"You know this person?", Kieran stepped back he looked down at Audrina for confirmation. But she did look back, she just continued to stare. Maybe trying to find a way out, hopefull that she could just disappear.
Akito however continued to look with the fakest smile. As if she was friendly. As if she was near to catch up with an friend. Audrina said this was going to be the last time she hung out with Kieran. She tried to keep calm. Tried to not show how uncomfortable she was to have Kieran anywhere near her. Because she had to consider how observant the man next to her was.
He was already skeptical, Rin already drew him closer, then Hiro.... Audrina cleared her throat and took a step forward drawing attention to her. Akito watched still holding up that smile.
"What are you doing here."
Akito shrugged her shoulders. She was dressed in a suit and tie. There were more questions running in Audrina's head however. Someone told her about the play. And Akito hated her, hated the mere sight of her. There was no way she would purposely come to see her. But then, she glanced at the car.
That wasn't her car. Akito knew about Kieran's car. Someone told her about him. Which was exactly the last thing Audrina wanted to happen.
"How upsetting", she pushed herself off the of tree trunk, "I've come to say hi to a relative I haven't seen in so long. And you question it."
"Yea because it's bullshit", she crossed her arms, "What do you want."
Akito sighed, "I'd like to introduce myself to your friend. Seems he's met everyone expect me."
"For a reason", Audrina turned around to look at Kieran, "You ready to go ?"
Kieran could practically feel how thick the air became. When Audrina turned Akito gave her the most disgusted glare that he's seen, like she was nothing more than gunk on the wall. Heard how Audrina may have sounded calm, but everything else about her was panic-ridden.
"Uhhh yea come on", he reached out his hand. But before Audrina could even think about reaching back out to connect her own with his, Akito continued on.
"You know it's funny to think that someone else would ever want to be around you considering your awful history."
Audrina had to get him away, "I'll umm... get rid of him . You can get in the car I'll be right there in a few."
But that phrase didn't make Kieran decide to stay, but this was the first time he's ever heard someone insult Audrina. Never would he have expected to already hold some type of anger.
He shook his head, making Audrina sigh out of frustration, "Please?" , she begged. The desperation in her eyes wound inflicting.
"I'd listen to her.", Akito now stepped up to stand next to her. She looked down to see his hand open waiting for hers to fill the gap. "She's very bad luck."
Kieran retracted his hand. His gaze on Akito was hard, "Kieran. And you are?"
Akito squinted her eyes at him, "Akito Sohma, head of the Sohma clan. Nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you."
His eyes widened upon hearing her title. He looked back to Audrina and she shook her head. She couldn't have the conversation go on for any longer, it was already heading in one direction.
"Yea you too. Well I hate to break up a reunion, but Audrina and I-."
"What did I just say", Akito interrupted him. Kieran looked to the short woman in disbelief, "Audri here is bad luck. I don't know if it's in your favor to continue being around her."
Audrina rolled her eyes and stepped forward to stand in front of Kieran he looked down at her, "Ignore him..... it's another one of those jokes taken way too seriously."
"Jokes!", Akito started laughing. "You think Amrins death was a joke?"
Audrina's eyes nearly popped out of her head as she faced Akito again. Her wall cracking just a little more, "I wouldn't dare say that. Never assume that again."
The menacing smile still played on her lips, and Kieran's expression was just as amusing as she thought it'd be.
Akito hated Audrina. With as much passion as her mother. But it was something about her success and the way people naturally drew to her made it so do such. The entire Zodiac story wasn't told properly. Akito's dad only told her about the banquet. He never mentioned the true relationship the owl and the God had. There was way more.
She hated her more than anything because it was suppose to be the God who drew that attention. Yet she was missing one important concept that the entire story of the first banquet would have settled.
The God also confided in the owls care. Protection. Her rejecting that lead her down the path she took. And now the damage was way beyond irreversible. If she had just allowed Audrina to do what she was born to do, there would have been so many things corrected.
Instead she rejected her. Let the overwhelming emotion control her actions. Abused her, took away the only thing she found joy in. Amrin. The only person that loved her outside of the Sohma clan. In which she believe was forced by a bond to do so. Without it she'd be entirely lonely.
And to see her suffer and more ways than Aktio herself could ever feel, was what motivated her. She couldn't let another person enter Audrina's life to bring her peace. To allow her to forget what happened before hand.
And despite Audrina thinking that could never happen. That no one could stop her from thinking about her responsibility that weighed her down. How to care for herself. She's just ignoring the facts. And pushing Kieran away maybe harder than she originally have thought.
But there was another option......
