Audrina was quiet the entire next day. She dropped Tohru off at Shigure's place and immediately went to work. She sat at her desk doing her job, trying to focus on her work entirely. Distractions was all she had then, so when it came time for her break, she opted out to doing more work. And it would have been a success.
"I had to double check if you clocked in today."
Audrina flinched as she looked up to see Kieran leaning against the entrance door frame to her office. She half-heartedly smiled and nodded before turning back to her computer. Either she was drained or unsure if she had the strength to hold a conversation. Kieran of course, didn't take her note of silence as anything lightly.
"I was meaning to ask you a couple of questions.", he softly spoke.
Keeping a neutral face, she didn't bother to look away this time from the computer. "What's up."
And silence followed. It was a few seconds before Audrina finally averted her attention from the illuminated screen and met his hazel eyes. And at that, at the change of focus, seeing her own eyes, Kieran's lips turned up into a smile.
He placed an elbow on her desk and leaned his head against his own palm. "Well, for starters I wanted to know if everything is okay. Haven't seen you in a couple of days."
She was quick to respond, not letting herself truly think of that questions. Because she wasn't. "Yea, I'm fine. Thanks."
He slightly tilted his head at the half-answer and continued to try to see through her. It's only been a week since his indirect confession and of course the time in which Audrina sunk back into her lowest place, the next day was Friday. But seeing her that day, he wasn't sure what had led her to close back up.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm okay Kieran", she sighed and turned back to the monitor.
He hummed, squinting his eyes because her tone was turning similar to that of condescending.
"Ok and secondly, I wanted to know if you heard about the world ending tomorrow. Crazy they just announced it a few minutes ago."
"Crazy", she mumbled.
He simply rose his eyebrows at the comment. And to act on his shock, he waited till his statement fully sunk in. It took longer than expected. A couple of seconds later, Kieran watched as Audrina's eyebrows furrowed.
"Wait what?"
He chuckled foundly and leaned further in. "What's fogging you Nightowl."
She was looking at Tristan's agency for the millionth. The area, the other people working for his firm. And finally, she had to scope the Washington D.C area. Looking at what surrounded the building, the immediate area.
"Mmmmm....", she hummed clicking onto the email. The new email. Tristan had sent her all the information, the flight ticket, and the date. Sooner than she had originally thought. Just in a couple of weeks.
She had to pack. Had to prepare herself. And she had to let Rin know. But the one thing she's been trying to avoid. Was telling Kieran. She's never gotten to the point of extreme procrastination to avoid situations. But she's gotten to it.
She had to tell him soon. Two weeks notice. And of course that's all she had.
"You know what", Kieran patted her desk, snapping her out of her induced state. She flinched and directed her eyes to Kieran who was starting to stand. "I was planning to call it early anyways. It's suppose to be a new moon tonight. And new moon also means star filled night. Up for something to clear your head?
"It's 5 p.m.", she looked out the window of her office and saw the sun was still barely touching the horizon.
Kieran nodded, "I noticed. While we wait, I'll get you some tea, and we can talk."
"About?", a sigh escaped her lips. She really didn't want to tell him.
"Anything you want."
She played with the mouse for a few seconds. Her thoughts were shifting between her interview to the curse breaking and then to Kieran. Her head hurt, and mind was filled with so much she didn't know what to do with all the anxiousness. And since she didn't have the strength to look away from the computer, it was a good thing the man on the other side of her desk had leaned over and pressed the off button. Them both knowing whatever she got on it will be saved.
And finally, her focal point was back on him.
"Away from the computer.", he beckoned. Audrina couldn't help but smile as she reluctantly grabbed her bag.
"Talk about anything?", she confirmed. The hint of sadness in her tone was there. Not oblivious to what she was intended to talk about. Kieran rose both of his palms as he walked backwards.
"Will it help you feel better?"
She shrugged coming up to him. "Depends...".
They were now at her office entrance. Kieran on the outside while Audrina was still a step in the room. He lowered his hand and waited for her to finish. And she wasn't going to finish her statement and instead leave it on a cliff hanger but, instead after noticing his patience, she continued, only repeating herself.
"Just depends."
