cried, and cried. You felt like you couldn't last a day without crying.
After your dad's death, your mom was just never there to spend Christmas with you. She was always busy, somehow.
Your friends offered to hang out with you, but you wanted them to hang out with their families. It was a family holiday, and they deserved to be with them and not you. You would just sit in your apartment, alone, and drink until you forgot about everything.
That was, until you met Jenna.
She was the absolute light of your life, she made it all better. She made the holidays something to look forward to.
"Uhh," You trailed off, seeing your apartment all decorated. "What did you do to my apartment?" Jenna looked at you over her shoulder.
"Decorating it for Christmas!"
You made a face. "I don't really celebrate Christmas, you know this." She came down, walking up to you.
"Y/n, the only reason you don't celebrate Christmas is because you didn't have anyone to celebrate it with. Now, I'm here, and I don't plan on leaving, so..." You sighed, seeing the way she smiled.
"Fine." You mumbled, relaxing your shoulders.
Since then, Jenna would come and celebrate Christmas with you. It made you so happy, having someone with you.
But, then, one Christmas day, Jenna never came. You had the apartment all decorated, cooking some stuff for the two of you.
You waited hours for her. Yet, no avail. You texted her and never got any replies. You asked friends, they never gave you an answer.
You felt your stomach drop. You should've expected this.
Y/n, you knew that not a single person stays, so why were you hoping that Jenna would continue to come to you?
You felt like such a fool. You still do, because you still decorate the house, just in case she might come.
You never got a single answer from her. So, you keep bringing your hopes up.
Face it.
She left you too.
(lovely little angst for you guys lol)