"Kieran was it?", Akito titled her head to the man. Kieran had already come to terms with his view of Akito. And like everyone else. He didn't like her. That hard stare he gave earlier turned to a mean one. He wore a frown and didn't bother to cover up his dissatisfaction. Just making Audrina uncomfortable alone was his setting point.
"Yes", Audrina scrunched her eyebrows as she turned around to the sound of his voice. It wasn't nothing she ever heard.
Akito upon hearing the sound of his voice as well wiped the smile off her own face. Because he was not going to listen to anything else she had to say. She knew it. The way he looked, his posture, he wasn't going anywhere like her intention. Her warning wasn't enough.
So she went for the one who's known to run. To distance herself for the sake of others, "Audrina. You are fool to bring a non-Sohma member into your life. You say you've changed. But clearly your just as much of an idiot as you were years ago."
She took it. Nothing she hasn't heard before. But the verbal abuse was new to another's ear and he despite Akito completely ignoring his presence spoke, "Hey. I don't know who you are. Or have a general understanding-."
"Then keep it that way and leave.", Akito snapped. Kieran didn't even blink from her changing tone. He just waited till she was finished to continue. But he opened his mouth to speak and Audrina was already stepping in front of him looking dead in his eyes. She wore a frown and he saw her eyes were sunken. Tired.
"Just leave it be.....", she whispered.
And that was the last time he was going to make her beg. He felt bad not listening to her in the first place when she asked him to. So he took a deep breath, close his eyes and nodded. "Okay." Now aware that he wasn't going to argue any further. Audrina faced Akito again.
"Next time if you plan to visit, you know my address. Don't follow me. Bye Akito.", and she walked up, Kieran trailing, to the car. She opened the door to the passenger seat and got back in. She missed the silent interaction that Akito and Kieran shared. The eye contact was enough to summarize all their feelings towards each other. When he got in breaking that contact, Audrina was about to shut the door when a last call from Akito was made.
"See you on New Years Audri. I expect an apology by then."
She closed the door, and the barrier alone gave her some inner peace. She leaned back against the chair and released a shuttered sigh.
Akito watched as the car speed off. And she stood there until it became out of view. And once it did she groaned from anger.
"She's entirely disrespectful."
She only spoke because she knew the person she was with came out of the shadows to escort her back to the car. Kureno looked out in the distance as well not seeing the car but hearing every bit.
"Akito maybe you were too cruel."
"She deserves it. Defying me. Telling me when and where to visit. I won't ever apologize to such a creature."
Kureno just kept his mouth shut. There was no fairing with her during episodes as such. But what he hadn't expected was her next statement.
"Call Hatori....... If she is willing to disobey me. So be it."
Back in the car, instead of Audrina holding up any conversation. All she did was bask in the silence. She looked out the window, to ashamed to face the male in the driver seat. Who himself was waiting for her to say something. To many questions were running through his brain that he was jumbled for words himself.
"I'm sorry", was all she muttered. And that was another straw that this time he wasn't going to let go. But she continued on, her voice carry a heavy weight, "I hate it's late minute, but I'm not feeling to well. Mind if we reschedule the plan."
"Yea", Audrina didn't expect him to say it, she thought she heard incorrectly, but he was still going, "I don't mean to sound harsh. But I do mind."
"Wh-."
"Audrina", he sighed. The turned the wheel and she hadn't realized that they pulled into an empty park. He parked right beside a bench before he finished, "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I just drop you off without asking you this."
"Asking me what....", she whispered. Not wanting to look at him. She wanted to go home. To get in bed and just sleep the pain away. To finally be away from him so she couldn't prevent anything like this from happening again.
She wanted to be alone. Or she thought she wanted to be alone.
He didn't say anything. Instead she opened his side of the door and got out. Audrina scrunched her eyebrows and turned to watch as he rounded the front of the car till he got to her side. And soon enough he opened her door and reached out a hand.
She looked at it, stared at it for a second before she reluctantly took it. And again without either saying anything, he led her to that exact bench. She followed his lead and sat on the table, leaning their feet to rest on the seat.
By this time the moon was high in the sky, illuminating the rest of the park, but of course Audrina felt as if all the attention was directed on
her. She never cared of what Akito had to say about her.
But Akito took it too far by involving him. Way to far.....
"You know when I say if you need anything, I mean it."
Audrina nodded, looking down at the grass. It blew against the wind, some blades that already snapped off were carried by the gust. She knew he meant it. That doesn't mean she was ready to confide in anyone. Because once she did. There would be no end to all that's she's built up since she was young.
"Audrina", she forced herself to look up at him. His gaze was fixated on her. She saw every emotion that was swirling in his features. True concern... and something else. He dragged a hand down his face exaggerating a sigh. "I don't think you understand. That I do care for you alright? More than just someone you work with. So when shit like that happens I don't want to know more because I'm nosey..... I just genuinely want to know that you are ok? That's all."
