Hellllllllloooooooo!
It's been a good while since I have updated, but I have my creative juices flowing, and I FINALLY have some free time to get writing.
I'm not actually sure if anybody is still reading this, or any of my stories for that matter, but if someone is I would just like to say thank you for your patience and for sticking around. It means the world to me, and I hope you enjoy this update and are excited to really jump back into things!
Thank you so much! <3
Chapter 48:
"You should have seen him!" Zayn's mum chuckled out as his dad slapped his hand on the table with laughter. "His whole face was a bright red, and he was shivering so terribly. My poor baby! We set him down in front of the fireplace with warm clothes and a blanket and made him finish a whole cup of hot cocoa before doing anything else."
"I think I still have a picture on my phone!" His sister exclaimed, excitedly pulling out her phone to scroll through her gallery.
"I don't think it's necessary to show him-" Zayn tried to divert the conversation, but then his sister was thrusting her phone in my face to reveal a picture of Zayn as a kid with his face red from the cold, gloved hands out in front of him, and a sled laying at his feet upside down. The expression on his face was mixed with disbelief at what had happened, regret at attempting what he did, and pure agony at the cold he endured moments before.
"We told him not to try and sled down it, but he was convinced he was a pro after watching some winter Olympics," his mum added to the story.
"You wanted to be an Olympic athlete?"
"No," Zayn immediately responded, pushing his sister's phone out of my face. "I just... I thought it looked easy. All of the snow sports."
I couldn't contain my laughter at the way he mumbled out the truth, but Zayn didn't seem to mind. The pout that was on his lips slowly turned into a smile as he watched me laugh at his expense.
"Oh, that's funny to you?" He grinned, raising an eyebrow. "Laugh it up. I'm going to ask Ruth for all of your embarrassing stories next time I get the chance."
"If it makes you feel better," I said with my laughter finally dying down.
"Is that your sister's name?" Zayn's mum wondered.
"Uh, yes. One of them, anyway. My other sister is actually away at uni."
"Do you plan on going to uni?" His dad asked. My grip on my utensil tightened for a moment.
"I don't... um, I'm not actually sure. I want to write, I guess, but... I just...." I trailed off, suddenly ashamed of my lack of direction in life. I wasn't even sure if I could get my grades high enough to pass before the end of the year. Ruth wasn't even in uni. I figured I would just get a basic job to help my family first before even thinking about my future.
"Writing sounds like a wonderful goal to have. I advocate for anything artistic," Zayn's mum smiled. "Of course, it's also alright to take your time and think about it. Not everybody needs to go to uni to be successful or even happy in life."
"That's very true. I never went to uni myself. Think my life turned out pretty great." His dad sent a loving smile to his mum, making one of his sister's roll their eyes while another wrinkled her nose in playful disgust.
"We get it. You love each other," his sister groaned, making their parents chuckle.
"You'll find someone you love one day, then you'll understand."
I sat quietly while they all conversed with one another, eating away at their food on occasion, when they were gesturing wildly during their stories. It seemed to be something that everyone in Zayn's family did. They were very expressive in their speech. The table was filled with laughter and screams of hysteria at certain joked while I watched on, laughing along every now and then and finding myself happy for all of them, yet a bit hollow inside. Like something I had was lost.
"We really should get going now. It was such a pleasure getting to talk to you more, Liam. Meeting you has been lovely, and I wish you all the best, dear," Zayn's mum opened her arms wide and pulled me into a tight hug. I blinked rapidly to hold in my tears. As soon as she let go, I smiled at her, hoping it displayed even a fraction of my gratitude.
"We wish you both the best. We're really glad you two have each other." His dad held his hand out to me, offering me a handshake, which I tried my best to make sure it was firm, but I think I was far too nervous to give a proper shake.
"Hey, and if my brother ever messes up, you let me know, and I'll put him in his place," his oldest sister said, squinting her eyes at Zayn while smiling.
One thing I learned about Zayn's family is that most of them were huggers. They would pull you in and squeeze you tight, welcoming you easily. I was never one for hugs much, but I was quickly growing used to them.
His mum was beautiful and kind, and she seemed to always want to take care of others without ever being asked to. Being around her, though comforting in a way, made me miss my own mum.
His dad was somewhat quiet with a hidden sense of humor that came out when his family was having fun. Zayn seemed to really take after him in the fact that they were both strong but gentle around the ones they cared for.
