۫ ּ ִ ۫ ˑ ֗ 𓏲˖ 𑁍 ࣪ ִ ۫ ּ ִ ۫ ˑ ֗
࣪𓏲ּ ֶָ ✩◿𝓘𝓓𝓐◸ 🂱 ࣪𓏲ּ ֶָ
CHAPTER FIFTY NINE—
in your head, they are fighting.
The silence was the worst part.
"I don't think you can do this again." Glenn sat next to Austin in the medical bed. Austin didn't even question how he was there, he was dead. But, it wasn't crossing his mind. "I can't save you again this time. You have to do this on your own."
He just laid there, staring at the blank wall as the light blinded his eyes. Glenn looked down at him. "Are you not gonna talk to me?"
"You're not real." he whispered back. It was just like Beth all over again. He didn't get to talk to her, but that was because he didn't have the time. He saw glimpses of Glenn too before he showed up infront of his face.
"Maybe." Glenn sat with him. "But you know what'd i'd say. I'd say that you can't do this. You need to wake up, stop trying to kill yourself."
The sound of gates opening filled up Austin's ears as he stared at that damn wall even longer. Glenn laid down next to Austin as he stared him right in the eye. "I didn't die for you to not live. If I don't get to be here...live for me. Please."
Live for me.
It sunk into Austin, crawled into his skin, pushed through his veins, and hit him right in the heart. "It's hard."
"I know it is. But, you have to push just a little every day. Please." Glenn begged as he held his hand. "If not for you, do it for me. And your kids. And Abraham. And your Mom. And Beth."
He shut his eyes and squeezed them. "I can't help this."
"I know." Glenn admitted. "But, taking care of yourself helps it. Don't you remember last time? That helped you fight off your brain. I was there, I saw it."
"You were there." he repeated him. "You're not now."
"You sure?" Glenn rose his eyebrows. "Because you're talking to me like I am, crazy."
Austin had to smile at his words as Glenn smiled back. "I'm always gonna be with you. You know this isn't what i'd want."
"You told me I couldn't leave you behind." the Grimes boy stared at his dead best friend. "Look at us now."
"So, what? You're gonna leave me behind in the past and kill yourself?" he asked him. "All means the same thing in the end. You can't give up on life. You have to let me live through you. I can't do that if you're dead."
Austin looked at the knife in his hand, the blade close to his wrist. It had been that way since he'd gotten back here a week ago. A whole week of clutching that knife and only eating what someone would force into his mouth and make him chew. Glenns hand touched the knife, and it clattered to the floor. "Do it for me."
A knock at the door made Austin look back, then back to where Glenn was, only he was gone now.
"Austin?" Carl asked from the other side, knocking on the door. "Can you hear me yet?"
Carl. Austin sat up, giving a small cry of pain as every bone in his body cracked from finally moving after a full sevens days of sitting completely still. His body hurt from not eating, from not sleeping, from not doing anything. He sunk onto the floor, his legs not working yet as he crawled to the door. His hand came up and opened the door, leaning back against the wall with a deep sigh, not realizing how hard that had been.
"Hi." Carl smiled at the sight of his brother. He looked bad, but he was moving, he was alert. He fell into the floor with him. "Oh my god. Hi."
Austin nodded as he leaned his head back against the wall. "Hi."
Carl leaned in and hugged him. Austin didn't have the energy to hug him back but his head rested onto his. Carl pulled back to take a look at his face. "You look so shitty."
"I feel so shitty." he admitted. "How long has it been?"
"Seven days." he said back as Austin shut his eyes. "You back for good?"
"Trying to be." he clutched his side in pain. "Carl...I can't get up off this floor."
He nodded, standing up as he latched his arms around him, pulling him up as Austin put most of his weight onto his younger brother. Carl winced but balanced him. "You should eat first, right? Then shower, then sleep?"
Austin breathed out in pain as Carl tried to make him move. "Holy shit!"
Austin's yell had caught Ricks attention as he looked over, seeing his boys walk from the infirmary. He had Judith in his arms, not being able to hold back a smile at the sight. He walked over. "Son."
"Here." Carl decided to switch off, taking Judith as Austin fell into Ricks arms. He hoisted him up more.
"Hey." Rick held his face as he held him up with one arm. "Look me in the eye. Are you here with me?"
Austin stared at his Dad. His eyes focused on the Noah and Beth bench they'd made. He met Ricks eye again. "I'm with you, Dad."
Rick sighed in relief, kissing his son on the forehead. "I'm so sorry I gave this to you."
