[Jungkook]
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It was six months since we had met up with Tae and Mei. I heard they were doing fine as Tae started back working while Mei got the position she wanted. When Jimin last spoke to him, Tae mentioned that he and Bitty were moving in together. That was great but even though I saw great improvements in him, I still didn't trust Tae 100% and Jimin knew that. Every time we double dated or just met for drinks, I would make sure that Tae felt my presence. He knew too but he was okay with that. No one not even his best friend was going to hurt my Jiminshi ever again.
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My only mistake was that I was only thinking of the people who we were interacting with when internally Jimin had demons that had been plaguing him for years. The situation with his mother was still up in the air as many times while we slept I would hear him whimpering and yelling out, 'No-no...' over and over again. He would get up in pools of sweat and I would just take him to the shower to cool him off and help him change into new pyjamas. My baby was hurting but it was from his internal memories and pains that his mother left behind. We needed to conquer this but I couldn't do this alone. I needed help. I actually contacted Mei. She was into psychology and I hoped that if she couldn't give good advice that she'd put me on to someone who could.
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"Technically we're not supposed to counsel members of our families or friends but I'm sure Jimin would've have psychologists from when he was younger. They would know more into his history and how deeply they can work with him. They would also know all his stressors and ways to avoid him from getting these outbursts. Get in contact with them."
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So I did. I contacted Jimin's father who gave me the information we needed. Jimin was all for everything. He was sad a lot and he knew that his depression was affecting me as well. As much as he wanted to get better, he was more concerned about me not feeling the brunt of his sadness and pain. Too late, my love. Every time Jimin would cry or talk about what he saw in his dreams just made me just as sad as him. I felt hopeless and I wondered if I was helping him at all.
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"These people would help you, Jiminshi. We need to go to them," I was referring to his doctors and thankfully Jimin agreed.
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As we were about to get going my phone rang. It was Dr. Charlie. I did try to contact him as well wanting to get as much professional help as possible for Jimin.
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"Hey Jungkookie. I'm so sorry I missed your call. The clinic has been super busy out here in Cape Town."
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"It's okay." I paused and he asked me to tell him what was going on so I did. He listened attentively and I could hear him writing things down too. Finally when I was done he gave me his advice.
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"Okay. Well it seems as though the situation with Jimin and his mother is still unresolved. With her committing suicide she left things unanswered and open for more hurt. When people take their own lives its mainly because they don't see a way out for them from the choices that they make. Unfortunately its not only them that suffers but the lives of their loved ones who remain behind to clean up their mess. Jimin is living in his mother's mess, consciously and subconsciously. He blames himself for not stopping her from taking the pills that eventually took her life."
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He paused and I said, "When he told me what he remembered that day, I was so angry with her but there was nothing I could do to take it away." Charlie asked me what I did to ease my own anger. I laughed and said, "I think I took to the gym and eventually burst a punching bag."
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Charlie agreed, "Yes. Jimin needs to do something to release that stress but he needs to forgive her and himself for what happened first. He needs to see that it wasn't his fault or his mother's fault. It was the disease that took her over. A disease that could easily pass on to him but he will need to keep himself positive at all times and when negativity shows it's face, let him do whatever it is to release it." Then Charlie began to snicker and I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "Sex is a great stress reliever. Find out what is his fantasy and let him live it out but you have to prepare yourself for whatever it is..."
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OH BOY!!! Jimin's sexual fantasies... Honestly I never really asked him. We would just have sex or make love as normal guys would. But to live out a fantasy, I had no clue what he dreamed about in that sense. Supposing he wanted a three-some or an orgy. I couldn't fathom that because with me there was no sharing. No fucking way was I letting some other dude or dudette touch my Jimin. FUCK THAT!!! But if that's what he wanted.......... UGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
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I couldn't think of that right now because we were on our way to see his doctors. Charlie was right. All they did was prescribe drugs for him and gave him the name of a counsellor for him to see. More money, more drugs. Hmm. I wasn't satisfied at all. No wonder Jimin still had this problem. Using drugs would just suppress his pain and not help him to deal with it. I still took the prescriptions and had them filled out when we reached back to our apartment. I called back Dr. Charlie who put me on to someone who had successfully helped many of his clients through their manic depression and other issues related to that. I also began my project of helping Jimin live out his sexual fantasies. Hmmm.... Tell me, how in the hell was I going to start that kind of conversation?
