"That fade wack, you push back and stepped on like that damn shoes. Pick on somebody your own kind, your own size. Broke, ugly, with a "I just need some bread" sign." Coop raps in the viendo she shows Spencer and me on her iPad.
"Whoo!" Spencer shakes his head. "You went crazy on bro."
"This the hood version of High School Musical." I tell her. "You really snapped on this."
Coop laughs. "Kid, your girl's a viral legend."
"I don't know if 200 likes qualifies as a viral legend." Spencer tells her as Patience just roll her eyes and shakes her head at him.
"Man, whatever." Coop sucks her teeth. "I take this kind of love over being called a snitch any day."
"Fact." Spence agrees.
"She has a point there." I agree.
"You tell them how you're doing Off The Dome?" Patience ask as she slides us the flyer.
"You're joining the freestyle battle here Saturday night?" Spencer questions.
"Yes, sir." Coop nods her head. "Hey, the grand prize is $500, that could go a long way to my studio time."
"Uh, you sure?" Spencer raise an eyebrow, Cop nods her head. "I just mean, checking some bully in school is one thing, but going up against some legitimate rappers who've been battling for a minute now. That's completely different."
"Yo, I'll be good." Coop says confidently. "It's legit, like amateur night. Okay, I might as well go in there, shoot my shot, and see what happens."
"Stop trying to rain on her parade." I nudge Spencer. "That's my job. But seriously, I would love to be here Saturday night to watch you but I have other commitments on Saturday, but if I can make it then I'll definitely come."
"What? I know you not missing my first ever on stage rap performance, Sam." Coop says, I mouth out an silent apology.
"That ain't the only thing she's been missing." Spencer says.
Patience gasps as her eyes go wide, she leans in close and lowers her voice. "You missing your period? You pregnant?"
"What? No!" Spencer denies the claims before I could even do it. "She's been missing games and football practice."
"Doubt it. Nope. No way. Not believing it." Coop sucks her teeth, she leans back in her seat, shaking her head. "The same Sam who had a whole fever and still brought Crenshaw home a win. The same Sam who spent her whole—"
"Yes, the same one." Spencer cuts her off, he looks back over at me. "Tell her I'm lying."
I shoot Spencer a glare then I stand up. "I'm going to go get a refill."
"I'll come with." Patience announce as she stands up. "Do y'all want a refill?" Spencer lifts his cup off the table and hold it out to her while Coop does the same, she takes Coop cup and goes to get Spencer's but stop. "Uh, not you. You upset Sam. Get it yourself."
Patience flips her hair over her shoulder dramatically before wrapping her arm around mine and leading us over to the soda machine, we fill up our drinks in silence. "You want to ask me about it aren't you?" I question.
"Oh, most definitely." Patience nods her head. "So, are you going to tell me?"
I sigh. "I missed one game and a couple practice, and? So what? A lot of players don't go to every single practice."
"You're not those players."
"Practice has been a joke since Coach left and is still a joke now that's he's back, he's just letting Jordan walk all over him for his forgiveness." I tell her even though I haven't been to practice to witness that, just going off what Olivia told me the other day. "I have other things that I need to prioritize right now, and football just isn't my number one thing at the moment."
Patience sets her cup down and place the back of her hand on my forehead. "Are you sick? No, temperature feels normal. Maybe you're depress. Are you depress? You would tell me if you were depress, right?"
"I'm not depress, I'm fine." I move her hand. "After all the hard work I put in to just be on the field with the boys, you think I'll just stop like that?"
"True. You just don't forget all the hard work you put in to get where you are today."
"This is my life work. I will never forget all the hard work and sacrifices I've made, might need a reminder here and there but I can never forget."
"So," Patience takes a sip of her drink. "What are your thoughts on Darnell?"
"I don't know." I shrug as I use my straw to stir my ice around. "He's nice. And still fine."
"Don't let Jordan hear that."
I laugh but it's short-lived. "Spencer will come around eventually, he always does."
"Yeah, I don't think he'll be coming around anytime soon." Patience says. "Especially after he just gave y'all dad that ultimatum, he said he'll come back to play for him but he got to send Darnell back." I stop looking at my ice slowly melting and snap my head over in her direction. "And you didn't know that. Of course you didn't. I have really got to learn how to read the room and stop opening up my big mouth."
Setting my cup down I march back over to the table, I slam my hands down on the table causing him and Coop conversation to end. "You're making dad choose between you and Darnell? You see where that's fuck up, right?"
"I see Patience told you." Spencer sighs as he leans back into his seat. "It was only a matter of time before you found out. Look, I'm doing this for you, me, Dillon and Chris."
