"𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚎𝚡𝚒𝚜𝚝."
~~~
𝐙𝐚𝐜𝐡'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕
Seeing Luna again should've sent a breath of relief down my lungs. But it didn't.
Was I happy that she wasn't half dead in a parking lot somewhere? Yes. Was I angry that she had shown up without saying anything and left? Yes. Did my fucking heart stop when Sage left me in the middle of the lobby after I had just blanked out in front of my ex. Yes.
A thousand times yes.
"Did you know?" I ask, more like shouted, barging through the Victorian double doors of our family's estate. I'm half surprised the keys I used to get in even worked. My father hadn't made an effort to reach out but I knew once the news comes out he'd be the first one at my door.
Kelsey stumbles backwards, confused before slamming the door shut and turning around. The action sends an echo running up and down the silent halls of the first floor.
Her face looks groggy with sleep, like she had just pried her eyes open for the first time today. When I scan her figure from head to toe, she's in the most hideous outfit I've ever laid eyes on. Baggy sweats and a worn graphic tee covers the entirety of her figure. Kelsey never wore sweats. So something tells me she hasn't been back to work since court and it's killing her.
"It's eight in the morning, Zach. What could I possibly know at this time of day?"
"Did you or did you not know she was back?" I repeat myself again. My patience was growing thin.
She sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. I catch a glimpse of remorse in her gaze. "I found out last night just like everyone else in town. Apparently her parents are back in town for the holidays."
A muscle in my jaw twitched and my eyes closed for a second before they reopened. "Back for the holidays? What the fuck is that supposed to mean. They haven't been in Essex in years and suddenly they're back like they took some sort of two week vacation."
"Trust me Zach, the last thing I wanted was for Luna to come back and stir all these feelings you had for her. I hated what she turned you into. It wasn't fair. But I had nothing to do with this." Kelsey takes a minute to share her thoughts out loud and I can tell she means them.
I nod silently, taking a deep breath. "Fine."
"Wait, where did you see her?" Kelsey asks, as if the information was just starting to click.
"She was Victoria's duet partner for a ballet competition."
"So her and Sage..." Her voice trails to a whisper.
I have replayed that encounter in the back of my mind like a broken record ever since it's happened. The look on Sage's face when I told her who she really was. What she meant to me. I never wanted to be the person to put that there.
"Yes, they have." I say quickly trying to move the conversation along.
"What's with that look? Is everything between you two okay?" She looks at me desperately for answers. I find myself wanting to confide in her but it's far too soon for us to act like everything is normal again.
I shake my head, taking a tentative step back. "Kelsey, I can't—talk to you about this, not about her."
For half a second something flashes between her eyes. Guilt. Nodding with understanding, she responds. "I know she hasn't forgiven me but I just want to help in any way that I can and if we don't speak about Sage then that's okay too. I'm just worried about you. We haven't really talked much aft—
"I have to go." I knew where this conversation was going and it's the only thing I've tried to avoid.
"Zachariah."
My rushed footsteps halt at her voice. Just the thought of someone besides Sage using my full name again hits me so deep in the chest I have to remind myself to breathe.
"I'm sorry—Zach." Kelsey shakes her head, correcting herself before I can do it for her. She's in worse shape than I thought. I can't help but meet her longing stare for a brief moment. I look away before my mouth could reveal the plan I had been working on. If she found out, the whole case could go under. Including Sage.
"I know I've been the worst sister—but I'm here now, if you need me."
That's the thing you weren't here when I needed you.
"See you in court." And with that, I shut the door on Kelsey's pained fallen expression.
____
Thud Thud Thud
I have been standing behind this gated door for over three minutes and Miles wasn't fooling anyone. I knew he was home, either wasting away on that couch of his or dancing to Katy Perry in his kitchen with nothing on but an apron. To make matters worse his accord was parked right across the street and the kitchen lights were visible through the window.
"Dude, what the fuck? I've been standing here for like five minutes ringing your doorbell." I push past him and walk into his apartment and head straight for the living room where my exhausted body falls back onto the couch. Though I'm irritated I don't overlook the rigidness to his shoulders and the disappearance of his permanent grin.
"Don't kill me, just remember I'm your best friend. I would do anything for you. So if you murder me then you'll have no one to bother and you'd go to jail." He speaks all in one go while backing up into his kitchen, disappearing from my view.
My eyes narrowed at the insanity of his words and I sat up on the couch. "Did one of the guys hit you at the gym too hard?"
"Zachariah."
No
No
No
No
I glare at Miles before turning around with my eyes closed, not open. Just in case any of this was a dream.
But when I do open them, Lunas standing a couple feet away from me. This time around, she isn't smothered in makeup, dressed in a ridiculous costume and we aren't surrounded by hundreds of people.
It's just us.
And I hate it.
