A/N - This chapter was inspired by the song Unholy by Sam Smith and Kim Petras. I hope you all enjoy it.
You had always known that you would never be able to be the pretty little wife of the man you were in love with. It just wasn't possible. Sure, he could go against all reason and marry you, but it would cause an uproar across the Seven Kingdoms and deep down, you weren't sure if either of you could ever truly be happy with being the sole cause of that sort of bedlam in his Kingdom.
That knowledge should have been enough to make your break off his visits. It should have been enough to make you tell him no. Should have been enough to make you turn him away when he showed up at your door. But your resolve had never been all that strong and you had always found it hard to turn Robert down.
After all, there was nothing wrong with being with the man you were in love with. There was nothing sinful about taking comfort from a man who loved you back. Or at least, that's what you had been telling yourself when he was warming your bed more often than not, holding you close and confessing his feelings for you time and time again.
In fact, you hadn't felt any guilt at all until Cersei had come along. Of course, you had known he would have to marry eventually. He would take some powerful lord's daughter and make her his wife and they would have as many children as they could possibly create. But that didn't mean he would love her. That didn't make her anything more than a woman with a new title. But then, he'd told you that he was betrothed, and your beliefs had flown out of the window.
Being the other woman was harder than you had expected. Knowing that he was sneaking around behind her back to visit with you made you feel like the cruellest person alive. Knowing that he was leaving you to go back to her bed made you feel even worse.
It had only taken a month or so for you to realise that you weren't as in love with Robert as you had been. It turned out that the sneaking around had been fun when he was single, but now, you spent most moments with him thinking about her instead.
He still visited you regularly, knocking on the door and wrapping his arms around you the second he was out of the sight of prying eyes. He truly did love you, after all. He told you as much every time he bedded you. Several times, in fact.
He'd been dressing one evening whilst you lay watching him, a deep frown painting your features. His eyes lingered on your face for a moment and his own lips twitched up into a little half-smile.
"I'll be back tomorrow, My Love," he reminded you, dropping his undershirt back to the ground to kneel on the edge of the bed, craning his neck to kiss you quickly. "Can't stay away from my pretty girl for too long, can I?"
When he pulled back, you were still frowning, looking up at him with the saddest eyes he had ever seen.
"She thinks she got lucky marrying you," you murmured, swallowing down the lump in your throat as you shook your head. "She thinks she hit the jackpot," you added, averting your eyes when he looked down at you with soft eyes and a furrowed brow.
"She gets to be Queen-"
"Being the Queen means nothing if the King is off fucking his whore every night," you bit at him. "And I expect that her father had more to do with her wanting to be Queen than she did."
Robert hesitated for a moment, his knee still resting on the bed as he stared down at you. "Where is this coming from?"
You shrugged slightly. "I thought I would be okay with being your mistress," you told him. "But knowing that she's at home thinking that she's married to this incredible man whilst you're here with me is painful," you pressed on. "It hurts," you added softly. "It makes me feel like a bad person."
"You're not a-"
"I am sleeping with a married man," you interrupted. "Let's not start pretending that I'm a saint."
Robert took in a deep breath, his hand finding your knee under the covers, giving it a gentle squeeze before you pulled away. "I was with you before I was ever with her," he reminded you.
"That makes no difference, Robert. She is your wife."
He hesitated for a moment, running his hand over his chin as he searched for anything that would make this better. Anything that he could say that would take away the guilt that had been seeping into your bones ever since his wedding day.
"What do you want me to do?" he finally breathed out, looking so damn sad that you felt mean for even bringing the topic up.
Your tongue darted out to wet your bottom lip, your eyes drifting away for him for a moment. All you wanted to do was burst into tears. You wanted to let out the sobs that had been building up for some time now and let him comfort you. You wanted him to tell you that his marriage could be ended and that he would stay with you instead. But deep down, you knew that could never happen.
"I don't think you should come here anymore," you murmured, your eyes finally landing on him again as you swallowed down the tears that wanted to flow. "I think you should be faithful to your wife," you added, watching him nod slightly.
"I don't love her."
"You should've thought about that before you married her," you told him, scooting back on the bed to grab your robe from the ground, tugging it around your body rather haphazardly. "I'd like you to leave," you added, finally tying the knot around your middle.
Robert hesitated for a moment, watching for any sign that you would change your mind, before grabbing his undershirt from the ground and pulling it over his head.
Once he was dressed, he paused again, his eyes lingering on you, memorising you. "I love you," he hummed.
"Goodbye Robert," you answered softly, pulling the door open and ushering him out into the night for the last time.
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