"No, don't you dare use me and Chris as an excuse. You're doing this for you. I don't have no problem with Darnell and Dillon has no problem with him. You just want to have to share him and I get that, we just got him back and now we have to divide his attention with somebody who isn't biological his child. I get it. But what you're doing is fucked up. If dad does send Darnell back home, do you even know what's waiting for him? An empty home because his mother is off fighting in some war for who knows how long."
"I didn't know."
"Because you didn't even try to have a conversation with the boy." I point out. "But you're about to have a conversation with him now, go find him, talk to him, and make amends."
꧁𒊹︎꧂
"What am I even suppose to wear this stupid thing?" I question myself as I stand in front of my closet, it was so much easier finding outfits for events before I met Layla and Olivia.
Since befriending the two of them, I'm having one of those girly conflicts where I have a closet full of clothes but still swear that I don't have anything to wear. Today is the Solo Muse, I've been dreading this day ever since I agreed to go with Olivia, I only really agreed because for some reason Mrs. Baker really want Olivia to do this and because she made a good point.
Olivia and I don't really have anything to really do when we're with each other, besides her obsessive worrying about my well-being or when we decide to watch Girls Trip for the umpteenth time. And because I know that if I just fake a smile for her during the duration of this then maybe she'll just stop worrying about me, and stop asking me every two seconds.
But I much rather be in Crenshaw watching Coop rap in this amateur night, hopefully this thing ends fast and I can catch Coop on stage. I'm only going to this Solo Muse thing for one day then tell Mrs. Baker that it isn't for me, she'll be happy that I even went at all. After ten more minutes of shuffling through my clothes yet again I decided on just wearing all black, grabbing a pair of black jeans that's one size bigger than my normal size.
And a sheer black open front top but it has three hooks in the front to cover my breast, tossing the clothes on the bed I start searching for some shoes to wear with this outfit when my phone starts ringing. Being that I'm only in my undergarments, I shrug on my robe and tie it so that it stays in place before walking over to my phone to see Simone is FaceTiming me.
Answering the call I'm greeted by Simone smiling face. "Hey, Samantha."
"Hey, Simone." I greet back with a smile.
"I'm surprise you actually answer, thought you were avoiding me cause I haven't hard or even seen you since the last time we hung out."
"I've been meaning to get back to you, just been busy these last couple of days. Did you ever figure out you little situation, though?"
"You know funny enough I haven't gotten around to that." She quickly change the subject before I could say anything. "Did you ever figure out your little situation with Jordan?"
"I did." I smile. "He apologize and now things are pretty good between us. But don't think I didn't notice how you switch the subject, one of these days you're going to have to take that test. And even if you don't, when you're stomach start getting bigger you're definitely going to know that you're pregnant."
"I'm just scared to buy it. Can you come with me to buy it?"
You wasn't scared when you riding that—
"Yeah—" My sentence gets cut off when there's a knock on my door. "Give me a second."
Crossing the room I was barely able to even unlock the door before the door starts opening, Jordan forces himself into the room and he quietly closes the door behind him. "Why does it look like you're sneaking into my room?"
Jordan voice is low. "Because I am. My mom's upstairs."
"Then why are you in here?" I lower my voice. "You know anytime we're alone for more than three minutes she comes barging into the room."
Jordan grabs me and turns me around so that I'm press against the door and he's standing over me. "Exactly." He tries to place his lips on mine but I turn my head so he buries his face into my neck, I feel his breath on my neck. "You just got out the shower. You smell so good."
"Jordan be—" He shuts me up with a lush kiss, I put up a fight by not kissing him back but my resistance begins to melt when he presses his body against me. I was vaguely aware of movement and then the bed was against my back, Jordan slides between my legs and leans his body weight against me so that I'm trapped under him.
He leaves my lips and travel to my neck again, when he starts messing with the belt on my robe I place my hand on his chest to push him and he leans back so that I can see his face. "It's not gonna happen, Jordan." I stop him from untying my robe. "I know you're just want to get your lick back for what I did to you, but it's not gonna work. Gotta try something a little bit better."
"You knew you were wrong for that." Jordan groans as he rolls off of me, laying besides me. "Imma get you back for that."
"What I don't understand is. . .?" I trail off as I throw a leg over him and shift so that I'm sitting on top of him. ". . . how are you trying to get back at me for getting back at you for laughing at me for agreeing to do the Solo Muse with Liv? I just had the last laugh."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still going to get you back." Jordan says as he places his hands on my hips. "How much time do you have left before you leave?"
