Lillian's pov
I know Stefani wanted out of that house.
I think it was needed for me as well.
"You should let me take a look at that ankle, Stef," I set my glass of water down on the night stand on the jet.
I can finally hear myself think for once..
"I forget you served in the military as a medic- fine," she sat up without resistance.
Her toenails are always painted a pretty Snow White that bring out the gold in her skin. The warmth of her body made my back ache in heat that is waiting to ignite.
"It's swollen, you shouldn't even be walking on it," I was worried as she scoffed a playful smirk.
"That's a bit overkill dont you think? I'm sure if we put a sleeve on it and have an ankle brace, a pair of boots and no one will notice," she brushed me off.
"Stefani this is about your overall health. Not how the public looks at you," I challenged her.
"Oh but darling, that's exactly what this is about," she kissed my cheek tenderly and reaches over to hand me my glass of water again.
"Care to elaborate?" I sipped.
Stefani was calm as ever despite today's events...
Maybe being in that house really did do a number with her. I understand why too- we talked about it; I saw how confused and frustrated she was. It boiled down to her taking it out on everyone and it scared me even until she explained her madness..
I know she said don't overthink it but I was too hard on her. I should've made an effort to be more patient- understand her more. It was her birthday, she wanted to make a good first impression, she was conflicted because she wanted to be introduced as my lover and not my stepdaughter- god, I can't even blame her for the chaos.
It's good seeing her comfortable and not so much on edge.
"I don't mind explaining things to you because of your innocence in not knowing. Very much so, I don't mind pointing out the parallels in all that I do and how it protects us," her voice was low and sweet.
It brought me to reality knowing that she's never had the intent on compromising me- although, I'm glad she swooned me from Kent.
"Back there with your sister, I was worried. The entire time I was worried about how our relationship would contradict with your family because my first impression to them was as your step daughter and I don't like secrets. For them to hear from me again as your wife and not your step daughter, I was taking their well being into consideration," she was zoned out as she spoke freely of her troubling thoughts.
"Earlier this morning, I didn't want to risk exposure through the provocations of angering your sister- I know darling, she was about to hit me if your mother hadn't turned the corner," her eyes locked into mine and I now came to terms that Stefani could alwYs handle her own. She was willing to get hit.
"I could care less about what I have to endure... to be honest, it was my fault for even escalating it that far. I even gave you my word I wouldn't stir up anymore trouble," she took my hand with her engagement ring and ran her thumb across my knuckle followed with a gentle kiss.
"Oh stef-
"But to tie this with the public eye... I cannot let anyone raise any questions that leads back to us. My ankle? Some people are not so stupid nowadays- I said some," she shrugged and I giggled.
"All it takes is asking the right questions," she spoke carefully.
"How did I hurt my ankle?" She role played to put it into perspective.
"I tripped over a twat's toy," she spoke normally.
"What was distracting you so much for that to happen?" She went into a reporters tone.
"Family drama," she replied as she would typically reply to anything and was uninterested for theatrical appeals.
"What family drama are the Edwards undergoing?" I was starting to see the possibilities of Pandora's box opening.
"Me taking over the business," Stefani makes a soft landing- or at least I thought. Sounds like a valid excuse.
"I thought you wanted nothing with the family business. Why the sudden change of heart?" I felt her hand tensed in mine and I flinched too as we both locked eyes.
"Oh my... I never thought it could go-
"I didn't want it to worry you. It can drive someone paranoid," she lets my hand go.
Her paranoia and her intelligence together... I can now better understand her after the brief five minutes of what goes on in her head as a nutshell. Stefani's practically walking on egg shells plotting every move and it's affect of her goals of having a successful relationship with me..
"You're probably the most intelligent person I ever met.. to anticipate someone's response, then counter it only to predict where your decisions and actions get you in the long or short run. You've always had that gift- but Stefani, you can't continue to live like this... I wouldn't want you to..." I softly smiled and her eyes were dark, cool but at the same time... warm.
"Just to be clear, it's no gift. It's a devil's game.." she was conflicted and she was completely zoned out staring at the ground.
"Stefani, can I ask you something?" I set my glass down and took her by both hands.
"I was very young," she started to get a feel of where this conversation was heading.
Rightfully so. I almost wanted to smile knowing how fine in tune Carter and Eleanora are with communicating with each other.
Me and Stefani are heading in that direction.
"My mom didn't like the idea of me learning chess so young knowing the bad qualities could just as easily develop as the good. After some time in private School- I'd say around elementary, my dad started teaching me chess again. After some more time, problems started to arise in my social life and my responses to everyday life were more like war tactics to gain a sharper advantage in the long or short run— according to my counselor. Everyone had their kids stay away from me. Completely alienated by my class," Stefani's frustration was readable as her brows furrow the more the reminisced.