"You can't be here." I somehow found my voice as her hopeful expression fell flat. I make a beeline towards Miles who's in the kitchen pouring a glass of scotch for himself. I almost want to grab the bottle from him and chug the burning liquid all in one go "Explain."
He sighs into the now empty glass before setting it down on the kitchen counter with a hard thud. "What was I supposed to do? She just showed up on my doorstep thirty minutes ago asking if you stayed here. I tried to call you before you came over but it went straight to voicemail."
"I can't do this." I pinch the bridge of my nose so I could focus on anything else. "Not when Sage has barely forgiven me." I murmur to myself but Miles is still in earshot.
Miles' empathetic stare bores into mine. "Just talk to her. It's time you both put this behind you so you can finally get ahead of the other thing." He warns and I physically can't swallow the truth to his statement.
Coach was expecting an answer any day now. But I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Not when Sage didn't know yet.
"Can we please talk?" Her soft melodic voice utters from behind me.
With that Miles gives me two hard slaps on the shoulder before closing the door behind him and leaving us alone in his apartment. I can physically feel the air tense with his departure.
The hairs on my neck stand. I want to fight them for still being so reactive to her.
"I know I hurt you and showing up like this wasn't fair." She starts off and I'm already pissed off at her choice of words.
"You knew and you still came."
"Zachariah—
"Stop!" I slam my hand down on the table. The action catches us both off guard. Luna looks at me, surprised, and then to my reddening hand that's gotten accustomed to bruising because of my anger. I take a deep breath and speak much calmer this time. "Just, please stop calling me that."
Her voice gets caught in her throat and she pushes strands of her blunt hair away from her face and looks at me with so much sorrow behind those crystal blue eyes, I can't stand the pity any longer.
Like last night I familiarize myself with her all over again between the features that have changed and the ones that stayed the same since I've last seen her.
The familiar sense of home drifted over me. But it wasn't the same. It would never be.
"She's beautiful."
I already know who she's referring to.
"Don't." I warn.
She gulps, nodding slowly. "You live here?" Luna subtly changes the topic. I can practically hear the wheels turning in her head as she observes the mess of toys and mini clothing around the living room belonging to Miles' little girl.
I have no time for this.
"Why now? After all this time, why are you making an effort to see me?"
"I came to apologize, Zach. I can't begin to explain how sorry I am. Leaving Essex, leaving you, without saying goodbye. It wasn't right and I know that now." She explains.
"You didn't know I would be here. This—you—meeting us in that auditorium was just an accident. You would have never shown your face here if you knew I was friends with Victoria." I let out a pitiful excuse of an exhale that nearly takes everything out of me.
"Zach—
"You can't convince me otherwise that this wasn't just some fated coincidence that we happened to be in the same place at the same time. It didn't matter if I had searched for you up until my freshman year of college. Did it?"
"I looked for you too, okay!" Luna's glossy wide eyes stare back at me, desperate to finally hear what she has to say and I don't look away. It takes everything in me not to. "Maybe not right away, but I did, Zachariah. I came by the house and your father, he was in one of his moods. He had been drinking and I asked him where you were so we could finally put this, put us, in the past but he refused to tell me where you went for college. God and you were right here. Just a state over. If I had known."
After she finishes the noise quiets down until the only thing that can be heard is the aftermaths of her sudden outburst. She looks exhausted, sad and angry all in one.
For a few seconds all I can do is stand there, unblinking with realization and distraught. "Luna I didn't mean to..."
"No, you listen to me now. I'm not here to make excuses for myself. I never was. I'm just here to tell you the truth and whether you believe me or not is up to you, but don't let your anger cloud your judgment." She looks away from me before muttering. "You did that a lot."
I nod, refusing to speak in fear that my voice would sound weak.
In a split second Luna went poker faced. "A few months after your mom was hospitalized I started to feel sick and not in the normal flu like-way that everyone got accustomed to. So I saw a doctor, a specialist actually and they ran a bunch of tests. Very uncomfortable invasive test." Her voice shakes for a second time and I can't tear my worried expression from her.
"Zachariah, Almost five years ago I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma."
"No." My voice comes out hoarse and it's clear as day she probably just watched all the color drain from my rigid face.
Luna falters but quickly recovers to finish up the rest of the story I couldn't bear to listen to any longer. "After a while, my symptoms started to progress and become more noticeable. I couldn't do the things I loved with or without treatment but I still wanted to try. The doctors said my odds were low. The cancer became aggressive and then...somehow your mother put the pieces together whenever you and I visited. I don't know how she was able to in her state but the doctors said she was most likely lucid during those times."
I grow severely impatient. "What does my mother have to do with any of this, Luna?"
She swallows thickly taking a second to decide whether or not to continue. Wrapping her arms around her own torso Luna speaks directly to my breaking resolve. "She told me if I loved you I would leave before you got too attached. You were watching her die Zach and I just—couldn't let you watch me turn into that."