His sisters all had different personalities of their own, but they were all outgoing yet sweet. Of course, nothing stopped them from poking fingers at Zayn and letting a joke fly off their lips at his expense, but none of it was cruel or mean. It was all in good fun, something that was taken away from my family the moment our car window blasted to pieces.
Interacting with his family really made me yearn for my own even more.
As soon as they all said their goodbyes and were out of the door, I moved in to hug Zayn from behind as he locked the door shut. He didn't react at first, probably taken off guard, then his hand fell over my own around his chest, my head pressing between his shoulder blades.
"Are you alright, love?" He delicately voiced.
"Yeah," I mumbled out, feeling Zayn loosen my arms around him so that he could turn to face me. He lifted my chin gently, lifting my head until our eyes met, and he smiled down at me.
"I think my family absolutely adores you. More than they adore me." He chuckled at the thought, and I couldn't help but smile as well.
"I'm glad they like me." I dropped my hands to my sides, the only contact between us being Zayn's fingers on my chin. He leaned in close, smiling before shutting his eyes and pressing his lips against my own. I followed suit, closing my eyes as well for the soft kiss that lasted no more than a few seconds. My heart was beating erratically in my chest.
"I want to tell my dad about us," I found myself admitting aloud.
Zayn's eyebrows rose in genuine surprise.
"He doesn't already know? I assumed that he at least suspected it. I mean, I've been to your house several times, and we've gone out together."
"He works a lot," I excused, avoiding Zayn's eyes for a moment. "I don't know. I think I also didn't want to tell him."
"Why not? He's your dad. He cares about you a lot, Liam."
"I didn't want him to worry." I pulled away from Zayn completely, turning my back to him and walking toward his sofa. I sat down only seconds before Zayn sat beside me, sitting with one leg off of the sofa and the other curled underneath him, offering me all of his attention. "You remember when I said that he was worried because you're older, and I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship anyway?"
A nod.
"What if he thinks we rushed into this? That I'm making some reckless decision just like my mum did? What if he blames you? O-or what if... what if he thinks I'm acting out like my mum and is disappointed or hurt? What if it makes us distant again?" The tears were welling up in my eyes faster than I could blink them away. I immediately rubbed a stray tear off of my cheek the minute it began rushing down. "I just started getting my family back. I don't want to lose them again."
"Hey," Zayn cooed, hand moving up to my face again. "Your dad loves you a lot, Liam. Anyone with eyes can see that. He only worries because he cares, remember?"
"But I don't want to make him worry anymore. He started the anti-bullying program at my school, and he seemed so proud and reassured for just a moment. I don't want to ruin all of that."
"You can't stop others from worrying." I sniffled, wiping at my eyes. "You worry about each other. That's what family does. My own family is constantly worrying over me. My mum always asks if I eat enough, and my dad wonders if I get enough sleep. My sisters all just want me to be happy after knowing my past. And even though I know they'll be fine, I worry about all of them in return. Even when they give no reason to. Love makes you worry because you only want the best for the other person. Do you think you could ever stop worrying about your family?"
I shook my head slowly, realizing just how right Zayn's words were. The only thing I can do is reassure my family after the fact, but I can't stop them from worrying completely. It'd be impossible.
"I'll talk to him today. As soon as he gets home from work. He likes you already," Zayn smiled at the fact, his free hand holding my own and squeezing it, as if he couldn't contain his delight. "I'm sure he'll understand."
"He will. If you want, I can talk to him with you. You know, show him that I'm serious about you."
"T-thanks," I stuttered in my fluster, "but I think I need to talk to him on my own. He'll probably want to talk to you sometime after, though. He'll probably put up a tough guy act to intimidate you."
"Then I guess I better get on his good side and get you home before he gets there, huh?"
"Probably," I laughed out as Zayn rubbed his nose against my own in a little bunny kiss before pecking my lips.
"Come on, let's get you home. Ruth is probably wondering why the dinner ran so long."
"Oh! By the way, Ruth wanted you to plan a day to eat dinner with us. She said it's only fair that they get to eat with you if I eat with your family."
"Think I can manage that," he replied, taking my hand and helping me up from the sofa. He held my hand as we both walked towards the door, and he grabbed his keys. I looked back at his flat, feeling the warmth that never left it, and I allowed myself to believe that everything would be alright.
The drive home was quiet but as comfortable as ever. Zayn didn't have to say any reassuring words, just the way his thumb rubbed circles on the back of my hand was enough to let me know he was supporting me, even if he wouldn't be in the room when I spoke with my dad. Still, he kissed me after he pulled into the drive of my house and said, "You've got this."