A small chuckle soon escaped her lips and I found myself clinging to every word she spoke...
"Rachel's parents were too ignorant to believe of such things but because of their ignorance, I don't think they've realized the impact of their daughter's friendship saving me from insanity..." Stefani made me cover my mouth...
I knew it was openly expressed that Rachel was her only friend before this lovely epic took place but hearing exactly how and why it came about...
It's unnerving- to think about how Stefani could have turned out if she hadn't had Rachel in her life. Let alone who she might be today if she hadn't learned chess...
I became more lost in the possibilities of Stefani not being my lover and I just felt more and more overwhelmed in fear.
"You know in grade school, I got picked on for being smart? I turned my two biggest bullies against each other and they fought each other and ended up expelled," she chuckled shaking her head before taking a deep breath to recompose herself.
"It's even funnier that as I got to my teens, I was more- attractive and desirable. The whole weird chess phase was so far back into everyone's memories. All they see is a pretty face and money," she scoffed in amusement.
"I never liked chess," she got serious.
"we had an image consultant for some time whenever we had the press question us about my mother's death. That was when my dad finally told me that chess is none other than the game of life. You have people you use to your disposal and as a king, your duty is to protect yourself as the game's life relies on your single order. The queen is the second most powerful, but a good king knows that you don't need a queen to run a kingdom; you need to trust yourself as you never trust the ones around you, only their services as to what they can provide to your benefit- company standpoint of view." Stefani's eyes burned with tears.
I now understand...
I know she's expressed her fears of being like Kent and the determination of making sure it doesn't happen.
And to think it was in regards to his relationship with women and his work life.
She was talking about his life in general.
Stefani wants absolutely nothing in correspondence to him.
"That's exactly how the company looks. That's exactly how he lives, he thinks everyone is to his disposal and he trusts no one else but his instincts. I don't want to live like that. I don't want to rely on myself constantly. I don't want that life. I don't want a life where everything is some manipulated constructive game from start to finish. I don't want to live constantly looking over my shoulder- I know, that's exactly what we're doing now. But the moment we get through all of this, I say let's pack the hell up and travel for a few years before coming back" she was dead serious.
"Stefani, I don't know how to describe it but you've grown up tremendously since we've met," I took her hand.
"You've grown on me just as equivalently. Your light is etched in the parts of me that were once dimmed," Stefani never fails to send chills and at the same time make me melt.
"What if we made some changes to your game plan- all in the good name of possible outcomes," I contemplated.
"Lillian, it's not a fun game to play. It requires thinking the most unthinkable and using it to your advantage of simply rerouting another way to the same outcome," she looked at me carefully.
"Well, we're going to a private clinic up in the mountains before going into that cabin of yours," I caught her eye.
"I will always tell you I don't see a need for it, and out of love, I will never see a need to do something like this. As if my life will be in turmoil due to unfavorable outcomes. Darling, we only have one life, I'd much rather make the most out of it,"she was strong with her voice.
"And because I love you too, not only do I need to know if I contracted something from that bastard- no offense to your blood-
"Please," Stefani scoffed a laugh.
"But if there's even the slightest risk I gave you something, I'm not okay with it! But here's the smoking gun..." I made her give me her undivided attention with a shrug.
She's so cute in her own little way.
To not be interested because she's already claimed she's invested into me. But because she loves me, she'll tolerate whatever I have to say.
"...I can sue him for all that he has, company included, and end it now," I made her eyes flashed.
She sees how easy this is.
"No," her voice nearly echoed and I was thrown off guard.
"It's a failsafe," I protested.
"I be damned to let you taint your reputation to take him down. You're dragging yourself down too. How can you possibly be okay with risking the public eye that you may or may not have std and- and you cant sue him unless it's proven and I know I said I dont care if you have it but for fuck sake Lillian, might I add you're gonna add that on top of a newly claimed relationship with the daughter of the man who gave it to you? You're not doing that to your name. hell, I will turn this jet around!" she glared in such confusion. Stefani snatched her hands from mine and was trying to digest what was going on.
Well- I didn't think it that thoroughly.
Then again, I don't think the way she does. And the way she does it, she ends up months in advance to counter.
"You're not doing this on your own," I started getting irritated by how smart she is.
"Like hell I'm alone. You are not going to be used in some human sacrificial power move in order for us to be together. We play long game. Let me take care of this. Absolutely not," she stood over me and leaned down making me back into my seat...
