"𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍, 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚠𝚎 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗?"
~~~
𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐞'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕
Combined with beach winds causing the window shutters to flap against the window glass and an already lightened sky, my eyes flickered open to the stream of warmth hitting the edge of my bed.
It felt like I had closed my eyes to the moon one moment and opened them to the sun violating my vision the next.
Although we were a good distance away from the beach, you could hear that the town was awake and alive with kid-friendly public events, surfers who'd probably been up since sunrise catching waves and the smell of salt lingering in the air.
I froze as the arm slung across my waist tightened its grip. Never mind this is not my bed. Zach's warm touch on my bare skin as the events of last night are in constant replay in my mind has already done a number on me.
It had been so long since I'd been with anyone that my body was already reacting to Zach spooning me beneath the soft cotton sheets. I lay my head on his chest which was bare and the direct result of me being clothed in his shirt and nothing else.
I watched him sleep, his breathing even and calm just how I liked it. Zach's soft black hair was messily sprawled over his forehead and ears as I bit back the urge to push the strands back.
Using all the strength I could muster, I tried to move from under his grasp but it wasn't Zach's musculature that caused me to pause my pursuit. The soreness between my legs served as a reminder of every single decision we made last night and prevented me from moving any more than I already had.
Instead of looking for an escape, I lean back into his hold, lightly tracing the unique designs on Zach's bicep and chest with my fingertip. They were much more detailed up close and I found myself looking for a meaning behind them. Beneath the dark inked lines, I could make out deep scratch marks sitting on his skin, that could have only been caused by my nails.
"Enjoying the view?" Zach rasped, his voice coated with sleep as his eyes flickered open.
I blinked once, then again. Suddenly my lips were dry and my tongue darted out to moisten them. "Is this real?"
His eyes sweep all around my face and I shy away in embarrassment, knowing my face was bare, my breath most likely reeked and I was probably taking up more space on this bed than him.
The way he had worshipped every curve on my body, new and old sent sparks jumping up and down my skin.
Warmth seeped into my cheeks when he answered softly. "This is very much real."
Mindlessly my hand caresses his chest in a comforting manner. I don't even notice I'm doing it when Zach grips my wrist, leaning toward my ear. My breath stalls when I feel him awake down there.
"Careful." He warns deliberately. Zach's hand trails between my thighs, prying them open just so his hands could fit. I can only focus on his torturing touch inching towards my folds. "I'd hate to have you limping before sunset."
"Zachariah..." I breathe.
"There hasn't been a day where you haven't crossed my mind." He spoke clearly and without hesitation about the repercussions. The conversation shifted as he retracted his hand, leaving me needy and confused.
"I wish things happened differently." I confess, truthfully.
"I hate that you missed all of my accomplishments. Without you, I don't think I could've stayed grounded for so long." He sighs, looking at the ceiling.
"I didn't miss a thing, Zachariah." He looks back at me, confused. I tear my eyes away as I reply. "I was always watching in the background. Your college graduation, NFL draft announcement, your first NFL game on TV, the press conferences, and the endless postgame interviews. It hurt but I couldn't have been prouder to see you do what you love." I confess truthfully.
Zach's emotions are taken back by my confession. "All this time I avoided New York and you were secretly supporting me." He looked at odds with himself, enraged almost.
"Well, Ezra was a big help and it got easier as time went on." I smile so he doesn't feel any more guilt than he has to.
"D-Did you see anyone while we were...besides you—and Elliot." He stammers awfully, the nervousness in his voice is a dead giveaway.
Nodding, I respond. "Senior year, I tried dating this one guy. Turns out I was one of many in his dating pool." I chuckle as a way to disguise my feelings. Zach doesn't find it funny at all.
"He fucking cheated on you?!" His jaw tightened as he sat up in bed.
"Zachariah, it's fine." I dropped my gaze, embarrassed. I didn't think admitting this out loud would make all the pain when I first found out come crawling back.
"What's his full name?" He tilts my chin up with his finger, waiting for an answer.