And just like that Audrina knew that she was stuck. And that was what caused her heart to constrict. She was stuck because he wasn't going anywhere, he cares. She couldn't think of anything to push him away, or was it she didn't want to think of anything to push him away. The hardest thing that she dared to think about was that care was reciprocated.
What did that mean? That she was in deeper shit than she could imagine.
"I'm-."
"You're not fine.", he cut her off. "So come up with something else."
Her eyes widened, he continued to look ahead. He didn't mean to sound. Harsh. That wasn't his intention. What he wanted was some form of the truth to the one he just confessed to care about. He wanted to know more so he could help her. And he wasn't going to just let her continuously push him away.
And then she thought back to how she felt when she told him about her parents. The instant relief of carrying that heavy boulder. The weight of that truth alone was so freeing to let go. It took her so long herself to convince that Amrin was really gone. But despite her knowing the truth, everyone knowing the truth. She's never spoke what exactly happened to him out loud before. She took a shuddered sigh. Trying to prevent herself from falling apart.
"I'm....... I'm not okay. But I'm working on it.", she confessed. The admition alone made her want to crawl into herself. She couldn't say the entire truth. That she was crumbling. Now more than ever. She was becoming a victim to how much stress, and exhaustion that consumed her. She opted out to saying the better of the worst part.
Kieran paused, he looked up to stare into her eyes. The moon didn't do justice to the true beauty that was his eyes. His lashes were darker now and they couldn't have been anymore perfect. She hated herself so much for the feelings that were rising within her. Words couldn't explain it. She wished to tell him that part of the reason she was crumbling was because of him.
She's only loved only one person. And for reasons that weren't true to the definition. But now.... This feeling was different. And keeping her breathing even was the hardest task she could of ever done.
"You want to talk about him? Trust me... it may not seem like it but.... Talking about a loved one keeps them with us. It helps."
"How'd you know?", she whispered. The wind blew some of the hair pieces. Kieran softly smile ;it pained. He moved, and Audrina watched as he went for his sleeve. Slowly he rolled it up to reveal the tattoo. And even with just the moonlight. Audrina could see the date. The year only be two years ago. It was a heart monitor, that goes flat. She studied it and looked back up into his eyes.
"My dad passed away a couple of years ago.", he rolled it back down. His eyes were sunken a little. "He had a heart disease he was fighting since I was just a child. It eventually became too much for him."
Audrina's heart constricted once. She looked back ahead of her towards the ground , "I'm sorry...... for your loss."
"Don't be.", he shook his head. Audrina saw a soft smile cross his features from just his peripheral vision, "At least that's what he told me. That I kept him going. And before he passed, he told me that it was his time. He saw me graduate, get a well-paying job, enough that he said I was able to take care of my mother for him. Take on the role of the man. That's why he lived so long with the disease that was suppose to get to him only a few months after diagnosis."
Audrina was too hooked by his view of his own fathers death to say anything. She wanted to hear more, like a child finding there interest for the first time. Hearing the meaning behind his tattoo was more than she could of asked for. Kieran noticed her intrigued gaze and he smiled.
"I blamed myself for a while. Thinking that if instead of law, I went into medicine, I could've of found a way to save him. But my mom reminded me....... It was as simple as me being alive, that kept him going. So I got the tattoo and i don't know... maybe he can do the same for me. Keep me going."
Audrina's mouth opened and closed.... She was at loss of words. She didn't know what to say after him. His perception of death was complete opposite in which has been drilled into her her entire life that it's hard to understand what he was saying.
She blamed herself. Akito forcefully blamed her. And it's been going on for so long that she couldn't think of any other way to view it. But there was a lot of similarities when it comes to them.
"It's not your fault.", he whispered. Audrina immediately placed both of her hands up to cover her face. She tried her best to hold back the rush of emotions that sentence alone made her feel. She didn't shed a tear but she was close to do so. That was the first time she's heard that phrase. From anyone. Not even she was able to utter that phrase because if she did than, maybe it wouldn't be as hard to allow herself to feel what was stirring in her chest for him.
After taking a couple of deep breaths she, removed her hands. And for the first time since his death, she spoke of it, "Amrin....... He was my first boyfriend. We got together second year of high school and we dated for a few years."
Kieran wasn't going to interrupt her. Scared on his end if he moved just a little she was going to play the 'never mind' card. And he couldn't let that happen.
"And.... after we graduated, we went to the same college for the first two years until.. He", she took a deep breath looking up at the star filled sky. "He took his own life. There was signs of course. But because of my own personal issues, I couldn't do anything to help him. I umm I blamed myself because it wasn't new. When I first met him he was similar. But he specifically told me that I brought a sense of purpose for him. And as soon as that was gone.......", she shrugged her shoulders.
