I needed to calm down and run somewhere where I wouldn't have to face anyone. I have fought with Zach before, but this time it affected me, it made a difference, and most importantly, it made me feel, even if it was frustration and anger, because before all of this, all I did was hate him, and I didn't care about him or anything else.
It's just that it took me years to realize how messed up my family is and how much trauma a child who never received parental affection can endure. It took me years to realize that I am nothing more than a project for my parents to be appreciated in the world. They only want me as a trophy to show how far their blood has prospered.
But then I met him - and it felt like everything was going to be okay. It was just that after meeting him after ages, I finally felt like I found someone who could understand me and story of why I am the way I am. I finally felt safe enough to stop pretending to be a version my parents created to flaunt me to this world.
I just felt like we were both damaged people, and I'm not sure why I got this glimmer of hope that maybe we could heal each other. So I wasn't expecting to be disappointed by his silence, but I was. I was disappointed because I had so much to say; I had never wanted to say so much to anyone before, but I did with him. But when he decided to leave when I had something to say, it brought back every disappointment I've ever had in my life, every time I needed to talk and my parents were never there.
I always thought that being with Zach would be hell. But like they say -
It's not hell if you like the way it burns. And I was starting to like whatever it was that we shared, be it the hell or that hellfire.
.
.
I was suddenly pulled out of my thoughts when I could hear my name being called -
"Serena"
That was when I actually took in my surroundings, I was so lost in my thought that I did not realize where I exactly was.
"What are doing here in the gazebo?" Sebastian asked
"Gazebo.." Oh I am at the Gazebo.."I just needed some time for myself Sebastian
"Zach shouldn't have said all that to you" He said
"No, he shouldn't have. But he did." I say
"That was way too rude, you are nothing like he spoke of you Serena" He said smiling and walking closer to me
"Sebastian.." I said walking back "Maybe you don't know me, I am so much more complicated."
"Maybe Serena but I know you don't deserve to hear all that" He said with a concerned look
"He didn't lie Sebastian, he shouldn't have said it but he did not lie." I say taking into the reality of the situation
"But Serena it was so out of line.." He goes on
"I was rude too, I was out of line to Sebastian" I say firmly
"Are you defending him?" He asked raising his eyebrows confused
"No Sebastian I am not but please don't get into this fight, it is complicated." I say as I look away
I almost got teary thinking about everything that was happening
"Fine, maybe we don't talk about all this.. maybe we just talk about something else.. take your mind out of it" He said looking hopeful
"Ok" I say
"Well how about we start with talking about what a great dancer you were, you were just natural" he smiled
"Years of practise" I say , actually strike it off I would love to say years of trauma.
See this was the thing, Sebastian would have been a perfect guy if I wasn't born into this, this family. He would have been perfect but it is just that even if he tries he cannot even begin to understand me for who I am and why I am this way.
Sebastian was just asking questions, I got lost in oblivion, I was used to talking without being into the conversation. I always did that when my parents began speaking of how much I haven't done and what a disappointment I am becoming.
.
.
Our conversation was interrupted by someone -
"You were right"
As me and Sebastian turn around, we see Zach standing there almost panting.
"You are out of breath" I say
"Ya I was running around looking for you" He said still almost out of breath
"Good. You could really do with some exercise. Maybe thank me later." I say smiling because this were the exact words he told to me when I chased him down
He smiled and then looks away.
"What - is going on?" Sebastian asks trying to make sense out of it
"Sorry bruh I am just going to ignore you so you might just leave" He said pointing towards the other direction as if telling Sebastian to leave
"I've got it Sebastian. Let me sort it out." I tell looking at Sebastian
He waves at me and leaves.
"So.. you going to say sorry" I ask
"No way Charlotte, I am just here to tell you that you were right."
"I know whatever I said while dancing was true" I say rolling my eyes
He comes inside the gazebo and says -
"You were right that night, but the truth was a bit too much for me so I did what I always do, I ran"
I smile a bit proud that I was right
"SO now do I get the sorry" I ask
He laughs
"No, I know actions mean so much more to you than words"
He pulls out his hand -" I owe you a dance Ms.Charlotte"
He held my hands and with that one touch I felt like I forgot how to breath. It was electric.
"Music" I ask
He pulls out his phone and plays young and beautiful from Lana
"Your favorite" He winks
"So let us dance" I say smiling
"You will have to teach me" He says
"Come closer" I say
He was still struggling with his feet
"Stop- for one moment forget the reality behind this dance, be yourself. Let loose and in this moment it is just you and me"
He finally let loose but was still a bit clumsy with his movements but at least now he was comfortable.
"Ok now when I move right, you move left and when I go left.."
"I go right, right"
"Right" I say
"Let's try it out"
After many failed attempts he was finally getting a hang of it, he was at least no longer stepping on my feet and most importantly we weren't fighting. We were moving in synch with the music and the tunes.
"Practise makes a man perfect" He smirks
"True that. You see us women are already perfect" I say
"OH is that so now" He has this evil smirk on his face as he gets closer to me. He got so close that it gave me butterflies.
And just like that, like this was our nature and it was a compulsion our lips met.
He pulled back and looked at me -
"I tried to run away, I tried to stop this. I tried to. I thought if I ran away and pretended like it didn't matter, it wouldn't matter. But it matters, you matter Charlotte."
These words felt deeper than any kiss we ever shared
"You never thought you would get this attached, did you?" I ask him
"No I did not" He says like this was something he has been thinking about this for long.
"We got this attached Benedict, because you and me aren't all that different. We both are just made of the same cloth. We bound to get this attached, it would have been surprising if we didn't get this close."
He looks at me and smiles
"Thank you"
"For what Benedict" I ask
"For not just pushing me away when I acted out."
And with that we just hugged each other and layed there right down in the gazebo. And just like that, with him by my side for the first time I felt ever so safe and comfortable that I feel asleep. I thought that the best place to fall asleep were the beds here at the Chateau but right beside him was even better.