Silence is like cancer grows...
"Lucifer," Chloe choked out fearfully.
Seeing Chloe storm into the office followed by Amenadiel snapped Lucifer back to reality. His dark eyes are full of shock as he gasped at both of them.
Linda quickly stepped in front of her patient. "What are you doing here? How did you even get in? The doors locked an hour ago?"
Amenadiel's gaze dropped to the floor, his face a picture of guilt.
Linda's jaw dropped open as realization sank in they had been here since then and heard everything.
"I'm so sorry, we can explain...I wouldn't have barged in but I thought..." Chloe trembled.
"What? That I would use hellfire on her?" Lucifer choked out with a touch of hysteria in his voice.
Chloe looked at Lucifer with worry, she shook her head. "I just thought..." her voice trailed off.
The doctor reproachfully stared down Chloe and Amenadiel. She said firmly with anger dripping from every word, "I know who he is and I know about the red eyes and the hellfire. I wasn't in danger but you both have behaved reprehensibly and you need to leave immediately!"
Chloe nodded and backed towards the door. Her tormented gaze on Lucifer. "I'm so sorry."
Amenadiel took a step towards him, "It's my fault I never..."
Lucifer snapped. "Get out! Get out!" He took a ragged breath running his hand over his face. "Be proud of yourselves - you've both added to the long list of betrayals in my life!" He suddenly realized why he had bled - the detective had been close by. "You...!" His black eyes bore into Chloe. "I thought you were different...I thought I could..."
"It's not her fault, Luci," Amenadiel choked taking a step toward him.
"Don't! Unless you want me to incinerate you right here and now!" Lucifer threatened; violence welling in the ebony depths of his eyes as he glowered at his brother.
Chloe's eyes welled with tears. She knew they had to leave -- she had made a horrific mistake interrupting. She'd broken his trust. He'd never forgive her. "I'm sorry, we didn't mean to overhear, Lucifer..." she pleaded.
Shattered, his eyes were like pools brimming with bottomless hurt. He stammered quietly, "Just go, please."
Linda quietly assured them, "I'll take care of him."
Chloe nodded gratefully. "I'm sorry," her voice cracked as she turned to push an equally devastated Amenadiel back and close the door.
Seeing Chloe and his brother and knowing they had heard everything put Lucifer over the edge. A wave of nausea coursed through him and he tore into the bathroom throwing up all he had previously eaten. Shaken and drained he went to the sink washed out his mouth and ran cold water over his face when the pressure that had been welling in his chest since the day prior exploded. He fell to the floor shaking and gasping for breath. He screamed STOP into the air wanting everything to just go away. Eons in hell had been a breeze compared to this. He suddenly felt Linda's hands come to rest gently on his shoulders reminding him he wasn't alone. His breaths became less ragged and slower as he regained a decorum of control. Silently she got up to the sink, he could hear water running but had no desire to lift his head. He felt her sit beside him again as she put a cold wet cloth on the back of his neck. She put her arm lightly on his back. "I'm sorry Lucifer, I thought you were ready."
He took a gulping breath and met Linda's eyes.
When those now calmer black eyes met hers she put her professionalism aside and pulled him to her.
He felt so numb he just sat there like a statue for a moment then slowly the blood started flowing through his veins again and he reciprocated not wanting to let go of the comfort it provided. Linda released him after a moment looking at him apprehensively. "I know you won't believe this right now because your heart feels a little broken and your pride is a little bruised...but those two people love you."
He snorted in disbelief.
"You will see they are supporting you -- they aren't judging you."
"Right," he scoffed, "that's why the Detective ran in here ready to stop me from losing it and hurting you. I would never hurt you!" he stated emphatically.
"I know that and so does she. From my unbiased perspective it appeared to me that she and your brother were far more concerned about your emotional state than about me," she clarified.
He huffed, scrambling to his feet, disdainfully smoothing down the wrinkles in his suit. "Well, this has truly been the most horrific of days," he complained, ignoring what she had just said.
Always going in the wrong direction she mused to herself but she wasn't telling him off quite yet. "And you survived it. I don't usually insert clichés into my counseling but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. After everything you have told me today and everything you have been through you have proven yourself to be a survivor. Lucifer you have incredible inner strength. You can meet and conquer everything full on and for those moments when you feel like you are in over your head you came to me,"
He smirked unexpectedly. "And you'll hold my head above water -- will you wear a bikini or are we skinny dipping in this scenario?"
