'You need to get over it, Silo.'
'I don't need to do anything.'
'For your sake—as well as mine.'
Silo took another swig. The drink burned his throat. He was feeling a little dizzy but not anywhere near dizzy enough. Not enough to rid his mind of Karina's shocking history.
'And doing that is only going to make things worse,' Karina said. She took the cylinder from him, sliding it to the other side of the table.
They were sitting in the salon. It was late. The room was half-empty. The corner they were concealing themselves in was in semi-darkness. Outside the window, the darkness of space continued on into forever. And there, right there, was Rictor 5, looking like a blue jewel in the midst of twinkling lights.
Karina was watching it too. 'I don't miss it in the slightest.'
'It's an awful planet. And its creatures ...'
' ... are awful?''
'That's not what I meant.'
'I know.' She sighed. 'Don't these things happen on Zibon?'
Silo gave an ugly grimace. 'Nothing like that. It's incomprehensible. If any Zibon did such a thing.' He shook his head. 'He would be thrown to the masses and ripped apart.'
He grimaced again as a series of disturbing images flashed across his mind. Silo pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to squash them away. 'How can you stand it?'
'I couldn't, remember?'
'But now ...'
She shook her head. 'I don't know. When they're not happening to you it doesn't seem as bad as it actually is.'
'But it did happen to you!'
'It doesn't feel like it anymore. It's like ... it's like I'm seeing someone else. Seeing another little girl.'
'Don't say that.'
'What?'
'Little girl. It shouldn't be in the same sentence.' He dropped his arms to the table with a thud.
'It happens to little boys too. And babies. And old ladies.'
He stared at her, appalled.
'It's true.'
She looked so calm. How could she be so damn calm?
'I'm sorry to tell you that but you have to know what we are if you want to blend with us.' She looked down at the table with a frown, her forehead screwed up. 'In fact, that's a problem, isn't it? One you probably haven't thought about in all your excitement. What if our children—our boys—turn out like them? What if your species becomes more like us? What if all this becomes the norm?'
'That won't happen,' he said fiercely.
'Do you really want to contaminate your species?'
Silo clenched his fists upon the table. 'You're not a contaminant.'
'Aren't I?' She gazed sadly back into his eyes. 'He was my father, Silo. What if our children turn out like him?'
Silo stood. 'I can't talk about this right now.' He raked his fingers over his scalp. Men were watching him from across the room. He felt cold. He felt sick. 'I need another drink. Maybe ... maybe you should go back to our room.'
Karina looked up at him with a frown. She stood, barely reaching his nipple height. She seemed so small, so vulnerable. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold her against him, to hold her so tightly that he could crush out all those terrible memories, out of her, out of him, like they'd never happened.
Instead, she stepped in and wrapped her arms around him. And he suddenly realised—she was tougher than he was. So much tougher. Small on the outside, bigger than a planet on the inside. Again he asked himself: how was she even alive? He thought about the scars down her arms, her anger and fear and tears. It would have been so much worse for him—he wouldn't have survived it. No Zibon would have survived it. They might be able to heal their brains but he would have suffered from it in other ways. Ways he couldn't describe. Ways he could feel the echo of now.
'Our children will be strong,' he said, pressing his lips to her forehead. 'Unbelievably strong. No enemy could stand against us. We would fail at nothing.'
She looked up at him. Silo bent to kiss her lips.
'Hold me,' she said. 'Back in our room. I don't want to be here.'
'Okay.'
*
Silo was quiet on the way back, thoughtful and sombre. He was feeling better after their little chat but the darkness hadn't left him; that utter terrorising disbelief that seemed to sit like lead in his belly. That seemed to sit like lead in her belly.
The moment they were behind closed doors, he pulled her against him, crushing her to his chest. He didn't speak but he was trembling. His beard tickled her forehead. He was warm and hard but soft at the sound time. He was like a giant teddy bear she could cling onto.
'I love you,' she said.
'I love you too.'
They went and lay down on the bed together, Silo's hand on Karina's hip as he looked into her eyes. He was affected by the alcohol, his yellow eyes not quite focusing properly on her. She could smell it on his breath too. She felt a wave of reminiscence, of feelings and smells and memories best left forgotten, sitting dark and cloudy like smog at the back of her mind. She jerked back instinctively.
'What's wrong?' he asked her.
'Nothing.' She pulled in close. 'Nothing. How's your hand?'