"I'm not telling you that." I pull away and sit up against the frame in bed. The aching feeling shooting throughout different parts of my body tells me not to stand up just yet. Zach notices and begins caressing where it hurts.
His brows pull together. "Why not?"
"Will you tell me the names of the girls you dated?" My question is like an awake button for both of us. I hate that I couldn't go without asking. But I needed to know if this would just be a repeat of last time.
Luna's ability to reel him in like a lost puppy was one of many reasons Zach and I began to fall apart. Her cancer diagnosis didn't prolong much after what the doctors had said. In May of the following year, Luna was spending her last weeks in hospice surrounded by her family. And in June, I heard talks of a funeral confirming that she had passed. Zach came back to New Jersey that week but he never stopped by. I didn't blame him.
I watched him love her but I couldn't watch him grieve her too.
"I never looked at another woman after you." Emotions sit at the back of my throat so I'm unable to speak. Zach blinks but it takes him a second to open them back up as he continues. "Until last year."
"Oh." I hate that my voice comes out so small. I shouldn't even be this hurt or blame him for finding comfort in another woman's bed.
It's not like it's been a month. It's been four years. Of change, new people in our lives, different mindsets, goals and visions.
Zach turns to look at me, gaze soft yet intense. "The team and I were one game from making the final four but we lost and our season was over. Without the practices and away games keeping me busy, I was home most of the time by myself and with my thoughts." He pauses. "I needed a distraction and I found it."
"Elliot and I aren't a thing. We kissed but we were both drunk and lonely on New Year's eve. He's just a friend." I say, diverting the topic back to me. After yesterday morning's miscommunication, I wanted to make that one thing clear.
"Good." He whispers. I hear the relief rippling through his voice like he waited all weekend to hear me say that. I got up from his bed and meander towards the sliding glass door and out on the balcony.
The brisk wind blew my hair in so many directions I couldn't see anything in my peripheral vision. I let out a sharp intake of breath when Zach's hand curled around my waist and connected to the rolls on my stomach.
"I have something planned for us today." He spoke, his breath fanning against my ear.
"Really, like what?" I smile, leaning into his chest. Seagulls flew in the distance occasionally skimming the water for fish. The beach was already at full capacity.
"Like a whole day to ourselves without any distractions." He laces our fingers together, rubbing circles on the inside of my palm.
"I would love that." My stomach grumbled instantly ruining the moment and I knew Zach felt the vibration of hunger growing inside me as he chuckled. I swat at his shoulder in a playful manner before speaking. "I'm going to get dressed and eat something. You coming?"
Zach is quick to nip my jawline with soft feathering kisses down into the crook of my neck, before he pulls away. "I have to make a few calls but I'll be right there."
____
Because it's still pretty early in the day, the house is void of any noise. I stroll through the empty halls as light streams from the open french windows casting hues of yellow onto the pristine white furniture.
Once I make it to the fully stocked kitchen, I drag open the metal door to find the fridge filled with all types of groceries from Miles' last food run. There's a variety of artificial junk, fresh vegetables, sweets, and drinks for the six of us. The cabinet is also loaded with glass dishes, pots, pans, and silver utensils.
I pull out the carton of eggs and set them in a bowl on the squared marble counter. There are six of us so I needed at least twelve eggs to suffice. I cracked them open one by one until the container was empty.
Rinsing the different fruits in the sink, I hear three soft knocks at the front door. I flip the faucet on the sink, turning off the water, before shaking my hands dry. Ezra and Isabella's beach house was situated in a more private area of town and with security protecting the house, I doubt anyone who wasn't allowed could get to the top of the hillside.
I round the corner until I hit a dead end. "Who is it?!"
"Isabella?" The high-pitched voice questioned right away. Through the colored glass panes designed on the door, I saw the outline of a slim female body standing on the porch.
After I twisted the lock downwards and turned the knob, the door swung open with ease. A familiar blonde shifted her head sideways with a large cardboard box in her hands. I was met with sharp blue eyes and a fading smile.