She couldn't help but laugh and then winked. "Skinny dipping I think."
"Lovely," he chirped back.
Her insides relaxed. His humor was like an unstoppable force -- every so often he would take a beating but just keep on going. She was glad that it proved he was strong, Having survived hell for eons and all that happened before she was starting to realize he perhaps needed these mini breakdowns to release the anxiety and the pain that had built up in him over the years and had never been dealt with. He was still far too mistrusting to share them with Amenadiel or Maze and too scared of what her reaction would be to share them with Chloe. She was glad he had entered her life and she was in a position to help him. She wished it didn't hurt watching him go through it.
"Lucifer." She went over to him standing on her toes reached up and cupped his face. "You are lucky -- you have people who love you -- don't make the mistake of shutting them out. Everyone makes mistakes -- Amenadiel and Chloe should not have done what they did today -- but they did it to try and find a way to help you. Don't punish them for that by shutting them out."
He pulled away. "They betrayed me."
Linda softly admonished him, "That's probably exactly what your father thought of you when you rebelled with other like-minded angels. Don't follow in his footsteps."
He stared at her frowning, his black eyes pensive.
She handed him ginger ale and pulled out the sofa bed, "I'm going to suggest you stay here tonight. You need some time to yourself to rest and reflect. I am going to go home but you know how to reach me in case you want to talk some more."
He pressed his lips together and watched her grab her purse and jacket with an unreadable expression.
She stopped. "Are you going to be all right?"
"I'm not some broken doll you have to glue back together. I'm the devil after all -- the second most powerful being in existence," he responded in a detached manner.
He worried her. She knew what he needed to do but he was too conflicted to want to know the truth about his mother's actions at this point.
As she headed out the door, her phone beeped she saw it was a text from Chloe. 'I just want to say again how sorry I am and please let me know he is okay.'
She didn't answer right away. Her priority was to protect her patient and Chloe's actions had wounded him deeply. Yet Lucifer was like an abandoned child. Didn't always care about the consequences of his actions, and lived life empty going from one experience to the next with no foundation no ties, and no stability -- the result of several traumatic experiences that destroyed his ability to trust. Time and time again however he had shown her how much Chloe meant to him -- while he couldn't comprehend it yet she was his foundation, his stability, his anchor. Of all the people in his life, she was the one that made him the most vulnerable -- somehow in his subconscious, he loved Chloe he just didn't recognize it for what it was since it was still such a foreign suppressed emotion.
Once outside of the building she decided to put her ethics aside she texted back. 'He's alone in my office -- meet me by the building door.' She paused then hit send.
Linda waited for her by the main entrance. Chloe looked tired, pale, and stressed. She opened her mouth to presumably apologize again but Linda stopped her. "It happened; we need to move past it. My only priority is Lucifer's well-being. He has been through enough, and he is feeling very betrayed by both you and Amenadiel ... but especially you. You need to make this right! That's why I'm giving you access to my floor, not my office though; he will have the choice of whether or not to let you in. If he refuses you need to respect that and leave. He has a lot to process and we have reached our limit for the night so I am going home. He needs to calm down and rest and I don't think he can find that until he achieves some peace over what happened, give him that and I won't regret giving you this chance."
Chloe had never seen Linda look so stern and so concerned. The doctor took her upstairs in the elevator letting her in then gave her a key to let herself out if need be with strict instructions to return it to her the next day.
As soon as Linda was gone Chloe walked to the door, her heart was pounding so hard she wondered if Lucifer could hear it. Taking a steadying breath, she knocked.
"Lucifer, it's Chloe. Please open the door so we can talk."
There was silence. She wondered if he had fallen asleep or was feeling so angry and betrayed to want to be anywhere near her. After a few moments she turned, her limbs heavy, her chest tight and tears threatening to fall. Had she lost him forever? She couldn't imagine her world anymore without Lucifer in it.
Then the door clicked open. She turned with hope in her heart. He stiffly stood there, tall, dark, and foreboding, his eyes cold, and detached. "Detective, come to eavesdrop some more? Did you and my brother not hear enough the first time?" he sneered making her flinch.
Steeling herself, she looked past his words and his stance. She knew him well enough to know how much she had wounded him, how he was ripped open and bleeding at that moment. How like a wild animal that was injured lashed out with teeth bared, snarling wanting to bite, claw, protect and defend itself desperate to escape from further injury. She had done this to him.
