[Felix]
Was i extremely nervous? Yes. Did I have any idea how I was gonna voice myself? No. I paved myself back and forth on the other side of the street. Deciding whether or not to walk up those steps and knock of that specific door.
How would I even begin? What do I say? Who will even answer the door. They may not even be home.
I was trying to give myself every excuse to just walk back home and hide away in my room, convincing myself, I'd try again later. Knowing I'd wouldn't and I'd just give up all hope. It's been a month, will they even want to talk to me or even see me?
Especially after my last interaction with one of them.
Before I could control it or even stop it, my feet were moving towards the house and I was at the door. There was no fucking point in going back now. Thanks to my legs betraying me.
I raised my hand to knock, but second guess it and then resorted to chewing on the nails of that same hand. I sighed for the millionth time in the past 5 minutes. Already upset with myself again for not being able to follow through with what I told myself I was going to do.
So I acted without letting myself think about it and banged on the door. It was supposed to be a light knock but fuck it, they definitely heard me.
Seconds later, San opened the door completely shocked to me. I kept my eyes down. "A-are they home?"
"Jeongin is. Why?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. Jeongin might be easier to handle first than Hyunjin anyway.
"I need to talk to him." I've never felt so completely vulnerable and yet no one could see or hear a thing except the weakness in my voice and the nervousness.
"Okay?" He s questioned rhetorically, and stepped aside to let me through the threshold. I waited for San to pass by me and lead me up to Jeongin's room. If I was even supposed to follow. He knocked on the door lightly and Jeongin soon answered, not seeing me behind the build of the older.
"Someone is here to talk to you?" He stepped aside and I was revealed. The cold stare I got from the younger.. hurt. Like really hurt. San left me here with nothing but that cold stare. He left the door open walking in and sitting on the edge of his bed, so I took it as queue to enter, shutting the door behind me.
"Talk. I don't have all damn day." He spat at me and I almost flinched do to the anxiety boiling in my blood.
"I'm sorry..." is all I could muster up.
"You're sorry?" His tone was condescending. "You're sorry?" Now angry. He stood from his bed hands balled at his sides. "You fucking cut us off, no explanation, nothing! Then act like a complete fucking douche bag and all you have to say is 'Sorry?'"
"I don't know what else I can say."
"Oh I don't know! How about be fucking smart and fucking give me an excuse like you gave everyone else!" His anger was valid, but it was overriding my anxiety and triggering my fight or flight response. My brain chose fight.
"I never gave anyone fucking excuses Jeongin! I just stopped!"
"Don't you dare think you can come in here asking to talk to me and then fucking yell."
"You're yelling!" I shouted back.
"Because you left! You were gone! You were a complete fucking asshole afterwords too! I have a right to be yelling!"
"Yes. I left. I left for my own reasons I can't fucking explain!"
"I think it's pretty self-fucking-explanatory." He said crossing his arms and stepping towards me. Hovering. "Because you're a dick and you're selfish. always have been. Always fucking will be. You put yourself first and I don't know why I hoped for a second it would change."
Air escaped my nose in a heated rush. "I'm not selfish." I seethed through me teeth.
"No? Then fucking tell me you didn't fucking leave to save yourself. Tell me you didn't fucking drop us just to keep yourself from having to actually feel things like a normal human being!" He got up close to my face and growled at me.
I just stood there and glared, knowing damn well he was right. But I wasn't going to let myself admit he was. "I'm not fucking selfish! I came here because I'm not fucking selfish!"
"No! You being here after what you did!.." he backed me against his bedroom door, "is fucking selfish! Like you kept us on a string, making sure we can never drift far from you but you won't reel us in, Felix!"
He wasn't even touching me and I felt crushed between him and the door.
"Tell me. How is that not fucking selfish?"
"Fuck you, Jeongin! I came here to try to make amends. To rekindle at least something because I realized I do fucking care and you-"
"I don't believe you." His chest was heaving as he inched closer, we both were. Our chests touched barely each time we inhaled and separated when we exhaled. I couldn't help but glance at the part of his face that was probably unacceptable at the given time. But I did.
And he noticed. I knew he noticed.
Because then our lips made physical contact. Harshly, needy. Desperate to express a hatred and a love we both felt that neither of us could express in words any longer.
Every natural reaction in me tried to gain control as I tried to push away from the door, but his fingers wrapped around my neck and pushed me back against the surface. Hard.
"No, it's my fucking turn." He growled and my eyes grew a little wide with shock, but the feeling faded as I felt him on me again. All over: neck, lips, shoulder, jaw. His hands were everywhere: waistband, hips, thighs, back.
He pulled us away from a split second as he physically ripped the shirt from my body and hoisted me up to wrap my legs around his waist.
His warms hands on my back as I held on my dear life, letting him kiss my soul from body, breathing it in for his own. Then my bare back touched the sheets. His lips were no longer on mine, but they were mine as he explored.
"I'm going to take these off." I felt his speak against my skin as he unbuttoned my jeans.