She steps closer in my direction and I step back. "I'm sorry, wh-who told you that?"
There's a soul splitting silence between the two of us. It's impossible to decipher who's responsible for the shift in the air. I try my best to piece together what little memory I have of Luna and I right after my mom was diagnosed. But my mind refuses to recognize anything but my mothers face and our last conversation before she forgot who I was.
She wouldn't. No she couldn't.
Her lower lip quivered as she murmured the words. "Your mother."
"No, you're lying." I push past her and drag open the fridge door, hoping she wouldn't follow behind me. The frigid air smacks me in the face yet it only takes a second for me to spot the six pack in the top shelf and I rip the cardboard holder into two before pulling out two glass bottles.
"Zachariah, I would never lie about that." She says her words slowly and it's full of sympathy but that doesn't soften the blow of my response.
"Really? Because you go telling strangers the truth all the time." I scoff.
It goes quiet for a minute while I down half the beer, wishing it was a shot of whiskey instead. Luna looks down with guilt running back and forth through her eyes.
"We were young, stupid and in love Zach. I don't blame your mom. That decision was on me and it will always be on me. I just hate myself for taking so long to tell you the truth. But with everything happening so quickly I wanted to say goodbye, the right way."
"What?" I shake my head, still not grasping what she was trying to say. "What are you talking about?"
"When I began looking for you, I was in remission, Zach." The corner of her lips lifted into a poor excuse of a smile, but it quickly vanished when I realized the extent of her words.
Was
Past tense
"It's back." Her eyes swam with tears and the scared look she's trying so hard to mask is evident. "But this time it's spread to my stomach and intestines. The doctors are hopeful I'll have six months, maybe a year left."
As soon as those words "a year left" leaves her mouth, I slam the half empty beer bottle against the counter where the sides crack under pressure. Liquid oozes out slowly until there's nothing left. "No, there's chemo, clinical trials, a bunch of other stuff you can ask for Luna. I'll pay for it my damn self but you can't just give up, not without trying." I say, offering every option that comes to mind due to the heavy amount of guilt puncturing my chest.
"You think I didn't try?" She yells but it seems like she's trying to convince herself. Not me. "Round after round of chemo in a town where I knew no one. Looking like complete hell for months, losing my appetite and drowning my parents in medical bills is what my life has been for the past couple of years and yeah it worked. The cancer disappeared, my hair grew back, I started to feel like myself again and I even picked up on where I left off with my ballet training just for it to come back. I won't put myself through that again."
"All this time I thought—" The syllables keep getting trapped in my throat but I still manage to push through. "I'm so sorry you went through that alone. My mother had no right to tell you those things."
"She did, Zach. She had every right to tell me to end this before we got too attached. The time I found you in the bathroom, remember?" My lungs burned at the memory I've tried so hard to forget. "It would have just made all this so much harder."
"Right." I looked away in embarrassment. At the same moment, my phone buzzes on the nearest table. We both turn to it and Sage's name spreads across the screen. I quickly lock it before stuffing the device in my pocket.
"Does she know?" Her head tilts upwards as her eyes meet mine, deliberately searching for an answer if I had chosen to remain quiet.
Sighing, I pace across the perimeter of where we both stood, dragging a trembling hand across my features. "No, she still thinks I'm in love with you but I'm not, not anymore at least."
"Zach you've never been in love with me, not like how you are now." Sadness clouded her face and washed me over by ten folds.
"How could you say that?"
"We were only sixteen Zach. None of us actually knew the concept behind love or what a real relationship looked like. I fell for the mysterious quiet boy next door and you fell for the first girl that didn't fall to your feet because of your looks. We were each other's first and of course you held on to that, despite your heart not being fully there. I was your distraction Zach, from all the shit you were going through but that didn't make me love you any less." She pauses and my heart drummed with anticipation. "It just made leaving you a little more easier."
I have so much to say but I don't ever think the words will be enough. "I guess I should thank you then."
"Don't thank me until you've got the girl and you're in the NFL." She said, genuinely.
I wince at her comment but it's too late to hide it.
"What was that face?"
"Nothing." I admit, brushing her off.
"Zach, I have cancer." She blankly stares up at me while crossing her arms. It's like she's already come to terms and accepted her fate. I guess it was time I did the same.
"I don't think I can have both."
End of Chapter
Okayyy so who was expecting that?
Luna has cancer and Zachs mom told her to leave for his best interest. Kind of a plot twist. Hopefully this explains everything.
PSA: If you don't like The other women trope simply DO NOT READ!! I can't stress this enough. Your rude misogynistic comments aren't needed. No one said their relationship was going to be perfect. I've had to delete a few on here and on tik tok, so if yours isn't deleted then I am not referring to you.
—shayy