Agnetha woke up by the sound of the alarm clock ringing. It was 06:45 pm. She remains lying in bed with closed eyes for another five till ten minutes.
She was almost falling asleep again but was being interrupted by a screaming child.
When she entered Christians room found she her six year old daughter standing next to her little brothers crib trying to calm the screaming boy down: "Please be quiet. You will wake Mama."
"I don't deserve those two. They are so adorable.", thought Agnetha by the sight of her two children.
"I'm sorry we woke you.", said Linda once she saw her mother.
The way the little girl said that gave Agnetha a flashback to Lindas birthday three weeks before.
Agnetha woke up when she felt someone cuddle next to her. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Linda next to her.
"I'm sorry, Mama. It wasn't my intention to wake you.", apologized Linda, seeing her mother awake.
"It's fine.", answered Agnetha, laying an arm around her daughter. "Happy Birthday sweetheart. I love you. You mean so much to me."
"I love you too."
"How about taking your brother and cuddling before we stand up.", suggested Agnetha.
"Only if I get pancakes and hot chocolate for breakfast."
"Whatever you want.", Agnetha stood up and walked to her sons room.
An hour later were Agnetha, Linda and Christian sitting at the breakfast table. Agnetha had made pancakes just as Linda wanted.
"What do you want to do today?", asked Agnetha her daughter. Before that could answer interrupted the phone them.
"Hello?", she answered the phone.
"Hello, Anna. Can you give me our daughter?", asked Björn on the other side of the line.
"Sure, hang on.", Agnetha took the phone down and shouted then: "Linda, angel! It's Papa."
Even though Agnetha had covered the microphone could Björn still understand what she was saying. "She is such a good mother. Why did I let her go?", answered Björn himself.
"Papa?", squealed his daughters voice out of the speaker.
"Don't be so loud. Happy Birthday sweetheart. How are you? And what are you going to do today?"
"Fine. I'm super! How about going to the park? The four of us?", suggested Linda with hope in her voice.
"I don't know. How about your mother. You have to ask her.", deep inside hoped Björn that he could spend the day as a family again. Not as two people who were once married but now nearly divorced with children.
"Mama! Papa want's to speak with you!", screamed Linda before saying to Björn over the phone: "Ask her. Pleeaasee."
After Agnetha picked up the phone and before she could say anything started Björn to speak: "It was her idea."
"What idea?", asked Agnetha confused. Oh, how he missed that voice.
"Your daughter suggested we could spend the day at the park. You, the children and me.", explained Björn.
"My daughter? Why is she now my daughter? She is your daughter as much as mine.", asked Agnetha indignant.
"Nothing. I just thought...", more couldn't Björn said before she interrupted him.
"No, nothing. I don't understand why you always ignore the fact that those are our children. You have t take care of them as much as I have to. Just because I am their mother doesn't mean that I have to raise them on my own.", exploded Agnetha.
"Aggie, please don't fight."
Agnetha wanted to reply something before she realized that Linda was still standing next to her listening to every single word she said. "How about eleven o'clock at the park?"
"Fine", answered Björn surprised about Agnetha's sudden friendly tone.
"See you the.", ended Agnetha the conversation.
"Are we going with Papa to the park?", asked Linda excited. Even though she was only six years old, did she realize the intense tension between her parents. Before they had moved to their new house without Björn was there already tension between them but in a different was.
"Yes, we are and now please finish your breakfast."
While the children continued their breakfast started Agnetha clean the kitchen and pack something to eat for the park. The idea of meeting Björn made her feel nauseous. It wasn't a disgusted nauseous more a not knowing if positive or negative excited.
Even though it was shortly before 11 o'clock when Agnetha and the children arrived in the park was Björn already there waiting for Linda.
"Hej my birthday girl.", greeted Björn Linda.
"Do you have presents for me?", asked Linda. (That's the best about having separated parents, twice presents . 😅)
"Sure, you will get them when you visit me tomorrow. We will spend the whole week together."
"No Lena!", made Christian himself noticeable in a certain tone of voice. It was easy to notice that he didn't like Lena, neither did Linda.
"She won't be there. Just the free of us. Maybe Mama will join us one day.", Björn said the last thing in a hopefully tone looking straight to Agnetha who was standing at the side try to get into nobody way.
Agnetha tried to ignored Björns comment but she had to think about that sentence of him's the whole day. She was still wondering why he said that when she was laying in her bed. Exhausted but happy from the long day.
Why did he say that?
Does he wants me just for the children.
Did he ever loved me?
That night Agnetha slept once more bad. She needed someone by her side to distract her from thinking about Björn. But it would be better to have Björn back.
"Mama? Mama?! Are you fine?", Lindas concerned voice brought Agnetha back from her thoughts.
"What did you asked?", asked Agnetha still half in her memory.
"Are you fine?", repeated Linda.
"Why are you asking, sweetie?"
"You was just standing there and staring into space completely ignoring me and Christian.", answered Linda in a bit sulky voice.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you. I was just being lost in my thoughts.", replied Agnetha.
"Fine, but you haven't answered my question yet.", kept Linda going.
"Which question?", Agnetha was totally confused.
"If you were fine.", repeated Linda her question for the third time.
"Yes.", after saying this Agnetha earned a 'I-know-you-are-everything-but-fine'-look from her six year old daughter.
It was quarter an hour before 10 o'clock when Agnetha arrived at the Polar Music Studios. Bitte was as usual taking care of Christian. ABBA were going to record I Have A Dream that day and Linda was one of the children for the chorus. Due to that had Agnetha taken her daughter with her, that day.
"Aunt Frida!", screamed Linda when she entered the Music Studios and ran towards Frida. Björn was standing ext to Frida and being completely ignored.