"An hour. More or less." I shrug, my phone sitting at the top of the bed makes me reminds me that I was on the phone. "Shit!" Grabbing my phone I see that the screen is black. "See messing around with you, Simone hung up."
"Simone." Jordan repeats. "Seems like the two of you are becoming friends?"
"Yeah, I like her."
"I'm not trying to tell you who you can and can't be friends with but I wouldn't get to close to her if I was you."
"Why?" I question curiously. Was that heated conversation that the two of them had at Nipsey Vigil something more? Or am I just overthinking? "Did she say something?"
"No, nothing like that." He denies. "Cause of Liv. She had been feeling threatened about her position in your life lately. She thinks that she has been replace by Layla."
"I can't have more than one friend?" I question. Even Chris wasn't that complicated when I had becomes best friends with Kia, and Kia wasn't like that when I best friended Coop and Coop wasn't like that when I had best friend Olivia and Layla.
"She just feels like she doesn't fit into your life lately and with you becoming friends with Simone now, she might start thinking that you don't have time for her. I mean, when the last time you and Liv actually hung out? Just the two of you?"
"Do you wanna talk about my friendship with your sister or do you wanna makeout before I leave?" I question.
"One step ahead of ya." Jordan dangles my robe belt on his finger, looking down I see that my robe is opening and exposing my undergarments to him. "Let's—" His sentence gets cut off when the sound of my door hitting the door, I slid from on top of him as Jordan gets to his feet — holding his hands up. "This isn't what it looks like."
Mrs. Baker just stares at him with her arm crossed. "Then tell me what was going on here."
"I was just helping her find shoes for her outfit."
"Oh?" Mrs. Baker tilts her head to the side. "And what shoes did you decide?"
"Uh, those." Jordan pokes the pink and white snake skin Jordans that I never put away into the closet. "Thought her outfit needed a pop of color."
"Okay, so let me tell you what I think this looks like to me." Mrs. Baker rest her hands on her hips. "It looks like you came into her room with intentions of doing something that will not be happening under my roof or at all with her, being that I came in here with her on top of you with her robe open. And the fact that you're holding the belt to her robe."
"Pretty accurate." Jordan tosses my robe belt onto the bed.
"I'm really hoping that I don't need to have a sit down with Sam mother and the both of us give y'all a safe sex talk." Mrs. Baker says, Jordan and I shake our head frantically. "From now on, the two of you are not allowed alone in the room together unless there's somebody is upstairs. So if nobody's home or if everybody's downstairs then the two of you will be downstairs as well."
"But if nobody's home. How will you know if we're downstairs?" Jordan questions.
"Get out before you find yourself even more in trouble." Mrs. Baker steps to the side to let him leave the room. "Wear a pair of heels."
"It's kinda cute in here." Olivia says as we walk through the doors of the building, with her arm wrap around my arm.
"It looks like a unicorn threw up in here." I think otherwise. "You know what would make this Solo Muse thing a lot better, if you were here with us Layla."
"Nope." Layla declines the offer immediately. "But you can tell me all about it when you get back to the hotel tonight."
"Actually," I start, after hearing what Jordan said about my friendship with Olivia I realize that he was right about everything. Me and Olivia hasn't hung out, just the two us, since we had that fallout before winter break and we barely even speak to each other these days. So, maybe if I just hang around her for a couple days then she'll stop bringing up that I broke my sobriety, and stop asking me how I'm doing every time I see her. Layla should be okay without me for a couple days. "I'm going to be staying at The Bakers for a couple days, Liv and I have a lot of catching up to do. But I'll see you at school."
"Yeah, sure, okay. I'll see you at school. Uh, I got to go." Before I could say anything else Layla ends the call.
"Well, damn." Olivia says at Layla abruptly ending the call. "Anyway, I'm happy that you are doing this with me and that you're staying with me for a couple days."
"Everything isn't about you. I'm mostly doing this to be around Jordan more." I joke just as a couple girls walk pass us dress in all white, I turn to her. "Why didn't you tell me this was an all white party?"
"I didn't know this was an all white party." Olivia says. "We're both dress in all black."
"What the hell is this? What is going on?" We stop in front of a white decorated board that reads 'Solo Muse. Cotillionaires Social' on a sign. "Can we leave? We can do anything that you like. We can sit down and paint our nails as we talk about our feelings instead? I know you like girly stuff like that."
"Yeah, I know you and I know that the second we leave, you're backing out that whole entire deal so no." Olivia declines my offer.