Whatever happened in Austin's head, whatever he struggled so hard to fight off, it came from Rick. It skipped Carl, but it went straight to his first. They didn't haven't to tackle it in the real world, it never showed in that sense. But, here, where bad things happened and they weren't able to visit real doctors that would provide them with medication to fight it off, it showed.
"I change my mind." Austin shook his head as he squeezed his eyes in pain. "Pain meds first."
"Got it." Carl walked back into the infirmary to get them.
Rick nodded as he stared into his sons barely alive eyes. "You're gonna be okay."
Austin knew he would. Even without Glenn, he still somehow had him. "I'm gonna be okay."
It was dark out when Austin got back to the bar. After eating, showering, then sleeping for a good ten hours, he thought he was okay enough to go back home. He was still upset, and mentally hurting badly, but he knew in his head that he wasn't the only one he needed to take care of. He couldn't disappear for a while when having three kids that relayed on him.
"Natalie." Austin kneeled next to the couch where she was passed out on. Her red hair was braided back and she looked years younger when she was asleep. "Natalie."
She opened one eye and let the moonlight from the windows shine in. She blinked a few times. "Austin?"
"Hey." he gave her a small smile as she sat up and hugged him. He put his hand on the back of her head to make her feel safer. "You guys doing okay?"
"Yeah." she nodded. "We were worried about you though."
"I know, i'm sorry." he felt guilty for leaving them hanging. "I'm back, though."
She was quiet for a second. "I heard what happened."
He absolutely didn't want to talk about it.
"I'm so sorry." like he had, she felt just as much guilt. That was her Dad, she knew that Austin had to see a glimpse of him when he looked at her. "I really liked Glenn and Abraham."
"I really liked Glenn and Abraham too." he pulled back so they could talk face to face. "You don't have to be sorry, though. It wasn't your fault."
Maybe, but that didn't change anything. "Your Dad said that sometimes this will happen to you, that we needed to understand."
"You don't have to understand. You're just a kid." he promised her with a shake of his head. "My Dad came to see you?"
"He's been taking care of us everyday since you've been at the infirmary." her words made him feel a sense of happiness, he was glad that his Dad had grown to care for them. "Was a week long enough?"
"I don't think anytime will be long enough, but I don't think Glenn would want me to give up yet." Austin nodded as Natalie saw the glisten in his eye from the moonlight. "It still hurts though."
"There was this guy I was friends with back at my Dads place. He was a few years older then me, but he'd lost his little sister so being around me helped. Plus, I just enjoyed his company." Natalie admitted as she exhaled and seemed like she was bracing herself. "My Dad found out I was sneaking out of my room to go visit him. I think he got the wrong idea, but even after I explained, he hit him with Lucille over and over and made me watch."
Austin shook his head as he rubbed her shoulders. They'd always said Negan never hurt them, but he'd hurt other people right infront of their faces to traumatize them mentally. He remembered what he told him before he left, about killing him infront of them one of these days. Austin could only hope that they'd somehow find a way to put a stop to the Saviors before that time came around.
"I'm just saying, I get what it feels like to loose your best friend." Natalie frowned as she nodded her head. "Especially in that way."
Austin nodded his head as he rubbed her shoulders again. "Do you like to kill walkers?"
Natalie gave an odd look but had to laugh. "That's what you say after all that?"
"Sorry." he gave a small chuckle. "I like to kill walkers when i'm really upset, or really angry. It helped a little bit, until your mind is ready to heal and move on."
Natalie hesitated. "You think that'll work for me?"
"Only one way to find out." he shrugged his shoulders. "Grab a jacket, i'm gonna go check on the boys."
Natalie got up and headed toward her room. He wondered how long it would take for the boys to get annoyed with each other and demand their own rooms too, probably Luke well before Levi. He stuck his head into their room to check on the two, their beds on opposite sides of the walls. Luke slept with every single limb in a different direction and his mouth hung wide open, while Levi slept curled up in a ball and the toilet paper rolls in his hair.
Austin smiled at the sight of the pair. This was it. This was what he had to push through for. They weren't just random kids, they meant so much to him in such a short period of time. He absolutely loved them, all three of them, and he'd never let a single bad thing happen to them. He couldn't keep them safe if he was lost in his own head, he couldn't keep them safe if he died. Like Glenn said, if he didn't want to live for himself, live for him. So, he would. He'd live for Glenn, and he'd live for his kids.
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kylie speaks
sad, walker killing, dilf era <3