My body is frozen, even as my heart pounds fifty beats per minute at the woman I thought I'd never see again. The ache in my chest magnifies by a tenth-fold. Every distant memory I've tried to leave in the past comes barreling back at Kelsey's stunned expression. She looks just as surprised as I am, which causes me to pose the question.
"What are you doing here?"
She swallows, releasing the crease etched between her brows. "I came to drop off something for Zach but I can just—go." She hesitates but turns around and begins walking down the stairs.
I sigh deeply, regretting how that must've sounded. "Wait, Kelsey—stop. I didn't mean it like that." I step out of the entryway and she pauses on the second step, slowly turning around. "I was just surprised to see you, that's all."
Kelsey walks back up the steps, shoulders low and eyes softened. "What's it been...four years?"
"Almost five." I nod, agreeing.
We stand in an overwhelming silence and I use this time to drag my eyes down her body. She's dressed casually, in a polo t-shirt and a pair of dark washed jeans. The old Kelsey would have been drowning in designer.
The wind swept her neat ponytail over her face as she occasionally pushed the wispy strands back in their place. Her demeanor is much more relaxed since the last time I saw her.
"After court, I never saw you again. You never said goodbye." She says quietly, like she's afraid to bring it up.
It's quiet for a moment before I muster a civil tone. "I hate what my mother made you do, but I hated you more for going along with it. I was a wreck that whole week. Then Zach and I..."
"Suddenly ended." Kelsey finishes for me. "Yeah, I know. I don't think I've ever seen him that heartbroken."
I turn my head away, pretending to look at the scenery of Shellside Harbor. I crossed my arms over my chest, letting the soft Spring breeze brush over my exposed skin. "I couldn't let him stay in New York."
"And now...are you two?" Her eyes dart around my flushed face. There was probably a dozen dark marks lining my neck that I hadn't thought to cover up.
She poses a very important question I had no definitive answer to. I didn't know how this weekend would end. I just knew by tomorrow morning I was supposed to be on the first flight back to Chicago with or without him. Zach knew it. I knew it. But living in the moment in the meantime seemed more important.
"We're getting somewhere." I nod, trying to believe my words.
"Well, I'm glad. You two belong together." For a split second, I heard the sincerity in her words and what looked like a genuine smile tugging on her lips.
"Are you coming inside?" I gesture toward the open door, before looking back at her. "I was just making breakfast for everyone before they woke up."
Kelsey glances up and behind my shoulder, contemplating a decision. A sad look settled on her bold features. In all our years of knowing each other Kelsey rarely mentioned having friends. Her life only ever revolved around her coworkers, her clients, Zach, and her stepfather, which made me realize how lonely she must've been.
"I don't think that's the best idea, plus I have a ton of reading to catch up on." She blurted.
"Oh," I replied, a bit confused. Before I could ask, she answered.
"Law school." Her lips pressed in a thin line as the conversation faded into nothing but awkward looks and silence. She stuffs her hands into her jeans pockets out of a nervous habit. "Bye, Sage."
Kelsey turns on her heel walking down the porch steps. Just as her foot hit the cobblestone pavement, I walked towards the open railing. "Kelsey."
Her head flips sideways at the sound of my voice and she stops in her hurried pace towards the all-black BMW parked out on the street. "Yeah?"
"Forgive yourself."
Kelsey's voice trembled with raw emotion. "Why should I?"
"Because I've forgiven you. She's in jail now and we both deserve to move past this."
Kelsey looks down at the ground, thinking. So much pain is hidden behind the tough exterior she's built that the walls are beginning to crack. I know because Zach is the same exact way.
Lifting her gaze, I know I'm not envisioning the shimmer behind her eyes. Kelsey nods silently before opening the driver's door to her car and stepping inside, one foot at a time.
Watching her car back up and drive down the street, I let out a relieved sigh, feeling a heavy weight lift off my shoulders.
"Who was that?" A deep voice startled me.
"Shit." I curse, whipping my head around while clutching my chest. "Don't scare me like that, Zachariah." I sigh.