I nodded before climbing out of the car and noticing my dad's in the drive. He was home early today. Of course he was.
I walked up the walkway and tried to door handle, hearing the click as it turned opened, revealing that the door was unlocked. There was no doubt in my mind that my family was waiting for me to arrive home.
"That's fantastic news!" I heard Ruth's voice shout. It was the first time in a long time that I heard her sound so delightfully thrilled. She let out a squeal, and I calmly shut the door behind me before following the sounds of excited voices. Turning into the kitchen, I saw my dad and Ruth hugging, smiles on both of their faces. Ruth happened to look up at the moment I entered the room, and she pulled away from my dad, rushing over to me. "Liam, dad has wonderful news! Tell him!"
My dad turned to me, the tiredness in his eyes magically gone, as if they were only part of my imagination. There was a genuine smile on his lips, and his eyes sparkled... just as they did when he used to look at my mum... before everything went wrong. As he walked towards us, there was a slight jump to his step, like he was walking on clouds and gently bouncing from one to another.
"Things will be a bit easier from now on, Liam," My dad began. "The company is doing really well. They sat us all down for a meeting and informed us that they made a deal with a company that is making outstanding numbers. We're all receiving a pay increase, and we won't be as short staffed anymore. I won't have to work all hours of the night, and we can afford the things we really need. We can eat dinner as a family and spend some time together."
I paused, feeling frozen in place even as Ruth threw her arms around me in a hug, squeezing me tight and letting out a shrill beside my ear. Because it sounded like a dream.
It couldn't be true. Problems just didn't get solved that easily. You couldn't just go to sleep and wake up the next day to something better. It took time. Hard work and suffering. Things like this... miracles... just didn't happen. Not to me. Not to us.
I didn't feel the first set of tears fall from my eyes, but I felt Ruth's hands wiping away at my cheeks with a smile that held understanding within it. Seeing me cry made tears well up in her own eyes.
"I know," she chuckled out, laughing around her cry. "I know, Liam. Things are looking up. It's good news, isn't it?" I nodded, still too taken aback to really say much.
"We can have our first family meal now, if you both want."
Looking back at our dad, I noticed the redness under his eyes, as if he had bee crying over the news, too, but simply hid it from us. The smile on his face made him look younger, and I found myself endlessly grateful to have someone like him as our dad. I knew he would never stop working hard for us... because he loved us. That's the reason he worried for us.
"Actually," I finally spoke up, catching both of their attention. "I have something I want to talk to you about."
I kept my eyes trained on my dad's reaction, seeing his brows knit into that worried and cautious look again.
"What's wrong? Is it Jaden again? I was told that he was finally getting some actual repercussions, but if that's not true then I will go to your school again and-"
"No, dad. The program's actually working at school."
Confusion ran across his face as he tried to figure out what the problem was if not the bullying. The thing was... there wasn't a problem.
"I'll set the table so you two can talk," Ruth said, moving to pick up plates and utensils before leaving from the kitchen. It wasn't that far away to the dining room, and she most likely could still hear our conversation, but it was the thought that counted.
"Okay, well...," my dad took tentative steps towards me, "what's going on, son?"
"I like Zayn," I blurted out, not sure where to start but knowing that my dad knew at least that bit of information.
"Yeah, I know."
"I... I like him a lot, actually." My dad's expression only seemed to grow more and more worried. "I never thought that I could feel this way about someone. Not after the accident. I just... I wanted to tell you because I don't want you to over worry."
"Tell me what, Liam?"
"Zayn and I are dating."
That was it. It was all out in the open now, and my dad could either be happy for me or be disappointed in my decision. I stood there, silently biting at my lip and tugging on my own fingers to try and maintain my sanity as the silence drew out, lasting for a few seconds, then a few more, and a few more. I refused to look my dad in the face, too frightened of what I would see there. Of course, I was foolish to be afraid.
Without saying a word, he took the remaining steps towards me and enveloped me in a tight hug, holding me close and squeezing me until it nearly became suffocating. I didn't struggle or move away, however, I simply hugged him back just as tight, letting out a breath of relief.
"I kind of suspected as much," he confessed, still hugging me tight.
"You did?"
We finally broke apart, and there was a smile on my father's face that met his eyes, but it didn't make them sparkle the way his job news did just moments ago.
"Yeah. The two of you spend a lot of time together, and it's obvious that you make each other happy. Zayn's visited you several times when you've felt too low to go out and do anything, and he's always been supportive and caring towards you. Liam... you look at him as if he hung the sun. I don't think you realize it, but you really do."