'Better.'
That heavy sensation in her belly deepened until it was starting to make her feel sick. 'Stop thinking about it.'
'I can't help it.'
'Will this help?' She sat up to pull off her top.
'A little.'
She lay back down again, resting on her back so Silo could rest his head upon her breasts. Karina smiled. Already she was feeling lighter as Silo fondled her nipple.
'I love your breasts,' he said.
Karina chuckled. 'I know.'
He kissed one, then the other. He laid his cheek against them with a sigh as he gently stroked her belly button. 'I could stay like this forever.' He eased his hand into her pants, feeling her warmth as he gently stroked her.
Karina turned over to kiss him.
'No. Just let me touch you. Let me hold you,' he said in a raspy voice.
He rolled her towards him until she was pressed up against his chest. He slid his hand down the back of her pants, grabbing her buttocks. He pressed his face into her hair with a sigh. Then he started stroking her back. He dragged his finger down her spine, making her shiver.
He slid his hand back down the front of her pants. There he stroked her again. Karina spread her thighs and closed her eyes as the pleasure began to build. Then he slid his finger inside her.
'I want to be inside you,' he murmured. 'No sex. Just be inside you.'
'That sounds nice.'
He was feeling lost, she could tell. Strangely alone after hearing what had happened to her. The world had changed irrevocably—and now he was feeling low. Karina had known the feeling all too well. She'd lived it for decades.
She pulled off her pants as he pulled off his. Then they were lying together again, chest to chest. Karina shifted her thighs as his shaft sought her out, knocking against her hips, sliding against her slit, finding her lips. Very slowly, its hardened tip pushed into her. Karina locked eyes with Silo as he entered her, burying himself slowly within.
Karina released a deep breath as he buried himself completely. He dragged the back of his hand down her cheek, then her arm.
'Feel better?' she said.
'Much.' And he was speaking the truth. That dark feeling deep inside now had a bit of light.
They kissed. Silo nuzzled the side of her neck. Karina kissed him on the ear.
'What did I ever do without you?' he said.
'I don't know how I survived. It feels like this was always meant to be. And I don't believe in fate. It's like we've known each other before. In a different life, perhaps. Or is that just the bond?'
'Would it matter even if it was? My species have been studying it for centuries and no chemical reaction or mathematical equation or hormonal changes have been able to explain it.'
'It sounds almost romantic.' Karina smiled as they threaded their fingers together.
'It's very romantic. There is every possibility I have known you before,' he continued. 'In a different time. Maybe even in a different dimension. And we've found each other again.'
Karina turned her face into the pillow as tears pricked her eyes. She didn't really believe in the soul and she certainly didn't believe in God. She'd never been a religious or spiritual person. How could she be after all that had happened to her? But now ... feeling this way, she was starting to wonder if there might just be something out there beyond nature.
Silo ran his finger over the rim of her ear. 'What are you thinking?'
'Deep thoughts.' She chuckled, turning her face towards him. Gripping him more tightly around the waist, she tried to pull herself closer. The tip of his shaft nudged against the end of her. Then they were kissing. Silo curved himself around her. It felt like he was folding her into him, keeping her safe. She felt cocooned.
Licking her lips, Karina tucked her head beneath his chin, pressing her nose into the nape of his neck as she smelled him. She closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of him. The feel of his body made her prickle all over.
Somehow she fell asleep.
When she next woke, her face was still pressed into his neck, their arms were still around each other. She could hear the sound of his deep breathing. She could feel his breath brushing through her hair. Carefully she shifted her hips. She was burning. His shaft was pressed up against all her nerves. She was starting to sweat. How the heck was Silo dealing with it?
Karina shifted her hips again, biting back a groan. Very slowly, she rocked against him. Silo's breathing changed. His arm tightened around her. Karina looked up as he looked down, his tired yellow eyes opened a crack. He kissed her, then rolled her onto her back. Karina seized onto his waist as they gently rolled together, their hips in sync, breathing in time. They hardly moved. Karina felt him harden and swell inside her until he could hardly move at all.
Silo gave a small grunt, Karina a quiet gasp. With a small buck of his hips, he emptied into her. Then they were still again, breathing together. Silo kissed her again, then rolled back onto his side, pulling her along with him. Again, he pulled her close, their legs entangled, his erection still buried deep inside her.
Moments later, they were asleep again.