"So, there's nothing I can do." I said and pinched the bridge of my nose, leaning back in my chair.
"Sorry, Jules." Mike said quietly then wrapped his arm around my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me.
I had just explained to him my situation with the kids.
I only had three days to figure this all out so I was obviously very stressed. I still haven't told the kids but I was planning to tonight.
It was just so difficult to explain that mom was suing me and that they would be forced to live with her again.
They also probably wouldn't get to see me anymore.
"I just wish there was a way to prove she's abusive." I said with a sigh. "Once they are in her care maybe calling CPS could be helpful." He said as I nodded.
"If they let me call." I said then closed my eyes and sucked my lips in.
I felt myself getting too worked up again and I couldn't have another bad seizure like I did the other day.
"Hey, Jule?" Sam asked as he came into the room. "What's up?" I asked and painted a smile on my face.
"Can we make cookies?" He asked causing me to laugh. "Sure. Why not?" I asked and looked at Mike.
"Are you able to stay?" I asked as he shook his head.
"Gotta get back to work, but I expect cookies." He said then gave me a kiss.
"Have fun, kid." Mike said then ruffled Sam's hair before leaving.
"What makes you wanna make cookies?" I asked and stood up. "I don't know, I'm just bored." He said with a shrug.
"Hopefully we have the stuff. If not then we have to go to the store." I said and led the way to the kitchen.
"We don't have to do all that." Sam said as I shook my head.
"No, it'll be good for us to go out." I said with a smile.
"Can we afford it?" Sam asked as I turned and took his face in my hands. "You don't worry about that." I said then turned to look for the ingredients.
"Looks like we have to go to the store. Rally the troups." I said as he grinned.
"You got it, Jule." He said then left. I wrote down everything we needed then went to help Sam get the others.
"Sissy, what are we doing?" Juniper asked as I put her shoes on. "We're going to the store to get stuff to make cookies." I said as her face lit up.
"Cookies?!" She asked as I nodded. "Sam wants to make cookies so we're making cookies." I said then scooped her up.
"Can we afford to go to the store?" Jenna asked as I laughed.
"You guys have to stop worrying so much about money." I said then grabbed my keys. "We're worried because you work so hard." Carter said as I nodded.
"I know but I don't want you to worry." I said then opened the door. "Let's go." I said then led the way.
"Are you okay to drive?" Jenna asked as I nodded. "If I start to not feel good I'll pull over. It's just down the street." I said and walked to the car.
When we got to the store, I looked over at the kids. "Cookie stuff, and you each get to pick one thing. Whatever you want." I said as Carter looked at me with suspicion.
"Did you get a new job or something?" He asked as I shook my head. "No, I just want to treat you guys." I said with a small smile.
It broke my heart that they were suspicious of me right now because it made telling them what was up so much harder.
I knew I needed to tell them and I needed to do it soon, but if I could delay it then I would.
We walked around the store and picked everything up that we needed.
Jenna got gold fish, Carter got Oreos, Sam got Cheetos, and Juniper got fruit snacks.
It was so cute seeing them decide what they wanted. I wished that I could have treated them more often, but this was a special occasion.
"Sissy, can I have a fruit snack now?" Juniper asked as I nodded. "Yep." I said and opened the box, pulling a pack out for her.
"Here, love." I said and gave it to her. "Can I have some of mine?" Carter asked as I nodded.
"You can all do whatever you want." I said with a smile then started the car.
I knew that the older kids were suspicious of my behavior but I couldn't help it.
They were going to be crushed later tonight.
When we got home, Carter and Jenna went upstairs to finish some homework and the rest of us went to the kitchen.
"Alright, kid. Work your magic." I said and bounced Juniper on my hip.
"You're not gonna help me?" Sam asked as I laughed. "I will, but you're in charge." I said causing him to grin.
We spent the next half hour making dough for the cookies. Juniper was so cute because she wanted to help her big brother.
"Wanna lick the spoon?" Sam asked as he handed Juniper the spoon.
"Yeah! Yum!!" Juniper said then put it in her mouth. "You're so cute." I mumbled then looked at Sam.
"Are you gonna portion them or do you want me to?" I asked as he sighed. "Can you?" He asked as I nodded.
"Yeah. Go play with your sister and I'll finish these up." I said then set Juniper down. "Okay, Jule." Sam said then took Juniper into the other room.
I sighed and started portioning out the dough. I could feel the anxiety burning my chest at the idea of telling my siblings what was going on.
I wanted nothing more than to just take them and run away.
It wasn't the right thing to do though.
Once the cookies were baked I pulled them out of the oven and let them cool before I put them on some plates and went into the living room.
"Jenna! Carter!" I called out and put them on the coffee table.
"Cookie time?" Juniper asked as I nodded. "Yup. Cookie time." I said as Jenna and Carter came downstairs.
"These look good." Carter said as he plopped onto the couch.
"Sam did a good job." I said with a smile then sighed.
"So...I have to talk to you guys about something." I said quietly.
"What's going on?" Sam asked with concern. "I..uh.." I started but felt myself choking up.
"Jule?" Carter asked as I closed my eyes. "Mom is taking me to court." I said quietly causing Jenna to stand up.
"She can't do that!" She said angrily. "Is it like a basketball court?" Juniper asked with so much innocence I felt my heart shatter.
"No, sweetie. Mom is trying to take you guys away from me." I said quietly.
"But she abandoned us." Carter said wirh confusion.
"I know." I said and closed my eyes. "I'm not going." Jenna said as I frowned.
"You have to, Jen. If I don't bring you then I'll get in a lot of trouble." I explained.
"But I don't want to live with her!" She said then stood up and stormed out of the room. "Why did mommy leave us?" Juniper asked as my eyes welled with tears.
"Because she was going through the loss of our dad. She didn't handle it well." I said and wiped my eyes.
"Does this mean we have to go live with her?" Sam asked as I nodded. "Most likely. She's technically your legal guardian." I said as Juniper frowned.
"I don't wanna leave!" She pouted as I went over and hugged her. "I don't want you to leave either but we have to do this." I said and looked at my brothers.
Carter looked angry, and Sam looked sad. I knew this was going to be difficult for them but seeing them like this was breaking my heart.
I leaned over and pulled them into my arms, hugging them tightly for a minute.
"We have to go to Seattle in a couple of days." I mumbled then kissed each of their heads. "That's too soon." Carter said as I nodded.
"I know." I said then stood up. "I have to go talk to Jenna." I said quietly. "I'll be back." I whispered then went to Jenna's room.
She was laying on her bed, sobbing into her pillow.
"Hey." I whispered and sat on the bed next to her. "She can't do this." She said as I pulled her into my chest.
"I know. She's a horrible person, but there's nothing we can do until this happens." I said as she shook her head.
"Can't you counter sue?" She asked as I shook my head. "I'm the one technically in the wrong, Jen. If I wasn't such a fuck up then I could be your legal guardian." I said as she shook her head.
"You're not a fuck up, Jules. You've cared more about us than anyone else has." She said as I nodded.
"I know. I'm gonna do the best I can, but there's no promises." I said and ran my fingers through her hair.
It was killing me that I couldn't fix this problem and that if I wasn't an addict then things would be different.
I had to face the consequences now.