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Finally I had a plan.
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It was a Friday evening and we had both come back from work. Jimin was still doing his documentary along with another project. I was in charge of the architect firm along with supervising the project on our home. We were busy but we made sure that when we got home, it would be the two of us cooking, eating and just being with each other.
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We had just finished eating dinner when I suggested, "Hey baby. Let's watch a movie tonight."
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Jimin sighed, "You do know what I do for a living, right?"
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I laughed, "True. You probably have up to your nose in film every day but I was thinking we could watch a classic tonight."
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"Hmm... I love those oldie films. Which one were you thinking of?"
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I love my Jiminshi for even though he would be fed-up of reviewing movies and creating them, he was still willing to put them aside to please me. He was already going into the drawer for the bag of microwave popcorn. I went for the bowl.
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"Hmm I was thinking of an animation, comedy..."
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"Oh okay. Sounds like a plan. You go choose one and I'll bring the popcorn." I went up behind him and caressed his butt and began to kiss his neck. He whispered to me, "Hmmm... you sure you want to watch a comedy and not something a little more educational, like Science? Forces maybe?" He grinned and I squeezed his bottom. Naughty Jiminshi...
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I chuckled as I remembered when he said watching porn was like a Science lesson, "Hmm maybe we could make our own later..." and I sucked on the lobe of his ear.
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"Hmmm... sounds delish..."
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Hmm... One fantasy found: Making a video of us having sex. Even if he wasn't too keen on it, it certainly got my dick happy. I could only imagine watching footage of Jimin licking and sucking my dick. OH GOD!!! 'Calm down man', I told myself as I went into the TV room. It's not about your fantasy but Jimin's. GOD! I couldn't wait to do this but then I remembered Charlie's words about me preparing myself for whatever Jimin wanted. GOOD GOD! I hope it wasn't too weird and I began to think about Charlie and Sean with their John Wick and Jessica Rabbit stunt. The movie I was actually thinking of was 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?' I was hoping it would jog his memory of them and maybe we could talk about us acting out our fantasies. God I hope this works.
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Jimin came with the delicious smelling Butter Lovers Popcorn. Hmmm Just the way I liked it. Nice and buttery. He plopped down next to me and looked on the screen. Then I saw his face as he squished his eyebrows. "'Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Hmm... I wonder why you chose this one," and he looked at me cautiously.
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"Oh no reason. It just came to my mind," I tried saying while putting a few poppers in my mouth.
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"Oh really?"
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"Hmm-hmm," then quickly I put on the movie as I pulled Jimin closer to me.
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We began to watch the show and it was funnier than I remembered. I felt Jimin laughing along with me but when the lead lady came on I began to whistle just like the other male 'dogs' on the screen. Jimin got quiet. I looked at him and asked,
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"You okay, my love?"
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"Hmm... Seems like you like Jessica Rabbit a lot. Or maybe it's someone else you're thinking of."
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"Someone else? Oh you mean Sean." He remembered.
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I saw the pout of his mouth and he sat up and folded his arms. He was jealous. I just grinned and tried to hug him but he shrugged me off, "So you like sexy ladies like that, do you? Maybe I should turn my body to look like them, eh. Then you'd be howling and drooling for me instead."
