Cassie
~
It didn't surprise me to hear Reagan, Allie, and Sara talking shit about me. What did surprise me was the way Luca stood up for me when he didn't even have to. I know Reagan is secretly hooking up with Marcus so the bitter words that came out of her mouth were pure jealousy. She's always had a thing for him. It doesn't surprise me that he's with her either.
When I told Luca that our relationship was fake it didn't occur to me how invested he was. The color drained from his cheeks. He swallowed hard and didn't say a word as I stepped out of his truck. I felt bad. I really did, but it was the truth.
It's only a deal.
He knew this.
I stepped inside the house right when my dad called me to the living room. He was sitting on the couch with the remote in his hand.
"Hey, sweetheart." He patted a spot next to him. I walked over slowly and sat down. "I feel like I haven't talked to you lately. How's school?"
"It's going well. I made an eighty on my pop quiz today."
My dad smiled proudly. "That's great, honey. Is this the same class Luca is helping you study for?"
I nodded.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're not using the boy, are you?"
His question makes my chest tighten. "No, Dad. Of course not. It's not like that... not exactly."
He continues to click through the channels listening to me speak. "Then what is it?"
I eye him curiously. "What do you mean?"
Now he breaks eye contact on the tv and glances at me. "You've never mentioned anything about liking Luca Richards. I know the two of you were somewhat friends in middle school, but I don't want you to lead the boy on, Cassie. He's a good kid."
"I'm not using him, Dad."
Am I?
It's just something we agreed to, but I'm not telling anyone. It's too complicated. If anything, what if Luca is using me? He wants popularity. Mom enters the living room with freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. She only ever bakes when the meds are working because they increase her appetite. It's the only way I know she's okay...
"I just made these from scratch," she mentions, placing the plate of cookies on the coffee table. "With extra chips."
I stand up on my feet before she can hand me one. "Thank you, Mom, but I was just leaving."
She looks between Dad and I with a puzzled look and says, "What's wrong?"
The feeling in my chest brings me toward my room. I close the door before placing my back up against it. I don't know why the conversation with my dad upset me more than it should have, but he might be right. I swallow hard and think more about middle school. In sixth grade is when Luca wrote in my yearbook and for some reason the words are coming back to me.
I flick on the light in my closet and grab a tote on the shelf above my clothes. When I place it on my bed, I dig around before spotting my old cheer uniforms, a baby blanket, some old pictures from one of my birthday parties, and some books that I've kept that were my favorite.
Are You There God, It's Me Margaret
Twilight
Little Women
The Fault In Our Stars
Harry Potter
The Hunger Games
A hardcover black book is right underneath my favorite book by John Green.
Once I open it, I flip through the pages until I find my class. I had Mrs. Jones in sixth grade. She always wore her auburn hair up in a clip. My eyes scan through the class and Marcus comes into view. With his chubby, baby face and messy brown hair, I smile just a little.
It's sad to know how easy things were when we were kids and now, it's so damn complicated.
Then, there's Luca. He is smiling so big that his eyes are almost closed. My smile grows wider when I see him. I rub my finger against his picture. This was the year his parents had died. We had taken pictures for the yearbook a few weeks before their accident.
The thought makes me bite my lip. I remember him missing school for several months before he came back. We were worried he would end up failing because of how many days he missed school, but his grandma was able to speak with the school board and work a few things out for Luca's sake. I've always admired his grandmother. She truly loves him more than anything.
As I flip towards the end of the book, I see signatures from kids in my class.
Sydney, Marcus, Trent, Cole, a girl named Kelly, and even Mrs. Jones.
Luca not only signed his name, but he was the only one who wrote me a note. Just reading the words again sends a lump in my throat.
Cassie,
I hope your summer is a good one.
You're very kind to me and a good friend.
And right below it says,
Please never change. The world deserves someone like you.
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