Zach's arms are crossed over his chest causing his corded muscles to bulge through his cotton shirt while he leans against the doorframe.
I walk back inside the house as he trails behind me until we enter the kitchen where the uncooked breakfast was left sitting on the countertop.
"It was Kelsey." I sigh, sliding into the kitchen barstool with the bowl of egg yolks. I sink the fork into the slippery yellow substance and begin whisking back and forth.
"Fuck." Zach curses, walking around the island block until he's standing opposite of me. "I told her to leave it in the garage, not make conversation."
"It's fine, we needed to talk anyway." I brush off. "Leave what in the garage?"
"I thought we could go out with my bike like old times, so I had Kelsey bring down your old helmet from my place." He clears his throat waiting for an answer. "If that's okay with you."
"Like old times huh?" My lips quirk up an inch, nearing a giddy smile from excitement. I hadn't been on a motorcycle in four and a half years and just the rush I felt from knowing I'd be on one again with Zach made my heart hammer.
The way his eyes brighten is more than I can describe. He replies with a smile in his voice. "Like old times."
I slipped through Zach's strong arms that caged me in against the countertop. His gaze flickers from my eyes down to my mouth before he leans in, sealing our lips in a gentle kiss. His hand leaves my side and wraps around the base of my neck to support our rushed movements.
Heat and goosebumps combine to spread across my skin as he smiles into my mouth. My fingers sink into his full head of hair, gently tugging on the silky soft strands. Our bodies just like our lips mold perfectly together. Like they were never meant to be apart. Zach groaned so deeply and desperately that I imagined if I pulled away all of him might shatter. He kissed me slowly, gently like he meant it.
Zach's forehead falls into the space nestled between my head and shoulder before exhaling roughly. "I want you again."
I blushed, breathless, looking at our joined hands.
A throat clears by the kitchen entrance, causing us to quickly break apart. "As much as I hated seeing you two sulking for the past two days, I rather that, than watch you guys make a baby on the kitchen counter." Miles grumbled, making his way to the stove.
"Caught them again?" Izzy laughs, waddling into the kitchen with a half-empty bag of spicy chips stuck in her grasp. She has morning hair and a pink fuzzy robe glued to her body.
"Like two sex deprived monkeys." Miles teases. He maneuvered through the kitchen, pulling out spices and a cutting board, I'm assuming to take over preparing breakfast.
"Like you and Victoria are any better," Zach replies, curling his free hand around my waist. I leaned back into his protective hold, feeling a sense of calmness overwhelm me. Speaking of Victoria, she slept all day at the beach and at this rate she was going to be up midday. I guess her jet lag finally caught up with her.
A familiar scent of bacon wafted across my nose as the firecracker sizzling sound cut through my ears. Somehow Miles managed to throw on a chef's apron with the word Daddy printed on the front, making me snort when Zach pointed it out.
Soon after Ezra trudges in, rubbing his eyes free of sleep. Shirtless might I add. "Just because you guys are on the second floor doesn't mean the walls are soundproof."
Heat rushed to the tip of my ears as I ducked my face, hiding behind a curtain of my own untamed hair. Zach's hands snaked around my waist, not caring about the three sets of eyes watching us.
"Paybacks a bitch, ain't it." Zach's lips cocked into a small smirk before he stood to his feet. "C'mon we're leaving."
"Don't be mad Zachy." Ezra mocks, stealing a piece of crisp bacon behind Miles back.
"Wait now?" My eyes widened as I examined my state. I didn't look horrible but I didn't exactly look put together. "Zach, I need a shower. I look a mess."
"You shower and I'll just get in behind you, then we both won't be going anywhere." Zach leaned down to whisper. It was only now that I noticed his grip on my hip. It was light but there.
I sit in stunned silence, a flash of heat crawling up my neck as Zach intertwines his calloused fingers in between mine, dragging me out of the kitchen and towards the garage door before I can even think.
The taped cardboard box that Kelsey once held up against her chest was now open on the concrete floor. My mouth parted at the familiar matte black helmet Zach pulled out of the untouched box. My initials were still engraved on the metal crest underneath the cushioned protective wear.