She licked her suddenly dry lips. "I've come to apologize and..."
He responded succinctly, "You've already done that if I recall, several times." He shook his head slowly his eyes boring into hers. "Apology not accepted," he practically spat the three words.
"I made a mistake, a horrible mistake but it was never meant to hurt you, and it's tearing me apart inside that it has. I know you don't believe me but care so much about you -- working with you all these months-" she gave a soggy laugh. "I never expected to care this much." Tears rolled down her cheeks.
He put his hands together and clapped slowly. "Bravo, Detective, beautiful soliloquy full of emotion - well done - pulls at the heartstrings."
She wiped at her eyes and realized despite his sarcastic words his eyes had changed. The coldness was gone replaced by an infinite sadness, a sadness that was her fault.
"Is there anything I can do so you will realize I am sincerely and infinitely sorry?" A sob escaped her. "Please Lucifer..."
"Anything, Detective? How far we've come, eh." His eyes blazed for a moment but she didn't flinch. "Fine Detective -- you want to make it up to me? How about some sexual healing - up against the wall? Doggy style? Rough and dirty," he hissed with narrowed eyes.
This wasn't the Lucifer she knew, this was the wild animal again defending itself in any way it could think of -- wanting to shock and do damage to make its tormentor run. She took a steady calming breath there was no way she would run. "Fine -- if that's what it will take for you to accept my apology."
His eyes were huge and endless. He breathed heavily. Of course, he saw through her bluff but she wasn't even sure if it was one. She was sincere - she would do anything to win back his trust; to calm that wild look in his eyes, to bring back his warm smile, for him to know she still had his back at all times.
To prove to him she wasn't bluffing she started to unbutton her blouse.
He shook his head again his eyes widening briefly with alarm before the coldness crept back in. "No! I've changed my mind -- I don't engage in sex with traitors, they don't deserve it. There is nothing you can do to fix this. You and my brother had no right to listen in to...judge me. It wasn't my fault..." He felt nausea creep up again although his stomach was painfully empty.
Her stomach twisted - so that's what it came down to -- he thought she was judging him? She stepped inside then shut the door behind her and quickly reached out, putting her hand on his arm -- grateful he didn't immediately pull away. "Listen to me. What happened to you isn't your fault. What your mother did was heinous, you were innocent and she took that. Everyone should have supported you and helped you heal. I can't believe you were punished for lashing out -- seriously if your father were standing in front of me now I'd kick his ass!" She said passionately releasing all the pent-up emotions she had felt as she listened to what had happened to him.
Her words shocked him but her touch claimed him. He could feel his rapid pulse slowing, the anxiety easing; her words a balm on his aching, ravaged soul. He took a shuddering breath and stammered with wonder, "You...you don't blame me and think I deserved being cast out for challenging my dad - God?"
Her heart gave a painful thud. He suddenly seemed so much younger, his eyes large, his lips slightly parted, his normally impeccable midnight hair curling wildly at its short ends. He looked at her with such innocence and purity. She realized she was seeing a glimpse of the young Lucifer -- the angel, how he must have been before becoming the devil. He was breathtaking, she could almost imagine those white magnificent wings on his back.
She murmured reassuringly. "I'd be a monster to blame you for something like that."
She wasn't expecting it, it caught her off guard but suddenly Lucifer whispered "Chloe." so breathlessly she almost didn't hear him, and then leaned forward and oh so softly kissed her lips. She closed her eyes savoring the warmth - that warmth reached out and caressed every cell in her body -- it was as if a warm golden ray of sunlight had suffused her.
When it ended her knees almost gave out. her body ached to miss that suffusion of warmth; she gasped and looked at him startled.
He took a step back; his eyes wide with shock then gave a nervous giggle, "Sorry?" He looked a little chagrined. "I don't plan that, I wanted to stay mad at you, Detective but I just couldn't stop myself." He looked away as if struggling for words. "You believe in me -- a simple thank you just didn't seem adequate." He ran his hand across his lips in wonder.
With her heart still feeling the warmth, she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head against his stubbly cheek. "Don't ever feel like you can't tell me things. Don't...be afraid I'll abandon you or judge you -- remember as I said when Father Frank died. I'm here for you. I've got your back always."
His arms came around her tightly. He grew still - savoring her closeness as a wave of peace washed over him soothing the restless wildness inside for the moment.
...and whisper in the sound of silence.