"And you're absolutely right." Kia says as she comes from out one of the rooms. "There has to be a football game nearby because there's no way, Samantha is here for the Solo Muse."
"Haha." I fake laugh. "Very funny."
Kia crosses her arm and ask, "How come when I suggested we do the Solo Muse together, you shot me down immediately?"
"Heh." I tap my finger against my chin. "I don't remember you ever bringing up anything about a Solo Muse before?"
"Wait." Olivia says as she points to Kia. "I know you. Your Spencer's ex."
"Spencer's ex, a.k.a Sam's ex-bestfriend." Kia list off. "But between me and you, I would really like to be consider something other than that, anything other than that."
"I don't know. Sam's ex-bestfriend kinda has a ring to it." I joke.
"I'm sorry." Olivia apologize. "I'm Olivia. We met at the park cleanup."
"Yeah, I remember." Kia says, she does a small clap as she says, "I have to give you props for getting Sam here and in heels, you did something I could never do."
"You think heels is big deal." Olivia scoffs. "Patience managed to get her into a dress, heels and press on nails for Homecoming."
"Wow. The Sam I knew would have went in a suit or not gone at all depending on her mood. Seems like Sam has really change from the one knew." Kia says. "But, um, are y'all going in or just going to stand out here and watch. . ."
"Probably not." I speak up before Olivia could. "As you can see we're not really dress for the occasion. I'm all for breaking the rules, but today I don't feel like it."
"I'm not letting you back out of this that easily." Kia shakes her head. "Not having dresses appropriately these women can forgive. Standing then up? Not so much. Come on." Kia wraps her arm around my other arm so that I'm between her and Olivia. "You'll be fine." Sitting at a table, Kia sits across from Olivia and I. "So, tell me. How did you get her here? I need to learn your secrets."
"I just told her that as her best friend, this is something that the two of us—"
"Her and her mother blackmailed me to being here." I stop Olivia lie.
"Yeah, we're both only doing this for my mom." Olivia admits. "I get the sense that this is her way of proving she can raise me anchored to my black culture without my dad around, and being that Samantha is in touch with her black culture, doing this will help me more."
"Okay. Mrs. Baker, I hear that." Kia snaps her finger. "Me, on the other hand, I kinda had no choice. I'm third generation. Both my mom and granny were Cotillionaires, our family's big on tradition."
"That's awesome." Olivia smiles.
"Kill me now." I rest my arm on the table and hold my head up by my hand.
"Good evening, Cotillionaires. Welcome to Sola Muse." A woman wearing a white dress and hat greets as she stand in near our table, she holds a thick packet in her hand that she holds up. "Just stopping by to give your questionnaire packets, so feel free to fill it out here or when you get home."
"Thank you." Olivia says when the lady places three packets and pens on our table.
"Damn." I pick up the packet and flip through the pages. "She want us to fill all this out?"
"First question up," Olivia starts. "Who are you? Yeah, okay, I'm pretty sure I answered this short essay question in third grade."
"Duh." I said as I grab a pen. "A female football player."
"No." Kia laughs. "Playing football isn't who you are, it's what you do. Who are you when football isn't in the equation?" Kia reads the second question. "What do you see as your contribution to the world? That's easy. Progress. For our people."
Who am I when football isn't in the equation? What's my contribution to the world?
"Did you figure out the answer to the first question yet?" Olivia ask as she taps her pen on the island, her left leg bouncing.
"Other than female football player?" I question, she nods her head as I set my pen down then said, "Nope. You?"
"Other than being an addict? Nope."
"Hello, ladies." Mrs. Baker greets, she sits across from us at the island and ask, "How was the social? And, listen, if you hate it, you do not have to go back. I just really appreciate the both of you for trying."
Olivia sets her pen down and looks at her mother. "Actually, it wasn't that bad. It actually made me realize something. The other day we was asked a very simple question: who am I, and what has been my contribution to the world? And I realize I had no clue. My whole life had been defined by being tethered to something or someone else — addiction, being ex-NFL star Billy Baker's daughter, being one-half of a twin."
"I have always thought I knew who I was until yesterday." I chime in. "Yeah, I know I'm a female football player who is giving hope to the rest of the female population but besides that, but that's what I do. I don't have a single clue on who I am. Who am I when I'm not throwing a football around? I let football take up so much time of my life that I never dared to look away for a second, but now that I'm looking away. . . For the first time I don't have a path to follow. I don't know who I am."
"Being an addict or a female football player, those are not all things that define you." Mrs. Baker says.
"It feels that way." Olivia says as she shakes her head, looking back down at her packet. "I have spent so much time consumed in other people's identities that I've never taken time to crave out my own."