He kept it. All these years.
Zach lifted the helmet a few inches above my hair and pushed it down on my head. It still fits snugly. He loops the buckle in the metal ring to secure the armor. Butterflies swarm in my stomach at the same time he lifts the tinted face shield, searching my eyes.
In five short seconds, he fastens his own hard hat and flips the switch to the sliding garage door. Once it's fully opened, the sleek death trap comes into view and I can't help but look at Zach with pure excitement. His smile widens at my reaction and I scurry towards the motorcycle with adrenaline lacing my bloodstream.
He chuckles softly behind me. "Slow down, love." The nickname tumbles from his lips without a second thought.
My heart flutters. I shake my head, nodding, not trusting my voice around him.
Zach swings one leg over the bike while holding the handlebars, veins protruding from his sculpted biceps. I followed after him, wrapping my arms around his torso and locking my fingers together. Zach tenses for a millisecond before relaxing into my embrace. The engine roars to life with one rotation of the throttle gears.
Zach looks ahead as we pull out of the driveway and into the empty streets. The sun blazes down on our overlapped skin but the wind that accumulates as we speed up-regulates my body temperature.
The ground has blurred beneath us at the same time we swiftly maneuver through desolate streets. Although it's only midday the boardwalk to the beach has never been fuller. The air smelled of charred barbeque and small children ran out of ice cream shops with sticky faces. I take in every detail of the overly cheery town, savoring this weekend that felt like an escape.
"I forgot how fun this was!" I yell at the top of my lungs with a grin.
Zach makes a sharp turn leading us on a road out of town and onto a Texas freeway. Cars can't keep up at the speed we're going and drivers stare at us weirdly when our bodies rumble in laughter together when we cut them off mid-lane.
"Faster?" He asks, looking at me in the side mirror with a mischievous smirk playing on his lips. It lingered for a beat longer than I anticipated and suddenly we were back in New York, strangers riding from group therapy to a Mcdonald's drive-through.
"Faster." I nod, tightening my grip around his abdomen. The thrill, the adrenaline all curse through my veins like a high I'm chasing.
We go back and forth conversing when traffic causes us to come to a halt. In thirty minutes or less, we pull into the parking lot of a Football stadium.
The engine cuts off soon after Zach parks the bike just steps away from an employee only door. Hopping off, Zach grabs my hand leading us to the unlocked door.
Once we enter the building, my eyes begin to roam, every colorful mural, the endless glass frames of retired jerseys lining the walls and all the silver football shaped trophies in my vicinity.
We walk down the empty hall, Zach knowing exactly where everything is located while I wander clueless of our next turn.
We're in an NFL stadium during closed hours. It feels kind of surreal to be in a place that would usually be packed to the brim with staff, fans and pro athletes. But soon the heartache of having missed so much of his life hits me in the chest right where it hurts. Zach notices my head is elsewhere and gives my small hands in his large ones a reassuring squeeze.
Our steps echo down the empty path until we reach two gigantic double doors.
Zach pulls out a laminated key card and places it at the front black box sensor. The blinking red light immediately turns bright green indicating the door was now unlocked. For the past five minutes, Zach has been running his fingers through his hair and avoiding my gaze. His nervousness is evident and kind of cute when I give him a questioning look.
Zach coincidentally steps aside, holding the door open for me to enter the room first and my heart doesn't flip because of the luxury suite overlooking the entire vacant football arena.
Instead the beating organ behind my ribcage skips not one but several beats as my eyes connect to the fancy candlelight dinner at the singular round table with two chairs. There's a clear vase of Sage flowers kept alive by water at the bottom. I recognize them because Dad used to gift them to me on every special occasion.
I suck in a mouthful of air before his name leaves my lips. "Zachariah...this is."
He peeled off my jacket, understanding that I was lost for words. The thought that went into this couldn't compare to any date I've been on.