"Hej Sweetheart", greeted Frida Linda before she took that into her arms.
"What did you pay my daughter for acting like that?", asked Björn trying to get his daughters attention.
Frida wanted to answer 'Love' to show Björn that attention was for a little child way more important than toys and ice cream but instead replied she: "If I told you it wouldn't work anymore."
"Hej Papa", greeted Linda now also her father but less enthusiastic than Frida.
"I'm unimportant too.", said Benny who was standing one meter away from Björn. He then walked up to his wife and took his niece in his arms. "Hej uncle Benny.", greeted Linda him bit shy. She had spend much time with Frida when she was young and the two were having a good bound but Linda was always a bit shy when it came to Benny. Due to that tried Linda to free herself from his arms.
Two and a half hours later were Agnetha, Frida, Benny, Michael and the children from a choir including Linda sitting in the mixing room listening to the recordings. Agnetha was hugging Linda who was sitting on her lap tightly. She really enjoyed recording with children. Especially her daughter.
While she was supposed to listen to the recording and make sure that it was good was Agnetha actually thinking if it would be a good idea to record a song with Linda. Probably a Christmas song because Linda loved Christmas songs.
"Agnetha, what do you think about it?", interrupted Fridas voice her thoughts.
"Sounds good.", answered Agnetha without knowing what Fridas question was about.
Frida who had clearly noticed that Agnetha was completely lost in her thoughts decided to ignore that fact for now. "Good. Then we're done with recording, thank you all."
Half an hour later had all the children apart from Linda left.
"How about eating lunch here, talking about the next songs we have to record and then call it a day?", suggested Björn. The truth was that they could eat lunch at home and talk about the song the next day but he wanted to spend some time with Agnetha and their daughter. He missed being a family more than he would ever admit.
"Sounds like a good idea. Aggie, lilla ängel how about we fetch something to eat?", asked Frida knowing that Agnetha needed some time outside the studio and wanted to enjoy the time with her daughter. That way she could combine the two things se loved the most: singing and children, especially her own children.
"Sure", replied Agnetha simple.
Shortly afterwards were Agnetha, Frida and lilla ängel - how Frida used to call Linda what meant "little angel" - walking down a street.
"Can you visit us today?", asked Linda her aunt with shiny eyes.
"No, sorry sweetheart. My children are visiting us but you can come over and play with Lotta.", suggested Frida. Linda and Lotta had always come good along even though Lotta was six years older. That way she would also be able to talk to Agnetha without children disturbing them because Björn wanted to take Christian that afternoon to have a father-son-day.
"Can we?"
"Sure, but now we have to finish work. You can play with Görel while we do that. It won't take long."
"Fine"
When the girls were back ate ABBA together with Linda, Stig, Görel and Michael lunch. Afterwards discussed Benny, Björn, Frida and Agnetha with Stig And Michael some details about the upcoming album. While they were talking was Görel sitting in the room next door playing with Linda.
After an hour - it took way more time than planned - left the five. Björn drove to Agnetha's house to pick Christian up. After Bitte left, left also Agnetha with Linda to visit Frida. Benny and Hans were also gone with Björn and Bennys children were with their mother.
While Linda and Lotta played in Lottas room were Agnetha and Frida sitting in the garden.
"I need your help with a decision.", started Frida the conversation.
"What decision? Are Benny and you getting divorced? Please don't tell me you two are unhappy together!", started Agnetha top panic.
"No, it's quiet the opposite way. We thought about having children together."
"How many? When? Can I be the godmother?"
"Calm down Aggie. I just said we thought about it. I don't know if I have the time. I would love to have a baby around. Especially one from Benny. The problem is, when. Benny keeps telling me just to do it now. I think you can understand my problem. A baby need's much time and attention. I don't know how you managed being pregnant on tour but I won't be able to do that. W will be touring this year and in the beginning of the next year and apart from that, look at me, I'm old. I'll become 34 this year. I just think we don't have the time. I don't even know if I can raise a child. What do you think?"
"Oh Frida. I understand your problem. But you aren't too old for children. I'm sure you would do perfectly as a mother and if you have struggles I could always help you. Remember how you helped me with Linda in the beginning. You were and are still like a second mother to her."
"You were young back then. You are still young. You are 28. I just don't think it would suit my life. If I had another child I couldn't be able to keep working that much as a singer and I love touring and performing on stage. You are more the stay-at-home-mother and I am more the go-on-tour-and-party-person. I guess I have to admit that I'm not made to be a mother. It is hard enough with two teenagers.
"Don't think that. If I can manage to work in the studio, go on tour and have two small children you can do that too. But I can tell from experience, being pregnant on tour is not the best combination. All the traveling and the time zone change, not to speak about the many people, make the exhaustion and nausea just worse."
"You really think I could do that?"
"Have I ever lied to you? You would be a great mother and before you start with things like that, you never failed as a mother! You have two amazing children! And if you ever need help, just call me."
"Thank you Chiquitita, you don't know how you are to me."
In the evening was Agnetha lying in her bed thinking about her conversation with Frida.
She wished she could have more children with Björn.
Be a happy family.
She wanted nothing more than him by her side.
Him, hugging her when she was feeling down.
He was always there for her.
Coping with all her problems.
Never leaving when she screamed at him, reasonless.
Always trying to help her solve her problems.
Why did she blamed him for her failures as a wife.
As a mother.
It was her fault, that they were divorcing.
She was the reason why her children would never be able to experience a 'family'.
He was just too good for her.
She didn't deserve a person as good as Björn was.
Why did he stayed with her for ten years at all?
That Night, Agnetha didn't get muh sleep. Her demons were circling her mind once more and on top of that was she having a terrible nightmare.