Kieran waited for her to finish. And throughout the entire conversation she didn't look at him. She just pictured how similar it was when she first met Amrin compared to how he looked days before he was gone. Of course she wasn't going to mention, the memory erasing. The on and off relationship that she initiated because there was also a sense of crave from her end.
She wanted to be loved. She wanted to feel a sense of purpose outside of the Zodiac family. And he gave her that.
"Mind if I give you another perspective?", Kieran leaned in to view her face. And she looked to see a empathetic smile.
"Sure", her voice strained from the build up in her throat.
Kieran stood, he hopped down to stand on the same latch of grass that she was staring down at. "Don't want to sound insensitive but from what you told me, it sounds like you were one of the reasons he kept fighting. Ever think of it that way?"
"Not really.", she shrugged.
"Well maybe we need to address obvious factor.", he rose an eyebrow. And still when Audrina looked to him confusion expressive on her face he continued, "You don't understand how good it feels to just be around you. I bet he felt the same way."
And if he could just hear how her heart was ready to explode out of her chest, he would be more concerned. Amrin wasn't just clinging on to her because she was the only person willing to give him a chance? She couldn't see it because she was caught up in her own head. But Kieran made her think. There were so many people willing to help him. But he told her millions of times that she was different. And she never understood what he meant..... but if Kieran was telling the truth.
"Thank you", she conjured up the strength to look at him. And looking back at her was someone she had an entirely new perception of. And it took every bit of mental strength for her to admit one thing.
That she may be falling for him.
Kieran once again reached out his hand. That open palm meaning more that she could ever imagine. Because even after all of what she admitted, he was still welcoming her. Still willing to reach out. And again, she took it, feeling comfort from the warm feeling.
"Trust me ... there's much more I could say. Akito seems to not see what everyone else does."
He escorted her to the car and soon enough they were both back in . This time the air wasn't as heavy . And Audrina felt ..... better. She had a new way to view Amrin's death. That obviously will take longer to sink in , but having that perspective helps alleviate a small amount of the pain... and eventually she'd learn to think of it someway else.
When they pulled off , the anxiety and adrenaline within Audrina subsided. Her stomach growled reminding her of their earlier plans.
Kieran smirked as he look to her. Audrina noticed his glanced and giggled, "Sorry."
He shook his head, "You were already one step ahead of me. Still up for spicy?."
Audrina perked up upon hearing his offer. She was ready to go home and sleep no more than an hour ago. But now she dreaded that option. She found herself wanting to spend more time with him. Hear what else he has to say. Because she developed a new found interest in him.
"I am...", she nodded.
"Whatever you want Nightowl."
——————————————————————
They were at her apartment door when it happened. Instead of stopping at the restaurant, he made a move to get her desert in which Audrina was reluctant to accept, until he of course insisted (getting it anyway).
The cupcake he had bought her was topped with whip cream. So it's simple to say she got some on the side of her lip. When she turned around to say her goodbye he was already chuckling.
"What?"
"Nothing.... Just you couldn't have made it any easier", he mumbled. His silk voice coating every inch of her skin. Her heart picked up even more as he took a step forward. This was until he lifted his fingers to wipe the whip cream that was on the right side of her lips before looking into his eyes.
"Make what easy", she whispered. Not being able to stop herself. She shouldn't. For more reasons than one. She can't cheat. It's still something she vowed to. She couldn't involve him with herself. She was better off alone. That's what she convinced herself.
And what lined her the most. What constricted her heart to the point of implosion is that they could pretend to play on feelings for the rest of their lives. But never will it be real. Eventually he'll get bored of the fact that she has to resent him and move on to the next.
Her feelings were mixed. Everywhere. But locking eyes with Kieran she knew. When you're mixed up inside, you do things you shouldn't do.
So she already had her answer when he asked.
"I wanted to know if you were doing anything on New Years?"
Audrina felt an odd comfort to the close proximity. She didn't think she was out of breath, but her voice came out breathless.
"No"
Because she wasn't planning to go to the estate, no matter how many times Akito demanded.
And the smile on his face made her heart skip a beat. To think just that morning she was able to breath evenly around him.And later that same day was the exact opposite.
"Good.... Because I was wondering if you'd like to bring in the New Year with me.", he tilted his head up, "Well me and a couple of old friends. But if you're there, I swear to give you my undivided attention."
What would happen if she didn't go to the estate? She hasn't been there for years to celebrate New Years. And when she didn't, all that's happened was a slight warning. What is the harm of missing another one? She only asked herself these questions because she was already sure of her answer.
Reciprocating the same smile, she nodded, "Yea i'd love to."