His eyes sparkled in the dim light of the private room as he walked us over to the beautifully decorated table. Zach pulled out my chair, letting me sit first before taking a seat himself.
He swallows hard before meeting my gaze. "You like?"
"I love it." I lean over the table, looking through the clear glass panes. Thousands of empty red seats along with an empty green field came into view "H-How did you do all of this?"
"I made a few calls. It was nothing really." He clears his throat, opening the menu and I do the same, reading the listed appetizers, entrees and desserts offered. "About yesterday, Ezra and I hired security before the trip. I know how you feel about the press, they should've never been anywhere near Shellside."
"No, I get it. You're famous now Zach. I mean your whole life is in the spotlight. I can't change that. I should've known they would be around, especially going out in public with you and Ezra." I carefully reply.
"They don't have to be." He replies instantly. "I mean I can get rid of them for good, for you."
I shake my head. "Zach—you can't do that."
"I'd cancel every press release, conference and publicity event if it'd make you being with me easier Sage." He replies with a genuineness that I can't even begin to describe.
"What, w-why?" My mouth gapes open, trying to register what he was actually telling me. "You could lose hundreds of thousands of dollars never mind that this could ruin your career. I can't ask you to do that."
"I don't care about any of that. Why I don't care?" He questions as if what I'm asking is ridiculous. "Because you make it stop." He croaked, his face breaking with emotion. "My world, my heart...my problems. You make it all stop, Sage. I don't want to do life without you now that I know what it's like with you." My throat dries and I feel my nerves kick into overdrive. "And you aren't asking. I'm doing it."
The waiter arrived soon after, saving me from answering. We wait twenty minutes tops for our meals to be prepared. In the meantime Zach and I just talk. About any and everything. He asks about Niko, who is now nine years old and a pain in my ass. I tell him how he's having trouble in math and his new hobby of bringing homeless animals into the house for Dad and Eleanor to find is kind of hilarious.
Zach talks about how he and Cora met and how she's been an amazing friend and agent combined into one. I learn he lives in a private penthouse not too far from Izzy and Ezra in Aldridge. I tell him about where I'm at with my journalism career. My plan to start up a business in the near future after I've gained some more experience in a couple more major cities.
Sooner than later the food arrives on our table, hot and ready. The lobster bisque I order is like heaven in my mouth. When I finish the bowl in record time Zach tells the waiter to bring out a second for himself because I'm too afraid to ask. Meanwhile on his plate he has shrimp alfredo with a side of garlic bread. Occasionally Zach brings his fork up to my mouth, a roll of pasta and a shrimp attached to it. I take a bite without second thought, my appetite growing. The antique bottle of red wine we share looks older than the both of us combined. It taste divine though, nothing like anything I've ever tried.
Zach keeps pulling out his phone to snap photos of me, mid chew and even though I look absolutely ridiculous and I tell him to delete them, he looks at the pictures with a glimmer of hope.
I like how the both of us are dressed casually despite the fancy ambiance this whole dinner date creates. We were comfortable, alone and most importantly, just ourselves.
While Zach talks to the waiter privately, I check my phone for the first time in the last two hours. As soon as the screen lights up I regret it. The reality we both had to face once this day was over became overwhelmingly clear.
"What is it?" Zach sits back down across from me. His smile fades once he sees my face.
"Nothing." I say, not wanting to ruin the day of fun we've had so far.
"Sage." Zach looks at me with want of an answer.
My voice is barely above a whisper and I hate it. "It's just a notification from the airline about my flight in the morning."
Zach hesitantly nods, breaking our stare. He takes a few moments to respond and when he does I feel the air shift. "I'm staying here and you're going back to Chicago."
The words are bitter leaving my mouth. "I'm going back to Chicago."
And my home is right in front of me.
End of Chapter
A LOT happened here. I got so much nostalgia with Kelsey coming back and the motorcycle ride. Everything felt so right until it didn't...
Not liking how this one ended? I promise the LAST chapter, which is next will be worth it. I can't begin to thank you guys for coming on this journey with me.
How do we like the new cover?
See you in the last!❤️