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I knew he was jealous but I didn't expect him to cry and when he bent his head down, I hugged him in a more comforting way, "Oh baby. There is no one who's sexier than Park Jimin. Who can make the fastest and slowest body rolls? Who can make me cum from just looking at me with those bright brown eyes of his? Who was just a picture and made me feel like a man for the first time in my life? When I finally met you I couldn't believe that my fantasy was coming true. Every time I'm with you I thank God that you feel the same way about me. How do you think I would've felt if you had really liked Amanda or if you were into someone else? I would've died if this sexy man didn't somehow look my way or touch me or show me that I was a better person because of him."
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I paused and looked at his teary-eyed face and I kissed them. He then sobbed, "Jungkook-ah... I didn't mean to sound jealous but I remembered how you looked at Sean the night of their wedding. You were practically drooling around her."
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I touched his hair and said, "I'll admit she did look great but no one is sexier than you. If that was the case then I'd be out there looking for girls like her. And so you know, I don't want you like them. I want you however you want yourself to be. Yes I fantasize about you being a woman so we can make babies. I want a little Jimin in my arms and I want to see you feeding a little Jungkookie baby. Of course I'd get major jealous if you only give them attention but I know your love is more than enough for all of us."
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Then Jimin perked up, "You mentioned the word 'fantasy' twice now. Is this was this was all about? Do you fantasize about doing things with me or others?" It was then I told him all what Dr. Charlie told me and I saw him nodding. "Aahh... the phone call. I actually thought it was Sean you were talking to. I heard you mention Cape Town and I assumed. I'm sorry Kookie."
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I hugged him and told him it was okay. Then taking his face into my hands I asked him, "So do you have any fantasies that you would like to fulfil?"
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"Well I guess they are kinda like opposites. I used to dream of being somewhere in nature, like the beach or like the waterfall." His eyes lit up when he said it. "Like the cave... Hmm. We're there in the open but no one is around and we make sweet love to each other there. Then I like the total opposite, being in a place where there's a lot of people and they're looking at us while we have hard sex."
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I thought about it. "Jimin, in a kinda way that's exactly what we did. We made out in the cave, made sweet love in the cabin but when we came out in public it was around Tae and his friends. Plus we sent our photos out on social media for everyone to see. I mean it wasn't hard-core sex but we were certainly eating our lips and tongues in those kisses."
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Jimin's eyes lit up, "You're right. OMG! I didn't even think of that."
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Somehow I thought that because those things happened to him that's why he would consider them his fantasies. I needed to know more. "But did you ever think of anything else? Was there anything you would like to do before me or even after you met me?"
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I saw him ponder about it and then I saw his eyes dim a bit. "I do but its embarrassing... and I don't know how you would react to it. You might hate me and him."
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"HIM??? WHO.... Ahem... Who are you talking about Jimin?" OH GOD I WAS ABOUT TO BLOW MY FUCKING HEAD OFF!!! Jimin was never sexually active before me. Who was he talking about? FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! Me thinking the worse again. Why the hell did I bring this up?
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Jimin got quiet and said, "If I tell you will you promise not to get angry."
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I rubbed my head, my hair and my mouth, "I can't lie to you Jimin. I can't promise that I won't get angry but I'll promise I'll try to understand." Good Lord this was big.
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He looked at me and then melted my heart when he said, "I trust you with all that I have. Even the secrets that I've tried to block from my life." He paused and then took a deep breath as he explained his secret fantasy and how it was used against him. "When I enrolled in the Elite University, I immediately wanted to start the Brotherly Programme. I really wanted to help others. I met Tae and other guys and girls who were also interested. I really had a connection with Tae more than anyone else."
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OH FUCK! PLEASE DON'T TELL ME JIMIN AND TAE... FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!
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I guess he saw my face and he giggled a bit, "If you're thinking that I did anything with Tae, well you're wrong. I never liked him like that but I did confide in him about many things. In one of the group sit-down open sessions we were having with a professional sex therapist, the topic of sexual fantasies came up. We weren't participants so we were just observing however after the session was over, Tae asked me what was my sexual fantasy."