"Oh..." I simply trailed off, unsure of what to say next.
"How long have you two been together?"
"Not too long. It's still rather new."
"Is he still treating you right? Is he being patient and giving you time?"
"Yes," I immediately answered, "He always makes sure I'm alright with anything we do." A heat rushed to my cheeks, realizing that my words may make it sound like we did more than just kiss for a bit. Thankfully, my dad didn't dwell on it.
"Is this just a crush or... I mean... do you love him, I guess?"
My dad was offering me his full attention, and I saw the slight furrowing of his brows again. It was his tell-tale sign of worry.
"I don't know. Not yet, I don't think. But I think I'm falling for him pretty hard. I... it's a bit scary."
"Yeah," my dad chuckled out. "It can feel that way at times. I remember being a stuttering, shaking mess when I first confessed my feelings to your mum, but I just knew things would be okay. I knew that she was the one that I loved. I still love her."
"Even though she was sick. Even on the days when she couldn't bring herself to get out of bed and do anything?"
"Especially on those days," He said, a half-lipped smile on his face. "I made sure to show her more affection on those days in hopes that she would feel my love even if she couldn't feel anything else."
"But love isn't a cure-all."
"No, it isn't. It'd be wonderful if it was, but it still means so much to us all. Feeling loved and showing love... they're difficult at times, but they're so worth it."
"...How do you know when you love someone? What does it feel like? How do you know the difference between liking someone a lot and loving them?"
"Well, that's a bit of a hard question to answer. It's difficult to describe the feeling. It's a lot of little things." He leaned back against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms as he spoke. "It's deeper than physical attraction, wanting to be with them as often as possible, wanting to bring them the same happiness they bring you. It's not selfish. You're not in it for your own intentions. You'd be willing to give the person up if they wanted to move on, even if it hurt, because you want the best for them. You find yourself comfortable with them and able to be your authentic self and share your true beliefs and thoughts. They make you want to be a better you. You care about their every word, and you remember the small things they say. You feel proud of their accomplishments without any of it benefitting you. You see their flaws, but you still want to cherish their flaws because they're still human. Most importantly, though, I think it's when the difficult times come, but you still choose to work through it and fortify everything you've built with that person. That's love to me."
I nodded, trying to wrap my head around his words. It was a lot in attempt to describe an indescribable emotion.
I thought about Zayn in every context of my father's words, trying to figure out just how I felt about him, but I was still pretty confused. I've had crushed before, and this definitely felt stronger than a crush, but was it love?
"There's no rush to figure out how you feel now, Liam. Give it time."
Time. We didn't have an infinite amount of that. Zayn would go back to school eventually, and then what? He said we could still talk to one another and be together, but it wouldn't be the same. Would it even work out? Would Zayn want to put in the effort to keep talking to someone like me when he would be surrounded by other brilliant artists such as himself?
"Zayn's still studying art," I confessed, seeing my dad's eyebrows raise before he took a deep breath in and out.
"What are you two going to do when he goes back to school?"
"I don't know entirely...." I shrugged out, suddenly not having much of an appetite. "Um... I think I'm going to go to bed early. Have a big day tomorrow."
It was a lie. Tomorrow would be like any other day. I think my father knew that as he nodded before walking towards me and placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Thank you for telling me, Liam. Thank you for trusting me and talking to me. You can tell me anything, you know that, yeah?"
"Yes," I whispered out, afraid to speak any louder for fear of sounding choked up. "I know."
"Okay." He pulled me into another hug before ruffling my hair. "I love you, kiddo. We'll put some dinner in the microwave in case you get hungry later."
"Thank you. I love you, too, dad."
With that, I turned and walked out of the kitchen, passing by Ruth in the dining room, who simply gave me an encouraging smile. I knew she heard every word of what we said, but I didn't mind one bit.
I walked to my room and shut the door with a quiet click of the handle turning in place. I set my things down and sat on the edge of my bed, thinking about my dad's words, about Zayn and everything I liked about him, about how difficult it would be when Zayn went back to school.
"It's when the difficult times come, but you still choose to work through it and fortify everything you've built with that person."
I knew that I would want to push through with Zayn, but was it love or desperation to keep what we had?
Mind scrambling, I unzipped my bag and pulled out my writing journal, grabbed a pencil and began to write down my random thoughts.
If my feelings replaced the air you breathe
would it be enough to sustain you?