Her eyes practically seared into my pupils and I was too scared to breathe seeing her get this upset over a mere suggestion.
"You can't keep me safe if you know I want to and am willing to protect you just as much," I spoke carefully and it was like talking to a wall.
"Protect me from what? Lillian, this is nothing I can't handle. There's no need for you pull such a stunt," she remained to glare at me.
My eyes went from her lips and flashed back up to her dark eyes. I can't even see the green in them anymore...
"As far as I'm concerned, I'm the first person you wanna put everything on the line for. Nothing you can't handle? My love, what history do you have in handling something like this? You need all the help, why not take mine?" I made her arch her brow.
But I'm not backing down from this.
We've had misunderstandings and disagreements. No matter what, it's always been about what we're willing to do to protect each other and how much we care..
But this just May break out into our first official fight...
"You question me? To question is to doubt. You dont think I can take down a man I've grown up analyzing his nature down to understanding how to manipulate his impulses to my command which works to my favor whenever I so see fit? Lillian, I've been playing chess with him since my mother died," Her lips were on the brim of my ear lobe.
Her soft mischievous laugh echoed into the back of mind as I couldn't get enough.
Drunk off of submission.
"You know the thing about chess? About human nature..." her whisper tickled me.
"We're all narcissist in our own way," she hummed and I swallowed heavily.
"What does this have to do with me possibly having a clear shot at shutting everything down if I contracted something from kent?" I whispered.
"I told you to never overthink your mistakes with me. To not beat yourself up for things I don't hold against you. Here you are positioning yourself to tainting the very purity I love about you and your subconscious desires to make things up to me over things I've already forgiven you for. Your narcissism is like no other: you believe you are obligated to put your reputation at risk because I've placed mine at risk ever since I've been lying publicly about our relationship. therefore if you chose to let yourself go up in flames, you're at peace with yourself- being set free of inner guilt knowing that no one bared you that guilt- none other than yourself. Why do I say this? Because darling.. I told you not to be sorry. sorry implies guilt. guilt requires regret. When it comes to me, I don't want you to regret a damn.. fucking... thing," she leaned back to fully look at me as if she was acknowledging the itching goosebumps she gave me.
"I can't help but think that there is something about you that I understand more than you do. And it's because I can see it while you're unaware of it, I can be forward about it. Darling, I truly think pain is your kink. Getting engaged to a man who is vague about his past, putting up with his step daughter well aware she will never look at you as her mother, agreeing to let your mom meet a man you're engaged as you're aware you no longer feel for him- just for her to secretly find out it is his daughter you're head over heels for- I don't mean to rip the bandaid off but Lillian... can't you see?" I felt tears streaming down my face.
No one has ever- and I mean ever just... and then on top of that, I'm turned on? But I'm crying?
Because she sees me clearer than anyone else I've been with, I just wanna fuck her senseless..
"Stefani, stop," I sniffled trying to keep myself at bay.
"I'm not calling you out to get you to stand down. I wouldn't even classify these as flaws; more so, I'm highlighting the most erotic thing about you regardless of the connotations: good, bad. It doesn't matter, this is the most sexiest thing about you," she bit the bottom of my lip making me hitch a breath.
"When you love, you love hard. And I want it all from you," Stefani's hand presses in between my legs making me softly gasp into her ear.
She could sense the sexual tension in the room too?
I'm supposed to be standing my ground and right now, I just wanna be on the ground... I can't fight what she said- or the way she's making me feel right now.
She's so....
"Now tell me again, what makes you think a game of chess is something I can't handle," Stefani had a smirk as her eyes were as sharp as ever..
"I fucking hate how this went," I turned my head away from her feeling my cheeks burn from embarrassment.
She should hurry up and say checkmate. Spare me this.
"Hmmmm a little angry sex would be great; benefit the both of us. All this tension building up ever since we flew out to visit your family? but I will completely honor and respect your wishes by going to the clinic," Stefani teased and kissed my cheek as she briefly ran her thumb under my chin.
"Don't go there," I brushed her off and she still had that stupid smirk.
I really wanted to help and contribute to our saga..
"Oh but I'd go anywhere if it meant you'd be there," she arched her brow at me knowing she'd get my attention with her words- god why is she hard to resist right now.
I can't tell if she's implying sex with all the damn tension, an argument or a legit location.
Her and her fucking foreplay.
"Ohhhh I can't wait to show you there was nothing to worry about," she laughs mischievously.
AN: hiii I'm coming back from what apparently was a depressive episode that's been going on for a few years now. I feel better as I've been healing and coming to terms from the root cause. I hope 3,000 words is a good start to a well deserved ending (for the book- I got more updates on the way.) 🥺