—————————————————————
They don't know how they ended up at the same park in which they talked before. Where she told him about Amrin. But there was no mistaking it. Only because they wounded up on the same bench. Audrina sat on one side, she folded up her legs to be tucked in. The breeze warmer compared to when she last was at a park.
In her hand was a warm cup of tea that Kieran had gotten for her earlier. Having been in a slump, she wore her hair in a low puff and kept casual business clothes on neither of them cared to change out of. Kieran took out the braided locs and now that draped down; curtaining his ears as she looked at him.
They've avoided what each truly wanted to discuss the entire time. And now Audrina felt her heart pick up in rhythm the closer she had to tell him.
"So I know I said to leave the rest to me for tomorrow,but I gotta ask what's your favorite flower."
Audrina adverted her attention from the seemingly never ending outstretch of tree. She looked to him and saw that he was relaxed. Sitting back against the bench he was too looking at at the forest. There was hardly any park lights, so they could only rely on natures light. The stars; for the moon was hardly an outline.
"I.....I don't know", she spoke softly. He turned to face her. Watching as she grapes both her hands over the warm cup and took another sip. She only used two for using one hand would display how her hands were truly shaking.
"Tulips?"
She shrugged.
"Roses?"
Another shrug. Kieran sighed out a laugh. "I don't want any funny looks when I give you a cactus."
And finally, Audrina let out a laugh. In response he visibly relaxed.
"I was scared I'd have to find props for a laugh."
Audrina returned a sarcastic smile and turned back out to looking out at the trees, "I mean..... I like trees." She quickly had to explain herself as the words slipped out of her mouth. "I know they are not flowers technically and it's weird-."
"It's not", she turned back to him and was frozen by his gaze. It was interested. As if he was in a daze by her saying something out of this world. In reality, she accidentally admitted something beyond normal. "Why trees?"
She took a deep breath to calm herself down. The only way she could answer without faltering is by gazing back out at the trees. "They just....", she hesitated, "Represent a lot: life, shelter, protection, care, history. I don't know....... I just like them."
Kieran softly smiled at her statement to which she didn't notice. Too embarrassed to turn her head towards him after saying something she found ridiculous. With another sip from her cup, she was hoping to be done with the topic.
"You separated shelter and protection."
"Huh?", a line formed between her eyebrows confused by his statement.
"Most people would assume protection automatically means shelter. You used them separately..... why?"
Her mouth opened slightly at his question. If she would have known this was where the conversation was heading, she would have kept her answer shorter. She hadn't noticed her choice of words. Her heart picked up as she tried to find an answer to not tell him about her history. About why she truly thinks protection doesn't equal shelter.
"Anyone can have a roof over their head, but protection, you have to feel safe, comfortable,.... cared enough to be protected from harm I guess.", she shrugged.
There was a pause, the wind carrying the silence.
"Do you feel protected?"
"Enough.....", she sighed. And barely at that. Because it's hard to feel protected when it's coming from within. Other than that, she was still exposed to the harsh world. She can always say that she takes care of herself, always have, but now from an enlightening perspective, she felt off knowing that her self sacrifices, didn't do anything to help Kureno. No matter what she did to better herself, to care for any of the Zodiac members, one slipped under her grasp, and it only took one for her to feel uneasy.
And at that note, she was started to think back to what she was trying to avoid in the first place. "Umm...", she straightened herself and looked to Kieran. He was hardly visible as the night sky truly was nothing but minimal sparks of light, but her fast heart rate couldn't mistake him for anyone else. "Listen I need to tell—well ask you something."
He noticed her change in behavior and didn't further ask about what was going on. Despite that was what she was trying to get at. "Okay", he nodded.
She was really about to do this. They had plans the following day and she was ready to tell him about a life changing decision. The interview alone whether she got the job or not, was informing him that she was thinking about it. That it was a possibility.
But again...... she couldn't wait. She had to inform him that she'd be gone. It was inevitable. So she took a couple of breathsfor courage. Looked to the grass that bent and leaned with the wind.
"I..... I need some time off in the next couple of weeks. Like a week or two off."
He blinked a couple of times before chuckling slightly, "Audrina I usually try to keep flexibility a main point, you don't have to come to the office for work everyday. Is this what had you off today?"