"Well, then start tonight. Now and better than never." Mrs. Baker suggest. "Figure out who you are and whatever you discover I'll be equally as proud of both of you. As I am of the one sitting in front of me right now."
꧁𒊹︎꧂
Sitting on the bleachers I watch Darnell on the field, I decided to take him up on his offer about coming to watch him practice and I happen to be skipping out on my own football practice. Again. Watching how smoothly he navigates on the field makes me miss being on the field myself, I have to admit that he's good and as much as I hate to admit it but he does make a good QB.
And even though I haven't spoken or seen Chris since the Championship game, I'm not happy that Darnell might be taking his position. I hope Chris recovers and comes back before my dad fully decides to give up Chris spot because the last thing I need is for my twin brother and my best friend to be beefing with Darnell, who I've come to like — I just really don't need the drama.
Darnell takes his helmet off and hold his finger up before he starts running in my direction, he tucks his helmet under his arm when he stands in front of me. "I see you skipping school again."
"I'm actually skipping my morning practice so you're loud and wrong."
"Oh, my bad." He holds his hands up laughing. "You came to watch us practice to report to your team what we doing?"
"We don't need to spy on y'all because the only thing you can teach us how to lose a State Championship game."
"Shots fired. That's funny and I but with Corey as Coach and me being here now, we gonna win the next game."
"Maybe against somebody else but not us." I joke. "But I originally came to clear my head, coming here when it's empty and quiet helps me center my thoughts."
"Which is why you were at the school when we officially met." Darnell adds.
"Yup. And just like how you interrupted that day for me, you and my former teammates had ruined that for me again. So, I decided to just stick around and watch. You're good."
"Thanks." Darnell smiles. "And thanks for talking to Spencer for me, he came around. But you know if you wanted me to stay, you could have just came to me and told me."
"If not wanting you to go home to an empty house means I wanted you to stay, then sure. You're welcome."
"Nah, now you trying to gaslight the fact that you wanted me to stay." He accuses. "I just want to hear you say that words."
"I'm happy that you're staying. Happy?"
"Wait, can you say that again so I can save it as my voicemail?" Darnell starts patting his pockets. "Or I can give me your number and just record yourself saying it again."
"Is that your way of just getting my number again?"
"It was worth a shot." He laughs. "Wanna throw the ball with us for a bit? Being that you have a thing for skipping practice, you might be a bit out of touch with being on the field."
"No matter how long I stay off the field, I'll never out of touch with being on the field for your information." I tell him. "But to answer your question, no. That would be cheating on my teammates and I actually have to leave soon if I want to make it back to school on time. I have a friend with an issue that I need to help her with."
"Okay, well, I'll see you the next time you come out here." Darnell says as he backs away from the bleachers, after a couple seconds he joins the guys back on the field.
As Darnell walks away from me, my dad walks come back towards me. "Hey, Sam. Are you here cause you reconsidering the offer to come play for me or are you just here to stare at Darnell?"
"I have a boyfriend." I remind as I look at my phone when it vibrates in my hand, it's a text from Spencer.
Layla just told that her dad is not back in town, you've been lying to me all this time about how winter break went. Where are you? Call me, the text from Spencer reads.
And now I have to deal with that, I just can't catch a break.
"Oh, yeah." Dad snaps his fingers as I tuck my phone away. "That ole light skin cat you were kissing on the field after y'all won the game. Billy's kid."
"His name is Jordan."
"Jordan." He repeats. "Does he make you smile?"
"Well, he doesn't make me cry."
"Okay, tell me about him."
"Oh, my god. No."
"Why? You don't want to talk about your boyfriend with your dad?"
"Does any girl want to talk about her boyfriend with her dad? That's so awkward."
Looking at the field I see that Darnell is looking over at us, he lifts his shirt up to wipe his face and I couldn't help but laugh. "You sure there's nothing going on with you two?"
I tilt my head back and groan. "Dad!"
"What? Anybody who has eyes can see that?"
Then I can't see, I'm blind. Apparently.
"Okay, I'm leaving." I get off the bleachers. "When you want to talk to me about literally anything else, you have my number."
"Can I get a hug before you go?" I debate back and forth about it before deciding that I would hug him, when he wrap his arm around me for a brief moment it felt like everything would be okay, like a security blanket was thrown over me. "You don't want to hug Darnell goodbye as well?"
"Oh, my god!" I break our hug. "You're the worst."
"I tell him you said bye!" He yells after me as I start to walk away from him.
"You're so annoying." I shake my head.
An late update is better than no update at all.