And off they went, I didn't have time to protest. Not that I wanted too. I felt the bed sink as he climbed over me completely, his shirt had disappeared too. When? I didn't know, my mind was in too much of a haze as my attention was more averted towards to airy feeling around my lower parts. His hot skin pressed against mine and I wanted to scream how much I missed the feeling of him. How I missed his touch, how I missed him.
He lifted my up towards the head of the bed with one arm and I clutched to him. Any time I tried to take any form of control, he would counteract it immediately. Making me feel ten times as vulnerable as I ever thought I could feel.
I held my breath when I saw him reach for his nightstand, knowing the contents that lay within it. I watched him smooth out gel between his fingers as he looked at me with that sultry gaze.
I gulped as his hand lowered, gripping onto the sheets to prepare myself. Then I felt the cold touch, before I grew warm. No pressure, just the tingling circles. "Are you clean?"
He asked in a hushed tone, and I nodded. I always was, I pride myself on that. "Good."
I felt his fingers enter and my whole body disobeyed my natural instincts, immediately arching and I moaned. Fully moaned, for the first time. The maneuvering of his fingers, the feeling of euphoria. The way he muttered thing to me that sounded good but my brain couldn't process sounds and feelings at the same time.
"Are you ready for this?" I asked I watery hun prepare his own member for entrance, with his sweatpants down to mid thigh.
"Is it gonna hurt real bad?" I asked, sounding almost like a child. I knew it stung for Hyunjin, but he could have dimmed it down so wouldn't have felt bad.
He gave me a small smile and a nod. "Only a sting, like a burning feeling, but it won't last long once your body gets used to the friction." He assured as he positioned himself with his hand under a knee as he lifted my all the way to the mattress. "You say when okay?"
I nodded, taking a few deep breaths then giving him the go ahead and I felt so much pressure. God, I don't think I could fit him all. It hurt, not as much as I thought, but god it still hurt. I placed my hand on his chest and he stopped. Halfway in and seeming like he was holding so much back. He waited until I eased up a little more before continuing his entrance into me, then he hit my prostate and I moaned.
"Fuck." He cursed through his teeth. He held me close to his body, his arm shaking as his whole body wanted what I wasn't quite ready to allow him yet. "I'll go slow."
The slow friction burned slightly less and I clutched onto him, nails digging into the sink of his bare back. His hand holding the back of my head as he cradled my body.
Hushed moans into his shoulder as I bit down. His length hitting my sweet spot with every slow thrust.
"Fuck, Lix. I don't if I can.."
"Just a couple more minutes, please. I'm not.." I stuttered profusely.
"Okay." He nodded as he held me. "You're just so- damn tight."
After however much longer of the slow pace, the pain subsided. My body had grown used to the foreign part in my body. I laid myself back he looked my in the eyes, I looked back and nodded. I watched as it seemed like so much weight lifted from him, the tense look in his muscles eased and his whole demeanor changed.
He pulled himself back and then rammed in roughly, causing my head to roll back and my throat erupt with a lewd noise. The force he used behind each throat made the whole bed shake.
"Oh god! Jeongin." I nails dug in further, threatening to break skin.
He faced me, staring straight into my soul. His glare was intimidating with me being in the position I was in. "You fucking left." He growled angrily as his thrust grew more rapid and deep.
This began to feel less like sex and more like a punishment. And I deserved it, maybe that's why I let him turn me into a sub.
My vision grew blurry with tears as I cried behind every forceful thrust and despite the clear anger radiating from him, he kissed them away and still holding the back of my head.
The gentle actions he still made despite his speed and power, reassured me and I let myself try to catch my breath.
——
I laid there on the bed, my head laying in his chest as he combed my hair, the bedsheets wrapping around the both of us.
I was drawing circles and all sorts of shapes on his skin. I felt him take a deep breath and release him. "What does this mean, Felix?"
"What?"
"You being here, being with me." He asked with a sigh, sitting up. Forcing me to sit up with him.
"Jeongin... I'm not good with words. You know that, but.. I was hoping, by me coming here... I could talk you both into welcoming me back. Let me be a part of you guys again."
"I'm all for that, Lix. Thats also a decision for Hyunjin. Speaking of, he will be home soon. So we should get dress." Jeongin said as he got out of bed and began dressing himself, handing me my clothes. "Normally I would pamper someone after.. all that. But I don't think we have time."
"That's okay." I smiled at him and pulled on my clothes.
He hugged me and I hugged back tightly and he pulled me over towards the door. Both of us laughing as he fumbled to open it. "Go wait for him."
I nodded and leaned in to kiss him deeply "Jeongin. I l- actually. I want to say it, I do and I will. But I think Hyunjin should here it first."
"That's fair." He smiled and kissed me again. "No go."
I turned to walk away and he slapped my ass. I turned back to glare at him as he just laughed and shut his bedroom door. I shut Hyunjin's door behind me and sat on his bed.
Now all I have to do... is wait.
——
[A/N]
You guys are finally getting what you want. What you have all been waiting for. Next chapter will be posted soon!
Love you guys!
Til my next update. :))
~ Cece🤍