She shook her head, "There maybe complications with.... time zone difference.", it was like pulling her own teeth trying to ease her way into the main topic.
He tilted his head now turning the wheels in his brain, "Okaayy. I can handle a few hour difference between receiving papers. Working around your time is fine with me. What is it, Sohma vacation?"
She had to rip the bandage that coated her big wound.
"It wouldn't work", she continued looking at the grass.
"Why not?"
"I'll be in America....... so you'd most likely be-."
"Woah what?", his voice now coming to realization.
"Uhh.... yea", she hummed. "I'll be there for a week or two so it may be hard for us to communicate."
"Why?", his voice. She lifted her head to see his face filled with confusion, and a completely unreadable expression. But she knew he had a clue. There was no reason for her to be going to America randomly. Nothing that should be brought up abruptly. Typically big trips like that involved months of planning. She would of told him that much ahead. But it was sudden. Way to soon for it to be just a vacation.
"Just.....you can take the time off and mark it without pay, it doesn't matter....", she adverted his question.
"You can have the time off. Paid.....", he shook his head. Seemingly not worried about the pay or not, "America.... Is far."
She scoffed, "Yea. Look I just wanted to take a trip and you know.... Flight tickets were cheap so-."
"So you choose a 12 hour flight?"
"Yea", she agreed hoping that was enough but Kieran still gaze at her with perplexity. And yet that wasn't the news that she also had to tell him. There was more.
She has been so mixed with her feelings. She wanted him close. But needed him to stay away. Kureno slipped from her grasp, while she was dealing with her own issues. Amrin death prevented her from doing what she was born to do.
She wanted Kieran so bad, but there were so many things that could go wrong. So many things that she was scared of herself that it was a slip up to allow him into her life. That far at least.
And Kureno's curse breaking brought a new possibility. Despite her want. Fear was a stronger emotion. And that's what guided her the moment she was back at her apartment.
The entire way home she was shaking. Her own brain fighting with her heart. Her body at war, but her exterior could only contain so much of that chaos.
Kieran walked her to her door, neither of them saying anything about her trip again. But there was another hill she had to climb.
"So-.", she turned as she was taking off her coat and hanging it on the rack next to the door.
"I'm sorry", he started. She froze and looked up at him. He continued on, "i shouldn't have spoke too much about your trip it wasn't right."
Her heart constricted. She wanted him. She wanted the man that constantly reached out his hand when she was on the verge of drowning. Every.Singly. Time.
The phrase "this is going to hurt me more that it will hurt you", couldn't have felt all the more true in that moment.
But she had priorities. People that needed her more than she could imagine. It wasn't about her. It's never been about her. And she hoped it wasn't too late to realize it.
"It's ok", she wrapped her arms around herself. "But I..... I know we had plans for tomorrow."
She immediately saw the worry spread across his face. He froze at that too. The crickets from outside was the only indication that there was more than just the two of them in the moment.
"Look", he spoke quickly, "I really didn't mean to intrude. If that's what your about to dismiss me for, I swear to you it'll never happen again."
She held up a hand, "that's not why....... I just think you'd be better off-."
"Don't say it.", his voice became more stern. Her eyes widen slightly as her hand slowly returned to wrapping around her torso. Their was fright in his voice.
"Kieran", she sighed. His hazel eyes were her weakness and when she looked into them, she saw the sadness. The true vulnerability in knowing what she was going to say. "Look there's just a lot about me that you don't understand."
"You never gave me the chance.", he responded. She adverted her gaze to looking at the floor, "It's about that curse isn't it?"
Her heart stopped. Her eyes widened to the point she felt as if they'd pop out.
"N-no.", she shook her head. Her voice shaky.
She wanted him...... and everything about her was rejecting her choice of words. Her head was pounding, if she removed her hands from around herself, they'd be shaking. Her body was telling her to stop.
"I just think you'd be better of with someone else."
"Really?", he scoffed. She didn't dare look up at him. "Audrina......"
She couldn't. Because one more look into his eyes and she'd fall apart.
But she should of known it wouldn't be that easy. To say her goodbye and wave him off without conflict. She knew better. But yet she tried. And in the next hour she'd learn, that while she had control of her actions; able to hide her pain for so long.
It was bound time for her to display what's been building up for years.