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He looked at me and I looked back at him. I had no clue what he was going to say and then he confessed, "I told him that one of the first porn I saw was kinda rough and the 'predator' took his 'prey' from behind, choking her into submission causing her to come in and out of consciousness. When he pulled down the waist band of her skirt, he pushed his hand and dick into her. I immediately got hard and I always said that if I were to enjoy sex it would be like that."
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I was silent and so fucking mad when he told me that story because it was exactly what Tae did to him. It meant that Tae knew from before that Jimin would've been aroused from him doing that to him and that's why he fucking did it. I got up from the sofa and began to pace like a madman. I knew Jimin was looking at me but I couldn't look at him.
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I tried to hold my tears and I said, "He did that on purpose... HE KNEW! He took advantage of the fact that HE KNEW YOU'D LIKE IT!!!! FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!"
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I saw Jimin jump as I shouted and I heard him crying but I couldn't comfort him. I was so fucking angry. I heard him whimpering, "Please don't be mad. He wasn't himself. Please Ggookie..."
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But I couldn't control my temper, "But that shows that he was himself. He knew exactly what he was doing. He remembered your fucking fantasy and he used it against you. HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL FRIENDS WITH HIM?"
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I was shouting at poor Jimin but I was so fucking mad at Tae and the situation. Jimin tried to calm me down, "Jungkook you promised that you would try to understand, Ggookie... Please don't be angry..." and he hiccupped as his tears flowed even more.
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"I didn't promise that I wouldn't get angry and I'm so fucking mad right now," I needed my de-stressor right now. A punching bag... in the size and shape of Kim Taehyung who was probably happily fucking Mei right now. God! I was enraged with wrath but then I felt the warm hands and body of my baby. He ran up to me and hugged me and he pressed his face on my back. He was singing something and I felt as his hands began to move. He wasn't looking for my pecks to turn me on, neither was he looking for my dick because I felt as his hands slowly found their way towards the left side of my chest. And taking his fingers he thumped them to the rhythm of the beats from my heart.
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I was breathing really hard but I stopped moving and closed my eyes. All I felt were his breaths, his cheek on my back, my ass on his lower chest and of course his fingers gently drumming out my heartbeats. When I began to calm down he began to unbutton my shirt and I let it fall to the ground. Then I felt his lips moving behind me singing and kissing on my tattoo. Our hearts. Jimin could always calm me but thinking about what was done to him, I felt the anger bubbling still and my body began to heave as I began to cry. And instead of shouting at him, I took a deep breath and screamed out from the top of my lungs. Jimin held on to me tightly and I heard him still singing while he was crying too.
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Finally I turned around to him and hugged him with all my might. Then Jimin took a hold of my face and told me, "Jungkook, what Tae did was horrible. He betrayed my trust in him but in spite of it all, I was able to forgive him and receive his forgiveness too. I can't do that with my mother. She left without giving an explanation or giving me a chance to tell her that I forgive her. I've had so many people do things to me: My mother, my dad, Tae, Travis even you," and he looked at me and I felt all his love flowing. I couldn't stop crying. I was mad at Tae and all the bad things that happened to my Jiminnie but that would mean being mad at myself too. Jimin continued, "Everyone who has meant something special to me has hurt me one way or the other and I can't hold on to that anymore..." He paused, kissed me and then said, "Wait here..."
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I was stunned. Jimin was right. Everyone he loved had hurt him in some way, including me. I was so angry at Tae but Jimin was the one who these things were done to. He should be the one hurt, angry and in pain but he wasn't. I mean deep down he was hurting but he didn't let the pains ruin his life... His life with me...
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I sat down on the sofa as the realization hit me so fucking hard. Jimin was so much stronger than all of us combined could ever be. I put my face in my hands and cried out even harder. Then I felt his hand on the top of my hair. He was caressing me, soothing me and when I looked up I saw he had something in his other hand. A white envelope.
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I looked up at him and I saw a peaceful look on his face and my baby smiled at me and said, "How about we solve this mystery together too?"
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